Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

Hi stupidity, Welcome.

I completely understand how you feel, i realy do. Have been TTC for 4 and half years (well closer to 5 now) but whos counting. In that time my sis has had 3 DC and my other is is currently 25 weeks. Ive hardly seen her since found out shes Pg and feel like such a bitch but realy cant cope with it. I have 2 other sisters and a brother. My brother has just got a girl pg on a one night stand and hes 30 so should know better and my other sisters are 16 and 8. i'm beginning to get the feeling they will have children before i do!!!!
You must think im pretty young but im nearly 28 so not getting younger and recently read that fertility decreases from 27 Oh joy of joys.
You are not being a bitch in any way and its understandable that you would feel jealous its natural to feel that way. Perhaps if you called the person it involves and explained perhaps they would understand and be happy to see you on your own with no one else around that way you wont feel under so much pressure. When my friend had her little girl 2 years ago i was so jealous and put off seeing her for ages and when i finaly did she was a mess and needed so much help and advise that i forgot about me for a while. It will never ne as bad as you imagine realy it wont.
I have just started my second month of clomid was very unahappy when the first month failed but am going to try the sperm meets egg plan this month, if you google it and read up on it you may want to try. I dont know about you but it helps me to have a plan in place i dont feel so useless then.

Drop deadfred hi, am in similar situation to you. how long have you been trying? My dd is 7 and i know exactly how you feel to.

i have a CB monitor too - to be honest the last two times I got pg was when i refused to look at the thing as it still said the amount of days from my mc!! I never reset it so just went with natural instincts...probably has sex more as we are newlyweds (after 12 yrs together).

I have a CB fertility monitor and we have a lot of sex. I have tried to give up but it's pretty impossible. Maybe it will happen when I least expect it - though I have been thinking that all year.

thanks for taking the time to talk to me. I'll be ok. I do just need to get a grip.

do you have sex according to your cycle etc?

after a mc in 2007 it took me over a year to get pg again...i saw the doc but they just said there was nothing they could do as it was obvious i could get pg..eventually i pushed them for the 21 day tests - these were normal

i then fell pg and it was an ectopic..
but i have got pg 4 months later and it was by disregarding all our 'important days' and just having loads of sex all month
Apologies if you have tried this recently, but sometimes even pretending that you are not ttc can help.

Thanks

It's not really the grandmother thing at all, it's not like it's a competition. I just feel left behind and I feel quite upset quite a lot of the time that it's not looking good for us. We are waiting to see the fertility unit at the hospital but I have a few months. Apart from that it's probably just my age. There are no other diagnosed problems. It's just that I have been trying for more than a year and in that year I have had to deal with the conception, gestation, birth etc of a child in my family. At first people were all 'oh it will happen soon' and 'won't it be nice for your baby to be so close in age to their baby' and stuff like that. As time has gone on the prospect of me having a child seems more and more unlikely.

I am going to have to get a grip - I just wish I could fast forward a few years to the menopause so that I can actually just give up hope all together.

Stupidity - I'm sorry - I kow it's hard..I really do. (And I know you will think I don't as I hvae children, and I do agree it's proably harder for you in some ways).

Have you been told you have specific problems with fertility? Have you had treatment?

For what it's worth in my experience the love that a grandmother has for her grandchildren is ever expanding to cover the amount of grandchildren she has...your mum will love yours especially as she will know how special and wanted he/she was.

Best of luck

Dropdeadfred - It's not the baby I am jealous of. The baby in question a sibling's child and I feel very worried about how I am going to behave and what emotions I will experience holding my mother's first grandchild in my arms when I have been trying unsuccessfully for over a year and some people found it so easy to get pregnant.

I know these feelings are wrong but I can't help it. Other friends of mine have babies and it doesn't effect me as much, several people in work are pregnant and I really couldn't care less. It is this particular situation, it being a close family thing, that is upsetting me. Mostly because those close family members know I am trying and know I have been unsuccessful. I am supposed to be overjoyed at being an aunt but unfortunately I am so obsessed by my own failure that I find it very hard to deal with all this, particularly when I know I am being watched and my reaction is being noted.

I named myself stupidity because I know it is stupid. I have tried and tried to be cool about it but the fact that I will probably have my period when I do see them is making this worse for me. I also had my period when the baby was born and when the pregnancy was announced. It's a reminder I would rather do without.

Thanks Noleeen- Best of luck to you too, I know you have had a sad time of it...

dropdeadfred - Congrats, hope everything works out for you this time.

stupidity and worrybum - does it not make it easier to know it's not 'your' baby these ladies have had...?

To be honest I get jealous of other people being pregnant more than I envy them their babies..i don't want their babies...

(I do have 3 dds - but I have had 6 mcs and an ectopic which involved tube removal in emergency surgery)
I have just found out I am pregnant again - but i can't really celebrate until i get past 7-8 weeks as that is my danger point.

best of luck ladies!!!

Stupidity and worrybum {{{{hugs}}}} for you both!

One of my SIL's had a baby yesterday and the other one is to be induced on Wednesday so I really do know how you feel.

Stupidity & worrybum I can understand 100% how you are feeling, however i do think it would probably be best if you got it over with sooner rather than later rather than pro-long the enivitable. I have just suffered my 3rd m/c and have no children to date, i get so upset when i hear of friends expecting or having just had babies, however as hard as what this is i try my best to put on a brave face in front of them and if i feel i need to cry then i excuse myself and go and have a cry to myself. However, only you know what you can cope with at this present moment in time and if you feel its too soon them im sure everyone will understand.

Makes sense to me.

Pesonally I do't want to spend time visiting even the closest of relatives to see other people coo over their babies. Maybe that does make me a mean person but I am about to get my period which is just another sign that I am incapable of getting pregnant. I have only one alternative and that's to wait for some family gathering which I imagine will be worse for me and I would refuse to go so I have to force myself to make a visit and grin and bare it even though I know I will probably have to go off and cry somewhere. The only other thing suggested is that they come to see me but to be honest even that would make me feel awful.

Sorry first part of post disappeared when I posted. It said something like stupidity IKWYM. I'm finding myself in a similar situation to you at the moment and I really feel for anyone else going through this. I don't think it is uncommon or unreasonable.

I feel like such an evil b*h right now. This is going to sound so horrible but 2 of my relatives have given birth this week (within a day of eachother) and after 4 successive miscarriages I'm finding it hard to stomach. For the past 3 days if I've not been crying I've found myself constantly on the verge of crying and poor dh has been bearing the brunt of all my frustration. I'll have to see them next week too and if I'm completely honest I don't want to. I consider myself so lucky to have dd (9) and I know that some people will be thinking that perhaps I have no right to feel like this when at least I have her but believe me it still hurts like hell. Felt as though I was dealing with things okay but this week I feel like this has put me 10 steps back. Does any of this make sense?

I feel like a complete shit. A relative has had a baby recently and I have to go and see it. I decided to grab the bull by the horns and say I would go but now I am scared. I have to accept that other people have babies and I have to get over the upset I feel but today I have had a complete meltdown about the visit. I don't want my first visit to be them coming down to see me as that would mean a family get together and I would hate that as I don't need people looking at me with pity and I had a crap enough time in those circumstances when the pregnancy was announced. I am ready to call it off, I feel like I will never be ready to do the whole gushing over the baby thing until I am successful myself. I know I am being completely stupid.

Hi Pinkie,

Googled it and got all the info. I am definatley doing it this month.
I so hope it works. Am on CD3 at the mo so abit of time to go but heres hoping.

Goodluck to you.

Lilacpink These things do put a lot of strain on relationships, we had a heart to heart last night and he opened up a bit, he did state that every time I talk about it I say 'my baby' whereas he was like it was 'our baby' which is true so maybe I was being a bit inconsiderate there, not meaning to be of course. He says he's hurting by it all as well and his best mates wife is expecting and all he ever talks about is the baby and he says it just really gets to him... I think we will work things out but just need a wee bit of space to gather our thoughts and think about what we want, we have both being through so much this year. I think its just men, some men are so considerate and thoughtful and then others (like my own) are just 'men?s men', which isn't always great. I hope you be feeling better soon, you have been through a tough time of it. My period arrived just on time today so I?m hoping this is my body starting to get regulate again, i always had a 28day cycle.

Notorious Welcome, as you had stated less than a year isn't medically seen as being that long BUT when you are TTC even one month is an absolute eternity. I have got pregnant relatively quick with all 3 pregnancies but m/c all 3 so although I am fortunate in the sense I can get pregnant quickly it is unfortunate that I can't hold the pregnancy. Hopefully in a couple more months or sooner you will get that BFP. I wish you all the best of luck in TTC

Noleeen, I'm so sorry to hear that you have had relationship problems too. I think wanting a baby sets hormones into overdrive, is hard to think of anything else, everyone else seems happier and to be having babies easily.

This morning (bearing in mind I didn't sleep at all last night after ERPC in evening) I completely let rip with DH for things he said when he was stressed when I first said I was pregnant. He made dc 2 with me, but then blamed me, said it would be harder if we later split, that I had trapped him in marriage. Thing is he said that while stressed, then thought for a few hrs and was calmer, and after 2 days I saw him looking at dd (and photos of her as baby) and was ok. He was great yesterday in supporting me at hospital, kept saying he wanted me well, and went and got me fish and chips when we got home as I had wanted to stuff my face on takeaway and choc since I heard the news (I'm not normally a big eater, but do when stressed!). So he was hurt when I threw everything in his face. I can see this happening again, i.e. us taking stress out on each other. I hope we get through it, and grow stronger, and hope your relationship can be healed too (if you want it to).

Hi Ray

If you google sperm meets egg plan you get to a website that has a great (at least i think it is) itinery for getting that BFP am going to follow it properly as anything is worth a shot.

Hope that helps

Lots of baby dust to you

Hello all, new here, so nice to read a thread that articulated what I've been feeling but also helped me put things in perspective. So many people in here have had such sad losses and multiple miscarriage over years, can't image how strong you must be to get through that.

DH and I have been trying for less than a year, feels like ages though, the dreaded TWW each month while so many friends and family have got pg in the interim. DH's bro has just announced they're expecting their first; they are genuinely lovely and am happy for them but also jealous.

As background, the reason I am already fed up is because I am 33 with type 1 diabetes and have also had extensive bowel surgery for Crohn's disease, both of which can significantly reduce fertility. My cycle seems to be jumping around for fun at the moment, just to get my hopes up, though don't know if it's just because I want it so much.

Anyway, I know I am in a better position than most of the people who have contributed to this thread as have no confirmed problems so reading this has actually made me stop feeling sorry for myself. Good luck and baby dust to everyone xx

thanks Lottie and Noleen

Lottie You are not being negative! Please don't think that you are. I know we're not actually at the IUI stage yet anyway - I'm really just doing a bit of research and looking for info. It really helps that our situations are so similar and that we live so close to one another! I suspected that it would probably be the case that our PCT would not consider assisted conception if we weren't trying for at least a year - good to have the confirmation. And, I can't lie about how long we've been trying - the GP already knows! would be hard to lie anyway because the mc is on all of my records and from what I understand your TTC time frame resets itself after an mc and you're back to square one! That said, we don't even have my CD3 results back yet, so we'll need to see what they say before considering anything at all anyway. Thanks for all the info - as always, you're a wealth of information, support and inspiration! {{hugs}}

Noleeen so sorry to hear about your mcs sucks, doesn't it? Yes, I know 7 months isn't really that long - well, it is when you've had month after month of no luck! but I understand the medical parameters. However, I do think it's worth it to have some testing done in the interim, especially since my cycle is not 'normal' and I'm just trying to figure out if we're likely to be treated on discovery of what might be a fertility issue or if we'll have to wait the prescribed amount of time. I like to have a plan LOL and if we need to wait 5 months or whatever before the NHS will consider treating us, that's okay - but I just want to start thinking about how we'll use that time. It might be that we just take a TTC break for a while, or we might try some supplements/lifestyle changes etc. I'm just trying to figure out what we're in for. I know I sound like a bit of a nutter, but it just doesn't make sense to me to waste any more time if there's something productive (er, no pun intended! ) we can do in the meantime. Cue the "if you relax it will happen" commentary!

I meant in reality one month is long to you when your TTC, typing error sorry

LASTBOXOFTAMPONS Im so sorry for what you are going through, in a ll honesty i know this probably won't be very comforting at the minute but 7 months really isn't that long, a lot of people say it takes about a year to conceive when trying. Like you i fell pregnant 1st month of trying only to naturally m/c at 5wks, blighted ovumn, i then fell pregnant straight away again after this with no period in between only to have a missed m/c at 12wks, i was devastated. I then went on to suffer my 3rd m/c this year about 4wks ago. Just received blood tests back, all of whcih were normal. My doctor has just put it down to bad luck and that my womb hadn't fully repaired after each m/c. As i said earlier 7 months really isn't that long, but i guess in reality even 1 month is long. Its so hard when everyone around you seems to be falling pregnant or having babies and you often wonder 'why not me', well in time hopefully it will happen for us as well and perhaps now just isn't the time. I wish you all the luck in the world TTC