Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

My miscarriage (sorry, can't bring myself to say 'baby') would've been a year old this week. Usually I don't think like that as it would tear me apart (I can't even begin to imagine how you cope Herby and Sadminster with all you've been through) but it occasionally hits me like a blow to the chest.

I don't like to dwell but sometimes threads like these are incredibly cathartic.

LBOT grr at your friends....

The thing I find really galling are friends who 'plan' when they're gonna have children - I have friends who have said they will finish their travelling by end of 2008 so they can get pregnant in Jan 2009 and have a baby in Sept 2009. This 'fits' in with their lifeplan. My DH has tried to sympathetically tell them it doesn't often work like this (they know of our difficulties) and yet they just nod and smile smugly and knowingly at him as if to say, 'yes, but that wouldn't happen to us' thereby insinuating we are failures and obviously not trying hard enough.

Signing up. I am sure pregnant women gravitate towards me in restaurants/public transport/shops etc. That's without considering friends and colleagues. I live in dread of pregnancy announcements.

All I want is to get pregnant again and not to miscarry. Other people find it so effortless why can't I? Last week it was a year since mc and since then nothing at all.

sadminster - I'd say your formula is right on. Close friends of ours went through hell to have their first. They're now pregnant with a "surprise". I want to be thrilled for them, but they're not grateful at all, in fact they're dreading the 'baby' stage and actually complaining a bit about it. I want to smack them upside the head!

I understand pinnygig. I have a child too -a lovely little two year old girl. She is completely brilliant but it does not take away the sadness I feel because my family is not complete.

I am starting to think that we might never have another child and I am wondering how I am going to come to terms with that when the time comes. I'm not ready to give up yet but I hate being this bitter.

(Hi picknmix - I hope the foot's healing nicely )

I'm lucky enough to have two kids but have also had 6 losses (most recently a little boy who died at 17 weeks, that was in July) and a long period of not being able to conceive at all - we ended up having IVF & got pg with twins both of which died. I'm terrified of not being able to conceive again & terrified of what will happen if I do.

I have a complex formula for deciding how pleased/excited I am when someone announces a pregnancy which is determined by a number of factors including how much I like them, how many kids they have, how many losses they've had, how long they've been trying, how excited they are, how grateful they are, how smug they are, what other hardships they've had in their lives & how charitable I feel that particular day All very complicated stuff

Can I join you all?

I'm finding myself more and more bitter these days and I hate who I'm becoming. Like P&M I was one of those smug pregnant people who scored the first time around. Ended in mc at 11 weeks in March and since then nothing. At the time, my brother and SIL and DH's brother and SIL (each our only sibling) both announced that they were expecting within weeks of our due date. Both unplanned. Since then six more of our friends (some closer than others) have announced pregnancies.

I even look at children on the street that I don't even know and I'm jealous!

GTG I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, I came across you on another thread where you said you had had a few scares

P&M I know exactly what you mean about 'worthy' BFPs and I hate myself for thinking that way too.

Herby I know I've said this to you before, but I'm so so sorry about all of your losses. I can't even imagine what it's like {{hugs}}

hello, do you mind if i join in?
Im so sorry to hear your stories.

Ive popped in and out of this site since my mc in Jan this year and found it very comforting. This is the first time ive posted though - because i understand exactly how you feel. Everyone seems to be pregnant!!
Im lucky enough to have a 4y old dd. Probably because of this no one understands how sad i feel.

There is a rather irritating girl at work who is 23 weeks and behaves like shes the only person ever to be pregnant. I should be happy for her but because of the green eyed monster i just cant (though her attitude of using the pregnancy card to get out of doing things she doesnt like does not help!!) I have said all the right things though. Just wish these people wouldnt be so insensitive sometimes.

Thanks for listening, sorry if i sound bitter!

Hurrah! A thread for the bitter and twisted.

I started TTC in 2006, at age 39, and got pregnant within three months. I miscarried at six weeks, however. Got pregnant again five months later, but miscarried that one at 11 weeks. Six months later, pregnant again, but had a MMC at 13 weeks. Four months after that, pregnant again, but MMC at 11 weeks. My heart broke more after each one.

The last MC was in March 2007, and I haven't conceived since. I'm now 42. So to add to the grief, time is running out.

My sis has three perfect children, all the requisite two years apart. Her latest, a girl, was conceived the first month of trying, a few months after my last MC. It sent me a bit mad. Now, my best friend has got pregnant, with twins, at her first go at IVF with donor sperm (she's a lesbian). At first she complained to me about 'how was she going to cope', etc, but I put a stop to that.

At a party the other night, two more friends just arrived with bumps. I had to pretend to be happy for them, but just wanted to scream.

So - yes! I totally understand. I too want to isolate myself from pregnant people (although once their babies are born, it's not so bad), but find if I gird myself, meeting them isn't as bad as I think it will be. Unless they moan about it.

Can my green eyed monster make a home here too?

Thankfully only one of my close friends is pregnant at the moment (as a result of a one night stand so she has her own problems to combat, doesn't stop the envy though) but had to endure a wedding at the weekend at which 4 of the couples sat at our table were pregnant. Cue much talk of forbidden foods, weeks gone, sickness, names lists etc...,

We have stopped using contraception in dec 2006, got pregnant in the same month (I know, I know, that makes me one of those smug pregnant people) and then had a miscarriage in Jan 2007. Have had no 'luck' since.

Couple this with a SIL who has 3 children all under 3 (yes, she's managed to conceive and carry to fullterm 2 babies in practically the same time its taken me to ftc just 1).

Wow. I'm a lot more bitter than I thought! Helps to get it off my chest though.

Love my little mn sanctuary but, like uni (hi btw!) I find it difficult to get excited over bfp results anymore, unless I think the person is 'worthy' enough which is a hideous thing to admit but I'm hoping you guys know what I mean.

I now find I isolate myself from any pregnant friends - if they are not close close friends then I just don't stay in contact. Nasty? Me? Yep.

I genuinely am sorry to hear of both your stories C and GtG. I appreciate this may sound trite but I hope you realise I know exactly where you're coming from.

I'm glad to see this thread; it sums up how I've been feeling.

I've only had one (very early) MC but I have also had 2 ectopics this year.
We stopped using birth control last July, didn't get pregnant until March and since then I have had three losses back to back. Since the first ectopic every time I have tried to get pregnant I have succeeded, had between a couple of days and two weeks of feeling happy and then a crushing disappointment.

I think - or at least I hope - it is normal to have such mixed feelings when someone else gets pregnant.

One of my best and oldest friends called me 3 days after my first ectopic was treated (when I was lying in bed feeling dreadful from the effect of the drugs I had been given) to tell me she was pregnant. I would love to feel completely happy for her, I really would, but I can't help being quite jealous and miserable. And on the conception board when someone gets pregnant I say all the right, nice, congratulatory things but inside I am battling the green eyed monster and wondering when it will be my turn. Although having said that if I knew they had had problems conceiving it would also give me hope and I probably would be genuinely pleased. When my friend called I knew for a fact she had been trying for 3 months less than us and that hurt.

I know that what happens to other people is not really relevant to the hand I have been dealt but that doesn't make it easier.

I can understand why you feel that way. Poor you, so many friends. I think you just have to believe that it will happen for you some time. And in the meantime, keep yourself busy. Don´t spend too much time with pg friends if it makes you feel bad, but also don´t isolate yourself.

Do your friends know about your ttc and mc?

I have just suffered an early mc too. For me only my first but still. I went into work the next day, to find a colleague gossipping with receptionist about being 4 weeks pg. She was getting all excited and worried about the birth. I felt like saying, "look, who knows what could happen, you might want to keep it to yourself for a while." But of course I didn´t.