Emmsy's onwards and upwards part six - sticky icky babydust BFP central!!!

Thanks Jools hon... I know MIL doesnt intend to make me feel bad & just wants this for us as desperately as we do.. Its prob just me that feels like I cant do the most natural function of being a woman and produce a child. Im 35 next year & came off pill on 32nd birthday so am worried eggs are now decrepid. We BD every bloody day for a week, we used Zestica & ov tests, drunk grapefruit juice & ate brazil nuts, im at a loss why this isnt happening. Prob is the pressure issue. Anxiety can be overwhelming, had job worries too, in fact every spare sec Im obsessing over work or ttc/pg.. No room in brain for anything else. Decorated as a distraction but that was pretty intense & stressful too probably.. We concieved no1 on honeymoon & no 3 on hol in cyprus, the other 2 were conceived at xmas 07 & 08 so that prob says something.. Maybe I should look into hypnotherapy, too scared of needles for acup.. DH even said about chinese meds or suchlike yest & he's not into that sort of thing normally.. With a heavy heart I did just google adoption for the first time.. At least thats a back up worse way... I think if still no joy in a year we might have to go down that road... Thanks for letting me waffle on in mammoth post.. At my desk right now, f* works monitering today.

4Ever Anyone who really things less of you for this is not worth one second of thought from you or any of us. It is shite and unfair and you shouldn't have to go through this. You ARE fertile - you know this - I would guess you are just putting far too much pressure on yourself to conceive within a time limit and your body has rebelled ?

Have you tried needles / aromatherapy / hypnotism etc. I do wonder if what is needed is some sort of alternative therapy that makes you really relaxed and chilled ..

For now, I'll pass over the plant pot full of vodka I hid amongst Mermaid's tomatoes in the greenhouse and throw in the huuuuuuuggge box Hotel Chocolate yumminess that is stashed behind the potting compost x x x

Morning all... Was hoping Curlys start to this thread would be a good omen for me but sadly not. I know its a bit early, but I did a BFN test yesterday & again this morning. Really at depths of despair now. £1500 on treatment & we are passed our conception 'deadline'. Going to call the consultant later & see what happens now. If we have to find the money (which is ALOT to me & DH) to do it all again we will somehow. Iv spent the morning wondering why God hates us so much to keep putting us through hell over & over & not let us be parents. I think we are good people & its so unfair that people have babies without even wanting them. Life is shit. Might start looking into adoption. Always thought we could get pg no problem, but since the deadline now MIL & others are making me feel like as well as not being woman enough to carry a baby without destroying it, Im now not even capable of concieving...

Blue our matron is much more scary than Hattie James!! Isn't she MrsKate! At least she appears that way to the outside world, then she shuts her office door and you spend your hours back to work meeting having a gossip!

Hoping good news that your scan and bloods are normal.

MLS how are you this morning?

DH finally got home about midnight last night so we are now running round trying to get organised to go to Edinburgh.

don't have time to post properly, so just sending you all hugs, especially those who are having a really rubbish time right now.

for some good news, my ultrasound scan today showed everything was normal, and the bloods turned up nothing...just the genetics tests left to go, so far looking like we've just been unlucky...

10pm, witching hour, I'm off to bed x

Gracie - you baked cakes since your last post?! You're really chanelling your A&E sister efficiency girl .

BTW whenever you talk about your Matron I always think of Hattie James from the 'Carry On' films . We don't have Matron's up here, they're called 'Clinical Nurse Manager's' which sounds dull as hell.

Or you could always use one of my cakes to mop up your tears!

Hey don't cry MLS! I've just baked some cakes, would you like one to make you feel better. Its hard to cry and eat cake at the same time!

Blub away MLS - 'tis good for the soul if not the complexion.

I've been missing Neeko's posts too, she's always so cheery and interested. Really hope a BFP is winding its way to her house...

Blue & GG you girls are so lovely & kind, I could cry.

Curly's scan is friday, I'm getting my days mixed up.

Evening Gracie - think Curly's scan is Friday...

I'm sure your in-laws can slum it in a Fiesta for a weekend . Bring your waterproofs, I was in Edinburgh today and it was shall we say rather showery - eek!

Isn't Curly's scan tomorrow??? I'm just off to read back through the thread to find out.

MLS, Blue is right - stay away from Google!!! Sometimes you can get scaring after persistant infections, try not to worry - easy for me to say I know. You stick with us, we'll try and keep you from drowning. big hug xx

Evening Blue!

Evening!

Just heard from DH, he's had a crash on the M1 and I don't think there's much of a car left! He's fine though.

We are supposed to be going to Edinburgh tomorrow to see Duran Duran and to stay until Sunday. Normally we swap cars with the in laws to go to Edinburgh as we have a parking permit for their car in Edinburgh. I don't think they'll be that impressed to borrow my car instead. They're a bit posh for my 10 year old Fiesta!! They have an £80,000 Lexus! Looks like my sturdy little Fiesta will be bombing it up to Edinburgh tomorrow!

MLS - try not to think the worst. As a persistent cougher myself it could be lots of innocent things - asthma for one. Mine was dorment for years but 6 months of sleep deprivation post-DS brought it back with a vengance. Please don't google 'hacking cough' before your appointment OK?

Really feeling for you just now as you so spot on described it 'flailing in the waters' of post-mc. Been there and its shit. After the initial shock, then the medical attention etc. you're sent on your way with a flimsy pamphlet from the gynae ward if you're lucky. My last one coincided with new year so I just made a huge list of things to do in 2009 and spent ages drawing up fertility cycles at the back of my diary and other such nonsense stuff.

You will get through this and be back demanding your DH bd on request. I know its a cliche and its trotted out by people you want to punch, but you have fallen pg three times and have a gorgeous DD, you can do it, it will happen.

Here endeth the sermon

MrsKate sending healing thoughts to your dh. Remember sperm can last for up to 7 days inside the uterus.

GG thank God for your lovely matron.

Cupcake no more check-ups for me, I'm now on my own flailing in the waters of post mc, clinging onto you girls so that I don't drown.

Jools did you get hold of Rick? Has your mood lifted?

Well I now have one more thing to worry about. I had a chest x-ray last week due to a constant cough since last year which antibiotics & steroids haven't touched. Anyway I had a call at 7.30 this evening from my gp surgery to say that they have the results of the x-ray & I have to go back this week to see the doctor. When I asked if she could tell me anything over the phone she said no as she's just the receptionist. I've got an appointment on Friday morning, wtf can that all be about??

Neeko sends her love to everyone. I've told her we miss her & need her cheery texts to give us a giggle.

hi all

feeling rubbish today dh is quite ill .

i think i ov today but not sure as line was slighty lighter that the other line .only bd 3 times this month and no sign of any more

gracie i do love our matron i hope she is as nice to me when i ever get pg.

hugs to all

opps sorry jools missed your message there - I know what you mean about results, in one way we want something fixing, its quite handy to have a label sometimes. On the brighter side of it all you are both ok yipeeeee hope you are feeling a little better, glass of vino in the garden for you tonight.x

ig uggh gin shiver but seeing as its you I will find you a small bottle of Plymouth gin

salmon for tea yum

I've not heard from MrsKate yet today, but she was on nights last night so she might not be up yet.

gracie fab news!

mermaid this greenhouse sounds lovely I'll have a watering can of gin please...

gracie that is fab news so pleased for you.
is mrskate ok and her poor dh? if you hear from her send our love.x

Afternoon all

MLS boo to your BFP! I remember how heartbreaking getting BFP's after a MC is.

Blimey jools thats some nightmare you had having your blood taken!

Cupcake i did hear from bakingqueen over the weekend by text when I had my scary few days. I think she's having internet problems and couldn't post.

mermaid tidying the paperclip drawer - now there's an idea I hadn't thought of! Must remember to mention that at at my meeting next week. My matron was lovely bless her - she just said "surely you're not thinking of coming back to work just yet, if anything went wrong again you'd never forgive yourself!" She's told me to get another 2 weeks of sicknote and come and see her again next week for a natter. So looks like I'm taking it easy for another 2 weeks.

feeling sick again, have been for a few hours - could be just hormones before AF I guess... hate the waiting!