Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

MsG thanks for sharing that. I am sure you will not be an annoying pregnant person and be very helpful and supportive to your friends

HI GTG Yes I feel better now, I think I should begin every day with a small burst of rantyness

Littlefish - I love that Im not the only one who thinks people who just have sex then get pregnant are infuriating and should just SHUT UP!

I hope I'm not hated here... I've very newly pregnant, only found out earlier this week. But I just wanted to say, I totally agree with a lot of what's been said on here. I also thought if I shared my story it might give some people hope.

I had a miscarriage last June (2007) and it's taken us until now to get pregnant again. I know that's not long compared to lots of people, but it has felt like sooo long. And in that time, one close friend has had her first baby (getting pregnant immediately) and another friend's about to give birth. I've also heard of other pregnancies and had to congratulate several other people when I just wanted to scream at them.

I tried to be supportive to my close friend and she said I was, but I knew there were times when I was avoiding talking to her because I couldn't bear it.

I too can't understand those people who try to plan when they'll get pregnant! Are they living on a different planet?

I am so pleased to be pregnant now but very nervous after having the miscarriage last year.

It's so hard to deal with the whole thing month after month. I've been told in the last 2 weeks of another 3 friends who have become pregnant.

It feels like all you see when you're not pregnant is pregnant women everywhere. I wouldn't with the suffering I've been through on anyone else, let alone the suffering many others have experienced, but sometimes you do just wish people would be a bit more sensitive.

I too had different levels of acceptance when it came to other pregnancies, to do with age, how long they'd been trying etc. I felt like I was becoming really bitter. I think you just have to protect yourself and do whatever you need to to stay sane. If that means avoiding friends for a while, then that might have to be done but hopefully not at the cost of friendships.

Sorry about this, didn't mean it to be so long. xx

rage not range

HOOOOOOOOOORAY - Like minded people!!!!!

We have one gorgeous dd who is now nearly 4. We were trying for about 2 and a half years before I got pregnant. DH has astonishingly poor sperm count, morphology and motility. Dd was conceived the month before we were due to start IVF.

The trouble is that DH is convinced we can conceive again naturally, and so, won't consider IVF. I'm now 40, and know that time is running out for us, but i can't persuade him. The bit that makes me so cross is the way that other people just have sex and then get pregnant. For us, it would mean making a decision (which is impossible for him), and then going through all the awful medical stuff.

I'm slightly embarrased to admit that all my range and sorrow is currently aimed at one couple who are friends of my dh's. They come bottom of my list of criteria on who should be "allowed" to have children for so many reasons e.g. speed of conception, security of relationship, amount of time they spend with their children, the fact that I don't like her anyway!

Sorry - this is a bit of a rant. Thank you all for sharing your stories. It really makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this.

Oh I agree Pinkmook - those threads drive me insane

I know this is terrible but can I just confess this.

Every time I click onto the conception topic on here and get the list of threads I want to do serious harm to whoever keeps posting threads such as "I am thinking of a JUne baby _(or july etc etc etc)" AAARRRRRRRRRRgggggggHHHHHHHH I would like a baby in any fucking month thanks!

Sorry totally irrational, I am sure whoever it is doesn't mean any harm but it knots my stomach every time I read one of those.

OK have vented spleen now ....and relax

Imum, that was such a heart wrenching post.
I can't imagine how you feel, but I do hope that your current pregnancy is utterly uneventful and that it goes some way to making your family feel whole.

IMum, I am so so sorry, I cant even imagine the pain you must feel.

Lissielou, its shit isnt it? I stopped looking at TTC threads as like you said - everyone leaves you behind. Its very very painful. I once saw a quote from Sir Robert Winston who said something like, its a crime that fertility treatment is not available to everyone as in his experience it causes as much pain and suffering to families as cancer. I dont know about that but I do know its taken over my existence and hurts me more than I realised was possible.

oh imum, how unutterly sad x

Ok, im in.

I have to admit it-I have 2 gorgeous boys and feel very lucky, I also had pretty much straight forward labours with no ongoing complication so again feel blessed.
However my very dear friend has just given birth to her first born-a daughter and tho I'm saying all the right things and being all supportive etc I just cant put my sadness away that I should be just like her instead of having to bury my little girl 7 years ago. I wish for the day when I'm a normal woman, got pregnant had a baby alls right etc. but i'm not like that I have no innocence when it somes to being pregnant, birth is as much about grief as it is celebration.
I want my beautiful little girl here with me, I dont want to have had to have worried if she might be cold in her grave when dressing her for the first and last time. I dont want to hang a bauble on the xmas tree for dd, I want her smiles.

However, I have been shaped by what has been, and i think im a better mum for it, and a better person. It is impossible to bear that my child had to die for me to feel that way.

Grief, pain and personal struggle are very individual things, people feel them in different way but they are all relative to those experiencing them. I am very fortunate to be pregnant again and to have reached a stage where the baby is now viable. I hope with every fibre that this bean will be ok but do take some comfort in knowing that i can handle it should it all go wrong.

It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people are when it comes to this topic. Babies die, people misscarry, ladies become infertile or fail ever to concieve. yet other people feel it their business to jump in and give their opinion on how these ladies should feel or cope with their pain. Nearly everyne you speak to knows someone who has had problems in this area, yet they still but in and ask "not had number 2 yet?" or "going for a girl/boy?" "youve been married a while know, no kiddies yet?" all with a bright smile so you feel bad if you tell them to piss off. But what can you do? you cant tell the whole world your woes can you? so you smile nod or whatever to get through it then come home and cry or maybe come on here for a vent and then what? some sod chips in about how you should count your lucky stars cos for one or another reason. This thread isnt about thinking we are having it hardest or someone telling us that some other group of hard dones bys are having it harder, its just about needing to get a few things off your chest in good company.

I feel better now-although am generally low as have just started my sub cut injections again, i hate them, I hate what they stand for.I want none of this to apply to me, I want my boys to have their sister, my dh to have his dd, I want my little girl.

thank you sue

thank you both. i no longer use the ttc threads, because everyone has left me behind.

pass that wine!

Lissie I'm so sorry...

And {{hugs}} to everyone else. I'm glad there's a place where we can all vent and be understood. And since it's Friday and we're not pregnant - would anyone like any of this lovely pinot noir I've got over here!?!?! Quick, before I drink the whole bottle!

Oh lissielou, i really feel your pain, why are people so thoughtless when they say these things, does relaxing or going on holiday make immune issues go away, i dont think so!!!! I really hope things do work out for you, you are not a failure, it's not your fault as it is out of our control.
Im meeting up with two old friends in November, we all started ttc at the same time, they each have a child and i know they are going to qestion me about whether we are still ttc and am just dreading the question, to be honest i cant wait for the whole day to be over and they go again!
Takecare.
XXX.

thats it. i know how unbelievably lucky i am to have ds, but i also know how unlucky i am to have to explain to him that we wont be getting him a baby brother or sister.

im sick of people telling me to relax, take a holiday, have more sex etc. and im sick of people saying "at least you wont have to go through that again" or that its in my head or that ds must be so lonely. i ache whenever i see a newborn or a pg woman and nothing has ever compared to the pain i feel each time something goes wrong and i have to go through it all over again. i hate the fact that i feel like such a failure and i cant complete our family and i hate the ugly emotions that resurface each time someone announces a birth or pg. i am from a large family (eldest of 8) and i so badly wanted to give ds a sibling. i dont want him to be alone.

Lissielou - me too. one of (many!)things that gets to me is that my only experience of childbirth and babyhood should be such a horrific and pain filled memory.

you know, pinkmook, im the same. while i was traumatised by ds's birth for a long, long time i would still give everything i have to be able to do it again.

Hi wtfhashappened (like the user name), sums up how i feel very much at the moment.
how sweet of you, am so pleased things worked out for you, bet your really caring to your friends, bless you. Im not usually so out spoken but just felt so sad at what the other lady had written i just felt the need to reply. I wont give up hope, thanks for knd message.
XXX.

DaisyM - I am guessing your DC is not that old from your post as the pain and trauma is still quite raw. I could have written that 7 years ago (or even 6, or 5 years ago)when my DS was a baby (dont think I would have put on a thread such as this though!!) but look at me, birth trauma and all, posting on a thread, miserable with longing and grief, wanting to go through it all again. As someone else on this thread has said, I think maybe you still need to work through your issues but here is not the place to do it.

Do you know what im so cross by Daisym post i feel i really must say something so if you do bother to return to this thread DaisyM please reply!

How dare you even compare the issues surrounding childbirth and ttc and mc's and feelings about those who are pregnant. Putting things in to perspective you say, bloodyhell you think the sadness of your friends not being able to have sex or struggling with work and motherhood are in the same category as not being able to have a baby or having mc's. Are you telling me that not being able to have sex causes the same sadness as being told your baby's heart has stopped!Get a grip and re-read what you have posted! Im beginning to think that perhaps it's just someone having a joke with us to see how we respond, if so i can assure you that no-one is laughing! How insensitive!

I feel for you all - I really do, having had a huge battle to conceive myself, and I don't think I will ever forget the pain of having to force myself to be generous when friends fell pregnant the first month of trying, and sending out constant congratulations cards whilst crying while writing them, and going through the torture of buying baby gifts for them. I never want to forget that, as I hope it makes me more sensitive to my TTC friends, but I had some difficult emotions to deal with when I did have children - it was like being let out of prison, but seeing some dear friends still trapped there. All I will say is you never know how quickly life can change- please don't give up hope, and there are mothers like me out here who still want to get along side you.

Hi ladies, just wanted to say i too feel like some of you. I am happy for friends/family when they say im pregnant but deep down im so sad and jealous that it's not me, after 9mc's and 1 mmc it's getting to the point where i dont know how many more times i can cope with the sadness and desperation ttc and mc's bring.

Daism, i read your post and think you must have got confused or mixed up as to where to put it as this is definately the WRONG thread to put it on! I feel very sadned by your post.

Hopeing that all our dreams do come true one day.
sueXXX.