Hi
I was a regular Mumsnetter many moons ago - before the whirlpool that is ivf dragged me off to an ivf related site and there aren't enough hours in the day to be addicted to more than one site! I'm not sure what made me return tonight - but all of a sudden I thought - I DO NOT want to read more ivf stuff, I want MUMSNET again!
I have a dd who is 4 and a treasure, we tried ttc again starting when she was 6 months as I was 37 - tried for a year, saw GP - tried clomid ( for no good reason with hindsight!) then after 18 months paid to see a specialist only to find that, despite the nhs saying it was fine, dh's sperm was utterly useless. It was ICSI or nothing. We started optimistically _ I responded well, plenty of eggs, grade 1 embryos - but no luck - cycle after cycle - until our 7th attempt last summer - when failure coincided with major surgery for my dad, my mum's death and dh having threatened redundancy! Technically that was when we gave up...
BUt of course in your heart you never really give up ttc - so I started seeing a Chinese Medical herbalist as I'd read such great things about CHM - accupunture and herbs every week - even persuaded dh to do it, thought that if there was a vague hope of conceiving I'd do pretty much anything. Then before Xmas, when dh had a new job I hit him with the 'I want to do another cycle' line ( having prefaced it in such a way that by the time I actually said it he was just relieved that I wasn't about to reveal that I was having an affair and leaving him!!!)
This cycle went even better than all the others despite me now being nearly 41 - fertilisation had been going down and down - this time we were back to 11 grade 1 embryos - and I got pregnant. I'm 16 weeks now.
I spent the first 12 weeks in a state of such nervous tension I was a wreck, I have never felt so screwed up in my life, so near and yet so far - the chances of miscarriage so high.... When I got to 12 weeks and my NT scan revealed a 1/8,600 chance of Downs I was just incredulous!!! Tempted to ask if I could have the body of a 16 year old to go with the odds! Needless to say the baby's heartbeat- which had been VERY high ( high 180s) came down 20 beats+ a minute in a 48 hour period ( I have a doppler at home...)
Now I'M incredulous - but very happy - tempted to let myself worry ( I've had 3 miscarriages before dd)- but then I remember what it was doing to the heartbeat and just think 'no!' what will be will be, I'll cope as and when, for now I'm just going to be optimistic and HAPPY'
So the moral of the story is - if you can find the money - just keep on trying as long as you can bear....and then some more!