To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

Yep, first time SWI, it's very weird indeed. I'm still terrified of actually being pregnant/giving birth/having a baby . (Err, what am I doing this for, exactly??)

I think I'm looking forward to my period arriving, which is all wrong, isn't it? So am still very much in the getting-in-the-swing-of-things phase!

Ah, I didn't read through it - in fact, I only saw the title of the thread and recognised it.
Sounds like you are a kindred spirit to the rest of us in this thread then - congratulations! If that's the right word!

So, this too is your first month of, dare I say it, shagging with intent (like that far more than TTC)? I find the whole thing weird - as you spend so much of your time terrified of getting pregant, it seems weird to actually want to! I also know already that the wait every month is going to drive me round the twist. If the diabetic nurse doesn't first!

If you glance at the thread I linked to in my first post above (warning - if you read it all you might end up in a RED light headspin!) you will see that I:

a) am childless
b) have spent 5 years freaking myself out "thinking about it", and
c) dared myself to start TTC (or shagging with intent, as we call it in the Gin Palace) in September. It is now September, and I can't believe I have actually gone through with it, ie had sex without contraception for the first time ever!

I have a glass of wine beside me as I speak...only a small one though

Thank you - At least I can count on you!
My mum always says to me to remember my great uncle Ken. He was admittedly a Type 2 diabetic which is different, but he still, reagrdless of all medical advice, ate nothing but crap etc and no fresh foods and didn't listen to anything the district nurses said. So, in times like these, I think 'Uncle Ken...'

So, as you're new (or a new poster, but perhaps not lurker) have you any DC's or are you too 'working on it?' And if you are, young lady, I do hope you are not drinking, smoking or forgetting your folic acid...

confused, that is indeed bloody commendable, and it would be nice to get a medal rather than a lecture!

Maybe next time you could wave the guidelines at her, and say "I know...I know...I know"

Yes indeed it is stressful and patronising for "normal" people too. And now we're being told to take folic acid for 3 months BEFORE starting TTC...where did that one come from eh? Until last week it was "start folic acid when you start TTC". Meh.

KC11 - I'm really sorry to hear about the IVF. I hope you're as okay about it as you can be and the cramps are now easing. Sending you a hug!

RLR - thanks for the link. I do realise that they have to follow certain guidelines, and I am also aware that a lot of people aren't very well controlled (I got it when I was 4 so have never really known any different). I can't help getting frustrated about it though; I guess it's due to not being given a bit of credit despite full evidence in front of her saying I know EXACTLY what I am talking about! (I have had diabetes for 31 years and my body show's no signs of wear and tear from it, which is actually quite commendable even if I do say so myself ) However, I suppose it's similar for 'normal' people too - I mean how many people really cut out alcohol for 3 months PRIOR to even thinking about TTC?!

I am sorely tempted to carry on as we were / are too but obviously want them on-side, as it were. However, I am almost completely certain that the first, and no doubt the next several, sessions at a diabetic clinic is unlikely to tell me anything I don't already know.

LST - what a bummer that the IVF appt is at the same time as the firt part of teaching. What do you think you'll do?

YTD - I think I'm as excited about your weekend testing almost as much as my own! I'll be watching this space...

Hi there,

I'm a lurker on your thread, but if you need references(!), my mid-30's/confused/over-analytical tendencies are evidenced here

• although I hang out at the mid-30's Gin Palace these days - do join us if you wish!

Anyhoo, I popped in to say, confused, I know your nurse wound you up, but she HAS to follow these guidelines

If you read them too then you will be able to tell your docs/nurse if they step out of line when treating you, and it may also help you to appreciate that it wasn't personal, it's her job to say that stuff to every diabetic woman - some of whom will not be as careful as you, unfortnately. Most importantly you might feel that you're taking control back by having access to the same info that the professionals do...I hope so anyway. All the best.

Very sorry about your news KC

Oh KC11 I'm so sorry. How awful. Tries to think of something helpful to say - and fails. Thinking of you.

Confused - bah humbug to the nursie who has to "tick her boxes" all day!!!! I suggeste that you carry on being the healthy carefuly person you obviouls already are and try to conceive. What is nursie going to do when you announce you're pregnant? HUH? Nothing! You will be as careful as always and will look after yourself. I know one diabetic person who is atrocious at looking after herself. Don't be disheartened mother nature will look out for you, and your DH will care for you and make sure you don't take any health risks. Pregnancy can't be that dangerous as they'd have removed all your reprodctives bits! JOKE JOKE ! Don't mind me.

By the by, I've failed my IVF again this time. Bleeding. Cramping like hell right now. OWWWWWW.

Oh, bum, just wrote a long message but lost it as my wifi time in the cafe ran out. Anyway, was mainly expressing my indignation on confused's behalf - can't believe the nurse treated you like that. I'm sure she meant well on some level, but aren't people with diabetes allowed to have babies?! She had the evidence of your knowledge and carefulness and good sense in front of her. Presumably lots of people with diabetes get pregnant all the time without giving it a second thought. Harumph.

Sorry to hear about the money too. Stupid people. I had a bit of a nightmare moment myself today when I looked at my bank balance - am on unpaid leave, but didn't realize I was already so in the red. DH is supporting me, and didn't want to present him with this situation right at the beginning. Time to trawl through recent statements and give myself a very stiff talking to. But this all my fault, unlike your situation.

Very exciting, YTD, even if this month isn't the absolute best moment for you TC. But good luck (at the right time, of course!) - perhaps a BFP on this thread will jog us all into a more certain state of mind!

My IVF meeting is 5th October, but that's also when the teaching starts on my new course so may have to change it. They're so hard to get, and few and far between, but I don't think I can miss the first bit of teaching. Hoping to rush back from campus in time, but will have to look at how feasible this is. Typical!

Am trying to be philosophical about DH not coming, helped by all your sensible advice and support (thanks confused, KC11, YTD, Suerock!). With everything else, though, I'm not sure it's not part of his general reluctance over the whole thing. Still, as KC11 says, he'll have to come along soon enough, so shouldn't get too hung up about this one.

Anyway, will keep you posted. And good luck with the TTC, or further pondering, everyone (and welcome back, HP!).

Argh! Am letting off steam a bit here as having a rubbish day so far!

Went to see the nurse this morning about the folic acid etc. She was running late so the 20 min appt was more like 10 mins, 5 of which was trying to get blood out my arms (I don't have the best veins for these things.) In short, I told her we were / are TTC and she looked aghast and offered me more pills! She wants me to go to the hospital for 'a counselling session' first, so I know 'what I am letting myself in for.' This session will mainly be about eating healthy, exercise and keeping blood sugar under tight control. I agree all this is very important, but do all this anyway - and have the results from the path lab to prove it! She also added that high blood pressure can be a risk (mine is, and always has been, completely normal), as can being overweight (I am 5 foot 4 and ten stone) and also my eye health needs to be checked (it was 10 days ago when I went to get more contact lenses, I paid for the diabetic screening too, she had that in front of her too.)

I do realise that it is important for someone to be as healthy as possible etc etc but I feel as if I am being treated as if this is a whim and I am in no fit state to be even considering a baby, never mind actively wanting to! It is also rather like the nurse, despite the evidence in front of her showing my control is excellent, has to tick all the boxes before they 'let' us TTC. Being diabetic doesn't bother me normally but at times like this it REALLY does! It is not that I especially object to seeing someone, but she seems to think it would be several visits before they even considered giving us the go ahead, despite all evidence to say I know exactly what I am doing!

It was left with her repeatedly telling me NOT to TTC until I have 'had the counselling' and with one last attempt on her part to give me more pills. (She said that the diabetic clinic 'may not want to see' me if I am not on the pill as it can imply I am 'not taking it seriously.' I find this rather insulting to be honest (even though it was said in as friendly a way as something like this can be said.)

Humph.

Needless to say, I think I'll only share that caution has actually already been thrown to the wind already if I need to!

Ps Also in bad mood as old work has since decided they been overpaying me since December (an 'honest mistake' they say) and are now asking for a large chunk of cash back. Super.

Green / Amber here! Just followed you onto the obsessive monitoring and testing thread Confused!

Will probably test next week. Its almost like I've only just started TTC, this being the first month where I know we've done everything right. However, I think I'm hoping to draw a blank this month. Our house is a DIY nightmare at the moment and all the very sound and practical reasons why it wouoldn't be good to have kids just now are surfacing.

LST - when is your IVF appointment? I gather from the posts that it is soon, but not sure how soon.

YTD - glad it's not just me that is going into the green zone (although that still sounds weird occassionally.) I too am going to do the test thing this weekend. I actually think it's unlikely to be positive but I'd like to all the same just in case. (Lets face it, if I was jobless, in the middle of a house move and had just split up with DH it would inevitably be positive so maybe there is a chance of it being so when I actually want it to be first. In a weird way, after all the umming and ahhing, it's quite a nice novelty doing something more proactive about the whole thing so I am probably getting ahead of myself. Maybe the novelty will wear off soon through after several months of fake symptom spotting and two week waits...

Everyone else, red, amber or green...?!

Hi all,

Just been catching up with recent events. Best of luck with the IVF appointment LST. I think the wise women on this thread have made a really good point when they suggest you don't equate lack of interest with TTC opposition.

Re fertility monitoring, I have had a year of not really paying much attention to peak fertile times (I'm still not sure of my cycle length cos I've never remembered to mark my start date on the calender for two consecutive months ) but this month I've upped my vigilence dramatically. I bought a few cheap ovulation kits off ebay and tested in the week I was supposed to be ovulating based on a rough estimate based on an average cycle length. This may be TMI, but I tested DH's committment to the cause by telling him when I'd got a positive test result and warning him that he was jointly responsible for the possible consequence of any reproductive activity he chose to undertake. It didn't deter him. .

I got a load of cheap pregnancy testing kits in the same ebay lot, so am now toying with the idea of an early test in a couple of weeks. I like to think its just because i have the equipment and would like to make use of it, rather than impending conception obsession. We shall see...

Hi LST. My DH was not very interested about the first IVF appointment until I showed him the letter which says they ask all DH/DPs to attend the first appointment, which lasts a whole day, lots of form filling and his signature was needed on most of the consent forms. The clinic don't insist on DH being present for other apmnts and scans unless he wants to be there. My DH came to about 1 in 3 scans and obviously had to be there on the egg collection day as you have to have an adult accompany you home and stay with you for 24 hours bec of the general anaesthetic, and also bec he has to provide sperm sample for the eggs to be matched with/injected with.

I truly recommend buying or borrowing books: "Zita West's Guide to Getting Pregnant" and "Getting Pregnant - Faster" by Marilyn Glenville. The second one my reflexologist recommended to me.

It is a massive decision making the break from stopping conception to trying to conceive. It has so many emotions thrown in. I appreciate that I've been stuck on green for so long that I don't really belong on this thread, but I'll stay anyway! Tee Hee

Hi HP,
Kind of I am but it is more the weird (prob in head) symptom spotting due to crap contreceptive approach while on, apparent, fertile days.
Till tomorrow...

Hi All,

Just back from a work three-day thing, havent had time to go through the recent posts as am exhausted, but will do tomorrow. So just a 'hello' from me, really.

(Have to say though, Confused, you really are going for it, arent you?!)

Suerock I think you may have a point!

Hi Confused and LST,

Obviously I don't know your exact situation and may have missed something on earlier posts, but perhaps your DHs are rather like mine - he'd see appointments and information leaflets (if we ever get that far!) as merely a fact-finding exercise, and be quite happy with the edited highlights afterwards. But I don't think, in our case, that it means he's not interested - just doesn't think it's worth doing the research in duplicate. Maybe it's a man thing?

Yup, you said it youself - it's the worst case scenario!
Good luck with the fertility nurse and keep us all posted!

Sounds (Confused) like you've got a very healthy attitude to it all (in every sense!). Must be a pain having to be extra careful re. diet, drinking etc. (hard enough as it is - for a soak like me, anyway). But I guess as you say, no bad thing.

I think DH will be on board, and is too nice not to help and be engaged, if/when a baby arrives, but I'm worried a) that we'll never get there (especially if he doesn't cut down on the drinking) and b) that if we do, when it does get tough, as it will, he will still be blaming me, deep down, or even openly. And - back to the original subject of the thread! - that if he's not keen and we're not really sharing the whole thing, that I will regret it and what it does to our relationship, at least on some level. Hmmm. Back to amber.

Anyway, this is all WORST CASE SCENARIO - shouldn't anticipate trouble. I'll go and talk to the lovely fertility nurse, with or without him, and see what they say before agonizing too much. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest on here though. x

Ps My DH didn't read the diabetic pregnancy info I gave him to read for ages (ages being over 4 months) which annoyed me a bit! He didn't see what the rush was, which is kind of understandable I suppose, as we weren't thinking of TTC for quite a while, if we ever were, but I wanted him to be as interested as me (and I read them walking home from the doctors!)

Hi LST,
Thanks for the reasssurance! I think it is a combination of impatience and also the prospect of having to be textbook levels of well behaved in terms of diabetes that makes me worry about things taking a while. Out of my friends, all around the same age range as me (35) only a couple took a while to conceive. I shan't be going down the wee'ing on sticks route either, and am more likely to follow the one you are going down - the regular bonking one! Will seem very weird having sex and NOT trying not to get pregnant though!

Suppose your DH can't help the way he feels but it is a shame all the same. It's surely a joint thing after all...? I suspect, and glean this from friends who have had children, he'll be as soppy as you like when (yes, think positive - WHEN) it happens. I have a few friends whose partners have been indifferent until it happens and then have turned into crashing baby bores once their wife / girlfriend has the baby.

Hi, Confused - sorry, don't want to worry you or anyone - as I say, there is really only one couple among our many friends and relatives who hasn't managed to conceive, and that was partly because the couple met very late (she might have been about 40 when they started trying - they're friends of DH's really, so I didn't know them at that point). Everyone else with problems managed it, and only one couple needed IVF.

I was doing the peeing on sticks for a while, but stopped after I bought some cheap ones (from Walgreens - crummy 'drugstore' in the States) and I couldn't really get a very definite result, and started to worry myself. Have had tests since then and am definitely ovulating, and periods are very regular, so think it was just cheap and rubbish sticks. I decided to go with the advice (everywhere on here) to just try to have sex around 3 times a week and not worry too much about when ovulation happens. But lots of people I know swear by sticks and have conceived using them. Just don't let it make sex a chore. I am trying to have more sex, or at least just make sure the sex happens, the week I think I'm ovulating, I guess, but trying not to get too hung up about it.

I am a bit hurt and cross about DH's attitude to the IVF appointment, Confused - am touched that you also are on my behalf. He swears it's just that it's on a weekday daytime, i.e. when he has work, and he doesn't see why he needs to go when I can get all the info and pass it on. But it's obviously a bit more - I think it's his signal that he isn't keen on TTC at all (not that I don't know this...) and won't do more than the bare minimum. I know he sounds awful. But he can't help not wanting kids, I guess.

My family and friends have been very tactful, though I do have the odd conversation with my mum, like YTD - with friends I veer between complete openness (possibly TMI in some cases), and just going quiet about it. I slightly regret this though, sometimes, so I think if I could go back in time I'd be more discreet. It is easier not to have the pressure.

KC11 - hello and thanks for the post. I have to say, the percentage of us on here who are struggling to concieve (and, remember, this is the dithering group!) and having problems does worry me. I wish you all the luck in the world as it must be so frustrating / upsetting. In the time me and DH have gone from 'perhaps' to 'go' it has been hard to think of much else properly (maybe the novelty will wear off...?) so I really sympathise with you guys.

So, we are all not only closet Mumnetters but also closest brooders too! It's nice to know I'm / we're not alone! I agree that it is far easier to discuss your potential household expansions with those you don't know very well than those who have known you for years - I have done similar myself. It is only recently when, ahem, drunk, I have let on to my close friends (and then only two of them) of my recent changes of heart.

I also would not want my family to know we're on the case, so to speak, as the pressure would drive me insane. I have two friends who, after a miscarriage, are 5 months pregnant with their first and everyone knew they were planning to asap so she had quite a few well meaning enquiries that made her burst into noisy sobs on one occassion, and lock herself to quietly cry in the loo on others. I too was speculating all the time whether they were or not - if she turned down a drink, or he came out to meet us in the pub but she 'was busy' for example - although realised they'd tell us their news when and if they had some. I am delighted for them now too - she, in particular, is beside herself.

Those who have been TTC, did you find it hard to not think about it all the time? Did you also find yourself using things such as those ovulation whatsits and / or charting temperatures? Or was that only after a while (say, 6 or 9 months?)It's funny, but I used to think it was a simple case of just having lots of sex but now trying to get pregnant seems to have become a lot more scientific. Or maybe it's just me (me who has only just started to take any notice of her cycle and still hasn't the foggiest about what the likes of, say, cervical mucus, should be telling me - ugh.) As I am diabetic I will be having to keep a very close eye on my sugar levels as it is so need to be very careful with what I am eating and drinking, esp alcohol, which will be good but could get a bit tedious after a while (I can usually get good control but also be very flexible but would need to be a lot more strict if TTC.)

LST - why won't your DH come to the IVF appointment with you?! Am a bit cross on your behalf! (Realise it's none of my business etc but still...)