Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

cosmo - a top tip worthy of Viz!

scorps would a quick kick in the stomach help relieve the cramps?

Yeah, ski - 'fucking ancient'? Oh, CHEERS. I'm only bloody 36. And quite literally bloody; am having much more painful and fulsome R2D2 than have had in months. Either it was a chemical pg or... hmm. I shall tell myself that a heavier period means better fertility this month. I care not for fact or reason.

*Laurie - I'd just leave the zip down and change my name to I P Freely (hoho). At our advanced state of decrepitude, people expect a spot of incontinence ...

PS Zirc - don't forget the tippex. That can come in handy too.

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! So crampy

although that would probably be a 'lounge gown' or a 'pool robe' or something just to make it sound like it wasn't the same fagash lil bit of terry towelling

Only yoking extreme I'm sure it's lovely

laurie frankly I'm stunned by the revelation that you're wearing knickers!

cunty I believe extreme is on holiday - probably sat by the pool in her dressing gown though haha.

Bloody Mary? Pina Colada? Sounds like two of your 5 a day to me!

Sounds like laurie clocked our very own extremedressinggown in the fertility clinic then? So that's where she goes when she's not smerkin fags and watching trisha

gettingmyhopesup--

i need training

ski fucking ancient sits well, thanks!

Mini disaster - just broken my trouser zip. Now do I yank it up & hope I don't need a wee for the rest of the day, or leave it down, pee freely & flash my knickers to the office?

hey BESH's what a wonderful bright sunny fabulous morning! (I'm trying to be more positive today after climbing from the pit of angst overnight). curly I know hugs not allowed here, so tiny pinch to top of your arm should do the trick. laurie I'm intrigued by your tale of wank-in-a-pot, as Ive been a bit worried about how I tell my GF he might well have to do the deed himself shortly, he'll be well up for it I bet! Longwee I'm real, no disguise I promise, although I do have a catwoman outfit Scorpette thanks for the advice, i have now stocked up and red, blue and green biros ready for gettin gmy hopes upimpending babyfail.

cheers for the bloody mary cosmosis

too wierd, that is {JD}

Pina colada for me - getting some fruit intake and trying to get a brighter view on life.

Call me crazy, but I'm [la la la la] refusing to admit/hear/say/tolerate the word babyfail till the droid is fully present in my pants. Please, just a few more hours of 2woofl indulgence??

Hi camel hope you're not to wierd. Nice of you to pop in. Can I offer you a carry-out? I've got a brown paper bag somewhere...

Morning all. Welcome Zircs cheers for the round.

I think I'll start this morning off with a bloody mary, that's got tomato juice in, so it's suitable for breakfast, right?

Am briefly delurking to say yes, am here and inviting all and sundry (hello, zirconia, amazing how quickly the BESH change the nicknames in this part of the world). Have been going a bit weird recently, so trying to calm down, which means more lurking amusement and less posting.

Scorp Re: Molesworth - whenever I see anyone type b**ydust, I immediately envisage them as 'a weed like fotherington thomas who skip along saying hello clouds hello sky he is a gurl chiz chiz'.

How does "fucking ancient" sit with you luv? Don't worry, Scorpette and diamond are fucking ancient too.

Oh crap, just having a bit of a mind fuck - thread is called mid thirties. At 37 Am I classed as mid or late? Sorry, but I refuse to think about a late 30's TTC thread. Denial? Why the hell not, I seem to excel at that!

ski I had an argument about going on holiday & they wanted me to pay for the missed classes. (To be honest after losing my initial 2 stone I was fannying around losing a few pounds, putting them back on). All pretty boring really, but not fitting behaviour for an old church hall full of overweight old dears! So I became the Queen of Flounces & stomped out. To the nearest chippy & off license!!

Funny thing is - I've been much happier, much more relaxed about food & haven't gained an ounce!

Oh curly I'm so sorry about your babyfail - it's not you, it's your colleagues. And to answer your question from last night - I will test if needs be whilst he's away and if I am, then I'll tell him on the phone. Reason being - when I was pg before and it all went wrong I had nobody to talk to - his mum's had three (had problems conceiving the first one) and was a nurse... That aside, I've never met her and I don't really want the first time to be "hello, I'm ski and yes, I'm 7 months pregnant!"

Noooo - I can't be getting R2D2 while I'm away - I'm due to be ovulating and it'll be my birthday and I'll be on holiday - surely that's a good enough combination for the updiff gods?

Or have I just spoiled it all by saying it...?

Faint tinges of red in the knicker dept this morning. And cramps.

What's that coming over the hill? Its that fucking evil scarlett droid

God help my work mates today [flounce]

laurielou how can you get asked to leave a slimming club?

scorps lol @ "having sex in the same room" - yes, my fat will balance out Cosmo's bones and we'll have a BABYPASS! I'm also ashamed to admit I'm the same with jailbait. He does all the housework and then I have to bite my tongue so as not to say "there's a clumb of dog hair under the stairs, it's been there 3 weeks now" because I know he tries.

diamond I never managed to get the OPK kits to work. 32 fucking euros and not one single positive. Stoopid wee.

donttry and nocoffee threw off their barren shackles and joined antenatal threads. I think they were probably lying about their ages so they could hang out with the cool kids, i.e., us!

longwee/diamond holidays mean you'll get R2D2 and spend your holiday in giant pants - see cunty for further details for she is the master of the Holy Badly Timed R2D2.

Ah, fresh meat! Hello diamond welcome to the madhouse.

Well - serious bit - the boyf had his mid week wank-in-a-pot. Nothing really to report. Didn't bump into my friend, was shown into a room & left to get on with it. Told to leave the sample in a box afterwards, to save the embarrassement of handing it over, results should be with GP in a week. He was quite disappointed that the room had no subdued lighting and bam-chicka-wow-wow music. But there were plenty of magazines, catering for all tastes from big jugs to gay porn. As it was in the fertility clinic there was a woman in the waiting room in her dressing gown. The boyf wondered if she was added entertainment, but it appears not.

So nothing for TGO to fear cosmo

Weight-sch-weight, pass me a pizza & Double Decker (from the person who was asked to leave slimming club). At least my Nana told me last night I was looking slim. Good old Nana!

Oooh a new person! Are you by any chance one of our absconders in disguise You sound suitably barren and ancient to me so get yourself a drink

I'm here, BESHes! Crampy but fabulous!

Welcome Diamond! How did you get past the crocodile-infested moat? I want to know how you're half ginger - do the collars match the cuffs? Prepare to abandon all dignity and sanity - if you had any left/to start with, that is. As for stuff you can obsess even further about try at home, I have tried Preseed (the spunkfriendly lube) and it was all good. Got it off eBay with free cheapo OPK (ovulation tests) which also seem to work. But here at the Gin Palace, we prefer to get our blokes to do all the weeing on stuff for us and we just draw the results we want on with red biro or felt tip Then I personally like to eat like a pig and declare the resulting mega-gut to be the first signs of a baby-bulge. Does that help?

ski& and cosmo* - together you might make two women of the perfect weight: would TTC in the same room work? And can we see the resulting film?

Curly - TYF can't do the housework just right for my exacting standards either. The difference is, I loathe to do any at all and then just moan at him about his efforts. Does this make me a) a cow? b) a cow? or c) a cow?

kinell an incomer! who left the door open again ski?

Welcome zircon. Don't stay still too long or I might pack you.

In answer to your question, no fuckin idea. I'm not taking this TTC thing at all seriously. The DM have decreed that I am out of the running for any liveborn so I'll throw the whole thing over to Mother Nature and she can do what she likes with it.

Now, who stole the bubble wrap? Fess it bitches.