Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

"sticky bean"?

Can I lighten the mood by informing you all that the skin tag blister turned into one of the world's most irresistible scabs and now itching away like a good'un BEGGING me to loosen it off. I think the pain of picking a scab off is akin to orgasm.

And I'm NOT bum-obsessed, ski-arse and I have no idea what former world darts champion Ted Hanky has to do with it either... Homme surprised me in the twinkle region but I had just woken up and I do not keep myself in a Permanent State of Readiness. Not like I did in my 20s

Ponymum Nope, no riding today. She's a little bit lame and swollen - she's been fighting and has had chunks taken out of her bum. It's "new horse in the paddock" syndrome - PLUS she's in season. And, as much as it pains me to admit this - my horse is a sex pest. She backs up to the geldings and tries to make them mount her ... yeh yeh like mother, like daughter. She'll be good to go again in a few days. I was going to pull her mane but she wouldn't stand still for 30 seconds (hormones), so I just put her in the sand paddock and I oiled some leather

No! But let a loon fool herself!

does implantation bleeding always happen?

scorp I feel your pain. It is not self-indulgent.

And I am sure I can give you a run for your money in the deluded and confused stakes.

Pinky-brown stuff. On loo roll.

Dunno what's going on now. Have absolutely no period-y feelings, sensations, signs, pains, etc. Still feel sick, need loo every 5 mins and have tender, swollen norks. Have also been having proper weird snotty discharge on and off (sign of mucus plug forming? Am driving self mad as have just Googled 'implantation bleed' and everywhere says it's around 9 days after OV that you'd get one - today is the 9th day after OV, so am holding out hope that it's that and not that bastard little robot R2D2. Or that I'm one of those women who have 'periods' for the first few months of pg (my Gran did, and she was an older mother).

I'm kidding myself, aren't I? But let me keep blindly refusing to see the facts for a few more hours at least

Is also possible that fertilised egg has accidentally travelled to my chin and has implanted itself in the form of a massive red lump!

Yes, am aware acne is sign of R2D2

Can't stop obsessing over one thing - yesterday, me and TYF went to Tesco. We always walk home with the bags, as it's only 5 mins away. He was moaning about carrying stuff as his wrists were hurting from playing computer games for too long (!). I said I wasn't going to carry anything really heavy as was possible I'm pg and am paranoid to carry heavy stuff. In a huff he passed me a bag and started looking in his pocket for something. The bag was far too heavy for me, pg or not and I started to get a really nasty pain in my pelvic region. I couldn't drop it or put it down as there was a skanky chip paper by our feet, so I tried to hoik it back into the trolley. Big mistake - immediately got a searing pain in pelvis which went on for the rest of the day (TYF then carried that bag, with me moaning about the pain and his thoughtlessness all the way home ). And late last night, I started getting a really awful pain around my pelvic bone. So I think that incident fucked things up. I'm probably being a loon, but it feels slightly better to have something to blame (the bag, not TYF).

Sorry to be self-indulgent. I have felt so weird in ways I've never experienced before and was pretty much convinced was updiffed. Have had a cry. At least here everyone else understands the madness and self-delusion!

skihorse How's the horse? No riding adventures today?

I am still suffering fertility-related madness. Please maake me stay away from the pg test today. There's no point and it will just keep driving me insane. I now wish the RTOD would hurry up and arrive so I could get on with the next cycle. This is just wasted time, and I'm in a bloody hurry, d'you hear?!

Scorpette Any news yet? What's with your dates? LP? The spot sounds beautiful - any chance of a fb photo?

Am now worried potential baby will be disabled.

Can I add being a heinous spot-beast to my list of symptoms?

just a quick visit as working from hand held device while drinking beer and watching football with friends.

one of my best friends has a downs boy and it changed her life. she was devastated at first (no warning) but of course now loves him to bits. she was in her 20s so I see it as a risk we all take. think i'd take it as it comes. at 30 i doubt i'll be offered amniosentisis. there are other conditions baby could have - you can't plan for every eventuality. so i am hoping to take things as they come. i suppose you never know how you'll react...

sorry scorp - hope your late ov theory os right.

scissor kicks and mojitos all round

Trog - any truth to the rumours that you are, in fact, married to Mr Hanky?

It is indeed a tricky one. Have worked with disabled adults in the past and although it was rewarding, I must be honest and admit that seeing what the parents went through (it was usually the mums - so many men seem to leave when the kid is born/becomes disabled, or leave their partner to do everything ) did make me think 'I couldn't do that'.

Also, TYF's Uncle had Down's (died in 2001). Whilst he loved his Uncle and got on well with him (they used to watch old Dr Who series together all the time), he knows what a strain it was for his grandparents and the whole family (quick back story: his Granddad was a widower with a toddler who then married TYF's Gran. Their first child together was Down's (she was @22). She then had 8 more kids! So she was bringing up 10 kids, one of whom was disabled and couldn't speak or eat properly, as there wasn't specialised help around back then (he was born in @ 1946/47). Hmm, praps this is why MIL has such skanky habits - her mother had not time to teach them stuff like hygiene. Just asked him opinion and he says he'd leave it up to me. Helpful

I'd be in an absolute quandry - I wouldn't want a child with Down's, I wouldn't want an abortion (don't worry, am not a pro-lifer) and I wouldn't give a child of mine up for adoption. I guess it's one of those things you really couldn't answer unless faced with it. And I do hope I never am.

Incidentally, there is a new test for Down's n ting you can have that is completely safe; think it's just a blood test. My friend had to bully her hospital into doing it, but they did in the end. All was fine for her, btw.

PS Please don't think I'm a monster!

ski DH and I have discussed it and decided we would go ahead anyway and not have the invasive test, as it wouldn't change our decision to proceed with the pregnancy. So pretty much the same as your position.

I am now officially bonkers. I went through a mad wobble in the middle of the day and decided to take a pg test AND an ov test at the same time! I am now hiding behind the sofa as I am sure the men in the white coats are on their way to get me.

trog you are 100% bum-obsessed - you're going to LOVE the toddler years you poo-driven loony. In fact, rather than a baby - have you considered adopting a manure heap?

I don't think I could cope with a child with a disability. I will probably have all the tests recommended, and take a decision then.

dunno dunno dunno is a tricky one - I would give it serious consideration - a friend of mine had a down's boy and despite the numerous problems and worry he is an adorable child. Homme however often sees imperfection as intolerable (begs the question of why he is with me) so is unlikely to see the positives in the situation. However, he has surprised me before and he may do it again. He surprised me this morning, but luckily he used lubrication

Argh maybe no riding tomorrow - there's been a bust up at the yard whilst they sort out the pecking order - so I'm off up in a mo to see if it's just cosmetic or whether she's unfit to ride. Stoopid nag.

Serious question time: Due to our advanced age - have any of you considered the possibility of having a child with Downs (or similar) - what have you and your partner discussed/decided? jailbait and I like to think we've the courage to go ahead with the pregnancy - in fact we've decided we would not have the fluid (sorry can't remember the name) test at 20 weeks if we have high odds because my mental health won't tolerate another 20 weeks of worry. We're also confident that we will love this child "no matter what" and have had encouraging experiences with SN children/people in the past.

Since I lost my confidence I have decided that even 15.2hh is too high.

Um... actually my mare just about fulfills all of those except she's 17.2hh so step-ladder is required. I've been getting compliments in the new yard all week about how amazed they are that she'll plod along at the back, lead the gang at the front and will march past anything making the others go boggly-eyed and won't push to the front. We were out last night and one of the other nags shied right in to her, she just carried on plodding along. I love her. She's shit at morse code although she's fluent in Russian, Dutch, French and English which isn't bad for 9.

skihorse Whizzo! I'll bring the giant sticky currant buns. Did I mention that my pony can tap out morse code with his hooves? That's sure to be essential on this adventure.

I have tried side saddle in the past including jumping, which is fun! But it wouldn't suit my current condition as my pelvis is still separated and not aligned at the symphysis pubis, so uneven weight bearing is actually the worst thing for it. Basically I need to keep up with the pilates and take it slowly as far as getting back into riding. But yes, a narrow horse is definitely preferred. If you happen to come across a quiet kind horse, close to the ground, with sturdy cob legs, narrow body, deep girth, soft mouth, three perfect paces, trained to medium level dressage, which hunts quietly at the back in a snaffle all day, and is a calm willing jumper, will you let me know? (Sorry, that's an in joke for horsey types. This highly sought after horse does not exist except in Horse Wanted adverts.)

Ponymum Jolly good! I've packed some Ginger beer and we're going to stay at old Aunt Jenny's cottage. She has some suspicious new neighbours who flash lights across the estuary at night!

Actually it could be quite fun, we're riding to Belgium, stopping for farm ice-cream on the way and traversing a river. The first time I crossed a river on my fiery steed I was grateful for my 10m swimming badge.

Have you tried side-saddle? Kinder on your hips. A lot of people like riding my nag because she's very narrow-withered - you don't need to open your pelvis to ride her.

ski SOOO of your riding picnic plans. Can I join you in my dreams? After the SPD they said I would never ride again, but 2 weeks ago I did! Well, I sat on one of the Riding for the Disabled ponies and walked slowly in a circle. But in my fantasy scenario I'll join you tomorrow and we can gallop through the forest and leap 5 ft walls on our handsome steeds. (After foiling the pony smugglers and having a smashing picnic of course.)

Morning all. Still no RTOD and now 5 days 'late'. Don't want to waste any more pg tests though as clearly I am not frickin' pg! Or maybe I haven't even ovulated yet? Maybe I should do an ovulation test instead? Who knows what the hell is going on inside me.

scorp Yes, it was SPD. Described by various people as worst case they had ever seen, etc. I had some pretty low times, to put it mildly. But yes, please imagine the Katharine Hepburn thing. That's exactly how it was.

Ski - no need to point out the finer details of my insanity, I am well aware of them . Yeah, I was feeling a bit weird a few weeks ago, which was after what should've been ovulation and I was thinking it might be updiffedness BUT I know realise was probably getting weird feelings because ov was delayed. I normally do get clear signs of ov around D12-14, so to do so D20-21 was an anomaly. I was very emotional and upset when I should've ov-ed as normal (ironically cos having hysteria I'd never get pg!) and I think I delayed it with the stress. The feelings I've been having since last Sunday have been very strong and distinct and like nothing I've ever really had and realise now I was really daft thinking might've been pg before

I didn't really know what the luteal phase was but have just looked it up at wikipedia and see now that although my usual L P is @ 14-16 days, it's only been about 8-9 days since ov and therefore only 8-9 days of luteal phase (is that right?). So yep, it will be too early to POAS. Arsebiscuits.

Picnic sounds good. Weather just turned Aurumnal here last weekend so no picnics here. Don't forget to pack your arsebiscuits!

Scorpette How long is your luteal phase normally? It should be around 14 days - but yes, if your normal lp is only 8 days then it's going to take some time for the hcg to kick in. However - I'm sure you were feeling pregnant more than a week ago... which if you only OV'd 8 days ago is a bit off.

Well I didn't wake up until 11 and have an appointment to get face plucked & waxed at half four so I've bummed up my day. Tomorrow I'm going on a 4/5 hour ride which should be fun. I need to dig out my saddlecloth with picnic pockets & make up a picnic.