Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

As an aside i was reading this book "taking charge of your fertility" and the author(toni weschler) suggests that waiting for LH surge can shorten your window of opportunity. she recommends basal temperature tracking and paying very close attention to emmm.. i'm a bit embarrassed here.. cervical mucus.. i'd been using OPKs for ages and then read this book and sure enough i was missing 12-24 hours of fertile window.. opk would be neg but all other signs pos then 12 hours later opk would be rip roaring positive.. i'm sure most of you are sick to the back teeth of a. reading books on fertility and b. reading books that give you hope for a few months and then make you want to throw the damn thing on the fire cause it made you get all hopeful and now you feel even less hopeful than before you read the book.. but it's a good book full of the basics and i guess if you pick up just one thing you didn't know before.. it's worth it? btw if anyone lives in E4 they can have my copy cause i'm about to chuck it on the fire....

Hi Mrs Happy, Ray and Pinkspook (me!) and everyone,

people who say stuff like just relax blah blah or quote statistics of this many in that many couples are pregnant after this many months etc those aren't worth getting mad at.. they so absolutely don't know what they're talking about.. it's like asking someone to describe a place they've never been to.. it's hot air..you will never read anything like that on a thread like this.. we are our own experts, we are our own counsellors and our own confidants..because as time goes by our friends and doctors and family kinda tune out of all this.. meanwhile it's getting crazier and scarier and sadder for us.. we are living in this parallel universe where time feels like it's standing still until we suddenly look up and see that 2 years have gone by and we're still standing in concrete and the rest of the world has had 2 more kids.. this situation is a particular type of torture that no one can understand until you're in it.. i certainly didn't until the door shut behind me last november.. as for people who feel we should seek consolation in having a child or children already.. it's not about having children, it's about having a family.. if you guys are anything like me you've probably all thought "but i wanted my child to have a younger sibling they could be close to, play with, go to school with, go to the pub with when they're 25.. i wanted a house full of wellies and footballs and toys on the stairs and a wall full of drawings and noise and shouting and ... children.. " ..having children isn't just about the children it's about fulfilling your (you as a person, as a human being) own life ambitions and dreams that you never knew you even had until it looks like you can never make them happen.. there are no threads out there on people feeling upset and down and disappointed because they're not winning the lottery.. that's cause it's a remote possibility and it hardly ever happens so we all know that it would be daft to be upset about it.. but pregnancy is every where (but you it seems)and if you already have a child you're forced to hang out with other mums and kids and babies because that's life and you're not going to turn your child into a hermit cause you can't face the world, as appealing as that sounds.. so there's room for all of you at this bus shelter! who knows one of these months a bus will just for absolutely no reason screech to a halt and if we can all get over the shock of it, we can hop on!
pray, start swimming, do rain dances, eat quinoa, do whatever just don't give up you guys xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi guys - how is everyone? I'm as AF arrived this morning - I had THOUGHT I was a day late too so it just goes to show. Cycle is deffo back on track though and this month I wasnt so hormonal so am more hopeful esp. that the acupuncture will deliver some results now. Work is cr@p too. At least i can have a glass of wine tonight. - I too am at the bus top btw - brilliant analogy.

Pussin,The whole ttc thing is very hard and i also envy those people that get Pg by accident ( i was one of them with my DD) am i paying for that now!!! and good luck to your friend i hope it works for her at least we dont have the worries she has ay.

I would say that you are sympton spotting by thinking the tiredness is signs of PG i know its hard but realy try not to do it. Just put it down to PMT. I feel abt dizzy today and have only just Ov and i'm symptom spotting already its stupid i wouldnt have them now its too early need to pull myself together!!!

Im keeping my fingers crossed for you this month and lots of baby dust your way.

Ray - so sorry it didn't work for you last month - my friend took clomid and it took about 4 months for her to get pg on it so maybe its just that your body is getting used to it and then wham - it will fire up with lots of lovely viable eggs! Meanwhile - have some chocolate

This whole ttc is hard isn't it? I sort of envy people who have got pg by accident as they have no worries of symptom spotting or working out when they ovulate! I have another friend in the Middle East who is undergoing her 3rd cycle of IVF...the pressure over there to get pg is intense! Whole familes get involved and her DH's family know when her period is due and there is the worry he may take a 2nd wife if she doesn't get pg!! Puts my 2ww into perspective!

I'm very very tired these last two days - was in bed by 9pm last night..I'm not normally affected by the clocks going back and I'm not eating high GI foods so keep thinking the tiredness is due to being pg..but that's just symptom spotting I think! lol

Hi pussin,

You are quite right, failure on first month of clomid, trying to keep fingers crossed for this month. have been Bding everyday 2twice a day since LH surge and hoping this will help but who knows.
Im feeling very tired and have been having lots of hotflushes this month but at least it shows its working .
I'm on CD17 of a 33 day cycle so alittle while to go yet, you only have 8-9 days to go although know that feels like a life time when TTC.

Its possible that coming off the anti depressants and the pill would mess with you a bit you do need to give your body 3-6 months to get back to normal.

Ray - hello again! was wondering how your first attempt with Clomid went but I'm guessing

How are you feeling now? I'm on CD21 of a 28-30 day cycle and quite crampy so am imagining symptoms - again....the 2ww is a total pita!! Weird cycle this month too - I normally show colour when ovulate but not much ewcm...this month much more ewcm but no colour...maybe coming off the pill and stopping my anti depressants messed with my cycle...

Hi Mrs Happy,

I have had 2 Mc too but thats was over 3 yrs ago now, i remember the feeling of pure happiness when i fell and the utter disolation when i lost both times so i realy feel for you and only having one tube must be very hard to deal with. I am also starting to feel like i'll never have another and getting realy shitty with people who teel me to 'relax' destress' i hate those people. My sis is Pg and she has had 2 mc and she told me the other night not to stress about it and i bit her head off and told her that it has to be realy bad stress to effect fertility she was realy shocked. And i also hate those people that say 'it will happen when its meant to' Bollocks i DO NOT want to hear that at all.

having another child does not take away the sadness at all and like you said the longer it goes on the more your dreams fade. sometimes i think its harder when you have another child coz you know you can carry and have a healty baby so why isnt it happening now. I find myself going into my DDs room at night and just sitting and looking at her thinking i cant believe she came from me did i realy do that it doesnt seem possible now. I feel like i'm in a bubble all the time or a nightmare and i'll wake up and none of this has never happened and i start to try and it happens first time. Oh if only.

Oh dear this is a bad week you're quite right but we are entilted to feel this way we realy are and we are entilted to have bad weeks and bad days and hate life sometimes. I worry that all this negative thinking is stopping me falling ow silly is that!!!!

Hi Ray
My DD is only 2.5, but we have been ttc since around the time she turned 1 and in that time I have been pregnant 3 times (2 ectopics, 1 CP) and I now have only 1 tube. Frankly it is shit. I am starting to believe that I will never have another child, but this week has been a particularly bad one. What really gets me is when people say "but you have DD" as though somehow having a child should erase the sadness I feel about my losses and about seeing my chances of a much-wanted large family slipping away. Of course she cheers me up, of course she compensates, but I am still allowed to be sad FGS!

I'm a ray of sunshine too. My name is clearly inaccurate this week...

Hi Mrs happy,

Nice to meet you. How old is you DD i feel exactly the same as you i have a dd also who is 6 and i feel like i have spent so much time TTC that i have missed out on 5yrs of her life and when i'm realy down about TTc she picks up on it and is often down herself i hate having this effect on her its just not fair so now i'm not only trying to deal with TTC but also guilt and hiding my feelings all at the same time. Isnt life fun, surley i should just be happy with the one DD why cant i be happy with that life would be so much easier is i was and then i feel quilty for not being happy with just one. Crap Crap Crap my had is spinning.

Thanks for the good luck i am relay hoping it works to but there is that negativity there that says it wont ever work and i wont have anymore ever.

Hey what a ray of sunshine i am.

Wow Fifi what a good post. You've described exactly how I am feeling this week. I thought I was coping; I thought I had recovered, and then something happened (a pregnancy announcement - the baby is due when mine should have been) and it is as though my ectopic has just been diagnosed all over again. I am so sad for the future I thought I would have and then I feel guilty because I spend so much time thinking about ttc that maybe I don't pay enough attention to the child I already have, or I am too down to be much fun for her or something. I'm at the bus stop too I guess.

Lots of luck with the Clomid, Ray. I really hope it does the job for you.

Fifi,

What a great way tp put things, i think you have pretty much summoned up how we all feel about this. I do feel like a grieve every month when Af arrives, i go through all the emotions, crying, denial, angry and then acceptance when you think about it its alot to put yourself through every month isnt it.
I'm joining you at the bus stop, hope you dont mind the company i could use some.

Waiting to exhale,

Tell your sister inlaw now, if you wait she will be even more upset that you didnt and feel quite betrayed by it. please do expect her to cry, she may not with you but she will spend at least a day crying and will go through all the range of emotions.
I must say that i have been trying for 5 yrs and one of my closest friends is Pg again for the second time since i have been trying. I found out on a fri and on the sat i spent all day breaking down and asking 'why not me' 'what have i ever done' its also realy important to realise that she may avoid you like the plague for the 9 months you are pg, dont take it personaly its not about you but i know myself how much it hurts seeing the people closest to you go through whay you want so much in the whole world, its not that she wont be happy for you she will but she will just keep wondering why it isnt her turn. I'm very lucky that my friend has been there through it all with me and i have spoken to her so much about how i feel in the past she knew how i felt about her pg and accepted it she even said to me ' for f**ks sake ray i wish they would give you a break how much more can you take' it was lovely to know she understood. explain that you want her to tell you how she feels and you wont be upset by it that should help keep you close.
i hope this helps.

As for me i'm on cd 16 had +ive on ov test on cd 14 and have been Bding twice a day for the last 3 days, i am on clomid too so am realy hoping this works. although there is something deep down that makes me want to cry already coz i know its just not going to happen and i'm dreading this 2ww just to have af arrive as usual. think i may just go alittle crazy this month if it doesnt work.

fifi08 what a beautiful post - you summed up pretty much how I feel - are you me??! I guess it really is a kind of grief - god it feels good to put a label on it like that - dont know why!?

I love the bus stop analogy - I think we should name the next thread for us fed uppers "the bus stop"!

x

Hi ladies....really need your kind of advice. Please don't shoot me for posting here or be mad that I have invaded your thread but....

Alittle background...
I have been ttc for over a year and half. My sister who is in her 40s and posibily now pre-menepausal has been trying for about 5 or more years. we both have one child. Recently she has sought fertility treatment and we were gonna do this together. However, just before the appointment I found out I was pregnant and though happy unsure what to do. Although we both still went to the appointment I made an excuse of not being sure and decided that I'd wait and support her. She has had a real hard time of it and is currently having her eggs retrevied. I am so hoping this works for her so that I can tell her but if it doesn't was wandering what I should do. If any of you were her, what would you want from me? Should I wait until the 12wk scan is over (as I have had a previous m/c so this little bean may not even stick), or should I include her early on as this may make her feel part of the whole thing or it may make her resent being around me....seriously don't know what to do...PLEASE HELP...All advice welcome, and sorry again for crashing your thread but this seemed the most logical place to go... x

Hi everyone!
haven't checked in for a while but it's no surprise how much this thread has grown! i'm 12 months post m/c and have been trying since first period post m/c.(11 months)I have one son, he's nearly 2 and he's great. me? i'm very slowly falling to pieces. what i think is so obvious and isn't understood is that everyone who feels bad about .. well.. feeling crazed with anger and rage.. is that what we're all experiencing is grief.. not just people who have had m/cs.. which of course is an absolutely horrifyingly sad experience.. but everyday and month that passes that you're not pregnant your idea of how you thought, or what you wanted, your life to be slowly fades away.. and i think there's no acknowledgement of that by "outsiders".. i tend not to fill people in on how i really feel.. i did tell a friend once who spoke nonstop about her pregnancy in the months after my m/c and it made absolutely no difference - in fact it felt as if she turned the volume up afterwards so i felt doubly hurt for taking the chance on telling someone something so hugely personal and then having it revealed to me that she really wasn't much of a friend anyway..i didn't want her to stop talking about it.. i just wanted her to talk about other stuff too!!! for me now the acute pain on seeing pregnant people/ hearing stories of accidental pregnancies/sitting through conversations where people without children plan their future pregnancies, seeing the perfect 6,4,2 family, that terrible head-spinning pain is passing .. it's just a constant low-grade heartache now.. to all those who think you're crackers you're absolutely not.. rage and asking why are classic reactions in grief and most importantly please remember that it is cyclical and that's why it's so upsetting.. you're ok for a week or two, you begin to feel sane and almost human again and then something happens and you feel like you're right back to square one sobbing and burning with anger..it feels like you're never making any progress in coping but if you look closely you really are, the crying might be for 1 hr instead of 2 or you drink 2 instead of 3 glasses of wine.. i keep my thoughts on this subject for special places like this where everyone here is careful and respectful with anything someone says.. because they know, they breathe it, eat it, sleep it everyday.. in the meantime all i want to do is get on the bus!! never mind the 9 month journey and all the worry attached to that..so just like every other month for the last 11 i'll stand by the busstop with my hand out.. hoping..

Ontheup, Thanks for the hugs and the sweeties, it is so nice to be able to talk to people that know exactly how you feel and to know that i am not an awful person or th only one who feels this way.

I'm not surprised that you cant concentrate, any signs re AF did you give it a good try this month? and sorry about your parkinsons i cant imagine how you must feel, whats the diagonosis? how come you need a second opinion.
No offence, but when i hear about people in your situation it does make me think how lucky i am not to have any other probs other than fertility, although do have a stomach condition thats bad but doesnt affect fertility and also have Pelvic Venus congestion which also doesnt affect fertility but does cause lots of pain when OV and when Af due, there is nothing i can do about it the only way to get rid of it is to either wait for it ........... get pregant(why didnt i think of that) or to have a hystorectomy (not happening) so just have to live with the pain.
I realy hope that you are ok and big virtual hugs back i am praying fpr you and hoping that your Af doesnt arive and you are pg. Lots and Lots of baby dust your way.

ray81 and badknees you sound like its a baaaaaaaaad day - big virtual hugs and have one of my sweeties Ive just bought from our canteen. Rubbish response I know but at least you know you have us to vent to.

poppie I completely agree re work - I missed a promotion this year thanks to my head being everywhere due to the mc and nwo I'm feeling very lost which isnt a good palce to be what with the credti crunch etc. We're doing our goals at the moment for next year and for the first time ever I am stumpted. AF due today/tomorrow so am not concentrating as I should anyway and off to get a 2nd opinion for my Parkinson's tomorrow so maybe its no wonder I cant focus. Hohum.

Hi poppy,

so sorry to hear that yet another person os PG. i am just like you and have a cry evertime soemone annonces they are pg for first time or pg again. There is a girl here at work and she PCOS and has been trying for a year and a half, she is now 12 weeks and had just had scan, i am the only one she told and she came and showed me the scan today. Do you know what i wanted to hit her, i wanted to scream and say ' i dont care about you being pg i want to be pg'. God i feel so mean i just dont understand how when we have no probs we can fall yet people who have probs seem to be falling all over the place.

Hi badknees u are def not a horrible person and i am so sorry to hear of your problems. if only we could all join eachother in the toilet when we want a cry, soemtimes i feel so alone when i feel like that and i just want to cry forever.
I will also join you on the GBH thing, so many people keep telling me to relax, not to think about it, give yourselve a break, stop trying and it will happen, dont try so hard i will kill someone, i have to bite my tonge every time and count to ten before i can wlak away without committing murder.
I also feel like am going to shatter into a million peices and trying realy hard this month am on Clomid second month and have been doing OPKS have had +ive today so BDing over the next 4 days everyday twice a day, i am also going to take showers instead of baths in the hope that the sperm wont get washed away in part (probably doesnt happen like that but worth a try) i just know we are going to do this and Af will still arrrive on time as always. If it does fail this month i think i realy will fall apart.

Thankyou all for making me feel less of a horrible person!! I've had 7 ms now and luckily have 1 beautiful 4 year old. But I work in a predominately female enviroment, almost every month someone announces their good news. I'm sick of coming home and locking myself in the loo and sobbing. Its not straightforward, I have 2 wombs and developed rheumatoid arthritis when baby was 6wks old. We've been ttc for 3 yrs now (4 misc), have been scanned, examined etc but no reasons. If i hear one more person say relax, give yourself a break or it'll happen I may just commit gbh at the very least. I feel like I'm about to shatter into pieces as yet another month goes by with no luck despite making a huge effort...

It might not go down well me posting on here, as I now have two DS's. However, the OP really touched a nerve in me. I find it extremely difficult to get pregnant, and I remember coming home in tears every time someone in the office said they were pregnant. I took it so personally and it tore me apart.

I wish you all the best, and hope for good news for you all in the near future. It (eventually) happened to me, but only after I nearly gave up completely.

x

WOW!! Sorry but my computer froze and I've managed to post four times - sorry!!!

Hello everyone - felt quite rubbish today - another person at work is pregnant after trying for two months. Just hit again how it is now three years (1mc two years ago).

Is it just me or does this ttc really hit all your confidence in other areas. I know that I'm good at work have a fab relationship but I feel such a failure DH is not keen to try assisted contraception. I've booked an appointment in private clinic in Jan don't know if I want to go either but I don't want miss the oppportunity and be too old. NHS won't fund until I'm 36, I'm 34 in Jan.

It's so hard as I don't want to pressure him but it is so hard trying to continue with everything.

On a more positive note the AC has given me my first ovulation at CD 14 since ttc. Hopefully will have a 28 day cycle, this is my second month of taking it. Did have short luteal phase so hoping this is the thing that will help ever hopeful!!

I'm off to have tarot cards read this week - will let you know if they are good

Hello everyone - felt quite rubbish today - another person at work is pregnant after trying for two months. Just hit again how it is now three years (1mc two years ago).

Is it just me or does this ttc really hit all your confidence in other areas. I know that I'm good at work have a fab relationship but I feel such a failure DH is not keen to try assisted contraception. I've booked an appointment in private clinic in Jan don't know if I want to go either but I don't want miss the oppportunity and be too old. NHS won't fund until I'm 36, I'm 34 in Jan.

It's so hard as I don't want to pressure him but it is so hard trying to continue with everything.

On a more positive note the AC has given me my first ovulation at CD 14 since ttc. Hopefully will have a 28 day cycle, this is my second month of taking it. Did have short luteal phase so hoping this is the thing that will help ever hopeful!!

I'm off to have tarot cards read this week - will let you know if they are good

Hello everyone - felt quite rubbish today - another person at work is pregnant after trying for two months. Just hit again how it is now three years (1mc two years ago).

Is it just me or does this ttc really hit all your confidence in other areas. I know that I'm good at work have a fab relationship but I feel such a failure DH is not keen to try assisted contraception. I've booked an appointment in private clinic in Jan don't know if I want to go either but I don't want miss the oppportunity and be too old. NHS won't fund until I'm 36, I'm 34 in Jan.

It's so hard as I don't want to pressure him but it is so hard trying to continue with everything.

On a more positive note the AC has given me my first ovulation at CD 14 since ttc. Hopefully will have a 28 day cycle, this is my second month of taking it. Did have short luteal phase so hoping this is the thing that will help ever hopeful!!

I'm off to have tarot cards read this week - will let you know if they are good

Hello everyone - felt quite rubbish today - another person at work is pregnant after trying for two months. Just hit again how it is now three years (1mc two years ago).

Is it just me or does this ttc really hit all your confidence in other areas. I know that I'm good at work have a fab relationship but I feel such a failure DH is not keen to try assisted contraception. I've booked an appointment in private clinic in Jan don't know if I want to go either but I don't want miss the oppportunity and be too old. NHS won't fund until I'm 36, I'm 34 in Jan.

It's so hard as I don't want to pressure him but it is so hard trying to continue with everything.

On a more positive note the AC has given me my first ovulation at CD 14 since ttc. Hopefully will have a 28 day cycle, this is my second month of taking it. Did have short luteal phase so hoping this is the thing that will help ever hopeful!!

I'm off to have tarot cards read this week - will let you know if they are good