To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

Worktops are all ordered, thanks!

I didn't realise I had said that. Guess it must be true though! It feels like a very positive decision, and a very wise one (long term too.)

All excited and want to MOVE RIGHT NOW.

Oh oh...

Enjoy the film and hopefully 'speak' soon x

Back again, but not for long as we are going to watch a film. (BTW, DH still doesnt know Im anywhere near this website - long may that continue!)

Ages ago you said that once you make a decision, you like to get on with it - I see what you mean! Its so great though, and sounds like a really good plan. If you were going to move in a few years anyway, you may as well use the equity in your house to have a fresh start now rather than later. How exciting!

Hope you found some worktops that you like!

Thanks - my thoughts exactly! We would be moving to Hebden Bridge which is fab - very broad minded and forward thinking. Me and DH went and had a look the the other week and he loved it too (he was a bit sceptical considering it's a mere 7 miles from Halifax which is a shit hole.)

Our intial plan was to move there in three or four years anyway but we'd still have some debt (or maybe even all the debt) but this way we can move forward and also draw a line under all the negative dad related stuff.

Got to go now and look for beech worktops - back later on too

Just about to eat, so will be quick...

Confused, thats SO exciting! Im from the North as well, and would move back if I could. Mainly, its not grim, but beautiful, interesting and friendly. And if it will sort out all your financial stuff in one swoop (grrrr to your dad), then so much the better!

Back later.

LST I think you have just summed up why I have my red moments too. I do know people, admittedly one's who had their families very young, who have said things along the lines of 'if I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have bothered' - and while said in a jokey way there must surely be a thread of truth in there too...? I also, like YTD said, hate the idea of everything being so baby centred. I would too want to be still ME and not just 'so and so's mummy' - ugh! I think I'd go insane if I didn't, surely?

We have made a major decision this weekend. We had some friends over for dinner and got talking about our dire cash sitation and how we can't seem to get out of it. I mentioned at the beginning, we are hugely in debt - another small bonus from my dear father - and while having an income of between £2500 and £5500 a month between us just cannot pay off anywhere what we need to pay off. We also cannot save so every time something goes wrong (last year it was the boiler) it has to be put on a credit card and it's not getting any better. To have a child now would be stupid, but if we wait till we are better off financially I'll be close to 40 (and DH 45) so that doesn't appeal either. So, in short, we have decided to sell our house and move up north (I am from the grim north) and buy something smaller, pay off our debts and be able to save. With our current income (we currently have outgoings of a ghastly £3000 a month and that's just paying off interest) we'd be able to put away a grand a month and that's not even being that frugal. No brainer really.
So now getting the house ready to sell (one's similar to ours have gone for £240k upwards) and we will then buy one for a less stretching £125k to live in for 3 years before we buy something big beautiful and rambling, which was our idea for three years time anyway.

All very exciting if a little scary!

Need to go as DH is trying to get me to help him clear stuff. Back later if I can!

Aww, LST, sorry you're having a red wibble. I hope you have (had) a good weekend away and feel a bit more certain one way or the other next week. Aren't christenings supposed to induce green-ness?! (I was born 10 months after my parents went to one!)

Great news on your appointment confused - you have every right to feel duly proud of yourself!

For what it's worth, I reckon most parents have moments when they wish they could post the children back where they came from, but overall it's something they're glad they did. And while I have friends whose sole topic of conversation is their child's potty training/progess in toddler French/musical genius, I also know people who still enjoy their pre-baby interests, even if they have to compromise a bit. So it's possible. I seriously hope that if I ever have a child, I can still be the old me as well as a mother.

As you might gather, I'm feeling relatively green at the moment, possibly because spending a six months in the company of a screaming infant looks quite attractive compared to work at the moment! Or possibly it's because it's coming up to a suitable time of the month to try and cajole DH into some action.... Oh, and BTW I'm sure I'll still be here in future, whatever happens on the baby front - unless I get rumbled by DH, family or work, in which case I might have to disappear and reappear under another identity.

thread even

HP I'll still be on this hread even if I get preggers. Where else on Mumsnet could I confess the fear that it was all a huge mistake and I'd like to send the baby back please?

Evening ladies,

Glad to hear the appointments went well for you both LST and Confused and that its all systems go (sort of) for baby making! LST, despite my occassional bouts of extreme greenness the reason I hang about a lot on this thread is because I too sometimes wonder whether its really worth it.

I met up with a chum who had a baby in April last night and she was being a bit giddy cos her dd has just learnt to clap. It's quite sweet to see her geeting so excited about baby's progress, but I did think fleetingly that it was a bit sad that her life has become so entirely baby-centric. I'm not sure that I want to swap my currentl life for one so constrained and domestic. At the moment work is just starting to get interesting and quite challenging and I'm not really sure that I want to take a break. Also, I am so looking forward to a lazy weekend and long lie ins - nappies and five am starts doesn't seem too appealing.

Pretty amber at the moment, if not actually downright red. Maybe I'm just too lazy cos my primary question tonight is are babies really worth the hassle?

Worry not, LST, I too have fallen into the red zone, both figuratively and literally as I am on the slide into my pill-free week. Do you think its the reality of your appointment, that it all feels a bit real now?

The story of your friend is probably a summary of why many of us on here were/are struggling so much with the whole TTC/children issue. How much are we giving up? What if I regret it? What if it wrecks my relationship?

Well, I dont have any answers, thats for sure. I wish I did. But being on here with you lot is making me feel better!

Good plan, confused - you'll feel all virtuous and ready for clean living in the New Year (not that you're not pretty healthy and moderate already by the sound of it). And that's sobering (if you'll excuse the pun) advice about the drinking. Will bear that in mind, at least in the last two weeks of the cycle...

Aargh, don't know what's happened to me today but I've gone all red. Had a conversation with dear friend of mine, who has two boys, 3 and 1. She's dying for me to have kids, and loves hers dearly, but in the next breath talks about how she "just has to accept that she can't turn back the clock and make things the way they used to be", i.e. before kids, but makes it clear that (in some respects at least) she longs to. And somehow the daily grind of it always sounds really unappealing, without her intending it to - no sooner has she cleaned up one mess, another is created, 3 year old is taking months to potty train, one of the two is pretty much always crying etc. There are things about her life that make it difficult - she lost her dream job, through no fault of her own (they moved the whole dept to Singapore), just before she got pregnant and can't get back into the workplace at the moment in a very competitive field, she lives in London and her parents live in the North of Scotland, and his family abroad so they have zero support, and so on. But still.

Having got this far, I just don't know if I can do it. And DH doesn't want to - can't help wondering if he's right.

Sorry a) to rant, and b) to set cats among pigeons when most of us were at least semi-green. But just woke up feeling "gulp", somehow. (Don't know why I'm worrying as it will be months if it happens at all...)

We're off to Ireland for a christening tonight with DH's family - hope to have a chat with my lovely and very sensible SIL about motherhood, as she has a one year old girl. Subtly like, obviously - not "I hear it's awful"...

And, will try to keep up the bedroom action - today is an exception and have been green, more or less, for ages. But a bit of a wobble.

HP from my limited experiences on other threads I think I'll still be on this one regardless of whether I have 10 kids (god forbid) so no worries there! I certainly won't become a regular on the AIBU threads, that's for sure!

LST I hope you are so busy shagging (shag, shag, shag) that we hardly hear a peep out of you all weekend - and I mean that in the nicest possible way!

Me and DH have decided to go for it come January so we can enjoy (ie get pissed guilt free) the festive season. The nurse I saw at the hospital said something about potential damage being done to the foetus in the first few days which has made me think that we ought to be quite careful. I personally thought it was kind of okay for the first ten days as the baby isn't attached to anything but the nurse seemed to think otherwise and I suppose it isn't really worth the risk.

Great that the appointment went well and the nurse was nice and sensible and gave you the credit due, confused - hopefully the other nurse was the exception. All sounds good, anyway. Exciting that there is nothing holding you back!

Good news re. DH and the drink too. I'm not seeing vast amounts of evidence of mine cutting down at the moment, I have to say, but the odd small concession, which is a start, I guess.

My plan is certainly to have masses of sx and try very very hard to conceive naturally, HP* - it sounds a whole lot easier that way, frankly. But if not, at least there is an alternative and might as well get onto the waiting list. But don't worry, I won't be vanishing anytime yet - treatment won't start until at least March (and, good as he's being, in general, at the moment, I anticipate a fair bit of feet-dragging, or just general slowness, from DH over the remaining tests he has to have so it may even be longer...). Others very likely to be pregnant first, in fact!

Never mind, feel very motivated and getting down to IT, albeit a little unspontaneously, quite well at the moment.

Thats good news from both of you, Confused and LST, sounds like both of your appointments were productive () and positive. So, is the plan for both of you to go at it like rabbits and see what happens?! Not together, obviously, but with your respective DPs. And its great news that both DPs are willing to cut down on the beers, not only for technical reasons but as a show of committment to the process. I have my fingers crossed for both of you that everything works out exactly as you want it to, daily changes in colour notwithstanding!

I hope that even if most of you are TTC despite red or amber status', that you dont leave me and disappear completely off to the pregnancy threads, or bloody hell, the childbirth threads. I can picture myself still in here in two years time, typing messages to myself and lamenting my inability to make a decision to an empty thread

Green? Er... yes, but quite a pale green (ridiculous all things considering I know!)

The nurse I saw today implied that she didn't really know why Val (nurse at GPs) was so insistent I went to see them and why she listed a load of things I needed to be 'taught' too (the nurse said this in a nice but bemused way) before being 'allowed' to TTC. Glad it's not just me who thought odd then! Overzealous comes to mind...

Great news, confused, not all health professionals are idiots! So are you GREEN?!?

ps will reply properly to other's posts when not at work as can only type sneakily at work and not have MN on the screen!

Laydeez,
I am back from the appointment and feeling very smug indeed!

The diabetes specialist nurse was lovely; not remotely patronising and there was no talk of food diaries or the like which I was expecting. Instead, I was asked about what I knew about all things baby (rather a lot it turns out) and then she elaborated on how she and the team could help support and assist with it all, as well as what to expect from them in terms of care. She was especially impressed with my blood readings - 'close to perfect' - and also that we had done a triathlon (her husband does them so she knows what's involved.) She said that I clearly think for myself and know my own mind and body and then added, the piece de resistance of the appointment , 'there wouldn't be a single healthcare professional would'd be able to come up with a single reason for you to not to go for it as soon as you want to.'

A lot of the stuff she talked to me about was what to expect if you are a diabetic mum to be, which means a scan as soon as you get a positive, scans then every 4 weeks which then go to every two in the last few months and how to be aware of things like hypo's (when you need sugar) being more sudden and you not having the warning you'd usually have (knew this anyway, she was telling DH more than me.) Lastly, she is going to refer me to the obstetric team who deal with diabetics so I could meet them and find out in detail about their end of things (so to speak!) but that could take a while so we don't have to hold of TTC while we wait for it to come through.

All very positive! And, DH said he's happy to dramatically cut back the booze in the new year too (which, considering recent conversations, is a bonus too!)

Hi all,

Also touched you remembered my appt. It was pretty procedural but went well in the sense that it's all go. We need to have more tests - I've got to have some of the blood tests I had before, to check I'm ovulating etc., because it's now many many months since started investigating... - and we both need to have stuff like HIV and hepatitis (hopefully purely procedural!). But once that's done, we go onto a waiting list, and they guarantee to start treatment within 18 weeks. I thought that sounded super quick, but then realized that's actually more than 4 months away . Still, I guess quicker than that would have been a bit optimistic.

And have been watching scary videos and reading scary stuff online about IVF today, so somehow not too upset that it's not all starting next week. Am going to try my hardest to get preggers before March or whenever it might all kick off, as it would be SO much more pleasant that way... But things in motion, anyway, and the doctor was nice, if kind of brisk, today.

Anyway, that was probably more rather uninteresting detail than you needed, but never mind! All the very best with tomorrow, confused - much more of an ordeal, potentially (though obviously hopefully not at all) than mine.

I asked the doc about DH's drinking today (and mine!), and she said 'as long as his sperm's ok I wouldn't worry too much' - and she thought his last sperm tests were ok - so that was a bit surprising. But she also said 'things are changing all the time and I'm not an IVF expert as such' (now she tells me!) as she's just a GP with special expertise in fertility and gynae, so the stuff in the papers is probably more up-to-date than she knows about. But it was slightly reassuring. He's said he'll cut down after Christmas in the lead up to treatment, which is good going for him even to say that. And obviously I need to lead by example! I think HP probably has a point re. if everything else is a bit borderline... So will try, womanfully, to keep sober - with many mild lapses, no doubt!

Sorry to hear about the two-pill thing, HP (not least as it would be so exciting to have a BFP on here!) but perhaps as you say no bad thing at present.

And glad you're having stress-free action, YTD! It's good to touch base with sex-for-its-own-sake occasionally (or more than occasionally). Can relate to what you're saying re. pregnancy envy, although lots of aspects of pregnancy don't look much fun so that usually balances it for me... (Am I really comitted to this lark??!)

Anyway, thinking of you tomorrow confused and again let us know how it goes. Good night all (You've got me hooked on these halloweenies, HP!)

I am now wondering if I need to talk DH into cutting down the booze! He's only just finished working (he works from home) and is just sitting down with a beer so it would make me very popular indeed - ha!

LST - I second that there are ears here to bend! And I don't mean that in a nosey way either! Do, if you want to obviously, let us know how it goes.

And I shall be keeping you all posted on tomorrow's developments too... Hopefully it will be a posting rather than a rant!

I was thinking about that as well, and maybe because the effect of the alcohol is to lower the chance of a successful conception, if you have other stuff working against you (like age, slightly lower quality male spermies etc), the added effect of the alcohol may move you from 'getting away with it' to 'not getting away with it'. However, that is pure speculation on my part. Its good to have some actual data in the press about this though, and I thought the article was clear in highlighting that men also had to step up and cut back, as it seems to be that its usually seen as the womans role to make the sacrifices.

LST - I hope your appointment went well and you found out what you need to know. If you want to, let us know how it went, ears to bend are here!

Confused - good luck for tomorrow, it will be fine and hopefully will arm you for whats ahead. Stage 1 is nearly over!! Hope the writing is going well.

YTD - Im not 100% sure how accurate all that stuff is, so you never know, I bet loads of people conceive thinking they were outside of their ideal sexy zone.

(For those who remember my conference-missed pill, I checked and apparently on my pill you have to miss two before there is any danger, one isnt enough. So, phew, but also, sigh)

Just read the feature on drinking. Bugger. That is quite a difference. (Even though this doesn't seem to affect anyone I know who carried on as normal till the day of the BFP - where do you draw the line...?! Hmm, maybe I am looking for excuses to carry on as 'normal' too.

Am touched YTD you remembered I have an appt tomorrow. I'll no doubt keep you all posted!

Better go as this book progress seems to be going backwards rather than forwards at the moment and I really need to get my finger out.

Just call me Little Miss Willpower

oops 21 units a week - must preview before posting!

Thanks for that HP. Might have to try and share that info with DH, I'm struggling to get him down to reccommended levels (i.e 1 units a week) as it is. He'll go nuts if he has to abstain altogether!

Hey HP, yes I did see that this morning, almost totally contradicts yesterday's theory!! Maybe I should cut out the week day wine after all