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Conception

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Original poster

I want a baby but Im frightened..

33 replies

nikkisherri · 18/04/2005 19:32

This is very long ..sorry but need to tell the story to make people understand ..quite a hard one for me to write.

I had my daughter 10 years ago now but had complications. Due to medical mishaps.

What happened was after the birth of my first (and only) child, I noticed I was bleeding very heavily which I mentioned several times to medical staff and was just given lots of pads.

It was my first baby and so I had no idea whether this was normal or not. They went on to send me home the next day with baby.

Unbeknownst to anybody Placenta had been left inside me during delivery and this was quietly rotting away inside and causing me to bleed internally.

I had complained a bit once home about feeling unwell for about week and seemed to get no urgency about it from anyone though they did take a swab and were in the process of sending off swab to lab which would take a week to come back they said.

This turned out to be little done too late.

Eventually one morning just as I was telling husband I didnt feel right, I hemorraged everywhere , it happened so suddenly and in front of my husband. I always remember his shocked face as I stood there and the blood just billowed out I was covered from waist down in a matter of seconds.

At the time we lived out a bit in the country. Someone called the local doctor as he lived a few doors away and it was Sunday.

This doctor nearly cost me my life as he decided to BOOK me an ambulance for that afternoon (I found out some time after this same doctor gave Spike Milligan too high a dose of anti depressants and almost killed him too)

Everybody had assumed an amublance was on its way after doctor said he had delt with it.

So during waiting time I was left laying on bed bleeding and waiting for an ambulance that wasnt coming until that afternoon.

I cant describe how horrible that period was for me my father had died a month before and I really felt like I was going to be joining him. There was alot of blood and it was very frightening. I did feel this quiet sense of this is it come over me. The worst thing of all was just thinking that I was not going to be around to see my baby grow up.

Eventually alarm was raised by my family about this ambulance that still hadn't showed 45 mins later. They rung hospital who were stunned that the doctor had booked it for the afternoon. They sent 1 immediately but it still had half hour journey to get to me.

When amublance finally came though I had gone into shock. When I got the to the hospital it had reached critical and their was an onslaught of doctors nurses around me. I was terrified I heard them telling my my husband I might not make it.

I wont go into it any further but you get the gist of how traumatic this whole experience was even writing about it now makes me feel sick.

Basically I have so much wanted another baby but have been so afraid.

We have tried on the odd occasion but I always get scared and back out of the whole idea.

I'm 36 and I guess I know time is running out for me and my daughter is 10 I would still love her to have a brother or sister. I really want another little bubba in the house.

I just dont know how I'm ever going to overcome this fear.

Has anyone here ever suffered a similar experience and felt the same way? If so have you gone onto have another and its been ok ? I would really like to know as I feel that its probably now or never for me.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 18/04/2005 20:14

nikkisherri I had a huge post partum haemmorage after dd (10 litre blood transfusion - hence my name!). I went through very similar feelings to you until I went to see the Professor to talk through what had happened the first time.

The most encouraging thing he said to me was that to be forewarned of a possible complication is really very good - next time (if there is a next time) they can have all the right people standing by in case it happens again, I will be monitored carefully etc, so you can be fairly sure that if this happened to you first time that it won't again as they will be looking out for it and more importantly YOU know what to ask about and what signs to look for. You could, for eg, have a c-section, so that they could be sure that all of the placenta had come out before stitching you up.

I do feel for you though, it is truly terrifying, isn't it?

Best of luck whatever you decide. Pls feel free to CAT me or ask any other questions.

Donbean · 18/04/2005 20:10

ps i spent every single day of my 8.5 months pregnancy absolutely terrified after awful things happened to me, had a horrific birth experience (i wont go into) but OH MY GOD i dont regret a single minuite of it now ive got my boy safe and sound. xxxxxxxxxx

WideWebWitch · 18/04/2005 20:08

Hi nikkisherri, sorry you had such an awful time, I wonder if Birth Crisis might be able to help? Fwiw, you rarely hear of women regretting a second. I have a 6year gap between my 2 (different partners) and I wouldn't change a thing. But I didn't have the awful time you did and you probably ought to sort that out first. Good luck.

LGJ · 18/04/2005 20:02

nikkisherri

Nothing like your situation.

I took forever to concieve and then MC'd

I did conceive pretty soon afterwards, but I spent the whole 9 months terrified.

But here I am almost 4 years on, with a most wonderful DS who charms everyone he meets.

The end result will more than pay for the fear, also if you have a DD who needs you, the 9 months will probably go so much quicker.

HTH

Donbean · 18/04/2005 20:01

Yes but think of your first scan, think of those first flutters of feeling the baby move, think of all those wonderful experiences.
This awful thing has happend to you and now you are aware and sadly educated through this experience to put your self forward and demand attention if you are not feeling right about some thing.
You have knowledge. (bitter granted, but knowledge none the less)
You are able to take a decisive step, with control and planning this need never happen again to you.
Good luck with your decision.

Flossam · 18/04/2005 19:58

Have you had any counselling about it? I'm not trying to suggest that you are funny about it, your reaction is very normal and understandable. But your experience was very traumatic, and I think having some sort of help to work through your experience might help to go some way to enable you to enjoy your pregnancy.

Original poster
nikkisherri · 18/04/2005 19:51

Thanks Floss, nice of you to reply and give advice, yup Doc was an arse to say the least. I havent actually spoken to my doctor now. I guess I should really. For me its the fear that once I do get pregnant im on the rollercoaster and I cant get off and I think I will spend much of it afraid.

OP posts:
Flossam · 18/04/2005 19:37

Poor, poor you. stupid arse of a doctor. I haven't experienced anything like this, so I can't offer any real advice. Just wanted to say that the liklehood of this happening again are vitually nil. Maybe you could speak to your GP about booking a CS, Mears will say whether this is less likely to have the same consequence. It's not a risk free proceedure, but it seems such a shame that you are missing out on more joy in your life due a series of blunders. I'm sure someone else cleverer and more knowledgable than me will be along shortly.

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