she didnt tell him what she had done

......and my mate who's an ex nurse watched her dh's vascectomy being done and swears she could do my dh's with some joss sticks and tweezers???

If my dh doesn't get his arse to the vascectomy clinic soon there's 2 bricks waiting for him in the shed

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no cod you open the packet for him but you've already opened it b4

Not that I've done it I just fantasise a lot on other peoples behalf

she needs a turkey baster

you pierce it through the packet cod - have you never done it then?

You put the needle through the packet too! Not that I've done it, seen it on tv

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she sound real mother material - not!

I agree with the stay right out of it advice, lucyjo82. I'd have thought he'd have noticed any tampering with condoms anyway and the tampon method doesn't sound any too likely to work either. They sound like slightly bizarro peeps and I'd leave them to sort it out in their own inimitable bizzaro way frankly. Watch the saga unfold without participating in any way, IMO.

What an awful dilemma for you, you say you know him well - how would he react if her plans work?

I ask because my ex-p wasn't very happy when I first found out I was pregnant, we had endless chats but decided to go ahead. He came to the scans and was really excited, was there at the birth and was practically beside himself with pride (still is) when DS was born. He adores his son more than anything.

Sadly his feelings towards me are not the same and he has decided we should split up, DS is 10 months old. We were doing fine at first but a baby puts so much strain on a couple, if they are not strong enough then something gives. Imagine the strain on them with a baby, does she realise what she is going to be doing?

Personally I wouldn't tell him, she needs to see that she is expecting him to alter his entire life to suit her needs. He may go along with it for a while but if it doesn't sit well in his heart of hearts then it probably won't work. Then they will both need to make some really serious decisions that include a little one.

Lucy
If she has already been pregnant by him and he didn't want it then, perhaps she should move on and find s/one who does. B/c there are too many men like that out there to waste time w/someone who doesn't. I know, I was once in that situation.

It is, however, only when she realises her needs and wants are just as important as his - and very basic at that - that a person can move on.

Personally, I got tired of feeling guilty and wrong for wanting s/thing as basic as a family. I started doing work with people from developing nations and they taught me how life is as simple or complicated as we make it. They gave me the strength to move on and find a man who was thrilled to become a father.

I think I'd focus on talking to her more than your friend.

I was once asked by s/one when I was pregnant if I was afraid of having a child b/c we had so little money. I said, 'How poor can any baby be who has two parents who love her only second to God and waited so long to have her.'

If it, not if i!!!!

Not having a baby may be making her really upset but she has to sort that out with her dp, not make the decision for him. Yes, he may be happy if she did but then he may not, you just can't tell. The bottom line is no-one's got the right to force someone into something, especially where a baby is concerned. Imagine how that child would feel if I grew up to find out what happened!!!

I think is very low of her to do that, but many years ago I heard the suggestion of the pin and the condom, so I supose is not that uncommon. But keeping semen and using with a tampon....I would feel a bit uncomfortable of having her around TBH

But his 'couple of months' could be an easy way of putting it off indefinitely. Yes, he should tell her that if its the case but it gives her no right to take matters into her own hands. Would condone her leaving him if she was that desperate for kids but never forcing him to have kids when he's taking reasonable precautions to stop it happening.

You have a duty to him as his friend to tell him. Yes you might get shot as the messenger but hopefully not, they may even be able to sort things out and thank you, whereas an unexpected pg could lead to all kinds of problems and upset.

If you knew she was about to run off with all his worldly goods would you tell him? Having a child forced on him by her intentionally amounts to just as serious, if not more so.

Definitely keep out of it!! I think he's being unreasonable tbh, but if he wants children in a 'couple of months' then I hardly think her - admittedly fairly bonkers - strategy is evil. They do sound in a bit of a panic about it though. Does she think this 'couple of months' could stretch into infinity? And why on earth do his parents need to 'get used to the idea' of their son becoming a father. Grandparenthood should come as a delightful surprise. I cannot beleive anyone would ask their parents' permission to have children! Mad, mad, mad. They are all mad.

OT, but Toothache, she needs to leave this DP before it's too late! I was married to a man like that. Finally, at 30, I sat him down and asked him if he was ever going to want children . . . w/me (he was 32). When he said 'no', I thought it was the saddest day of my life. We'd been together for 8 years and married for 7.

But you know what? It's not fair to let s/one else take that kind of decision from a person. I thought, K, if I tried and found out I couldn't have any, it'd be one thing. But just to be denied the chance . . . nope.

We divorced.

4 years later, we're both happily remarried (he to a woman who never wanted kids and had her tubes tied at 30 before she met him) and me, well, to a brilliant man and mum to a lovely daughter.

I don't think it's your place to tell him. Keep well out of it is what I'd do.

Eeek! Keep out of it! I understand your concern but the messenger always gets shot, usually by both parties. Yu have to pretend you didn't hear it.

A friend of ours was having an affair with a man at work. Her husband was also a friend. The other bloke wasn't sure about taking on the children and took almost a year to make his mind up. In the meantime, her husband thought everything was perfect and she was using eveyone's shoulder to cry on. Even the next door neighbour knew about the affair. In the end she asked him to move out and said there was no-one else involved. He let her have the house cos of the children, but he didn't have enough money to buy a house for himjself so his parents gave him their life savings. Of course, next thing, this other bloke moves into the family home.

The reason I'm using this example to compare is because, despite losing his wife, home and children, and despite his parents losing their life savings, despite knowing we were on his side and thought her behaviour was out of order, we don't hear from him anymore. I didn't invite his ex wife and her new partner to my weeding because I wanted to invite the ex husband and couldn't invite both. He thinks this was out of order. There's a good chance he may not react as you thought, no matter how good your intentions. Just my opinion.

LGJ - nah, too comfy.