Anyone out there who's recently MCd and back to TTC without waiting?

Hello ladies!

I had an early MC at about 4+6, I think (doctor dated it further along based on last period but I have irregular cycles and had been temping so I believe I "knew better") - two and a half weeks ago now. We are again TTC and I can relate to just about everything that has been said in this thread!

I was wondering if anyone knows anything about temping after early MC?

I am having a little struggle with myself, trying to stop myself from becoming obsessed with TTC and all. I want to BD for the "right" reasons... not just because it might be the right day to conceive... and so sometimes I actually hold back... of course that does not increase our chances... oh it's all so mixed up and confused! Do you get what I'm trying to say?

Anyway, thanks for having this thread, I'm getting lots of positive vibes from it already!

Best,
Meita

helpet my dh is the same - i think he finds it all too clinical and is much more 'it will all happen in its own time, whats the rush, if it takes a few months whats the problem, we should just let it happen - yada yada'

he doesn't get that from my perspective a month of knowing where my cycle is, doing the 2ww, having the disappointment of AF month after month is an energy sapping distraction from life and work that becomes all consuming, i think as a woman once you have decided you are ready it becomes an obsession whereas because for men they are more detached from the process and not physically monitoring the day to day they don't get it.

I have found its best that we don't talk about ttc, ovulating, my cucles, CM or any other feature of the process and I make sure we do BD in weeks where there is no chance and when there is so that he never really knows whether its a 'big' day or not. This has had the upside of reenergising our sex life which was to be frank in pretty dire straights, and it took a few months to build regularity that meant it wasn't painfully transparent that I was trying to jump his bones for conception reasons!

We did have a conversation though where I explained to him why it is more difficult for me to be laid back about it because on any given day I know what needs to be done and the waiting that he doesn't have to do is a nightmare.

Is the main focus of your BD always at the point where it has to happen - or (if its not too personal a question) do you do it inbetween!!!

helpet hope you feeling less blue today and managing to find some happiness in the day (despite the weathers attempts to keep us all down).

I am still bleeding - its only been 4 days and I am already feeling frustrated that it can't just be over. I am trying to mentally break the process into mini milestones to feel like I am making progress towards the goal of being pg again - it feels like the first milestone is to stop bleeding, the next will be to have a week or so pass before doing a test to check BFN, the next will be to see if their are any ovulation cramps (I normally get them) and so on.

monkeys I know what you mean about the how early question, I have a friend at work who has never had an mc but she was wonderful about it - sh didn't know I was pg but she came right out and asked me why I looked so sad on monday and when I told her she was just super supportive. I do think it must get harder and harder to get over depending on how late the mc is because of the investment of time and the level of development of the baby, and physically certainly the later it is the more treatment you need and the recovery takes longer (I gather) but that doesn't diminuish the emotional loss you feel whether you are 5 or 15 weeks, I was reading about a lady who had a chemical pg mc i.e. before AF was due had tested positive but then had AF as usual and she was saying that the terminology makes it seem like its not a physical loss because it was only a chemical pg. There is a lack of sensitivity about the subject that people who haven't experienced it can exhibit - I think Iwas guilty of that before - in my blissful ignorance....

Some friends are good in some situations and some are not so maybe she is not going to be someone you choose to lean on in this situation.

Am feeling ok today, cramps have all but stopped and am looking forward to trip away with a friend tomorrow - no dh, no ds, just girly time dinner, overnight stay in hotel, lie in and shopping. just what the doctor ordered

good morning everyone!

cith - sorry it was bfn but good to see you're feeling positive and like you say your body's doing what it should.

cheepz - hello! sorry you're here on this thread too. let's hope none of us are here for too long!

in the end work was ok really. had a few points in the day where i felt like just switching off for a few minutes but it was good to get back to normal as it were. had a nice evening with some bding as well which was good!! generally feeling more positive today. hope you all are too.

one thing bugging me though and would like your take on this because i may be supersensitive for no reason. i've been good friends with someone for 10 years and through that time she's had many issues which i've supported her in to the extent that sometimes i feel more like a counsellor than a friend. consequently i find it hard talking to her when i'm feeling down . anyway sent her a text briefly saying not been great week. mc last week, only blessing was it was early stages. her reply was 'Sorry to hear that, how early stages? hope you're ok.' now for some reason it's really annoyed me that she asked how early like that. i almost feel like she'll guage her sympathy according to my answer or just not appreciate how i may be feeling because it was early. a mutual friend of ours found her baby had died at her 20 week scan so obviously that was a horrendous time for her and i know i'm not going through anywhere near as much as she did but i still feel a bit put out. i didn't reply and this was monday and i've not heard from her since. so AIBU to feel annoyed? porbably!! sorry that went on a bit!

today i'm meeting friends this morning then should get stuff ready for dd's party on saturday. also need to do more work later so that'll be fun.

i hope you all have god day and can you all do a sundance please because i'm sick of this rain!!

Hello ladies,
Thank you everyone for your king thoughts and messages. Sorry have been awol with busy work, trying to sell house etc...
Rubylove - so nice to hear a positive story about TTC conceive after MC - hoping that starts to become a theme here
Well an update...a BFN on Sunday. I woke up super early on Sunday feeling v tired by wanting to do HPT...but trying not to let it take over my life - so instead of waiting to read result - went back to bed and lay there wide-awake pretending to self to go back to sleep. Finally DH woke from all my thrashing around and wanted to know if I had tested - so told him to go and look at the results for me!! Wow - in efforts not to let TTC and baby thoughts take over my mind am turning into a bit of a nutter!
The rest of Sunday was at DH's cousins 3rd baby's christening, quite a mad, child, baby filled event as you can imagine.
Anyway, I think I was actually relieved that at least I know from BFN that my body got itself back to normal, not preg, and hopefully this cycle is the one!
Must rush off to work again now. {wave to everyone)

RL1 thats a great boost to me right now and than you so much for sharing, fingers and toes (and legs) crossed for you.

Hopefully it will all go well for you adn in 9 months time you will have beautiful baby, its a wonderful thing. Helps me no end right now to go home and have ds giving me toddler love.

Keep us posted on your progress as it will be reassuring knowing its all going well for you
xxxx

Hi guys, just wanted to say I had an MC at 7 wks in May and didnt wait for AF and am now pg again .

As much as I didnt believe it, it can happen and it is so scary but I am just trying to relax and be happy about it.

Have had alot of morning sickness this time which I've been told is a good sign as I didnt have any the first time around so as crap as I feel I am grateful that I've been given another chance.

I thought that the Dr's were gonna have a go at me for not waiting for my period but everyone has been really nice so far, only thing is now I dont know how far along I am so Doc said he's said he's gonna arrange for me to have an early scan.

This will be my first baby and given the miscarriage I am still finding it hard to imagine myself carrying a baby but hopefuly it will seem more real when I see the midwife on Thurs.

Anyways just wanna say dont give up girls, hope you are all in the same boat as me very soon...RL1 Xx

Hi everyone

bestlaid - I just got a BFN yesterday and yes it's bizarre to be pleased to see it!

cith - how are you doing. Hope you're not driving youself mad sympton spotting?

monkeys - hope going back to work wasn't too bad. I find it's a funny mixture of needing a distraction but not having the emotional energy to deal with RL full on.

cheepz - waves back! Lovely to see you here. Guess we're not the patient sort!

helpet - so pleased the accupuncture helped and well done for braving your phobia. Mine left my ears alone but did turn the needles - my strongest reaction was in my feet which was apparently to do with my stress levels! Sorry to hear that things are tense with DH but I think that can be quite common afterwards. Maybe he's scared of you getting hurt again? I was very laid back TTC before - my DH has expressed a concern that I don't get overlocked into it this time and stress myself out.

I know I'm impatient but in the last few dates I've purchased gratefruit juice, know your Fertility book, Clearblue Fertility monitor and testing sticks, pregnancy tests and baby aspirin. OK - I admit I've lost the plot - feel free to laugh!

Here's wishing sanity to you all!

where did evryone go?? was it something I said

feeling abit better today - well t least emotionally less of a basket case and able to have sensible conversations at work without lurking behind PC pretending to be on the phone

hope everyone else having a good day

hello - joing you too - currently bleeding from mc which started yesterday and was confirmed this morning - was 5+3 so very early but such a shock and was way more upsetting than I imagined

have ds who is 2 and dh and i are trying for numberr 2 - not planning to wait - once bleeding stops will be monitoring signs and then letting nature take its course with some BDing before next AF

(waves to TFLS from other MC thread - hullo there)

Nice to hear the positive stories - thanks for making the effort and looking forward to the journey with you ladies

agree it's nice to hear positive stories and keeping everything crossed for you Cith.

have had a good weekend at my mum and dad's but back to reality now. going back to work tomorrow which i was looking forward to but now not so sure. there are two aspects of my job, one office based and one working directly with public for the whole day and that's what i'll be doing tomorrow. not ideal because don't really feel like being cheery and entusiastic while still mentally in turmoil. on the other hand maybe not having the choice will be good for me!

i'm hoping that tomorrow night will be our first attempt at ttc again. i know i'm not ovulating yet but think psychologically it'lll be a good thing to do. i'm sure dh won't complain!!

Cith - Fingers crossed it's a new BFP, I think the uncertainty is one of the worst things about all of this. The EPU got me to test two weeks after bleeding stopped to check I was getting negative tests and while it felt very weird to be hoping for a BFN, it helps to know the next BFP (if there is one!) will be for real. I think it depends a lot on how far along you were as to how long it takes HCG to get back to normal. Maybe test again in a week and make an appointment with GP to do bloods? Really hoping it's good news.

Helpet - hope the acupuncture goes/went well.

There seem to have been babies and pregnant women in huge numbers everywhere I've been this weekend, so after feeling a bit fed up (and feeling very guilty for all the jealous thoughts!), it's been really cheering to read all of these positive experiences, so thanks.

i went straight back in as t'were

it does make you feel like you're doing something constructive, though otoh you feel like your life is all about one thing.

i think if you're worried you won't conceive again, best get down to it straight away.

helpet - glad to make you laugh! Ouchh the idea of needles in my nose.... mind you she did put one in the top of my head and I did have a slight mental pause at that one!

Hi to everyone else. Cith - what a difficult situation. Fingers crossed for you. How are your nerves holding up?

glinda - lovely to hear about a happy outcome. Here's hoping for us all.

Hi all,
Just wanted to share a positive experience. I miscarried at about 8 weeks and then conceived my gorgeous ds very soon after. According to dr.s my ds was conceived before the mc!!!
DS starts high school in September - is wonderful, healthy and an absolute joy!!!!

Hello ladies,

It is good reading this thread and realising there are so many others also agonising about the TTC thing after MC! Firstly I am so sorry that you have all also experienced the loss from a MC. It is awful.
Am also in the same boat...had a MMC at 12 weeks and miscarried naturally while waiting for the D&C appointment
Decided not to 'wait' for AF before TTC, but try to just take each day as comes and start BD again when we both felt ready without focusing too much on it. Have had reflexology to try and 'sort out the hormones' too - it has been great and left me feeling v calm (although was teary after first one!). Anyway - what I thought was AF arrived about 2 weeks ago but was very light/stop-start, and odd, so did HPT to check during and got a BFP...which startled me to be honest and wondered if was true or if still had pregnancy hormones from the MC. So have been carrying TTC just in case and am now not sure if should test again to see if BFP is still there (or hormones gone back to normal), or just to do the 2WW and see then! Arghhh! All this thinking about it is confusing and I can now see why they tell you to wait a period to be sure. Am feeling v well and not any preg symptoms, but fingers crossed will happen soon for all of us!

helpet - hope that last bit doesn't put you off

Another one in the same boat and would love to join the thread. I had a mmc last week at 10 weeks.

The EPAU said there was no problem with trying to conceive straight away - the nurse said it purely comes down to when you both feel ready.

I think the thing about waiting for a period is to help dating. I looked at the Miscarriage Association website and that confirms that there is no link beween another m/c and conceiving straight away.

I had acupuncture last night (great minds ....) and found it really helpful. Apparently it can help realign the body after m/c and I felt more relaxed/less unhappy this morning. It was fine (I don't have a major problem with needles though) - but any questions please shout. The only weird bit was when I went to scratch my nose and noticed these two needles sticking in my hand!

I had a very early mc (4,5) last month too and my doctor told me there was no reason to wait.

thanks scorps. must admit it sounded a bit strange to me. think we'll probably just go for it anyway and then spend the next few weeks stressing! feeling more down about it today than when it was all happening but i know these times will come and go! i'm glad your bump's doing well!!