Anyone out there who took longer to conceive than they expected - can I ask you some questions?

1. How long did you expect it would take you to conceive?

ooh about 3 months, and second time around thought it would take ooh about 3 months (how optinistic I must be...)

2. How long did it actually take (if you have been successful)?

first time - 15 months and 4 IUIs, second time 10 months , 3 IUIs and still waiting.

3. How did you feel when it took longer than expected? How much did it affect your life?

Took over my life both times, killed off my sex life, feel/felt depressed/anxious, wake up panicking at 4 am.... the usual.

And the most important one:

5. Did you find anything that helped you cope with stress / disappointment of TTC, or anything that took your mind of it?

um..... getting pregnant made me think I'd miraculously be able to get pregnant naturally/easily again.

Speaking to other women with similar difficulties and being on these kind of forums and knowing I'm not the only one helped tremendously. I think it's one of the worst things to befall us as women, it's so destructive.

1. a year
2. 19 months
3. I was very sad a lot of the time. Also frequently angry/ frustrated.
4. Talking to other people - sharing with family and friends really helped. I had a laproscopy which didn't find any problems but meant that I needed a week off work. Lots of people sent cards or flowers and I think that really helped too.

Also, it was important to me to work out how far I would want to go in terms of treatment. After a lot of thought I realised that I wouldn't want to do ivf and that helped. We decided that if we hadn't conceived within another 2 years we would look at adoption - so there was a long term plan there which helped.

I finally got pregnant when we went on a cruise. We are both people that rush around a lot and being forced to slow down and focus on each other seemed to do the trick. I had acupuncture too for a few months which may have helped. I was pregnant within about 3 months of starting that.

erm, annie, I appear to be up the duff. About 12 weeks (first scan on Thursday and I'm crapping myself- convinced it'll be dead).

1. A couple of months

2. All in all from stopping contraception to giving birth - 5 years

3. It was beginning to take over my life in every way, had to be quite strict with myself, otherwise goodness knows what would have happened.

4. I wish I did, of could have found a better way of coping.

A bit of background, had quite a few failed attempts at ICSI/FET + an eptopic. Had one lovely daughter through ICSI and a miracle daughter through natural conception.

1. Within a few months (no previous fertility issues with the first three children)

2. If this one sticks, over 6 years from dumping contraception to birthing a baby

3. Took over my life for over four years. First three of those were horrible and obsessive, last one was a long sink into apathy. Have not really been focusing on ttc for over a year

4. No, nothing. The only thing that vaguely helped was drawing a mental line under the whole business and accepting what fate threw at me.

Good luck

I thought it would take 6months, I first got pg within 6weeks, but mc, it was devastating and then took over 3 years to actually conceive, it did take over my life and ironically I went off sex. Eventually I changed jobs because I was depressed and miserable and unable to do my job (teacher) well. That did help and after a year out I went back into teaching. By this point we decided to put off going to get help for a year, as financially we had taken a hit and I wanted to concentrate on new job for a while - of course at that point we got pg straight away. DD is now 14mo. I found being pg awful, I was very pessimistic about it ending well, but she was so worth the wait.

1. I was prepared for it to take a year but never thoguht I would get to Cycle 18 and still not be pregnant; am still trying.

2. on my 19th Cycle now and just starting proper fertility investigations.

3. Frustrated, sad, angry. It's taken over quite a lot of my life.

And the most important one:

5. Reflexology to some extent. Also talking to people about it helped.

1. No more than 6 months

2. 16 months and counting (no luck yet!)

3. Initially I didn't worry too much and thought it would just happen whenever the time was right. I was having a bad time at work for the first 6 months (but didn't want to leave because I thought I'd be going on maternity leave......) and thought that the stress was affecting me. Having been made redundant from that job in the summer (hah!) and then getting a MUCH better one, I thought it might sort itself out, but it didn't. Since the summer, I've had some weepy moments, but now I've kind of come to terms with it. It's still something we're very focussed on achieving, but have reached a level of acceptance that it's out of our hands and we'll have to wait and see.

4. To begin with, DH and I put our lives on hold - we wouldn't make plans to do anything 'in case I was pregnant'. Now, we don't make plans for too far in advance but we've got some great holidays booked for 2009 and are getting the bathroom done - stuff that doesn't matter if I'm pregnant or not. We're still being pragmatic about it.

And the most important one:

5. The most important thing has been to share the whole experience with DH. Every part of our relationship (including the sex ) has been made better by going through it together. It's his sadness as well as mine and I try not to wallow too much in self-pity as it's not fair on him. Having my new job to concentrate on has also been a very positive experience - which I'm very glad to have had. If everything happens for a reason, then the reason I'm not pregnant yet is because I needed the opportunity to do this job and really focus on it for at least 6 months.

I've done at least 4 months of charting, OPKs, etc and DH and I swore off all alcohol and caffeine for three months. We've now moved on to medical help - follow up appt with the gynae in 2 weeks - and it's certainly helped to feel that we're controlling the things we can control and giving ourselves the best possible chance.

So - feeling quite positive right now, but ask me again in 3 months.......

Sorry - long reply! Think your questions made me want to unburden myself.......

1. Can't remember how long I expected it to take but I didn't want it to take very long at all and was disappointed from the first month

2)It actually took me 8 cycles but about ten months if that makes sense? Due to my weird cycles i was tested by the doc and told that I didn't ovulate and would need help to concieve. I'm a Christian so after a lot of moaning to God and shouting about how unfair it was (I worked with pregnant teenagers which didn't help!) I prayed with my sister for healing and I got pregnant the next month without help. My favourite sister quote from that period is "God is bigger than the NHS!"

3)I felt angry, impatient and grumpy with everyone. I think because I worked with teenagers who hadn't planned on getting pregnant and everything in my life, at work and home, was to do with pregnancy, it made it all worse. Plus I am a very impatient person anyway.

4)I think when the doc told me that I didn't ovulate then I kind of gave up a little and went into a depressive state rather than a stressy state. My dh and I went on holiday and drank lots of wine which helped too!! It was never far from my mind though.

Not sure if any of this helps. That was dd, with ds I fell pregnant within two months but I can't say if that's just because my body knew what it was doing or whether it's because I had been healed. I obvioulsy have my beliefs.

DC1 was very quick but DC2 took almost 18 months, which really shook me as we had had no problems the first time.

I felt worse and worse each month, and the only thing which really helped was going to the doctor and getting referred - because I relaxed once we were seen by the consultant (and I handed in my dissertation which was a big weight off my mind), and got pregnant straight away.

But telling people to relax is probably the most unhelpful thing you can say - so I try not to.

1. How long did you expect it would take you to conceive?

6m as I had been on depo provera for years and that is the "average" length of time according to them.

2. How long did it actually take (if you have been successful)?
   2 years exactly. I fell pg a few days after the GP reffered us for "investigation". It was early december so DH and I both relaxed and partied I really believe that did the trick.

3. How did you feel when it took longer than expected? How much did it affect your life?

I felt a failure. Every family gathering - including my Grandfathers funeral - I was grilled by everyone about our plans for a family. In the end I started being honest and telling them we were struggling - that tended to end the discussion!

And the most important one:

5. Did you find anything that helped you cope with stress / disappointment of TTC, or anything that took your mind of it?

Having a friend in the same boat. Sadly she is still not pg and her DH is refusing medical assistance.

And my job, I changed jobs and did something I enjoyed, I really threw myself into it and it did help take my mind off of things.

Good Luck X

Just out of interest and to get some tips / advice on how to cope.

1. Anything up to a year according to my rational mind but for some reason I really expected it to only take three months.

2. 3 months of not using contraception (but not much sex) then 5 months of trying

3. A stupid amount, even though in reality it happened in a relatively quick amount of time. I thought about it all the time

And the most important one:

5. No. Nothing took my mind off it but the way I dealt with it was by doing as many different things as I possibly could to up our chances. I know they say you should relax and it will happen but the month I conceived I was taking: B6, EPO, using pre-seed, using a CB fertility monitor, having accupuncture, drinking grapefruit juice and even used a hot water bottle to encourage implantation!

I do not do things by halves!!

Oh yes, should have added that I got pg with ds1 when I stopped eating the 'right' things, started eating 'wrong' things (peas, strawberries stand out), drank coffee and alcohol with gay abandon again. Dh likewise.

1. 6m

1. 18m for ds, 2+ years trying for no2 but no joy.

1. how i feel varies. i am fortunate to have one child so it seems churlish to want more. but i feel dreadful that he might be an only and i'd be so happy with another.

1. i got a more demanding job, the hunger for another baby has abated. haven't stopped trying, but not to the extent of going for medical intervention. i'm 40.

1. 3-6 months

1. 18 months, no treatment but did have an ovulation test by dr at 15 mths.

1. Tis horrible every month when it doesnt happen. I just tried to carry on as usual really. didnt do special diet or change lifestyle so didnt feel it had taken over.

I also ran, did a marathon...can highly recommend. Good luck to the other poster doing one.

1. Top tip from me is to book a mega holiday. We booked flights to NZ to see friends for xmas in early March...found out i was pregnant in April. Just make sure you have travel insurance!!!

1. How long did you expect it would take you to conceive?
   No time at all - 2-3 months

2. How long did it actually take (if you have been successful)?
   8 years with ds1
   1st month of trying with ds2

3. How did you feel when it took longer than expected? How much did it affect your life?
   Took over my life, dominated everything, particularly the last 18 months before conceiving. Made me feel very inadequate and frustrated, and it was almost too much to bear watching friends and family conceive at the drop of a hat.

And the most important one:

5. Did you find anything that helped you cope with stress / disappointment of TTC, or anything that took your mind of it?

Best think I did - easier said than done - was to stop stressing about it, stop using OPKs, stop charting, and just relax and have lots of sex!
Conceived ds1 when we'd given up hope and were about to have IUI. Because that decision was sort of out of our hands we were able to forget about all the other stuff.

1. How long did you expect it would take you to conceive?

I was only 26y, as was DH. No one I knew had any problems concieving; family hsitories was that it was all siple. I just assumed I'd get pregant within the first few months.

2. How long did it actually take (if you have been successful)?

15m; early m/c; another 15m - then had DD
TTC #2 - been over 4 years so far

3. How did you feel when it took longer than expected? How much did it affect your life?

I was much better first tme round and took it in our ease. Didn't stress, no mnitoring or tests. Was still convinced it would happen.

This time round has been different. Was fine for firtst year or so, then went for tests, had treatment, still nothing. Treatment - two minor ops, heavy duty horones, and more recently Clomid - lots of horrid side effects, verging on depression during last year due to the amount of hormones in my bidy, etc. Tablet free at moment which is better but no sign of pregnancy

5. Did you find anything that helped you cope with stress / disappointment of TTC, or anything that took your mind of it?

Nope. Struggling at moment. See consultant again in a couple of weeks. But run out of options now (DH won't consider IVF), so that is it. Not got my head round it yet - just trying to keep afloat regards it all.

1. 3/4 months
2. 2 and a half years (with fertility treatment - there was a 0% chance without)
3. It was devastating - it felt like a bereavement every month (and yes, I have been through a "real" bereavement to know how it feels)
4. ??
5. Nope! Had things not worked out, then I know that we would have dealt with it and come through the other side. In some ways, it was the hope that was the hardest thing - I couldn't ever let go.

Peppermint PAtty I will answer this as you are similar to my situation.
DS1 was concieved almost immediately. DS2 ended up taking 1 year. I didn't expect that after first time.

I did find it hard, and feel that may have affected chances of conceiving.

After 1 year I went to GP. Cried at him , he promised blood tests to see if I was ovulating. Next month I was pg. I think that knowing the GP would help me actually relaxed me enough to get pg.

It will happen good luck, and try to relax, although I know how hard that is

We now have a very healthy and happy 11-month-old baby and just decided to start TTC the second. I'm back on my medication but on half the dosage so am not sure it will happen so quickly this time.

1. A vague few months - DH's family is very 'fertile' while seemingly no problems on my side either...

2. Depends on how you count it - After coming off BCP, I didn't get a period for 8 months before being referred to an endocrinologist who discovered I had elevated prolactin levels which was stopping me from ovulating. Once I got on medication, my period happened in about a month and we conceived the next cycle so altogether 9 months?

3. The problem with wanting a baby is... DH and I were married for 5 tears before we decided that we wanted a baby. Before that, we weren't sure. Once I turned 30, I got broody and once we decided we wanted one, we wanted one straightaway and you NEVER expect you will be the one to have problems conceiving so that 9 months was agonising. I found charting really helpful but like I said, once I decided I wanted one and it wasn't happening, it really was the first and last thing you think about everyday...

And the most important one:

4. Not really. I just tried to focus on work and DH. Work was going well for me and truth be told, DH and I had a nice life together and I tried to focus on that but it was hard as the moment you start TTC, that's all you think about and then all you friends start getting preggers!