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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

desperate for any help as no idea whats going on??!!! can anyone help me???

156 replies

Wishing · 24/10/2008 17:13

i have copied this to 2 post so sorry if im repeating myself but need advice of anyone who can help;

this morning got bfn with tesco cheapie fmu, was sure felt af terrible cramps down below, irritable and teary -got to work went to do a knicker chec and there was a brownish red stain in them, not had anything like it before and thought it was af starting, wiped it was mucussy (is that a word?? so put a towel into till af got going. was sure i could feel it all morning so cried to dh on phone, cried at my desk and was literally heartbroken. then got a call from my friend who has same cycle as me and also ttc this month, she was sure af coming but nothing and always has it first thing. we chatted and she went to get a test at 11ish VERY soon later she called me to say she had a bfp! i was so so happy for her she was so shocked and so happy but deep down i was falling apat - tears came i was gutted i just couldnt and still dont understand why i havent got a bfp - we did exactly the same, in fact i bd a lot lot more!! anyway went to change pad and there was nothing!! not a drop or a splurge!! awful cramps but no af, what i thought was af was just lots of cm! TMI WARNING - there is loads of it!! so at lunch i went to get a cb test - not digital and peed away - hadnt had that much to drink and got another bfp?? was so mad at myself cos was sure deep down that af was coming but hanging on to a hope that stain this morning was actually implantation bleeding. carried on to this afternoon and on another trip to loo to find no af i managed to go to loo, constipation for 2 days now and i managed to let a bit of it go - PAIN has gone>!>!>! ??? dont feel like af coming any more, something very wrong with boobs and have a banging headache and feel sick. WHAT IS GOING ON?????? still no af?? i do think headache and sickness may be all emotions im feeling but i have continued to cry over anything all day, im never this emotional! i no i am hanging on to a huge hope here but do i stand a chance this month??

OP posts:
Sunnydale · 04/11/2008 18:04

Now here's a strange thing. Not to go off on a tangent, but thought it might be interesting for anyone using OPKs. I had an ultrasound today (to shed light on why I hadn't had a period - sorry, AF - for 9 weeks) and may the gods be praised, it showed a blessed egg measuring 17mm! Apparently an egg ready for fertilisation measures about 20mm, which means I'll ovulate vv soon! I am so happy I am just beaming! There was me worrying I'd reached early menopause. "If you want to make love, tomorrow night might be a good time," said the gynae. Well, DH is away with work tomorrow night, so tonight will have to be his lucky night instead. My point is: I just peed on an ovulation predictor stick (to see if it would correlate with the ultrasound findings) and it came back negative. It says on the packet that a positive result means I'll ovulate within the next 24 - 48 hours. Therefore surely I should have had a positive result. An ultrasound cannot lie: I saw the egg with my own eyes! I wonder if this means OPKs are unpredictable. I'm just posting this incase anyone reading is depressed because they haven't ovulated... because maybe they have, or are, and the test just didn't pick it up. Sorry if this is unhelpful. Wishing, here's to next month. Who knows: soon we may all be on the same thread but for babies due in September. I'm just trying to be positive for us all. Wouldn't it be great if we all had ultrasound devices in our kitchens. I bet celebrities have those, and the royal family. Sorry, just being silly. Words can't express how relieved I am: I know it seems daft to be happy about ovulating in itself, but from where I'm standing it's a big step forward from thinking I was a dried up old hag with no eggs left.

Original poster
Wishing · 04/11/2008 16:22

hello everyone, thankyou for the posts great to hear all your advice and thoughts!! thaliblogs caled docs to try and get exact details about the levels but he isnt available right now!! have to call back in the morning! however i tend to feel same as headfairy and feel it was an early mc. i have had one before at 4 weeks where i got a faint bfp and the circumstances of this weekend were very simialr if not worse - dont want to go into tmi as not pleasant, but this is the first day i have actually really felt better - got on with a few jobs instead of just moping!!

i am definately using ov sticks this month and really try monitor everything even temps leading up to ov then when i know i have done all i can relax! im sure all the stressing and upset hasnt helped myself or the bean!!

on the drinking front sunnydale i dont think you should be labelling yourself a terrible mother for enjoying the odd glass of wine, especially after getting that dreadful bfn!!, i had very little in my 2 ww except a glass of champagne follwing an engagement this time! I have had a few glasses of wine over the weekend following the bleeding but i think this month once everything has cleared up and we start babydancing i will not have anything leading up to the 2ww this time either - i arent a huge drinker these days anyway, dh works all hours and have 2 jobs so we dont often go out - but will have a drink on a sunday night maybe with tea; and having 2 jobs i havent been out with friends for a while! oh dear - maybe it will do me good! like you say head fairy let my hair down for a week or so!!

well i dont think i can actually go that far, have been a bit of emotional wreck lately but today crying has been a real minimum so i think im definately getting there!!

i also agree with thaliablogs that a bit of alchohol in moderation isnt going to hurt anyone or any bean before the 2ww and i have heard also not in the very early days - my friend conceived Just before her honeymoon a few years ago and told me she actually took a strong drug on honeymoon ( yes i was very VERY shocked as well) she was so scared when she found out about the pg after and confessed to midwife, who gave her a right rollocking!! and rightly so!! but also told her until implantation has been sucessfull anything you take wont have an effect on the bean, luckily when they worked out the dates its unlikely her bean had implanted at that stage and all was fine!!

i hate coffee so i never drink but hadnt heard that thaliblogs!
Michaelas - so sorry to hear you seem to be going through something very simialr to me, i really realyl feel for you, its not nice at all and if you are anyting like i was (and still am a bit!) you will be an emotional wreck, plus i dont really think anything i say can help! However i can always try!

I know exactly how you feel regards docs and you have likely read mine was useless and is still not so keen to help! and i know that its not always easy to make them listen or insist on seeing another doc, i couldnt do it! and i know if i exp this again i dont think i will even visit docs - some really dont seem too keen to help unless you walk in there waving a bfp and say your around 10 weeks! hopefully i arent going to have to go through this again, but you never know!!

love to all
xxx

OP posts:
MichaelaS · 04/11/2008 11:45

Hi all, just wanted to let off steam, am in limbo here. Went to see the doctor this morning, am on CD38 of a 29 day cycle and testing negative, doctor was really unhelpful. Quite supportive and apologetic, but apparently there is nothing they can do and I just have to wait and see if I miss another period.

Am fed up of this game. Just want to get pregnant and have done with it.

Re drinking - oh yes, I definitely accompany each CD1 with a great big glass of wine or a double vodka & coke

HeadFairy · 04/11/2008 11:42

Wishing, so sorry you're going through this. I agree you should make absolutely sure you see a more sympathetic doctor next time. Hopefully a woman will be more sympathetic, not always, sometimes they can be just as insensitive, but they have all the same hormonal fluctuations as us so they understand the very deep biological need to have a baby..... hopefully!

Without being down on things, what you've experienced does sound like a mc to me... I can't remember when your bloods were done, but when I had my mc last month I was passing clots and bleeding heavily on the saturday and by the wednesday my hcg levels were below 5. The only evidence I had of being pregnant was a positive test. Luckily our brilliant epu never questioned whether I was pg or not and accepted I'd had an early mc. The good news is that I too used OPKs this month, and I detected an LH peak exactly two weeks after the day of the heaviest bleeding and when the clots came out. Hopefully you'll have the same luck. I'm now on the 2ww. Don't think I'm pg really, had a few twinges but really trying not to think about it. If I were you I would do my best not to think about it, let your hair down a bit and have some fun for the next couple of weeks.

As for the drinking during pregnancy thing.... I've always been a bit relaxed about it like thaliablogs. I spent ages avoiding alcohol while ttc, and with every bfn I'd get more frustrated that I was putting my life on hold for something that just wasn't happening. I don't drink masses anyway but I felt that a couple of drinks here and there wasn't going to do any damage while ttc.

I conceived ds just after Christmas 2006 and I'd had really strong implantation pains on New Years Eve and had a really bad dilemma, drink or no drink. In the end I had a couple of glasses of champagne and a cocktail. It was a tough decision, esp as a week later I was officially late but I hadn't tested and it was my friend's 40th birthday party. Again, I restricted myself to a couple of glasses of wine and one mojito. As soon as I found out for sure I didn't really drink anything during the first trimester apart from half a glass of champagne to toast someone who'd just got engage, and to divert suspicion!

After my first trimester, I allowed myself a couple of units a week. It was really hard because we went skiing when I was 15 weeks pg and a cold beer after a days skiing is one of life's pleasures!

thaliablogs · 03/11/2008 23:13

Wishing, you should try to get him to tell you the level. Below 5 and it was probably never a pregnancy, above 5 it would class as a chemical, ie a very early miscarriage, which will be important if you go for further testing. Sorry to hear of this, you've been through so much.

Sunnydale, I don't drink much anyway, but know that the two weeks before you know you are pregnant the foetus cannot be affected by alcohol, and so never worry about having 1/2 a glass of wine when I want one. Since I never drink that much, this is fine for me. I wouldn't go out and get pissed during the 2ww or early pregnancy, but I will have a drink here and there. And in the 2 weeks before ovulation, well then anything is fine. I think it becomes more of a problem if you are constantly denying yourself. The thing I have a problem with is coffee which I know is assoc with miscarriage at high levels. I gave it up when we first started ttc, but after 2 years, no baby and 2 miscarriages, I thought what the hell and started having just a little coffee every morning. Since my daughter was conceived unexpectedly I was happily drinking turkish coffee and drinking wine with dinner every night during her first 2 weeks of development, so after that I didn't feel I had to give up coffee during the pregnancy, so I stuck to just 1 cup and she seems to be just fine!

Everyone has to make their own decisions on this stuff, don't they?

HeinzEVILSight · 03/11/2008 22:01

Big BIG hugs to you wishing. Am wishing for next month for you x x

Sunnydale · 03/11/2008 21:32

LotsHi Wishing, I'm so sorry you are going through such a horrible time. For what it's worth, I think you are v brave and have the right attitude in thinking positive for next month. Wishing you lots of luck with that - will you let us know about the blood test results?

Now, in the spirit (if you'll forgive the bad pun) of trying to raise a smile on this emotional thread, do any of us fancy sharing our attitudes to alcohol when TTC? Do you lay off it entirely? Do you follow up a BFN with a stiff G&T? Or do you get hammered every few weeks just to take the pressure off? (only when you know you're not PG, I mean...) I feel a bit conflicted about it all. I'm so desperate to have a baby, but I also like a drink, so every time I test a BFN I tend to go down the pub and have a few pints, only to regret them the next day and feel like a crap mum who has jeopardised her optimum ability to conceive. Does anyone else feel like this, or is it just me? Sorry to raise the subject, I just thought it might be funny to share. Apologies if nobody agrees - just ignore me!

Original poster
Wishing · 03/11/2008 21:31

he isnt one i ususally see thankfully and i know i will n ot settle with seeing him agian!! When the time comes again to see a gp im going to ask to see the lady gp as been prev suggested to me - hoping a female may be a bit more on my wave length!!

xxxxxxx

OP posts:
yellowflowers · 03/11/2008 21:27

Wishing - you should change gp oif you can, either to a different one in same practise or new one altogether - you need to feel cinfident you are being taken seriously. SOunds like a chemical pregnancy. Much love.xx

Original poster
Wishing · 03/11/2008 21:16

thanks head fairy thats a lovely story and it brough a huge smile to my face! irs exactly how i feel some days!

well today has been much better for me, but i need a new gp!! he has been rubbish so unhelpful and unsympathetic!! the blood tests showed not very much according to the gp, he didnt feel the need to see me, tyroid etc everything fine shouldnt be having any problems! i did have low levels of hcg in my blood but not viable to conf a pregnancy, i conf to doc that i had started heavy bleeding and he said well there you go then!! no are you ok how or anything?? i mean i dont know what i was expecting from dr but a bit more than there you go then!!

does this mean another mc?? i have passed quite a few clots one or 2 which have been large and it has been a horribly painful one! i just dont know! i tried to quiz dr and he just advised again that hcg levels were very low and when considering i would have been around 5 weeks when bloods were taken it wouldnt be a viable pregnancy. so i guess i have no option other than to draw a line under this now, i no i ovulated at the right time as i was testing myself and i think we gonna do that again this month, but once ov has occured im seriously going to have to chill out!! i cant wind myself up so much again this month its just not physically fair to me or dh.

thanks everyone for looking out for my posts and your advice and good wishes!

love me xxxxx

OP posts:
LittleMissBliss · 03/11/2008 17:00

Hi wishing just wondering how you were today and if you managed to get to the bottom of anything with the blood results?.

Hope you are feeling more positive today. x

HeadFairy · 03/11/2008 08:49

It's not so bad to feel that way wishing, it's totally normal and understandable. I was in the exact same place as you. I live in just about the most family orientated place on earth, it's even nicknamed nappy valley, and when I walk down my road every single woman is either pregnant or has a child with them. It was hell.

How long have you been ttc? Have you had any bloods done to establish everything's working ok? I had all the usual hormone checks because it took me 18 months to conceive ds and it was reassuring to find out everything was working ok. Of course until you've got pg and carried to term all that means nothing. I so understand how awful it is.

One day really sticks in my mind, the 15th December 2006. I was working, and my period had just started which was gutting. I'd had a crappy day at work and was knackered and then at the end of the day I got an email from a friend of mine saying she was pg with her third. Of course I was happy for her, but all the way home, which was over an hour's journey, I held it in. Choked back the tears. As soon as I got through the front door I burst in to tears... I sobbed my heart out, my dh was really worried because I couldn't talk for about 10 mins. He thought I'd been attacked or something. Finally I told him and he was very sweet and cuddled me, cooked a lovely meal and we had a few glasses of wine. The reason I remember that date so well is because it was the date of my LMP and my pregnancy with ds was dated from the 15th December. I know that won't help you, but I just wanted to reassure you, you're not alone, so many of us on here have been through it and know how hard it is for you. I just wish I could wave my magic wand and make us all pg!

Enjoy some of those non pregnant perks for a couple of weeks and try again

Original poster
Wishing · 02/11/2008 22:44

today was hard guys! i work part time in a local resturant part time! so many pregnant ladies and newborns or youg babies! well sunday is family day! everywhere i looked there was a lady with a huge bump or a baby!! and my friend has just given birth to a little girl!! oooooohhhhh i am so pleased for them but found myself in toilet a few times today fighting back the tears and thinking why not me!?!?!?! oh is that so bad of me!?? this month seems so far away for me!! why do i keep having to wait!!

Thanks for the kind wishes and thoughts girlies! oh well off to bed, dh took me out for a lovely meal to try and cheer me up and had too many glasses of wine! the upside to no bean i guess!!

xxxxxxxlove to all xxxxx

OP posts:
HeinzEVILSight · 02/11/2008 22:20

Poor you wishing, what a horrid time you're going through .

HeadFairy · 02/11/2008 09:28

aw, bless you wishing, you poor thing Keeping up a normal routine is good, I went to work the day after my last mc. Kept my mind busy so I didn't really get time to think about it. I hope you have better luck next month. Come back and keep us posted xx

Original poster
Wishing · 02/11/2008 00:33

thanks guys!! i think i have to kiss goodbye to this month though! im coping quite well - i went to work!! i know propbably seems wierd but it really helped, i couldnt cry i had to be positive and im home now and feel much better - dh and i have had a cuddle and trying to be positive!

blood test should clear up whats going on!! i hope this isnt another early mc - it seems the same as last time, very paiful and clotty now, but guess blood test will conf! i really dont think there is anything wrong with my thyroid but will be definately good to rule it out and sort it if it is a problem!!

thanks for the offer sunnydale, im gonna try pass over this now and not dwell on it, if blood test does show anything i may in touch cos never understand what they are saying !!

Love to all and thanks for your good wishes nand thoughts! i will get through this - i have had some tears and now its time to start concentrating on next month!!

xxxxxxxx

OP posts:
Sunnydale · 01/11/2008 21:52

Hi Wishing, just to say am thinking of you. I have a thyroid problem and it's true, it can disturb your period BUT you are doing the best thing in getting it tested, and if it does turn out to be dicky then it's a v simple thing to get sorted out (email me if you want more advice, not that I'm an expert). Fingers crossed it's not a thyroid and is actually a baby. But I second what Glimmer says: it's very very hard to understand how sould destroying it is to cope with ttc after a mc. Sending you lots of luck and love xx

HeadFairy · 01/11/2008 21:42

wishing, so sorry to hear this, it's always scary to have anything like this happen. I'm sure it's nothing, no pain is a good sign. I hope the bleeding stops soon. xx

MichaelaS · 01/11/2008 19:00

oh wishing how annoying! its so difficult waiting to find out. is there any way you can distract yourself today, to make it easier to wait for the test results? what about going to the cinema or getting out the house somehow?

Original poster
Wishing · 01/11/2008 15:13

well i woke up today happier than i have all week and when i went to loo i hd a brownish discharge again when i wipe, no pain no cramps and doesnt feel like af but there is definatley some bleeding - i have been knicker checking like made since and it has now turned more red and blood like but only when i wipe?? its not actually getting into my knickers, its only when i wipe??

still no pains!?!?!?! OR CRAMPS??!?!?! Normally when i get af i get relly bad cramps an hour before and then full flow, no messing and it last 3 days - this is so wierd and i cant take much more - what is going on!! tears are the only thing thats actually flowing!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishing · 31/10/2008 21:20

thanks glimmer - do you know what the docs use?? i seem to have spent a fortune on tests - still have 2 left so think i will wait and text in a few weeks if af still not arrived, which cant see it is going to!? and if blood test is negative!!

xxxx

OP posts:
Glimmer · 31/10/2008 20:42

I am so sorry, Wishing, and GP didn't sound very supportive at all. I think people who have not experienced it have no idea how stressful TTc can be and especially after a mc. Because the moment we learn about a pg, we make plans for that new life and it's so heartbreaking to let all these plans go.

Try and see it from the positive side. If you have a thyroid problem (?), they'll catch it early and there won't be any more delays.

A point on testing. The cheap test you can buy online are often more sensitive than the much more expensive over the counter ones. A typical one is 25 mIU/mg, but the sensitive ones are 10 mIU/mg. The only difference between the cheap and expensive one is the case (the cheap ones are just a strip).

Goo luck - I hope you are doing better.

Original poster
Wishing · 31/10/2008 17:49

thanks head fairy, he wont be home for a while but i will get them when he gets home, im going to treat myself to something nice for tea i think!! xxxxxx

OP posts:
HeadFairy · 31/10/2008 17:39

sorry, x post. so glad you've made up. Be kind to yourselves. Treat yourself to a few nice things, a cuddle, a big bar of chocolate , a nice quiet evening together and try to think of nice things.

HeadFairy · 31/10/2008 17:38

so sorry to hear this wishing. Poor you. When you get your results at least you'll be a step closer to knowing what's going on, and that could easily be a step closer to getting pg. Try to keep positive, it's so hard I know, but you can do so much with a positive state of mind. I hope you patch things up with dh, you need all the support you can get right now. Sending you (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))