To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

I know! I'm doing it now!!

confused - from experience, cuddling one's dog is the most life affirming thing !

Suerock, I like the idea of an audio book! Think that's a good one to explore.

SeaGreen - the idea of the calendar is lovely too. I think I need to wait and see how many pics I actually get and then decide properly what to do with them. I have had a few people keen but not much reaction really. I realised when planning our wedding that the more people you ask the same question, the less likely any of them are to answer. Very frustrating. However, I have various friends who can help with the side of people I know, and I am hoping the one's I don't know (his colleagues for example) can get on my case with the others. One man said he's going skiing on the 24th and would I mind waiting till then so he can take a pic of him and another good friend of S's on top of the mountain with the placard / message. I think this is a fabulous idea!

Yes, S was in today for his first chemo session and, despite being there for 9am, he didn't get going till 4.30. I have been a bit wobbly all day but am trying to focus on this pic thing instead. I ended up reading some quotes to get some inspiration at work which was a silly thing to do as I ended up with tears running down my cheeks (cancer is a word, not a sentance; the human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it; if you're going through hell, keep going; we cannot direct the wind but we can direct the sales - you get the idea.)

Triss and bebefreakout - sorry to be morbid on your first visits. I promise this isn't always the case, things are just very tough at the moment!

yet another reason to feel happy that we don't yet have sproglets.

Just catching up....

Welcome to bebefreakout and Triss - we are not usually this noisy but the last few days have been pretty hectic on this thread! But please feel free to dither along with us.

Mooncups - would love for them to work but I have a retroverted uterus and even tampons are a struggle, so I've never tried. Also, is anyone else offended by the idea of their vagina suddenly going saggy at the age of 30?!

Cardigans - yes, made by me and [blushes modestly] more or less designed by me, or at least heavily adapted from the original pattern. Glad you like them!

confused - was thinking of you and your friend today as I remember you said his chemo was starting. If you're still after ideas for things to help him feel better, how about some easy reading, or a book on CD he could listen to through headphones? A friend of mine is in hospital at the moment, and another recently has been, and boredom seems to have been the problem for both of them, so anything to relieve that was welcome.

HP - if the background of the non-wedding picture you posted first is what I think it was, then I shall feel obliged to spit derisively in your direction (though in the nicest possible way) as my allegiance is to the Other Place! More seriously, I was going to ask you if there's anyone in your department you could talk to in confidence, who's managed to combine career + baby? Or is there a women's network you could approach in whatever professional body is appropriate to your field? I know it's a tough call, though my situation is a bit different as I'm in the private sector, and if the Suits don't like a woman getting pregnant there's not a lot they can do about it (legally, at any rate).

LST - I missed your piccies - hope to catch a glimpse of you when we next have a photo amnesty - maybe with our bumps?!

SeaGreen - yep, I get hassle all the time. I sympathise....

I have been sending them individually rather than en masse, but all with the same subject line. Not sure if it's worth the risk of being frozen so may leave it a bit just in case otherwise will get REALLY cross!

confused- perhaps try and put a different subject line in each,also send individual messages to each rather than en masse? fb does that sometimes if i send messages one after the other without a subject line.
take care now.

Argh! Was getting to the end of all my emailing people for photo's of themselves holding messages and bloody Facebook told me I was in danger of having my account frozen due to harassing people who aren't my friends! I'd ring and explain to someone except there isn't any number / real humans.

Just reading rather than posting tonight on here I think as both tearful and have a one track mind. (He's wired up to both chemo and saline as we speak.)

Just popping in for some illicit mumsnetting. Goodness, we are very voluble at the moment!

Confused Dr Sparklepants is right, small personalised stuff is the best. You may occasionally feel a bit funny and wonder what to do for the best, but small touches that let him know you care are the best thing to do. I'd also suggest asynchronous forms of communication. When you are very ill you tend to have to deal with everyone elses reponses to your illness, as well as managing your physical reactions, and it can get very draining. The fact that he has a blog is a really good sign. It enables people to communicate, but on his terms. I think the picture is a great idea, a really good way of letting people know that they care about him - but maybe find an alternative example to explain the concept to people?

I also like the calender idea. It would also be pretty affirming for him to get the underlying message that you all hope and expect him to make full use of it.

Welcome Triss, we are are mixed bunch at various stages of dithering and you are very welcome to dither with us!

Seagreen lol at the thought of you telling your gran "can you actually MAKE us?" And even more at the idea of her actually trying!

Anyone else getting subtle hints, and not so subtle suggestions/requests/sulking from family?
[aargh]
i can actually see their point of view but i'm afraid it's my point of view that has to prevail on this one!
as i told my gran, "can you actually MAKE us?"

Good luck Triss, feel free to jump right in whenever you feel like it!

a suggestion following from the above- how about a calendar with a different photo or picture for each month. each photo or picture to be contributed by a different friend/ family member. of course the general tone of the pix would need to be fun rather than eulogistic..

Have emailed about 100 people (about a third individually) to send pics, thanks again! Am really excited! Know this is really fucking weird, and I obviously wouldn't share this with the masses, but am thinking a pic of S, on canvas (if not too expensive, the canvas that is) of his face but when you look closer it's the people with the messages. I say really weird (or even wrong) but this was the inspiration here Like I said, I think it might be best to keep the inspiration to myself!

Off to bed now, feeling a lot more positive as have something to focus on, thanks again HP SP! x

No probs - good luck with it!

Just emailed all his (well, our) friends and now going to try and get hold of his friends I don't know (work colleagues and things) - thanks again!

Thanks for welcoming me. Sorry to butt into your thread like that. Good Luck all of you. I may pop back if I can remember where to find you.

I don't think it is girlie at all, in fact I think it's a wonderful WONDERFUL idea! He loves things like that! When we we together I made him a collage of all his friends (this might sound a bit naff but, as the pics all had borders and worked well together) in various situations with cut out quotes from magazines. He loved it so much he nearly cried - this will be the same, but different! Fabulous - thank you! I'll get the images sent (and try and get as many people as I can possibly can!) and then do something with it. I am quite good at this kind of thing so I think I can make it work - funny but inspiring, yippee!

That coil thread sounds revolting. In fact, after remembering the experience, I am off the ideas of coils altogether! Yes, it's a wing and prayer for me every time by the looks of things!

Maybe this is a bit girly, but perhaps you could 'craft' something that all his friends could contribute to, not sure what, but a 'rogues gallary' of photos of people holding signs of positive messages, or a patchwork cushion with everyone donating a square. Perhaps that's too girly for a bloke! I'll keep thinking.

Thanks for all the links, SeaGreen, man, I love a bit of research!!

The coil thread is called 'has anyone tried to remove their own coil to try to conceive' or something. The poor thing wants to TTC, has a coil, the doc is being crap about removing it and she wondered if she could give it a go herself!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Triss - I saw your thread, sounds like you have been through the mill. If you don't mind indecision and mind-changing, feel free to stick around!

Thanks SeaGreen, I'll have a good old browse of those now. Thanks for sharing them and don't worry about being tiresome. Even on the off chance we did find them dull nobody's forcing us to look!

I am into crafts but I can't knit - not sure what would be suitable out of the things I can make (a mobile? fimo figurine? painting of his cats?!) but I'll still give it more thought as you never know when inspiration will strike.

Hey, Triss, we're all still dithering so you are more than welcome to join! We go off subject now and again but the general gist stays the same. You'll find, as well all did, that you are certainly not alone!

Dr. HP Sparklepants you've given Confused all the fantastic ideas that one could think of! cashmere socks sounds fantastic Confused. i don't know if you're into crafts but something like a handknitted or crocheted scarf might go down a treat.

Regarding why many of the links i post are amercian , i haunt this site, amongst others ( this being the other one- and i get a lot of links from those. have found some very interesting blogs - let me share some of those with you guys-
how the weiszes built a family- check the archives for the complete list of posts. fascinating.
500 pieces of advice for this blogger's baby daughter (not yet born)
this fantastic blog from a guy who talks about building a family with his wife and her son (and their new baby daughter- charting it from the time she got pregnant). he's a great photographer and he did this series showing his wife week by week and i must say i found it very touching.
i could go on and on but i have no intention of swamping you with links that you may not even find interesting [says she after having done precisely that].
feels lovely to be able to sharethese- wouldnt want to become the tiresomely green member amongst my friends! but here i can post all of these without judgment.
yikes. my browser window hung just now and i thought i had lost everything i had typed but luckily i had put it on preview mode and when i clicked the restart previos window option it had saved everything- phew.

Silly me.
This is all new to me I realise now that you posted that in August last year. I hope you made a decision and everything is going well.

CHW We are on the same boat! I've just posted a new thread. seconds ago. I'm also in limbo and on Sunday I'm doing my last half marathon before decision day. TTC or NOT to TTC? Please read my thread we may be great support for each other?

These are the socks S's socks

Think you've covered it all there, HP SP, thanks!

I have just had a look at the Mooncup link and may also have a nosey on MN after. Euw! Actually, I can see the idea is a good one but I guess I am so used to the tampon route that something like that doesn't seem as, erm, safe (or something.)

Who said anything about the thread on a coil? I didn't SEE it, she told me! I saw the one the doc was going to, ahem, put in me and it wasn't too long.