To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

YTD the whole testing thing sounds very tedious! It also sounds like it could take forever and go round and round in circles. I sincerely hope this is not the case.

Your 'translation' for HP about her DH's behaviour and thought processes sounds pretty spot on. Very few men get the same urge re little people than us females, and I also think (as it can be applied to many other things too) they are a lot more simplisitc than we seem to be (and I actually mean that in a nice way, not a patronising way!)

My DH is in bed. We have to make a box for these figurines (drama last night was because we wanted the bride to carry one of the dogs but the Fimo arm wasn't strong enough and we couldn't use glue as we had to cook the fimo), I have a hyperactive collie I want to take out, we have craft stuff everywhere, a box that needs to be made for the figurines, a house that needs cleaning (not done due to being busy with craft stuff) and empty fridge and so on and on... Hence, I am up (admittedly MNing rather than sorting things but he doesn't know that) but he is in bed as 'weary' as he's 'been working all week.' For some reason the fact that I too have been working all week hasn't registered, and nor has the fact that we have to be out the door at 3pm for the wedding (need to be there spot on even though it's a party not the actual ceremony as they want the figurines for the cake) so we are inevitaby going to be in a mad rush. Again.
The reason I am telling you all this is, do you think he'll be equally rubbish about things that need to be done, and things that have to be looked after, if we add a child into the equation too?

Answers on a postcard please!

HP just pondering what you said about your wanting things to stay the same and the baby stuff to go away, in conjunction with his remark that "I don't know what is wrong with you." Your DH is probably feeling slightly agrieved that you are not being you usual sparkly self, that all this baby nonsense has appeared from nowhere, threatening to disrupt his lovely life and that there is apparently no reason for it other than you twittering on about stuff he doesn't want to hear.

He's a simple creature, he likes what he's got, babies are expensive, having one is in many ways impractical, he doesn't want the hassle. Baby = not a good idea. problem solved. move on.

The problem is, you can't move on, It isn't that simple. You are subject to a lot of external forces that you have no control over and he can not begin to understand. You have the pressure of biology. I know for certain that women do have a clock and it does tick. Its louder for some than others, but I think we all feel the force of nature at times, foisting the thought of motherhood on us unbidden. What you are considering is the possibility of of resisting that force of nature, knowing that the more you delay the decision, the less chance you have of having a decision to make. It's complicated and messy.

Thing is, boys are pretty simple creatures and they often really don't get stuff until it is pointed out to them. He's not goign to know the pressures you feel unless you explain it. And it is so difficult to understand ourselves, how can we explain it to sceptical DHs?

I think perhaps you need to try and make him understand that you are not doing this just to to be annoying and that you are not in control of the timescales here. Its just that you have to address the issue sooner rather than later, cos that is what biology dictates.

Thanks for the concern ladies,

News is neither good nor bad, just isn't any news at all really. I was expecting results back from two blood tests and a swab. The first blood test they took on CD22 (to test progesterone levels) was fine. The second one (has to be taken between CD1 and CD5) was buggered up because the nurse failed to see the instructions and they tested for progesterone again. Swab got lost in the system.

So I have to go back for a repeat blood test to check FSH levels and do another chlamyia swab. Great.

Fortunately my period is due this weekend so I should be able to get my blood test done early next week. Would be exceptionally pissed off if I'd just missed it and had to wait another 4 weeks to retest!

Once they have finally assembled all the test results, we will get our referal to the fertility clinc, where we can start doing the same tests (and more) all over again.

So upshot is, I have to retest, DH has to retest and we both have to go back a couple of weeks after that to get results, sign child protection forms (?) and finally get our referral.

I felt a bit fed up earlier, but am pretty sanguine about it all now.

I'm off to bed in a min, can't keep my eyes open!

Hope you sort the craft problem out - is it the little dogs?

Bit worried about YTD, am really hoping it was good news.

Fimo drama - back in 20!

Eyes less red this evening, relations less frosty. True to form, DH has moved on and is content. YTD has really summed it all up for me - he wants things to stay the same and the baby stuff to go away. In a nutshell, he wants to deal with it sometime in the far future, I want to deal with it now.

Aaaanyway, just wanted to thank you all for your typing-support and kind words last night. I was really low and upset, and it was kind of you all to be there.

I will try to check out that link, bloody iPod keeps redirecting me to the mobile site, which doesn't have the article.

LST, what a shame there may be a wait for the IVF which would take you past your year. I guess you will have to see what is actually said at your consultation. Fingers crossed it will move quicker than you fear.

I hope you are ok, YTD, we are here if you need to talk.

Thank goodness it's Friday!

By the way, I was reading stuff today at work and came across this
I realise that the more scientific of you, at least, may think it's a load of old bollocks but thought it might be worth posting all the same.
Am doing little posts tonight as also doing about 5 other things, but will be here on and off all night.

HP hope things have thawed out a bit at your house! And everyone else is feeling rather less gloomy, x

YTD - any news?!

Everyone else, how's things? I am bloody delighted that it's Friday! That on it's own has improved my mood enormously.

Can't write much as it's very late and have to be up super early tomorrow, but sorry to all that you're having a rubbish time. And slightly weirded out (in a good way) by HP's post as I think we might actually have married the same man (or would if I hadn't seen a pic ).
"He's a simple guy who is happy to live 'right now' and doesn't really think of the future, or time running out. I may start calling him Peter Pan."
This is also mine. To a tee. It's a bugger, isn't it. But if I can get mine to the point of trying IVF (if we ever get there...), anything is possible.

Hope things go well tomorrow, YTD - even if there is an issue (and no reason to think there will be one particularly?) there is a host of things they can do.

Hugs to all of you - if it's any consolation it is officially the most rubbish time of year, almost exactly the point where people are supposed to feel worst. (OK, this isn't exactly working as a pep talk - perhaps I'll shut up and go to bed!)

Will write properly soon.

Time doesn't run out for boys...

My DH started off quite ambivilent (his response was geberally, "if that's what you want dear") but has conversely got keener the longer we've been trying.

My best mate (who is now 6 months pregnant, after three months of trying - grr) took almost 2 years to talk her DH into TTC. He was not keen, didn't want to upset their already lovely life, didn't think they could afford it etc. She wore hom down in the end as she didn't want to just drft along (your use of that phrase is what made me think of them). The utter transformation of her DH is staggering. He is so excited and massively pleased with himself. The abstract idea of children terrified him, the real prospect of his little nipper is real and exciting.

Part of the problem is that there are so many imponderables. That?s why we dither...

Night all. Here's to better days all round tomorrow. xx

Fuckit!
Men...
xx

Just been informed 'I'm fed up of you this evening, HoneyPetal. I don't know what is wrong with you.'

On that note, I'm off to bed. Que sera sera indeed

HP-not so SP

confused - happy cocker spaniels to you !
ah and YTD - flying the flag for the older "primagravida"- Anne Marie Duff! was v. chuffed to hear the news- think they're both adorable, and together a lovely couple!

YTD - all the luck in the world for tomorrow!

HP - glad you're not at one another's throats, at least.

I can't type more at the moment (not that I've anything earth shattering to offer) as in the middle of this fimo stuff and it looks like it's going to be a late on.

Hugs to all and sundry and, ahem, que sera sera...

YTD do keep us posted tomorrow (if you feel like it that is, not to pry!)- and best of luck!!
Maybe christmas this year will be one where you will have to pretend to drink
and we will have a virtual baby shower for you.
as you put it so well, it only takes ONE egg.

YTD - sorry, we cross posted then. Thank you for ploughing through my emotional nonsense when you are worried about your own baby situation. I really hope tomorrow brings some answers, or a BFP as soon as possible. xx

Yes, he did start backtracking when he realised that I may not be happy with us just drifting along as we are. I just wish I was more certain of my own feelings, then I could have more of a leg to stand on. I know he loves me absolutely, he would do this if I want it. But I feel like it's already tainted with doubt and bad feeling.

Well, DH seems fine, chatting away and pretending we didn't have 'words'. Men. Or at least, mine.

Thank you both for your posts, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

I wish I knew what to do.

He's a simple guy who is happy to live 'right now' and doesn't really think of the future, or time running out. I may start calling him Peter Pan.

I'm sorry you're having a crap time as well, Seagreen. We all seem to be at a very similar point in our lives with many of the same issues.

SeaGreen - at least one of us can offer constructive advice / ideas that haven't already been done to death! Maybe you have something there, that it is being put forward as such as serious and considered thing and really, sort of at least, it can be a bit more impulsive. Weighing things up so much the way we are all prone to do only seems to make things more indecisive half the time as we think about the negatives (and without really knowing if these negatives will happen) as much, if not more, than the positives.

Think I may be waffling though - not drinking but in the middle of Fimo-ing and slightly distracted (and DH also keeps chipping in with things which isn't helping my train of thought!)

Oh dear ladies, we need some wine and chocolate on this thread. So sorry to hear that things are so tough for so many of us at the moment.

Confused just focus on doing what S would like. The remark that "It will just remind S that he is going to die" is utterly fatuous. S is probably not likely to forget it! More likely it will remind S how much he is admired and loved, something he is going to need. Do what you think is best for S, sod the naysayers.

Seagreen curse the Daily Torygraph and and mail scaremongering depts. I am feeling very proud of my little bit of the NHS at the moment. Until very recently I worked for the NHS Knowledge Service, who produced the "Behind the Headlines" service. The daily mail is a public health menace. Anyway, who cares if I've only got 72,000 eggs left - I only actually need one!

LST I hadn't realised that there was such a long wait between initial referal and treatment. What a pain. So difficult when you are organising your life to work around it.

Suerock what a bugger about your job. All you need is more uncertainty...

Oh HoneyPetal, I wish i knew what to say and how to help. You are in such a tough position. I suppose the obvious question is how does he know he definately doesn't want children? I can't imagine ever being decisive enough for that. Obviously I will be taking your side emphatically in this, but he sounds like he is applying a tiny bit of emotional blackmail here. He's told you he may never want children, and then said that if you wanted kids then he would go along with it only to prevent you from leaving him. What he wants is for everything to carry on as normal and all the baby stuff to go away.

For what its worth, I think asking someone to abandon the possiblity of ever having children is a much bigger and more invasive sacrifice than asking someone who isn't keen to give having children a go. And I don't get the impression that he thinks he's asking you to give up anything (i.e. you don't have kids, so you can't miss what you don't have etc etc).

I vote for the 'Que sera sera' plan. Sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

As for me, I am so green it hurts and am terrified that I may never manage to have kids at all. I go to the docs tomorrow night for my test results and hopefully get our referal to the fertility clinic. DH has had his results back and is just below normal morphology so has to go for a retest (a semen viva? ).

confused - in a nutshell, all of the stuff you mentioned and then some!
thanks..
will (very) eventually perk up, always do.

HP - am wondering if there is any way for you to pitch the que sera sera plan, dressed up as a "let's be impulsive and try it out as a grand adventure" thing?
i don't mean to sound trite- could it be that it's a question of subtle windowdressing being required?
this lady here says that getting the men excited about the gear is the way to go. this is obviously a hilarious post but the key thing i learnt here is that there's a great deal to be said for the way something is pitched. and most men love gadgets. here's the amazing blog entry.
i know that the way my mum refers to motherhood sometimes puts me off it (obviously not saying that is the case for you, but trying to illustrate the point), and the way this blogger talks about it makes me want to go and start plopping 'em out!

SeaGreen sorry I forgot to mention you when I was getting carried away with HP's woe's! Sorry to hear you're gloomy too. Is it cash things or job things or, er, something else? (Obviously, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to!) Hope things perk up for you soon too x
ps thanks for those links. I have thought of the scrapbook style thing before and think it could work well. Also rather like the chunky book, but think I might save that as it wouldn't work as well as the BobBooks one with the pics I have so far.

Chin up guys!

Poor HP! How are the eyes? I am not sure what else to add that hasn't been said before. I agree that I wouldn't want to coerce someone into having children if they didn't, it wouldn't be fair on them, you and possibly also even the kids. However, this doesn't help matters at your end does it. What kind of thing is he saying, and does he seem quite adamant about it or is it just little comments all the time? Do you think he'd come round to the idea eventually or is he pretty much of the red frame of mind?
I wouldn't be able to forget what he said either, for the reasons I've just stated (I've always found it uncomfortable when female friends have half forced their partners into it, although I have to say that the said partners have always come round far more than it would have ever been thought when the kids were actually born.)
Sorry I can't be more use - hope you're feeling a bit better and communication lines are opening (and he's not watching bloody 24!)
I'm here all night if you want to ramble on xx

No, I don't think so, he said a year after we got married that he may never want children. He hadn't mentioned it in the ten years before that. He then got really worried I was going to leave him, so he said he would do what I wanted.

I know he would do, but I can't forget what he said. How do I know how I really feel with that in the back of my mind?

Let's put it this way. I'm sat up here soul searching. He is downstairs choosing whether to watch 24 or turn the laptop on.

HP- is his primary point that the timing isn't great? because perhaps you both could come to some sort of consensus on that.