Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

Another epic POAS fail! (hint for Longwee - I am not an early riser!) Boots cheapy test says NO. And yet period is late, there's not a single pre-period sign like I've always had and I have a plethora, a bloody plethora I tells ye, of updiff signs. And I just feel pg.

Me and the TYF have that theory I worried about on here t'other day: Most pg tests work on the basis that women ovulate @D14 and therefore you're going to be at least 12 days pg when you test, usually more. Whereas I OVed on D20-21 and will only be 8 days pg at the most. So maybe it's too early to get a result, despite period being due? AAAAAARGH! I can't stand another hour week of batshit crazy knicker 'n' loo roll checking!

Ski - that's my point exactly about pubic hair 'n' all that; all these young 'uns thinking female body hair is disgusting, weird, abnormal, unsanitary and repulsive, etc. Ridiculous! Having also worked with young people a lot, there's also an alarming trend for both boys and girls now thinking natural breasts are gross and ugly

About the fashion obsession - my parents were totally right-on socialists when I was growing up and my Mum was v utilitarian in her dress or downright scruffy (was a Greenham Common woman for a bit), but when I was very little, she always looked amazing and handmade me beautiful designer-inspired stuff and my Gran was always a total glamourpuss (5" shocking pink stilettos at 80? Why the hell not?!) so I think it was inevitable I'd be style-fixated, due to both the inspiration and a backlash!

I WANT A POSITIVE POAS TEST! WAAAAAAH!

What's everyone else up to this weekend?

TEEN MOTHERS SELL DRUGS TO GHOST OF QUEEN MUM!

cunts
Body hair: Jailbait is of that particular age group who are not aware that women have pubic hair. Imagine his surprise! He says he likes it - it's just that he didn't really know anything about bar the odd picture from a German speciality mag. Now that's shocking I feel - that men/women of his generation are like this. The men don't know anything about it except for "it's minging" (much like condoms) and the poor girls feel they need to shave every last hair lest they ming.

I shave my legs if I'm wearing a skirt, but if it's a busy week I'll wear jeans or trousers every day to the office.

Scorpette I'm most envious of your stylist past - I would love more time/money/energy to experiment with a "look" although I've always felt uncomfortable doing so. I blame my mum for this too - we had no money in the 70s and yet still she read Elle...

HOUSE PRICE SLUMP AS 'HUMAN RIGHTS' SPARE DIRTY NETS HOUSEWIFE, 39, SIX LASHES.

Permed brunette Jill Slattern, 41, blamed the filthy drapes on the 'credit crunch' meaning that the water in the house was diverted to bathing her 3 children and cooking. A Neighbourhood Watch spokesman confirmed that Slattern had recently been made redundant from her £120k job as a management analyst just after her husband, a paedophile, was killed in a drive-by shooting and was clearly finding budgeting for the necessities a problem. He went on to say 'We don't usually condone single mothers on benefits and find it difficult to understand how any woman could let her nets become so soiled. However, under the circumstances we have decided to be understanding of her needs and therefore we have imposed a forced sterilisation to ensure no more innocent child victims suffer as a result of this woman's selfish acts, and we have also allowed her access to the well at the 5-mile post.
Jill Slattern is 45.

Just checkin in to see if scorp has POASed yet...... Off out for the weekend shortly so do get on with it!

OOPS! Forgot:

RECYCLING BINS IN WHEELCHAIRS ARE FORCING BRITAIN'S KIDS TO BECOME GAY!!!

Poor Pony! Was it SPD, may I ask? Sounds awful, you poor thing I shall imagine you as an insufferably cool Katharine Hepburn type totally rocking those men's pjs

I'm all au naturale south of the border, honey. I think waxing and all that is a load of unnecessary nonsense that makes women ashamed of normal, boring stuff like body hair (apologies to anyone who loves being a shaven raver but it ain't for me, that's all) so that's something for midwives in my future to look forward to

Before anyone imagines me with a giant comedy merkin, I'm the world's most pathetically unhairy adult and don't even need to shave my legs - so perhaps if I was hairier, I might have a different opinion!

But anyway - if I wake up tomorrow and there's no sign of R2D2 then he's officially late and it's POAS time! Will update after have gone mental with joy/grief/delete as applicable Send me loads of best wishes and good luck violence (avoiding the pelvic area!)!!! [gron]

scorp I wore over-sized men's pyjamas for about 6 months, and had no idea as to the state of any body hair south of my belly button. But I was in a wheelchair and unable to dress myself. (And I want to do this again?)

GAY IMMIGRANT WEDDINGS CAUSE CANCER CARNAGE FOR TAXPAYERS

Le Trog - it's not really a socialist site as such, it's just one that takes the piss of of either right-wing crap or clueless ignoramuses (ignoramii?!) (although I am a died-in-the-wool lefty). Someone on there gave me a link to this podcast, which, amongst other things, apparently discusses the DM MN crap: www.comedy.org.uk/podcasts/collingsherrin/

Pony - I am wearing an old dress now (the one I wore when I first met TYF, fact fans), so no longer superhot. But one of my many jobs of the past was as a personal stylist, but have felt a bit old and fat the last few years and not looked my best, so it was v. nice. Having kids will be a bit of a shock for me, with my make-up addiction and obsession with fash Sorry to moan about no-one being here, then abandoning you when you're here - have been away from net.

ski might POAS tomorrow...

IMMIGRANT HOMOSEXUALS WANT SWANS TO WEAR BURKHAS!!!

BUSINESS WOMEN OVER 35 EAT WAR HEROES AS MUSLIM CURE FOR INFERTILITY!

Ooooh, am quite proud of that one. I might start doing these as my FB status too!

Having lived and worked abroad since I was 20, I have always been baffled by those I've met on my travels "escaping immigrants". I have a lovely friend who is unfortunately married to a racist old git - they wanted to sell up and move to france to get away from foreigners. Twat.

Have you done any more POAS Scorpette?

OK, how's this:

IMMIGRANT INFLUX DROVE US TO SPAIN, SAY BRITISH COUPLE WHO DENY THAT MOVING TO SPAIN IS IN ITSELF IMMIGRATION (F**KING IDIOTS)

WORKING MOTHERS STEALING JOBS FROM LAZY WHITE MALE BNP MEMBERS

THE WIFE HAS A BANK ACCOUNT IN HER OWN NAME: IT'S PC GONE MAD!

Oh and SOOO Jealous of you parading the 'hot look'! I'm currently in a large oatmeal woolly jumper, badly fitting jeans, and fluffy slippers.

scorp I'm here ALLL NIIIGHT. Ponydad has gone off to rescue damsels out on the moors so it's you, me, and the bottle of wine I have just shoved in the freezer out of desperation.

Give me a moment to take a few generous swigs and I'll come up with a suitable headline.

You are moonlighting on a covert socialist interweb site? Heathen.

Trog, that is the worst disguise since LeClerc on 'Allo 'Allo! It's the smell of dried pus that gives it away (hmmm, could be Cosmo, then) What news, Le Trog?

I just wanted to wish extreme a lovely time on holiday Don't forget to pack your special 'going-away' dressing gown and have some actual normal fun sex instead of just SWIing

I am a regular poster on a pisstaking lefty website (I don't want to 'out' it on here) and the current topic is the Heil, so I told em about the shit it's pulled on MN. Hmmmph.

Tis I, le trog. I fear work reprisals, so I have come in disguise

Ponymum - loving your style on the DM thread: sock it to 'em! They're playing with the big girls of the Gin Palace now I know I would be sick to my stomach and making official complaints, etc., if I was bloody quoted. From now on, am going to try and sign off with a DM-unfriendly headline of my own. Would be ace if everyone else joins in

Well, I'm glad that I only ever seem to get on the 'net when everyone else is going home from work and won't be around as much

Please pour yourselves a drink and join me in a raucous version of 'The Final Countdown', for if I see no rustiness by tomorrow morning then R2D2 is officially late! And there will be POASing (I see it as a sort of sequel to 'there will be blood'... with no blood, of course, please God*)

Yep, just by writing that I have jinxed myself, ain't I?

Had a good day in one respect though - was stopped by some fashion studenty-type gals to tell me that they thought my 'look' was 'superhot'. And what's more, I couldn't detect any sense of a pisstake whatsoever! That's made me day, so it has.

Curly The "how pregnant are you" stuff is really annoying - just adds to hopes that are then cruelly dashed . Seriously, last night I was at 89% pregnant, then I started spotting...

Check this out, btw - it's immensely amusing:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/650904-The-Least-Professional-Moments-of-My-Illustrious-Career -Please-Feel?

I have been on Fert Friend for ages, but since both me and it have completely failed to detect ovulation, I don't get to see any of the fancy "how pregnant could you be" stuff. Is it good?

off for a quick nose at the rant while I've got the office to myself. Then I really should return home, seeing as he is there, waiting...

Good rant on the DM thread ponymum. You get my vote!

I find myself checking it at least twice a day - as if my temps were going to change since I'd put them in that morning.

I have just posted a super-sized rant in the DM thread. Whew! Now need to calm down. Drink!

Yes, I have just signed up for Fertility Friends. Is this going to be another website like Food Focus where I obsess 23 hours a day?

Sorry!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XyNg3gZYVM&feature=related

Splishy sploshy, splishy sploshy.

Don't leave us Cheggy!!

Well, it's practically the weekend, I'm opening the Gordons.

Do you actually work for the Daily Fail?

Cosmo Actually it was a lovely pizza. Mmm, self-indulgence, you are my friend.