Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

I am already beginning to dread November. Future SIL's 1st is due (which you and I and the world must be reminded constantly is the 'FIRST grandchild'. Didn't catch that? She's having the FIRST grandchild and never misses a chance to rub it in. We are supposed to go down to London the first weekend in November for a food tasting thingy for our wedding. At the rate SIL is expanding, baby will probably come early (due 2nd week of Nov). Plus she's been eating crap the whole way through and is borderline for gestational diabetes. She actually said, Big Mac in hand, 'the doctor says I should eat this because it's what the baby is craving'. FFS.

I don't think I can take it, I really don't. I'm helped by the fact that partner's parents can't stand her and aren't excited in the least about this kid--though she seems too thick to notice their lack of enthusiasm. I'm sure we'll all pretend to be thrilled that partner's little brother is forever attached to this lazy, racist, stupid, lying 21 year old. I'm trying to be pleased, or even just neutral, but I just feel such hate toward her.

They are going to bring a newborn into a hovel of a flat, up three flights of stairs, heating barely functioning, smell of ammonia from animal piss nearly knocking you out, barking dog jumping all over and shedding constantly (not a problem if they'd CLEAN). The whole thing makes me want to cry and/or steal the baby at birth. They COULD afford a better place to live, but they get this place at a discount and don't want to move until the council gives them a flat (which is probably off the table because BIL now has a proper job--though we'll see how long that lasts).

Near-daily rant over. Pass the wine.

I was at the point where doctors were saying IVF was my only option. Like you, I was lucky enough to already have one son and didnt feel IVF was for me. I was, however, considering IUI as we had unexplained infertility and thought this might be worth a go. I did have a few appointments at a specialist clinic who did scans etc and listened to my concerns but decided not to proceed. I dont know whether it was this reassurance from them but I got pregnant with my twins 2 months later! Also I had tried homeopathy at the same time. I wonder if that helped as the homeopath talks to you at great length before prescribing anything, being able to talk helped me, I think. xx

Hi guys can I join in please? I am sooooo fed up of being positive in public...hi to those of you from the avengers thread - while my story isn't so bad compared to some I have read here it still feels like 2008 is a year I want to go and go fast. I was diagnosed w Parkinsons (early onset) in Jan and had a mc at 7 weeks at Easter. Since then I think I may have had one more v early mc and feel like my body and my hormones are at war with my head in the middle. All my contemporary mothers (I am lucky enough to have a DS) except one are either pregnant or already have their 2nd DC. One is due just after mine would have been and she is worrying about coping w Christmas ffs. The doctor says its probably time to consider ivf if nothing by Dec and I'm off the nhs list because I already have DS (I agree w that btw it still sucks for me tho) - I want to say how fed up I am but you just can't can you? I've even got a perky nickname fgs to fool people into thinking I am OK. Thanks for this thread though - a godsend.

My twin boys will be 6 on Halloween[spookey eh].Their older brother is 15. Other people can be so insensitive and dont understand how upsetting it is. I can remember month after month going by and thinking why arent I preganant by now? I changed consultants when I was having investigations as the one I originally had used to call me "Mrs Worry".Great, no sympathy there either! The next consultant I saw was lovely and she recmmended a laparoscopy rather than a hystersalphingogram[?] as I was put off this due to the risk of infection I had read about. None of the tests showed anything wrong.My SIL was insensitive after the birth of her 3rd and still wont speak to me because I couldnt look at her baby. I feel quite sad remembering it all. I totally understand how you all feel.

My incredibly insensitive SIL said "I'm so pissed off I got pregnant so quickly again" when she announced her second pregnancy in under two years, and on the first month of trying. WHY THE F*CK WERE YOU TRYING IF YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT TO GET PREGNANT!!!!!

She really is the most spoilt, insensitive, selfish, self-centred person I've ever met!

AAAAAAAAAARGH. Thank you, that feels better

GtG - yes, I think that I've probably resigned myself to ds being an 'only', not that I want to. He would be such a wonderful elder brother - reinforced today - at friends 4th birthday, a whole lot of 3-5yo boys were running up and down a large room - then I noticed that a younger sister (20mo) had made her way out onto the floor and was crawling along - helped by ds - who was helping her along, and in doing so, was also ensuring that she didn't get run-over.

Another moment today though - mother of 3 was bemoaning how awful each of her pregancies were.

Would you swap a year of feeling crap with another lo without complaining about it? I know I would....

Ah yes coochybottom , I do love being told to go on holiday, as though that will help things (holidays being a well known cure for only having one tube ). My personal favourite though is when people suggest I should quit my job in order to conceive. So then I would have no second child, no job and no nice new clothes with which to console myself. Oh, and I would have heaps of time to sit about thinking about my FTC while watching the bank reposess my house. Great plan. (Good news about your boys BTW, I do love a happy ending )

Pinkmook did the HyCoSy really make you bleed lots? I suspect something like that might be what my Dr will suggest next. [scared].

These days I have no dignity and the correct response to "when are you having number 2" is "I've been pregnant 3 times this year." That shuts them up.

I have never had an MC but it did take me 4 years to conceive 2nd time around. The first time it happened really quickly and I assumed I wouldnt have any problems. We had all the tests but no reason could be found. I got sick of being told to "relax" or "go on holiday"!! Yeah, right if only it was that easy! I can remember feeling totally useless and would burst out crying in Tescos if I saw a little baby.I didnt feel I could tell many people as I felt so inadequate. I finally came to the conclusion that I was lucky to have one already when I fell pregnant! 8 months later I had identical twin boys! Dont give up hope!

"ps Gordon* your friend sounds a bit insensitive.

Shreksmissus - LOL I must remember to fill the gory details of my HyCosy scan (all that BLEEDING!) next time snort we are awful aren't we??

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Hi Wook - Its great having somewhere to vent isn't it? (I have to admit I have twice today had the wicked urge to run into the "i fancy a july baby" thread or whatever it is called and do virtual scream, then run out again

As for the "when are you thinking of no 2" and similar questions I have now resorted to replying with a folorn "well I'd love to have another but its just not happening" That shuts them up like nothing Ive ever seen.

It's a real relief to have a thread to vent all the bitterness on!
I was very, very, very lucky with my ds (3.1) but no such luck with providing him with a brother or sister- the story goes: one year of no sex AT ALL !! when he was 1.8-2.8 (which I still feel quite cross about, though thank heavens we have sorted out the issues now) and since then a mmc at 9 weeks in August.
During the endless year long sex drought I dreaded going to the park and seeing all the double buggies, and now since the mc in August a quick tot up reveals that every 'mummy' friend I have met since ds was born who is still with their partner is pregnant with no 2. Or even no 3!!!!
That does mask some immensely sad stories though, so I do know that probably only a minority of the bumps I seem to see perpetually are of the 'smug bump' variety(ie no problems ttc, never a miscarriage or anything even worse, two babies popped out in under three years etc.)
However, I still wish all the people with smug bumps would be put under some sort of curfew so I don't have to sink into my bitter and twisted pit every time they sashay past with their bumps/ double buggies/ two perfect children aged 1 and 3 etc ! If only there could be some way of keeping them all out of the park/ supermarket/street/doctor's surgery/ workplace for an hour or so a day so that those of us with raw emotions gnawing at us wouldn't have to see them and feel like crap!
And please someone ban them from moaning about pregnancy symptoms, particularly while the friend they are moaning to is still bleeding from their miscarriage!!! (Still annoyed about that one)
Plus, could there be a law banning anyone ever asking 'when are you thinking of no 2 then?' and the like.
Aaaaah, thanks GordonTheGopher for starting this much needed thread, I feel much, much better for having had that rant!

I have a gorgeous DD by a previous partner, she's 5 but I am desperate for a baby with my DH- he has been a daddy to my DD since she was 1 and he is amazing with her, I just want him to have a child of his own I dont even want 3 or 4- just 1. surely thats not a lot to ask for is it?!

I had my copper coil out Dec 28th 2006 (thought I'd be pregnant by Jan- what a dumbass!) and have conceived once since- miscarried in May this year at 9 weeks. Bled very heavily for 8 weeks then after 3 painful cycles since MC, GP is thinking endometriosis and has put me on the pill to prevent any further damage. Am gutted- have got to stay on the pill til I know what is going on- see gynae on 16th oct.

In this time SIL has got pregnant very easily and had a son who DH dotes on, 2 ladies at work have had babies, another one has announced she is pregnant and my best friend has had a son. HOWEVER a lady i know has found out she is pregnant from a first cycle of ICSI. And the funny thing is, she was TTC when I had my DD and I remember her getting upset when I had my DD who I conceived very easily after 7 years on the pill with a git of a father. And i remember thinking 'what is her problem?!!'- perhaps I am getting my come uppance for that! I also remember wanting to take DD into work and a lady telling me that perhaps I had better wait a couple of weeks because another girl I worked with had just returned to work after a MC and was still quite tearful, I was only 21 at the time and felt very put out!! What an idiot- if only I knew (well, I do now.)

Thing is now, I cant conceive, I have to wait- see whats going on and be patient. I am only 27 and people tell me I'm lucky to have time on my side but with so many people getting pg around me I cant see that right now.

love to all, sorry to see some very sad and hard stories on here. xxx

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Thanks GTG for welcome, yes am still ttc for dc #1 !!!! Am hoping to start on new drug tx of progesterone, heparin, prednisolone, aspirin next, it has to work as we can not afford any more tx such as ivig or humira!

QOD, how very sad and devastating for your friend, just can't imagine how she is feeling, thinking of her and husband.

Dawn, i sure wish i had'nt waited now and had started ttc in my 20's but i guess i didn't ever expect anything to go wrong (how naieve i was), am now 34!

Is or has anyone else been or had success on the above tx programme?
Things will get better ladies (it has to)! Takecare.
XXX.

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oh QOD, how terrifying! i hope your friend gets better soon (physically at least)

GtG, im starting to come to terms with it now. ds is fab and will probably be fine, but i genuinely feel that our family is not finshed yet. i always wanted 4 dc but i have given up on that dream now, yet cant bring myself to give up on dc2

I felt exactly the same, we tried for 10 yrs, and now have dd, who is nearly 10 via surrogacy.
I did used to sort of "score" people too! If they had had problems or a miscarriage I could be happy, if it as an accident - bitter!
My best friend called me last night, she is nearly 40, just fell pregnat fairly easily, within 2 months of TTC for the first time ever - and she just had not just an ectopic rupture yesterday, but they took both tubes. I am so gutted for her, from 7 weeks pregnant, to seriously ill to IVF within 12 hours.
(they told her partner about ivf whilst she was in surgery [hmmm]

It is hard when you want a family so much and it seems further and further from reach. People who have had no difficulty conceiving dont understand that feeling of longing. I believe women who have no problems conceiving make comments like that, not to hurt, more because they dont understand and otherwise dont know what else to say. Only to have gone through it yourself gives you the understanding. It is very normal to have fears- we all do- fears of never having that family that seems to come so easily to others. It is ironice that people keep telling me to relax and that when I stop thinking about it is when it will happen but all I can do is think/ stress!

Hey ladies,

I just want to add my moans too....

Managed to conceive first month (after spending most of my life trying NOT to get pregnant - similar story with most I'm sure)... but had a MC at 5 weeks. It's only 2 months on but I'm already starting to despair that it'll never happen again.

My (best?!) friend who has just had her second baby, rather tactlessly said "oh well, I suppose you did get pregnant rather quickly", when I had the MC, like that was Ok?!

I'm on some lovely threads and have made some great "virtual" friends through them and as much as I am genuinely pleased when the girls get their BFPs, every one makes me feel a little lower.

I'm 34 and so many times recently I've wished that I started trying earlier, even if it was with the wrong guy. DH and I only got married in April and before that I hadn't wanted to have a child with the wrong person, but maybe I shouldn't have waited...

I know lots of people are in the same situation or much worse, but I guess deepdown everyone has fears...

xxx

my friend has 5 children- yes 5 and it became impossible to be around her. We ttc for 2 years now, mc last year, clomid 4th month and AF does not visit me often due to PCOS. My boyfriend and I got so upset visiting her as she was always telling them off/shouting at them/ telling them to go away and i had to stop going to see her as she was making me sooooooooooo angry- some people just dont know how lucky they are...

Oh and by any of our complicated scoring systems I am sure you are "allowed" to be pregnant!