The WIMBEWAI(N)F Club

picknmix for you. I'm sorry that AF arrived. I am absolutely convinced that unless you are in London, the system is stacked against you for access assisted conception treatment. Is there any possibility of you changing GP surgeries? It sounds like you are beign treaten appalingly. (apologies if you have discussed this below when I was on my sabbatical from the Wimbewai(n)f )

I wonder if my ovaries are behaving. i am off to google Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome . So far with my tunnel vision approach, I have avoided anything negative and/or scaring myself witless about the bad things that can happen, but everything does seem to be happening at super-lightning speed and the nurse was a bit evasive. Lots of "erm...monitor the situation" chat. They told me not to take the Gonal F (stmulating hormone in the morning "just in case"

MrsH - I can't believe that with a history of ectopic pregnancy and your recent experiences that the GP won't take you seriously. Let us know how the scan goes tomorrow. Great news about the pee on a stick result!

ei - thinking of you if you are looking in.
hello everyone else.

Bucky are you still there? Will email you tomorrow. I got caught up today at work

I used to have a wee stick addiction - 2yrs in and that addiction has waned, haven't taken a test in months, saved myself loads of ££!

Realised how jaded I've become when a friend said he and his wife were going for their 20wk scan today and my reaction was "good luck". He responded with "why do I need luck?". I quickly backtracked and said "oh, I just meant hope it's a lovely experience for you".

I then walked away and cried. I knew then that if/when (lets try and stay positive!) I ever get that + hpt I know its just the beginning and I'm not sure I'll ever really enjoy it. I'm nearly 30 and I always imagined I'd have at least 1 child by now, always wanted a big family but I'm seriously having to reassess my expectations. The thought that I might have to go through all this again if I ever wanted to produce a sibling (again , staying optimistic) makes me feel sick.

Not sure who looked at my results if I'm honest. I know that sounds flakey but I've sort of got confused with who's looked at what. Haven't seen a gynaecologist in the flesh yet, they seem reticent to refer me to one. I think my GP assumes that the fertility clinic will sort everything - guess that means I have to bide my time and wait until June. Ho Hum.

This wasn't supposed to be this difficult! I've never been someone to assume life owes me something and I'm very grateful for all I have but I think my patience just wore out...

My god but I'm in an awful mood, I apologise!!

Poor you PnM. When you had your blood tests, who was it who interpreted the results? Was it a GP or a specialist? The reason I ask is that I find it really hard to believe that there would not be an underlying hormonal issue when your cycles are crazy. I really wish I could post you a decent gynaecologist to take control.

Oh, and I agree with you re the HPTs. In fact when they gave the free ones away and we were asked to comment my feedback was that I thought they might be the cause of a lot of worry for women who would check regularly to see if their pregnancy appeared to be progressing properly. It's just a shame that I am addicted to wee-sticks really. I must buy shares in the company that makes clearblue...

I'm excited for both you GG and MrsH, it seems good things are finally happening for you both which is fab!

Its amazing that your results have come through so quick gg - your innards must be on their best behaviour!! Best of luck tomorrow, let us know how it all goes.

Sorry it took so much heart ache to get the right result MrsH, totally agree that your gp is completely missing the severity of this situation but pleased you got there eventually. Yay for a better test result though! Although this was one of my initial thoughts about the cb test - that it lays itself open to creating more panic than is healthy when the test doesn't show what you expect. Again, another way to make money from the ttc as you just end up testing more.

Ei please don't ever feel like you can't post on here when you're down. I wish you lots of love at the moment at such a difficult time.
How are you doing Bucky?

I forgot to mention that my period arrived the other day . On cd23 ffs. Last month it was cd54. My body is officially shit. Not sure I can manage this anymore. Not even sure this actually is my period as its not the same as usual but don't feel I can go to the doctor as they don't seem to care. As you say gg, it seems unless you're in London the resources are seriously lacking. I feel your pain at your uphill struggle MrsH!!

Am in a dreadful mood so will stop now before I bring you all down with me!

Take care xx

Blimey that is exciting GG. Your ovaries must be in excellent nick. Good luck for tomorrow.

I am glad to have the scan arranged, but I am so sick of my GP. Any appointment system that treats potential ectopic pregnancy as though it is not an emergency is quite simply not fit for purpose. I can't wait to move GPs (that's next week's task, if this bean is ok). Thank God for decent NHS consultants who would rather see me at this stage and be in control than have me rushed in in the middle of the night with a ruptured tube... I just wish getting to this point had not been such a battle. I was becoming hysterical at one point and it is most unpleasant.

Don't slap me too hard but I did another of those conception indicator tests this avo (so not FMU) and it says 2-3 weeks so I have calmed down a little!!

Hope everyone is ok. Sorry for ranting again, my head is rather full with doing battle with the NHS!

Just had a call from the hospital - they got the blood test results and they want me to come in tomorrow for my Day 9 scan (i.e. day 6!). I am reacting more quickly than expected, which is both exciting and scary IYKWIM

Hoep you are all well.

GGx

fantastic news about the scan mrsH i am sure your little bean will be fine and the consultant will be able to have a good look and reassure you. Persistence definitely pays off in these things! Well doen for beign assertive.

I've just got the time for my Day 9 scan on Friday ....it's at 7.20am! Which is my third appointment this week. We live a couple of bus rides away or 10 mins in a taxi from the clinic, but it really brought it home to me how difficult it must be to undergo assisted conception if you live outside London/far from a clinic/in a rural location. The system clearly favours city dwellers. Idon't know how I would to juggle work and appointments at the same time otherwise.

I have just eaten a tube of Mini Eggs . YUMMY! Being almost completely off alcohol since Christmas has given me the worst ever chocolate cravings. i am clearly substituting one fattening product that is bad for you for another

Thanks Ei. To echo what GG said, you couldn't possibly bore us. Obviously you are going to be sad and if you need to talk about it you go right ahead.

GG how exciting that you hopefully are coming up to egg collection so soon. and don't worry about what the clinic might think about your DH not being there. He'll go for the important bits and there is no point in two of you taking time out of work for a little blood test. At my clinic the waiting room was always full of women on their own and I think that is pretty usual.

Well, I have had a very frustrating morning. Firstly speaking to the EPAU who said (notwithstanding what they told me before) that they could not see me without a GP letter, then to the GP's receptionist who told me needing to go to the EPAU is not an emergency (even though the EPAU is an emergency service) and so I could join the very long queue for an appointment. Then I spoke to my private clinic to see if they could do a scan for me. I really did not want to go private though, since if any treatment is needed I would have to get a referral from an NHS consultant for BUPA to pay for it, and then - woo hoo! - a nurse from the NHS EPAU called me and said one of the consultants is willing to see me if I pop in tomorrow. He even reckons apparently that they should be able to spot the bean at 4+3 (although even if he can't at least I will be in the system so will automatically get some follow-up). So I can breathe a sigh of relief. Until tomorrow, anyway!

Hope you are all well.

ei - don't worry about boring us. You wouldn't for a start, and we are here for you when things are sh*tty. Thanks for the lovely welcome back to the thread, i missed you all . He he, we've got no holidays planned at the moment, but if IVF works/does not work, I think a relaxing break might be in order ot get over it all . Thinking of you. Try to stay positive and get some sleep. (((((((hugs)))))))

readyfor2&3 - i am now very inspired by you and madoldbird and the possibility of twins. Maybe some twin luck from the WIMBEWAI(N)F will rub off on me . I think you have something like a 25% chance of a multiple birth if IVF works, so I actually have my fingers crossed for two. My mum is a twin and DH's aunts, so it's something we would love to happen if the cards fall in the right way.

bucky - are you alright today? Did you speak any more to yoru DP about maybe going for IVF? Hope you had a lovely weekend of being spoiled

I had my day 5 blood test this morning, so we are edging closer and closer to egg collection and transfer, probably next week. I HATE gettign blood taken and i am a complete wuss. DH couldn't come with me today, which i didn't mind at all (only takes 10 mins) but i have noticed the clinic are quite sniffy about that, like you are not "together" enough. The doctor asked "And wher is your partner today....?!" sort of insinurating that DH should be there to show solidarirty. DH and I are absolutely rock solid - more so than ever - so it felt odd. It was only a tiny wee blood test and he's come to everything else.

Must get on with some work. Happy Mondays everyone.

Big hello to caitni - an excellent Irish win yesterday. You desreve a few drinks. I was the pub watching it too (but on one wine and the rest lemonades )

Hello to mrsH too. I am sure the CBD is just a little out with dates and everything will be fine. Please check in later and let us know how you are.

GGx

hi ladies
just a quick hello while i am sleepless and tying to keep my mind occupied
things are still painful and sad here so i wont bore you all with the dreary talk tonight i just wanted to pop in as i miss you lot (how sad am i?!!)
and i also noticed my old pal judith chalmers has returned im glad life is good for you with the ivf going well etc
also another set of twins RFN2&3 congrats!!
we will have to change the thread name to TWINbewai(n)f club before long if any more of you lot get a double BFP!!
and last but by no means least...drumroll please ...
MrsH OH MY BLOODY NORA!!! a BFP jesus that was quick!! i am made up for you congrats!! i couldnt think of another lovely girl who deserves a healthy bean more than you do
love and hugs!! xx
xx ei xx

CAITNI The beans and I are good thanks, though I would be very grateful if you had a ciggie for me as I have been craving one all day lol
Glad you had a good day x

MRSHAPPY Glad you have decided to ignore the test, if it helps I did one of those on christmas day when I was about 5 weeks and it came up as 2-3 wks, which was right but considering I am having twins I would have expected it to be higher. The cramps sound very positive too

Hope that scan comes round quickly to help put you at ease though, I know I dont understand how you must feel but I do know that those first 12 wks are hard enough without extra worry x

That sounds like a lovely day to me, Caitni. God I would love a cigarette this evening. That must count as my first pregnancy craving - how warped is that?

Well I have decided to ignore the crappy Clearblue. Instead I am going to call the EPAU tomorrow and find out what they advise me to do. I am having plenty of period-style cramps which I am taking as a good sign (with both my eps I had backache more than tummy cramps) and not too many twinges on either side. My DH is sure this one is fine (bless him) but I am on tenterhooks. Hence the longing for a Marlboro Light, perhaps...

Thanks for calming me down, RFN2 and Caitni.

I hope everyone else is ok. GG next week does sound exciting and I think the approach of taking it one hurdle at a time is bang on. Can't wait to hear how you get on.

Oh MrsH I'm so sorry about the CB digi - damn the bloody conception indicator - but I agree with RFN2&3 (love the name change btw ), these things aren't definitive and the bean may have implanted later than you thought. Your chart is looking excellent, very reassuring temp rise today, and I'd put more stock in that. Your temp is so nice and high, please try and take some comfort from that while you wait for a scan to reassure you...just about a week until you get your scan so keeping my fingers firmly crossed until then

RFN2&3 hope you're doing well and that the beans are doing well

GG I think your tunnel vision approach is very smart - IVF strikes me as easier if you take each day/mile stone as it comes. Let us know how your blood test is tomorrow - am hoping you get an eggscellent haul of eggies to fertilise

Bucky I hope you're doing OK.

Waves to PnM MOB Ei and all of our graduates

I've been very naughty today - lots of pints (nearly four ) at the pub watching Ireland beat Italy in the rugby (yay!) and I even had a sneaky cigarette. How bad is that (especially considering I'm actually post ovulation ). Still, really enjoyed it, felt like old style caitni iykwim . Not that I've actually smoked in yonks...

MrsHappy I wouldnt worry about the test, you may just have implanted a couple of days later than you thought.
When is the earliest they will scan you?

Hello ladies

Sorry for the me me me rant which is to follow, but I need to get this off my chest...

Today, because I am a muppet, I decided to pee on my second CBD and it still says "pregnant 1-2 weeks" even though I am 4+2. I know these things are hardly definitive, but now I am chewing my nails off in terror and wishing I could have a scan NOW. (Which I can't as it's too early).

Just wanted to rant, thanks for reading.

Will be back later to check on you all properly.

Happy Valentines Day ladies (for yesterday - sorry, I'm a bit late ). Hoep your DP/Dh's all spoiled you rotten. I got a lovely bunch of spring flowers. Bless DH . We don't normally bother with Valentine's Day (too commercial, who wants to eat pink heart shaped food in a restaurant, yadda yadda), but I was extra sensitive/emotional this year with all the IVF stuff - blame the hormones - so they feel more like my "Brave Soldier" flowers not fainting when going through the injections .

caitni - blood test tomorrow to check hormone levels and Day 9 scan on Friday, then day 12 scan next Monday, so next week is the biggie for us. So far I have been very "tunnel vision" about this - just treating every day as it comes, not looking far ahead and not allowing myself to get too focused or excited, but today I felt a bit more "up". It's good to have the time out to think - we were referred back in July, but our number didn't come up until November and then drup treatment started last month and that breathing space to get my head round everything (and I don't mean in a detailed, "let's let everything sink in, gentle, gradual acknowedgement/acceptance of the fact we are undergoing ICSI way, IYKWIM )

bucky - I bet your flowers were gorgeous!! and it's great your DP seems interested in IVF. It feels like you are doing something really positive, in a way, and men like it because there is a definited path/list/series of steps. i think men can be quite binary and logical in how they approach things and playing russian roulette each month with sh*agging with no result, as we did, confused and demoralised DH. This has given hm somehting to focus on and he likes it because he's doing something. Let me knwo if you want to chat any time.

mrsH - just had a look at your chart. fantastic! Hope your DD has stopped her tantrum. Just wait until you have two .

picknmix - My DH is quite clingy these days. I am typing this really quickly so he doesn't see me on MN again and moan he isn't getting attention. Have you thought any more about a clinic on the south coast that suits you?

hello to anyone missed! Check in later. I am off to Soho today for the unveiling of a blue plaque to Peter Cook (best friend is a journalist who's covering the event and she's got us on the guest list). Stephen Fry and Ian Hislop and people are going to be there So excited.

Happy valentines ladies - hope you're all having lovely days...

Just a quick post to give some to Bucky - so sorry to hear about a BFN and that ttc is getting you down . The contrast from holiday fun to real life is horrible...I just wanted to second what GG said about IVF taking the pressure off. Hearing that ICSI is our only realistic chance of having a baby has taken a huge weight off me and my DH's relationship. We're actually shagging for fun now instead of just bd-ing around ov time! Tis great! It makes me realise how dutiful our sex life had become . And while I'm still sad that I can't just get pregnant naturally with the man I love, I'm happy that IVF gives us the chance to have the family we dream of. And honestly, as long as we love our DC I don't give a monkeys how they were conceived .

GG hope those eggs are coming along nicely - when's your next scan to see how things are progressing?

MrsH your chart's still looking lovely . But I hope you stop temping at 18 dpo (cos I don't want you stressing out if your temp goes up and down!). Sorry to hear you won't be at the meet up but South Africa - sounds fab!

Waves to every one else. I'm off to cook up all the lovely food we bought in Borough Market today .

Hi everyone. I hope you all received lovely flowers today.

Bucky I am sorry you've been having a shit time. I know well the feeling that sex has become a chore, and god, it's so disappointing when you get a BFN and you know you timed sex well, had lots of it etc.

I think what GG says about IVF taking the pressure off must be right. Once I became The Unituber I had to accept that I might not have another baby, especially when a couple of my nearest and dearest suggested that it might never happen for me. Hard though it was to swallow, it did take the pressure off to realise that there are no guarantees and that life will go on and be good, even if it does not meet my expectations. If you can find a way to be less focussed on ttc it really might help you, or at least help you to not feel so bad when you get a BFN (although with any luck you don't have many of those to go of course...).

Will be back later, DD is throwing a tantrum and I am the boss of her so have to go referee...

Happy Heart Day everyone,

Just wanted to pop on and give Bucky a massive huge Its all a bit shit this ftc business isn't it. Gone are the days where I spent my time daydreaming of babies and buggies and pregnancy and googling 'early pregnancy symptoms'.

However, I think what GG has written is very interesting about IVF actually taking the pressure off ttc and worth taking heart from. Your DP must be feeling the pressure - is it possible he's trying to protect you from further heartache by not wanting to go through with IVF?

I know my DH is properly stressed by the whole ttc thing and it's proving to be quite a major obsticle as sitting between us is this big white ttc elephant that kinda gets in the way whenever we attempt to shag for shaggings sake rather than 'bd'.

Anyway, speaking of which, I appear to be on the internet instead of spending time with said DH so best go but, again, sending you

Hi to everyone else, apologies for no personel shouts to you all, hope you all have a lovely weekend

xx

Bucky - I am so sorry it's a BFN Bless you, I am absolutely sure you are not going to be left behind. We are all here for you and everyone is allowed to have a me me me post. Hell, I've done it often enough . please don't be sad. Thinking of you.

Is your DP really against the idea of assisted conception or is it just because he is stressed too? You may not be shagging like bunnies but that's because there is so much prssure on you both, as you say and BD-ing is not about pleasure and enjoyment, it's about BABIES!! If anything, i think that undergoing IVF has actually take pressure off us. It is good again because it's about pure fun and not TTC. When you did shag like bunnies, it was when there was no pressure. I am sure it will all come right in the end. (((((Big hugs))))) Or is it (((("higs"))))

MrsH - sorry you are not going to be at the meet up. South ASfrica is fantastic (I spent my honeymoon there!) I am very jealous

hello to everyone else,

GGx

Hi all

No feedback on the interviews yet GG. The problem is that with lots of the jobs advertised people are not really sure they have budget so it's a bit of a fishing expedition. Very frustrating! I suspect things will get better in a few weeks but I really need a job before I start to show!!! You shouldn't have felt nervous about coming back. You've been missed and it's great that you've reappeared. Hope the bruises are not too eggstreme. (I am happy about the egg-puns too!)

Caitni unfortunately I won't be able to make it to the meet-up. When I found out about my job I booked DD and I onto a flight to south Africa to visit some rellies and we leave the day before the meeting, providing that there is nothing wrong with this bean. But if you want the CD I am sure we can figure out a way to get it to you! Especially now we are nearly neighbours.

Hope everyone else is well.

caitni I can vouch for the CD (think we have the same one MrsH)

nothing much to report from here apart from a tender tummy after lots of injections. I am doing the stimulating drugs now, but so far don't feel very stimulated. Just short tempered and bruised

How did your interviews go mrsH? any news or feedback? It's rubbish isn't it. Lots of my friends are in a similar boat at the moment and my job security is crap, so i expect that I'll be in the same situation. I am just praying for a BFP soon, because my thinking is that if they try to make me redundant I can claim discrimination (actually, i told them we were doing IVF for the same reasons). It might not change the outcome but I might get a bigger pay off . I'd be happy to go anyway TBH I am not very happy in my role and was only hanging around for the maternity pay/not wanting to move jobs while TTC.

How is everyone else. . It's quiet on here. How are you doing today picknmix. bucky are you home yet from your adventure in Miami?

i am excited about the meet up at the end of Feb. Is everyone going?

Thanks for the lovely welcome back. I was really quite nervous