To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

Hello ladies

Me again...

How are you getting on?

Just to add a few more things. I know I've probably been very lucky, but not all babies cry all the time or are awful sleepers. My DD is now 7 mths and has always been a great sleeper, give or take a few late nights/early mornings. She's slept through since 11 weeks old though, so even if she's up at 5am if we've managed to get to bed at a decent hour you can still get 7 hours in.

As for a neat house, the trick is good storage. I have a big (stylish) storage box in the lounge that I shove all DD's bit and pieces in, so the place isn't bursting with baby stuff all the time and therefore in the evening DH and I get "our" lounge back, it doesn't take a second to chuck everything in the toy box until the next morning.

I have drawer dividers in the nursery so the muslins always live in one section, the vests in another, the socks in another and so on. I have a baby laundry hamper (a wicker basket) in the nursery. The cot has a storage drawer underneath so the sheets and blankets are always in the right place when I need clean ones quickly. The nursery is pretty much self-tidying as a result.

I have had DD on a fairly loose routine from 2 weeks old and it has been the best thing I could have done. DH and I are rested, DD is rested and because she's properly rested, she is completely alert and un-cranky when she's awake. Everyone comments on how happy she is, from strangers to shop assistants to family. She's been to a few big parties and got passed around approximately 40 people at one and everyone got a smile, she didn't cry once. [proud] I thoroughly recommend some sort of routine!

If I had any other advice to give (for future reference of course ) it is involve your DH/DP from day 1. If you learn how to do something, or a new way of doing something for the baby, share it with him straight away. Don't hog the baby even if you are the Mummy and you are breastfeeding. Try to get to the point fairly quickly where you can both do every task equally and competently (bar breast feeding, obviously) from bathing to dressing to entertaining to soothing.

I guess what I'm trying to say, in a very long-winded way, is that having a baby doesnt necessarily blow your life to smithereens and put untold pressure on your relationship. You do adapt to the baby but the baby will adapt to you just as much, if you are kind, fair, fun and keep your sense of humour when you are tying to leave the house for the third time when baby does a leaky pooh all over their party outfit.... .

Sweet alcohol, it helps grease the wheels of decision-making. And has probably played an important role in many a pregnancy!

Planning an accident does seem...unseemly. But an accident would force ones hand as well! see, we cant even plan a decent, deceitful, non-accident accident without deliberating.

I had a scoot online at local nurseries. Prices are ranging from £750 to £1100 a month, at first glance. I will ring up the ones closest to work and get the latest figures direct from them. Its a lot of cash, a lot of hard earned cash in anyones book. But nothing is happening on this front until I own a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. I have worked chuffing hard for a decade, before anyone impregnates anyone else, I want to tiptap down the street, red soles flashing.

Im still tempted to discuss with DH coming off the pill. My logic is, if Im knackered in the ovulation department, then all discussions are pointless. But being pill-less may end up in a mini-HP. Some experiments have variables that you cant control.

ps Would be just as paranoid as you, don't worry!

I think I do feel closer to a decision, yes, but also sunk the best part of a bottle of wine.
Okay, she says again... we have umpteem reasons not to have a baby. But! We or I have 1 to have one which overpowers everything else.

Will call nurse up as good idea regardless. As you say, the DECIDING is almost more scary, also, I have always snorted with disgust at women who plan an 'accident'.

What is your plan of action? How is the nursery research going?

I know there are a couple of (much younger, incidently) girls at work who may be TTC, so Im a bit nervous about them guessing who I am if they happened to be on MN. Paranoid, moi?

Anyway, back to the point. Of all the things you have told me, I think the fact that you wouldnt mind an accident is very telling indeed. It makes me do a wry smile when I speculate that after all this has come out in the wash, actually DECIDING to go for it may be the hardest part of the whole process. Although Im having Vietnam-style flashbacks to the pregnancy/childbirth threads, so possibly not.

Good plan to call the nurse up. Do you feel any closer to a (hesitates) decision?

Fair enough re being rumbled! ANd yes, the last sentance kinda looked fruity but know what you mean!

I have considered the going myself for the checks etc and, in some ways, don't mind but guess I have a rose tinted idea of going together and doing it all, like, togevvver...

I think I need to see the diabetic nurse at the docs for a chat. Will call Monday. I also, and I cnfess here, have forgotten to take the pill a few times (literally about twice) and also feel, at least in the back of my mind, I wouldn't mind if we had an accident and all the questions and quandries got taken out of our hands. Hence, AND I DON'T MEAN I AM GOING TO BE SNEAKY - I CANNOT BEAR THAT - I think I might get onto the mega folic acid all the same.

I think I would feel anxious about me if I was my DH I'd feel anxious about him too. Thing is, I have been doing this soooo long that it would be weirder not to. But, obviously, he's not the diabetic one.

Oh no, he's the one, watching me type furiously at 9.30 on a Friday, who thinks I am working on my book...

Ok, Im responding to your post 21.13.49.

Im a research scientist, a post doctoral researcher in medical science. Wont say where as I am a bit paranoid that a work colleague might be cruising MN, see my posts and put two and two together!!

I think you would be very wise to activate whatever help is out there for you. You mentioned that DH found it hard to cope with exposing you to the potential risks, which is really understandable, so maybe you should go by yourself at first, then take him when you know more. I dont mean keep it from him, but maybe just ease him in.

(oo-er, that last sentence may look a bit fruity!).

AM confused now to what who is responding to (post wise)

I have the framework if I want it, but I don't want to go without DH and, especially, without DH knowing!

CAn I ask, what do you do for a living? I ask as you are very very logical!

We cross posted again while I was reading the article!

Ok. That probably does not make you feel at all good. You would have every right to feel freaked out. I havent read the paper and cant access it at home to have a look at the details right now, but all I can say is that phrases like 'four-times higher risk' need careful examination, as if the risk in the healthy population is very low, then four times that is still low. You would really need to talk to your consultant to really go through this but the two points that really jumped out at me are:

1. She also called for more pre-pregnancy counselling clinics to be established to offer expert advice to women thinking of trying for a child.

1. A national framework for diabetes has been introduced since the study was carried out.

DH finished watching tv so going to show him lovely pics of friend in NY's baby and hope for 'correct' response. Watch this space...

Anecdotal admittedly, but typed in libido and mycrogynon and got these. Halfway through some wine (bottle not box!) so can't be arsed reading the specifics - www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4DKUK_enGB320GB320&q=libido+%2c+mic rogynon

Hi, glad you're back! Have been looking at diabetic pregnancies - hence the link.

Yes, if my DH said lets go for it right now, I would. I also think that I would like the feeling that he was really wanting to rather than I was more than he was. Not a control freak but don't want to suddenly come across as baby obsessive, which is why I am pretending to be on Facebook. Again.

Will fink links to libido and the pill and post them, give us a sec

ps why, WHY is this so much easier to discuss with strangers?!

Hmmm. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/5082780.stm

[adopts crap mockney accent] Its a fair cop, gov.

Seriously, you may well be right. If the DHs switched to green, I think its possible that we would find ourselves mysteriously becoming much more green than red or amber. How have we found ourselves in this situation. Madness!

The devil does indeed seem to be in the details. Thats certainly what Ive been wrestling with for the last couple of years. Between you and me, you are so right, I would love for DH to take the initiative. Is it a bit pathetic to want that? It feels it! How about you - if DH really suddenly wanted to, would you fel relieved?

I tried googling to see if the pill has been linked to suppression of 'urge to reproduce', couldnt find anything apart from a load of nasty propaganda from groups determined to show the pill is evil and woman shouldnt have any right to choose their futures. I think I knew Id find nothing, but one of the posters to my previous thread did say that coming off the pill may reveal feelings either way.

Hope the doggies have stopped scrapping!

The beagle is cute but a very stubborn little sod too!

I am now not totally sure you are indecisive, I suspect you just want your DH to take the inititive... What do you think?

Hmm, where was I? (Just broke up spat between my collie and the beagle over a bone, buried by said beagle last time she was here - DH said it's worse than kids!)

Yup, you hit the nail on the head. I think we do but we are not convinced enough to insist to our DH's we want to. However, if the DH's were very much in the green zone we wouldn't need to discuss it 100 times more just to make sure.

We are both in MN - BY PARENTS FOR PARENTS - saying we are in the 50/50 dept about whether we go for it or not. If we were as unkeen as we said, we'd probably draw the line at reading the Family section of the Guardian and that's it.

I personally worry about cash, work and also how a child would fit into our life. When I think of this in detail it all seems very difficult, but, as has already been said, there is rarely a perfect time to have a baby (if only!) so you could carry on we have been forever.

However, all this is well and good but I don't think it is me and thee we need to convince!

Oh, beagle, cute! I love beagles, and Im actually much more of a cat girl than a doggy girl.

Unfortunatly Im the indecisive one, DH is the passive one. Its a nightmare cocktail of faffing and blandness.

Nope - am here, but had a bit of a lapse as some friends came over with their beagle we are looking after for the weekend
However, back now.
It's such a bugger about your DH and his indecisiveness. Or is it decisive?
Will post this now so you know I'm still here while i think of my next enlightening and thought provoking post....

You are most probably right. If our DHs turned around tomorrow and said 'I really want a baby, lets do it' I think we both know in our hearts what we would do. Sadly the chances of that happening for me are 2% so I have to let go of that whole thing, of the image I had in my head from years ago about how this whole thing would pan out. You know, the rosy pink romantic version.

Im so glad you posted that thread, it helps loads to know that there are at least two of us endlessly raking over this! Especially as we are on a 'conception' thread on MN!?! It does seem an entirely different matter talking to DH, but hopefully we will get there, both of us.

Unless you have abandoned me and rushed off to grab your DH in a mad ruch to conceive in a green moment!!

Rushed that last post as DH came in and didn't want him to see screen (this is getting silly I know!) So, my friend said that it's not a doddle but 'its the kind of life changing experience you'd never change for anything else.' And this from someone who had an appetite for red wine like nobody I'd ever known!

Yes, it does make you think and you know what, I think the good bits must outweigh the bad so much that it's worth all the, er, mess, sleepless nights and leaking and / or stitched up body parts. I think I, and I suspect you, just need a DH to say the very same and not worry about the logistics or the cash and just see what happens. Its just a shame we are saying that to each other but it's a totally different matter saying it to the men in question.

Fcuk. Babyometer is now in green. Bugger.

Thats really sweet, congrats to her! Does make you think...

Just had an email from a very dear friend of mine who lives in New York and who had a baby 3 weeks ago. She, like me not an overly mumsy type (decided to as she was 39 so had to be now or never) and she said she loves it, even though it's a cliche.
Ahhh...

Some, not all. In fact, most. We are almost the last, and are definitely the couple who has been together the longest and have not yet taken the plunge. I know everyone is speculating if we are TTC or even if Im already pregnant (how rude), along with DHs family and most of my work colleagues. It doesnt bother me though, and doesnt make me feel any pressure from that direction.

I do like my friends kids, and I love my nieces and nephews, but when we get home and the house is neat and quiet, I dont think about it too much!

The things that 'get' me at the moment are: adverts with dads holding babies, the nursery department of John Lewis, buying newborn clothes (as gifts for friends), beautiful postings by pawsandclaws