To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

Am hiding in the bedroom pretending to dry my hair as I don't want him to see how red my eyes are - it would just spark another row, or at least discussion that I don't want.

The nub of it seems to be that while I am undecided what to do for the best, I can see both the negatives and the positives to having a baby. He can only see, or rather feel, the negatives. He is prepared to go along with any scheme I want, but only because he is scared I will leave him if I decide I want a baby and he refuses.

How can I come to peaceful decision with that hanging over me?

I'm so, so sorry to go on like this, but I don't know who else I can talk to. I'm quite close to getting on a train and going to stay with my family for a week, but that would cause questions to be asked that I don't want to answer.

Ooooh, Chanel! Actually, I think I'd go more for something from, perhaps, Alice Temperley or, at a push, Chloe.

Off to take the dog out but will be back and have a look at SeaGreen's links then

Ok, in the time since I posted (above) DH and I have co-incidently had another row about having a baby. All the stuff about 'its your decision, I will be happy either way' is just rubbish. I frankly dont believe him. One negative comment too many.

Im off to check out the Chanel website....

Seagreen - you can post any thoughts on here, thats what this thread is for! If long freak-outs were banned I would have had to stop posting a while ago!! I too am on my own in RL, no-one to talk to, so you lot are my life-line!

OMG, that Telegraph article is horrendous. What a pile of women hating crap. They have taken the results of a study (based on mathematical modelling) and the so-called science correspondant has written, in my opinion, an article basically going 'ha haaa, see, you women, its all your fault, leave it too late (30+) and you are screwed.' Now, the data are the data, but I have a huge problem with the way it is presentation of it. As we all know, age affects fertility (otherwise we wouldnt all be here thinking maybe I should get on with it if Im going to do it), but where were the men in that article? The last time I checked, both genders are needed for conception, but its not written that 'couples should decide to have a family earlier' its always 'women are leaving it too late'. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Thank goodness the NHS waded in and put some reason into the discussion.

(as you all know, I may have a slight issue with DH on this subject, which may explain why Im so pissed off!!)

so low
thanks for sticking around to read all this.
can't really confide in anyone in RL at the mo.

Confused i can't believe people would get upset about that. well i guess you could make him up a scrapbook with lots of random clippings, photos, quotes and stuff like that that you know he'll enjoy, and you could go ahead with the Bob Books idea anyway (which for the record i think is fabulous!) or here are some ideas for you- making a chunky book and
making a booklet.so screw the ones who get aggressive about someone else's thoughtfulness.
Suerock - tell me about it!!
everyone seems to be having a bit of a bugger-all time. i can only add my two bits here to say, me too, am going through a rough patch (unrelated to my relationship with DH- that would be the first assumption i suppose!), which is why i havent been posting for some days now.
side by side with the lows and the crap, have been lusting after some fabulous sites with REALLY expensive stuff like the stuff on this site. there's a whole subculture and i am tapping into it by haunting all these sites, checking out the sales (and not buying anything!) a girl can dream.
oh and bought my first onesie ever in a fit of maniacal greenness whilst out on sale (sneaked past family to inconspicuously buy)- £2, on sale. didnt think it wise to spend more than £2 at this point on somehting like THAT.
whilst i am in depressive mode let me share this horrible depressive article- though you have got to love the NHS for leaping into the breach with their article on the scare mongering here.

(obviously remove the 'or' from the 'has it come out of the blue or is this the first you are hearing about it?'. Silly HP-SP).

Oh Suerock, what a nightmare (seems like we are in the same rubbish boat, here's a paddle and a life-jacket, I'll budge up on the bench). Its so stressful - has it come out of the blue or is this the first you are hearing about it?

My life is all about timings at the moment as well, the job/career/house/baby issues seem to be completely at odds with eachother. As I said, Im getting a bit frantic and upset about it all. So far, its a big thumbs down to my early thirties!

Right ladies. We have two options:

1. Throw the contraceptives into a big pile and throw a match on them ( Confused). I call this the 'Que sera sera' plan.
2. Forget all about babies, buy a Chanel handbag and go on a month long holiday to [insert glamerous and fabulous location here].

Now, I accept both options are a bit extreme, but they do have the advantage of being able to be selected by the flick of a coin....

I call 'heads'...

Oh no, Suerock, what a bugger! Hug to you too!
Off to bed now as well past my bedtime (yes, I am very rock and roll since you asked) but will post tomorrow or the day after. Feel like it's been aaaaaaages!

Night all xxx

Evening all,

Just dropping by to say hello. Head is in a bit of a mess over the whole baby thing - red or green doesn't seem to matter but timing is suddenly getting a whole load more critical (job looks like it might be about to disappear in the next year or so, on top of wizening ovaries ). Sigh....

Getting late so will reply to other posts another time - but just sending to those of you who are a bit down at the moment.

yes, I imagine it is! Not really a work from home scenario either, I imagine!

I prefer them grilled, myself

If I could think of something I could do to set up my own business, I would do it. It's pretty hard to set up your own lab without half a million pounds and a university contract!

Arse. I've lost the memory card with the pics of one of the spaniels on (the one that's tri coloured ) and I know this one has brown on her face, but not sure if it's just eyebrows. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

I am goodish with my hands, but could be better. I have actually been commissioned for these things a couple of times and would love to do more (and not have to work in an office!) but def need more practice. This is for a wedding pressie for some friends of ours (the one with the beagle I've looked after a few times.) It's their wedding on Saturday. Making the dogs as it's far easier than making the heads, which I'll save for tomorrow night!

Just going to take first spaniel out of oven...

Ah, I know the stuff! You must be good with your hands to make those little models.

Not icing, Fimo - this

Back shortly. just making some floppy ears

Yeah, my commute is already 45 mins, I couldn't cope with much more! We decided to keep our options open and wait and see basically. I am a bit sad, I really want a house of our own, but my concerns (and DHs) were too great. There goes my nursery.....

Oooo, are you making things out of icing? I would LOVE to learn how to do that!

Hi HP, Sorry for not saying earlier (this is what happens when you read a post and then post a reply some time after) sorry to hear about putting the house buying on hold. I guess it is better to wait with these things until things are rather more permanent (the idea of buying somewhere but then having a massive commute every day would be horrible, for me at least.)

Yes, the book I was going to do (this) is indeed a morale booster rather than anything more gloomy but it's amazing the mixed response it has had. It's been really quite upsetting at times, I have to say, and has also made me feel like an utter chump too. I guess things like this can bring out very different feelings in people and that too can cause a big range of responses. The thing is, he would love it and isn't that what's important?! Anyway, it's not you, HP SP, I have to convince.

I am working part time (mornings only) from next week - long story, not very interesting - so will be around then but not, alas, tomorrow. I am also having to be careful with internet at work so can't really post at all. However, tonight I am here if anyone else is and it would be nice to 'chat' while I am making my fimo beagles, spaniels and bride and groom...

Oh, I meant 'eat, then watch a bit of telly to relax with DH'. My brevity may have made it look like watching tv was on my list of exciting things I must do today!

Just a quickie, about to eat and watch tv.

I didn't see it in a 'goodbye' way, much more of a 'hello! We are all thinking of you while you go through this. You are not alone'. If anyone else gets shirty send them this way, I'll give them what for

Babies babies babies. What's to be done? I'm sure all the stress and upset isn't putting Confused in a green frame of mind. Although, when I hear stories like S's, it really makes me think - family is important, being loved is important, and fear shouldn't stop one doing things.

But I do enjoy my fully functional pelvic floor.....

(also, I am around all day tomorrow if anyone is off, sat next to a computer and is bored!)

Hi all, Tricky to post at work so had to wait till I got home.
To clarify, the person who was so incensed by the idea of the pictures didn't speak to me, he emailed a mutal friend instead. It's an old collegue of S's. The mutual friend he emailed is doing the pics and explained why. The only reasoning I have had from some of those who don't like the idea is that it may ram home to S that he is dying and that may be too much. All the blog stuff is on his terms so is quite different to someone handing him something like I plan to. However, I have just been on the phone to S and still think, pretty much, that it is a good idea. Unfortunately, I have plenty of people promising things which, so far, haven't materialised. I suspect, as these things can, that the more who decide it's inappropriate the more who will follow suit. This is a big shame and I do hope it's not the case, but after the initial enthusiasm from some there hasn't been much else. We shall see...

Redness, hmmm. Maybe it is due to everything else going on too (not really condusive) or not but, and this is a very weird place to say this I know, sometimes I read threads on this site and think 'ugh, do I really want to turn into one of those people?'! I cancelled the appt as it couldn't be rearranged to a time which would be okay with work but I also think that I would have felt a bit of a fraud going anyway. It's an appt with a consultant about my, supposed, imminent pregnancy and it's not remotely what I want at the moment. I think it would be very hard not to snort dismissively at the very suggestion!

Good luck everyone else with their baby plans, or not baby plans and hope to hear more from you all soon - all those with IVF plans or other tests, do keep us posted and good luck! x

Hi there

Was thinking 'I'm going to have to catch up with a load of stuff', but looks like there's been a lull.

I can't believe your 'friend''s reaction to what you're doing, confused - as HP says, surely that must be more to do with him than anything else. Seems incredibly strange, as well as horrible.

Don't know if there was a link implied between your redness, confused and this other horrible stuff that's going on (I can only speak for myself but personally think it's absolutely fine to talk about anything on here (especially this, if it helps) and that this thread at least has gone beyond its notional 'topic', while probably usefully coming back to it fairly regularly!). Can understand if you've got too much else in your head at the moment. I really don't understand people being negative - I'm sure your friend will appreciate all of this hugely, and he's the one that matters.

I'm a whirlwind of mixed feelings (and like HP am getting sick of my own indecisiveness - am trying to work out project idea and (related to this) career plans, as well, and being rubbish ditherer about this too). Having said that, saw on another thread that there might be as much as 6 months between my initial IVF consultation (now in early Feb) and the start of treatment, which totally dismayed me. I took this year as unpaid leave in part to do the course I'm doing but mainly to be at home every night (I have to stay away 2-3 days a week in my normal job) and less stressed so that any treatment would have a chance of working (and that hope against hope it might happen naturally...). Can't believe I might be back at work before the treatment even starts, and stressed out of my mind because I'm behind with publication and a host of other things after this year 'off'. Great.

Hopefully it will be quicker than that, but somehow any delay seems bad - I thought I would more or less start by mid-Feb. Silly to have made any assumptions, I guess.

Anyway, sounds like I'm quite green again, although I'm not sure this entirely follows (logical? me?!). I think I am probably over my wobble though, after a lovely weekend in Ireland with DH's nieces (4 and 8) and friends of mine who have lovely girls (3 and 5), all of whom are gorgeous. And spent some of today in a cafe (working, honest...) with the most beautiful babies (and mothers for that matter - want to be that gorgeous if and when I'm a mum - actually now would do!).

Anyway, sorry to go on. Hope you're all ok and Welcome seablue! The whole thing about career and babies is or can be a nightmare - reveals the true (lamentable) state of women's rights/equality etc. and desperate need for feminism to continue, in my view - and is paralysing me a bit in terms of deciding for or against a career change, as it sort of depends on whether or not I have kids as to whether I can make a go of the new thing or not (I know I've gone on and ON about this before...). But the women in my department all had at least two babies, albeit quite late, and seem to just about hold it together and progress. Haven't dared ask them how and how it has been, although I guess if I a) get pregnant and b) stay, I might pluck up the courage.

Anyway, enough - have to go and shop for presents for friends we're seeing at the weekend, and food shopping for dinner tonight (why is it always me that does both these things?! See feminism comment above!). Hope you're feeling ok, confused, and if red, happy to be so (which I think would really be the best option, to be completely honest, if I thought I'd stay there for the rest of my life!). And that everyone else is having a good, or at least not bad, week.

LSTx

Hi! I know, it's all gone quiet lately. I've still been checking in case anyone posted or had some news.

I can't believe someone has spoken to you like that, I think it's shocking. Is he normally an aggressive person? I'm amazed as I don't think there is anything controversial in the scheme, I just hope it's more about peoples own difficulties with the situation and you bore some of the brunt of that. Not that that justifies that response. I also hope you sent him a few choice words back. How is S doing?

Part of my reason for not posting is my 'overwhelmed' feelings came back, and stress levels started rising again. To add to this, DH and I have taken the (joint) desision not to buy a house this year, as it seems just too close to the end of my job and buying a house where we currently live would limit my employment options in a years time. So once again, things are on hold. I feel ok about it, disappointed and relieved at the same time.

Regards babies, I'm still all over the place. My two options are do it now and try to conceive in the next three months, or wait at least two years. Again, I'm sick of thinking about it, especially as I'm the only one in this relationship who ever gives it a second thought

So did you cancel the appointment, then? You have to do the best with how you feel at the time, and if it didn't feel right, it didn't feel right. Regards the red, I have always thought my aim with all this was to work through how I feel, and if the end result was 'I don't want to have children' then so be it. Equally if I felt any hormonal leanings towards a family, at least the decision would be made. Either way, I am comfortable that I gave it a lot of consideration. Saying that, I'm embarrassed to admit it but I'm so jealous of people who know what they want, I'm getting obsessed with it, in a 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???' kind of way.

Right, enough of me. I hope everyone is ok, LST and YTD must be gearing up for test results/the next steps soon. I still have my fingers crossed for both of you.

Take care all, HP-SP

Hello...?
This thread seems to have died a death, especially after recent mass postings.
I have been reluctant to post as this is, after all (and I should know as I started it) a post about whether or not to have babies not about friends with cancer and all things that become connected with that. (As I brought it up, the picture thing has had very mixed responses - those who are into it are VERY into it and those against it have used the words 'tasteless' 'inappropriate' and 'wrong', and not forgetting the person who saw my email re pics and said it made him want to punch me.)
So, baby stuff? I am red. Totally fucking reed (s'cuse my French) to the point of cancelling my appt with the consultant and not rearranging another at a later date (to be honest, they only have appts on Friday mornings which wouldn't have been compatible with work and I wasn't bothered enough to put it above work.)
I wonder if this constant redness will change, or maybe I am just naturally red and the flashes of green I had previously where just that, flashes.
How's everyone else?

bebefreakout don't worry i know for a fact they save the mother over the baby!

no wonder you're freaked out after those two mothers - that would scar anyone for life.

Also add to the "don't" category...

fear of giving birth... have read the birth stories threads and they ain't exactly heart-warming...
I also have vivid recollections of being told aged 11 about 2 school friends mums that had died in or after childbirth within weeks of each other... is ok to make it clear to doctors that if anything went wrong that saving me is the priority? They always seem to want to save the baby on the tv!