To all those who tried and tried and tried and tried...and then gave up...and then got pregnant...

Hi everyone, I'm new here

Just wanted to add my two penneth... to those who say if you do this, do that, relax... PAH!!! LOL.

We have tried EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING... ttc 8 years, 1 IVF, 1 FET, now considering adoption. Nothing wrong with either of us, in fact, gobsmacked consultants... hub with high sperm count, me with 2-3 days EWCM, 28 day cycle, ov on CD13/14. 8 flippin years!!!

I gave up work to become a Holistic Therapist... having had reflexology and all the therapies under the sun for 7 years... threw IVF money away on £4k holiday in Maldives... and then later had to find more for IVF .... gave up work... bought house to refurbish.. bought a bunny rabbit... sometimes DID give up (college course etc.) and we've never had so much as a sniff of a +ve in nearly 8 years.

As I said, adoption is a consideration, but by no means in the bag... am 37 this year, so time is running out. Our prep course starts on 3rd June, so I suppose this is my one last hope of achieving that BFP that everyone tells me comes before an important event like this....!! Wish me luck!!

I tried for a good year and couldn't stand it any longer so I told my GP I had been trying 2 years and my husband had a sperm test - all ok and I waited months for a laporoscopy where they insert a camera through the tummy button and it turned out that I have blocked tubes and have a 1% chance of conceiving naturally. Have gone on to have a baby boy at my first IVF attempt. I am NOT suggesting that you have issues but wouldn't it put your mind at rest and then you can book that fantastic holiday or whatever else you fancy to focus on. My sister tried for 3 years to have her second baby and when she stopped trying and went on a holiday with hubby for 4 days alone, she came home pregnant as she had focussed on the holiday and not a baby! Good Luck.

Well, I agree, that no amount of hearing anyone saying to you "just forget about it" is going to help, but getting PG is IMO 90% state of mind, and 10% everything else!

but you asked so...

One couple I know tried for 8 years. Had a LONG talk about alternatives. Decided they would rather just decide they were going to be "that couple who don't have kids" and felt OK about that decision. The next month, i-kid-you-not, fell PG.

Another friend of mine has IVF twins. 2 years later fell for unexpected baby naturally.

Alight aside, but to echo others' experiences of "odd" ovulation; another friend of mine, recently dv and resigned to life without children at 39 fell PG because they made love unprotected literally just a couple of days past her period and hey presto. She took 7 tests because she just couldn't believe it. m/w says some women ovulate way outside the usual "guidelines".

Good luck.

after two years of trying, a hosp appt came through, and while waiting for that date to come around fell pregnant with ds2. I really think it is a lot do do with relaxing and losing stress. ds1 was born after a time when we thought 'if we don't catch this month, we'll book a really lovely exotic holiday' - caught next month!

I'm sorry I haven't read all the threads. But a friend of mine was TTC for many years, eventually they were told she couldn't have her own children, then she tried accupuncture and fell pregnant naturally that month. Worth a go IMO!

Don't know if I can add anything to this. We tried for two and a half years, every period every month after the first six was devastating,
I had high follicle stimulation hormone and my consultant drew a horrible graph of my declining fertility, I was beside myself. Its all so hard, your mind can't get free of it. I don't think its a matter of 'relaxing,' that's impossible - its just a point of having to let it go because there's no way to control it. The month after we decided that ivf wasn't for us and kinda gave up, I conceived my lovely ds. Now I'm two days off baby number two. I truly believe that my ds was the one who was meant to be here, he just took his time. I remember how much my heart hurt. Hang on in there. Tell your mind to shut up bugging you about it, I know its so hard but somehow if you can wrench your mind off it you start to begin to feel like yourself again and that seems a good place to start. Thinking about you. One day hopefully this will all be another life.

I dont wish to make you feel any worse than you may do right now but,after 12 months of trying I started playing football,had put it off as wanted to do the best for concieving,that was in jan, 4 months later I am now pregnant,but it is still early days....
It is SO hard TO TRY to relax,and it breaks your heart to pretend that you are fine,everytime A.f makes its apparance,but I always believe that if you want something bad enough it will happen,For me personnely the timing of this little one was so wrong but also spot on[if that makes sense}...Please dont give up and try to remember that it will happen but just dont put your life on hold in the meantime,you only have one crack at it....thoughts are with you xxxx

We tried for a year, spent two years being investigated until the conclusion was made that I was infertile due to not ovulating, also have PCOS and no 'female hormone'...that was 9 years ago now. Went in to see about a hysterectomy and doctor said to try 'one last time'...spent 3 hours in hospital organising tests and getting Metformin to come home and do a test to find I was already pregnant, naturally. Also the sunday before my best friend finally confirmed she would be my surrogate!

I agree if you take your mind off it, it may help, I also agree this is pretty impossible as even if you go on holiday you are still aware 'this could be it'. I moved house and had a near breakdown and really didn't once think about it due to the extreme stress...and that was the month I fell Don't know how I'm going to manage it next time though as I'd like to stay in this house!

After trying for 2 years we went down the IVF route which took a while to get started, 1st IVF failed, started to take drugs for 2nd lot of IVF and found out I was pregnant, which sadly turned out to be eptopic, lots of scaring so IVF suggested again which worked. Was just so grateful that we had one gorgeous little girl and never thought we would have any more kids. Went to the GP for my 6 week check and just laughed at him when he mentioned contracetion..... 17 months later my 2nd daughter was born.

I think what worked for me was forgetting about trying to conceive, when I got pregnant with the eptopic there was no pressure on us to conceive that way, as we were undergoing IVF, and the 2nd time I was more than happy with my family.

Both times DH and I decided getting pg might not be so great an idea after all and both times this was the point when I became pg, 6 months and 9 months (I realise not a long time to try but it still fits the theory).

I'd been with dp for 6 years we'd been trying for a baby for three of those years. I finally got the courage to go to my gp, got a referral to a gaenecologist, and promptly fell pregnant a month before the actual appointment....the day of my gaenecologist appointment became the day of my dating scan instead....

katierocket, we tried for nearly 3 years. Then booked an appt to see someone about IVF which was 2 months away so decided to just forget about it til then

And of course I found out I was pg the day before the appt!

I know of someone who actually tried and tried, spent a fortune on ovulation kits, then fell literally on the day her period stopped. Found out after that she is one of those rare women who ovulate during a period, and obviously most women don't like sex during periods so don't find that one out!!!!!
May not be you, but worth thinking about....especially if you are having sex during the so called 'right time' and still not falling.

phew, glad to see that its not only me who gets annopyed with people telling to relax - aaaagh!! drives me nuts!! how can anyone relax when they want a baby so bad?

I'm afraid I just don't buy it, and I ahve to say there is nothing worse to say to someone who is ttc, imo. I mean, they feel bad enough cause they can't get pg, then they start to feel bad because they care about it - what a catch 22!
There is no good evidence that 'relaxing' (whatever that is) helps you to conceive. And of course its not possible to try to put it out of your mind while pursuing treatments etc.
I never got pg naturally no matter how much I tried to 'relax'. And after my first IVF success I lost count of all the people who said ' oh you'll conceive really easily next time'...well i didn't and needed IVF again.

That's not the same as saying that of course eventually if it doesn't happen, somehow you have to come to terms with that and try to do other things with your life. But that's not something you can force, it just has to be worked through in whatever time it takes.

Two examples:
My mum and dad tried for 10 years and had a quite a few miscarriages. Evetually adopted me and within 9 months my mum was pg with my brother.

Dh and I had dd after trying for 3 months. We started trying for number 2 in jan 03. Sought help after a year and had all the usual tests including a lap & dye for me. All very stressful and I'm sure we were doing ourselves no favours in our approach, but after ttc for so long I can't see how you can 'relax' and forget about it. We tried to have a break from it after last summer and 2 rounds on clomid which gave me blood-filled cysts on my ovaries! By a break I mean we didn't have sex on certain days, we just tried to do it when we felt like it and I tried to stop counting the days. After 2 months of this I nearly went mad, as I had a fully expected to fall pg just because 'we weren't trying' and we didn't of course!! Anyway, by Christmas we decided to go for ivf as we didn't want to wait any more. As we were waiting for the appt to come through I was convinced I'd get pg, as I'd heard about it happening so often. When I came on I was very upset and bitter! Appt for ivf was sent through for 3rd March. Found out I was pg on 19th Feb!!

I guess if I'm honest the ONLY time in the whole 2 years that I honestly wasn't pre-occupied with it all was that month when we had an exact date for ivf, because I knew something was now going to be done to help us.

The only advice I could give is to listen to what others have said. Don't put your life on hold whilst you anticipate being pregnant at every stage in the next year. Plan life as you would if you weren't ttc - decorating, holidays, new jobs, etc. Try something to help you physically relax, as mentally I'm not sure it's truely possible. Reflexology helped me cope when I was tearing my hair out, and acupunture has been great. I'd booked it to help me through the ivf and I carried on with it when I was 1st pg.

Good luck xxxxxxx

if you haven't already KR can I suggest charting for 3 months - I did it and consultant a very easily fixable hormone problem (was ovulating late) that wasn't picked up on my bloodwork - cos I was ovulating and gave me clomid and I conceived first cycle

KR I was trying for 2 years. Me and DH had all sorts of tests. Nothing wrong at all. I spent a fortune on ovulation kits and everything. We moved house and so stopped planning everything out while we sorted house out. Hey presto - pregnant! Could not believe it. Now have dd 12 weeks old. I know how you feel. Every month seemed to last forever over the 2 yrs. But hang on in there. Good luck

Good grief KR I used to hate hearing those words. 10 months of trying I decided to stop everything and buy a sports car. I went looking and 2 weeks later I was pg, so maybe there is something in it.
I was also in training for a half marathon and obviously couldn't do that any longer. BUT I do think that taking a good dosage of Vitamin E helped enormously. The lady who runs our small Health shop advised me to take it proclaiming I would be pg in 3-4 months, and I was!
Maybe there's something in that too.
Oh and I know 6 women, count them 6, who bought dogs (puppies) and were pg within 2-3 months!!!