Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

Hello all,

Ray81, feeling for you so much right now, not that that helps, go with how you feel but don't make any unreversible decisions. I work in a predominately female enviroment and recently had a day where someone announced they were pg by 'accident', living at home with parents, really young, relationship over, someone else left to go on maternity leave & later in the day the newest baby (10 days old)was brought in to the dept. I restrainedly (I felt) hid in a toilet cubicle and sobbed my heart out for half an hour[sad, sad, sad].
Our situations really suck and I know there's nothing I can do can say to make you feel better, but as someone on here (possibly you) said to me, just call and I will personally thump all those well meaning ignoramuses for you. I'm often thinking it'll never happen, may as well give up, but when it comes to it, that tiny bit of hope that hides in the deepest depths of my heart jumps up and all resolve is gone. Only you know what is right, I'd wait for the tests, getting yourself into the best shape possible for your benefit not any for potential dc's and try/allow yourself to have a bit of fun here and there, see what the tests come back with. Be kind to yourself, you are a good person and all this crap is unfortunately one of those terrible things which is'nt your fault. Big hugs.

Hello everyone.
This is my first post!
Me and DH have been ttc for 8 months, which I know isn't that long, but it sometimes feels like forever - probably because so many friends are pregnant (current count 5) or have just given birth (3 in the past 2 months).
For the majority, I'm really pleased, honest. But there is one of my very close friends who is 5 months pregnant and I'm finding it really hard. She started trying after us and fell pregnant in the 2nd month. She already has a 2 year old son (conceived at the first attempt) and now she's just found out she's having a girl (well of course she is!!). Rightly so, she's over the moon and dead excited, but I'm struggling.
Whenever I see her I feel awful for feeling like this, but at the same time I always leave feeling utterly envious of her situation and really low and sad that it's not me. I was secretly hoping she would even have another boy so everything wouldn't be "perfect".
She's done nothing to deserve this and is a great friend, but the more it goes on the more I am dreading her actually having the baby if I'm still not pregnant.
I can really identify with some feelings shared on this thread and it's helped me see that these feelings are normal - even if they don't make me very happy - and its great to be able to get this off my chest as its starting to eat me up a little.
So, thanks everyone!

Hi guys,

Ontheup and pinkmook i think you are both right that i need a break from the TTc but even when you tell yourself you are going to do it you never realy do, do you? We havent realy been actively trying for the last 2 months but we have... you know and becoz we did i still feel like i am in the 2ww, my Af sysmptom seem to have disappeared now which makes me symptom spot and also i saw a spiritalist in Oct last year and he told me i would have a baby within a year and that would mean i would have to be pg this month and therefore that is this hope that i am and wont lose. How pathetic ay?

My friend had her 20 week scan yesterday and i did the usual thing of phoning and checking all was ok and she is having a girl and is realy happy, she already has a girl who is 2 and she fell first month of trying and only Bded once this time which makes me realy resentful. so anyway yesterday shes telling me how she was so scared there was going to be something wrong and she is so glad that everything is alright and she is having a girl and all i can think is i hope she has a hard time when the baby is born as her dd is abit spoilt and it will serve her right for being so bloody lucky All the time.

I do wonder if i am being punished for being such a bitter and twisted bitch and perhaps thats why i am not falling Pg and why i lose when i finaly do.
I think the hardest thing for me at the moment is that i am trying to come to terms with the fact i probably wont have any more children and i dont know how to deal with it and whenever i try to talk to my friends about it they are like 'yes you will dont be silly' ad i just want to slap them and shout ' i have been trying for 5 sodding years if it hasnt happened yet the likelyhood is that it wont' but of course i dont i just keep my mouth shut as per usual.

God sorry to rant yet again guys. Anyonw got any clues on how you cope with feeling that you wont have anymore dcs?

Hi ray sorry to hear you are going thru the wringer - you need to give yourself some time to get over the mc - mine was 9 months ago and I still get upset so please don't expect everything to slot into place emotionally - you have had a big shock to the system and need to be kind to yourself. Maybe some time 'off' is a good idea. I am too old for that (!) But decided to give myself the present of taking more care of myself. Still no BFP but the acupuncture has made me feel so much better and cutting down on wine has been a good move. 2009 will be better, it has to be. Take carexx

Hello to everyone else, sorry you had to rant but glad you did.

Hi
Its the hardest thing plastering a smile on my face when another friend/family member announces they are pregnant. I manage it then go home and have a sob as I feel my body is letting me down.
Im nearly 32 and have no dc, been ttc for 18 months since we got married but nothing yet. We are going thorugh all the tests now but feel like its all my fault. I did have a mc 11 years ago at 13 weeks and no pregnancies since.
I really feel for everyone on here and it is good to read some stories and know i am not alone in my quest

Good luck to everone

Hey ray81 - hang in there, we've all been where you are today...I think trying to take a break from TTC even for say 2 cycles is a good idea. I have tried to do it and managed one but it did help me get things in perspective. I have also found really trying hard to accept a life without me getting pregnant again. Its a very hard thing to do but is less hard than the constant misery of TTC. I have set myself a time limit of 2 yrs from now to stop TTC and have started to think about how my life will be and what things I will do if TTC fails. Its helping me cope.

I will do all I can for the next 2 years to get pg but then I need to accept i did my best and cannot do any more.

Lots of love to you I really feel for you x

Hi guys,

Havent posted for ages sorry about that been kinda wollowing and still doing it.

Had my first Af after Mc on the 26th Dec (good timing ay)! Fucker. Am now in the middle of this cycle. I havent started taking the clomid again yet although i did toy with the idea for a few days but just couldnt bring myself to take it, its not that i dont want to try but so scared of the disappointment again if i do lose and then fall.

I feel so crap at the moment i have a friend that is nearly 20 weeks with her 2nd and fell first time and every time i talk to her i want to cry and there is this mum at the school who is 28 weeks and i cant even look at her and when i do i want to cry so hard and i just cant help thinking why not me what have i ever done, why them. I hate to say it but i almost despise them god that is such an awful thing to say but i realy do. I am wondering if i just need to give up on the ttc thing it is not getting me anywhere, i have no friends i can talk to about it, i feel so alone and i feel so crap all the time.

so sorry to rant guys just needed to get that off my chest.

BSL - ranting is what this page is all about.

As for me... Have started alcohol free 2009 in vain last ditch attempt to get pregnant. Have 2 or 3 friends still trying (and LOADS pg, but at least I'm not totally alone in this). Anyway would really like not be the last one and as I'm the oldest of us and DH works away the odds are already stacked against us.
Will try to do all Jan alc free and then see how it goes.

I feel a bit wierd as a single mum who would love a large family yet I can't see a man in the immediate future and therefore no siblings for dd.
I know an annoying couple who are popping them out so easily. I would be really happy for them if they didn't keep asking me when I am going to find a man. They seem too perfect and annoying. They try to compete with me too when it comes to child rearing which is totally unfair seeing as I'm on my tod. I agree with the point scoring system of deservedness for sure.
I'm actually thinking of adoption in the future if I don't find the right guy. Anyone else gone down this route? Anyone else in my situation?
Conception is so fraught and complicated - it never is just a matter of having sex- there are so many issues that cloud the way.

Hi, also not posted on here for ages.
I am now more determined than ever and feel it in my waters that i WILL be pregnant next year. We are going for it properly.
Im fed up with the waiting and disapointment so each month we are going to put every effort in.
Think if nothing happens by the summer, i will need to go and see someone. Going to give it a bit longer though.

any one else feeling positive for next year?

beanieb - I have one of those facebook colleagues who does the exact same thing and my finger has hovered over the delete button a few times (but how would I explain that one should she notice - "sorry I couldn't stnd your fucking nauseating fertility updates " )she just had her baby the day before xmas eve and now I have endless updates on her breast feeding and 10 million photographs of the new arrival, and yes, video clips too, fecking great, ta.

I am due on next friday but already know am not pg as boobs have stopped hurting meaning af on way soon. FTC sucks arse in a major way....here hve bailey's witih me ...hic

This christmas has meant seeing lots of old friends and their families and having to deal "with questions like so when are you going to have kids then?" which has been annoying to say the least. Am also due to get my period soon and this is once again going to coincide with what should be a happy visit from family and their newborn. Typical eh!

Not got any peaks on my fertility monitor, EWCM seems to have gone on holiday for the last two cycles and I am generally feeling like poo and worrying that I am now in peri-menopause. Also had to go to a work baby shower for someone who is due to give birth in January and keeps updating their facebook status to say things like 'fertile woman is packing her bag for the hospital' and 'fertile woman can't wait to meet her son'

Hi Guys,

I have not posted in ages as felt it was making me more obsessed. BuT

I am soooo fed up, clomid cycles are coming to an end cant believe been through 4 months of it. This last cycle is weird had more side effects than normal but OPK hasnt picked up a surge yet. Loads of people asking and saying "ooh you'll be having one soon" and i just want to scream.

Also really sick of "how ARE you feeling" line from everyone. Think am going to lie and tell them all we going on a non TTCing 6months. that might make them all leave me alone.

Sorry for the rant am just really fed up.

Hi everyone!

just wanted to say happy christmas to you all.. only 13 more days till the end of 2008, good riddance!! here's to 2009 and to all of you! to your power to carry on and make it look to the rest of the world that you're still ok, while slowly going gaga, here's to your ability to push the super sadness deep deep down at the moments where people "announce" or say stuff that is just plain heartless and cruel and "act normal" and congratulate and smile and hold it together long enough till you get outside/to the car/home/to your bedroom.. here's to the superhuman powers you have to still "try" while being kicked and punched and beaten by life and chance and luck.. here's to all your poor bruised and aching souls and hearts.. here's to you who hear yourselves say "how did i get to this point? how did things ever get this bad?".. be nice to yourselves this christmas and give yourselves the credit you deserve for just making it through 2008 with your face washed and your hair brushed never mind hold down a job and keep a tidy house and look after your families.. most of all i wish you all peace, even if it's only 15 minutes here and there, where the screaming pain of all of this falls quiet and you're just a normal, happy, laughing human being for a little bit.. happy christmas everyone, love lots fifi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone, still here, still simmering and with added christmas stress so close to telling the world to f off or run away, reading all the posts has made me feel less of a freak.....

mrshappy, I had a hysteroscopy (well 2 actually as I have 2 uterus and can't keep a pregnancy going in either) and it wasn't so bad, the GA was the worst hangover.

fifi08, if your AF's are regular then you're right it can't be PCOS, go back armed eith some statistics and the fact your blood work doesn't correlate, go and stand up for yourself as if you were doing it for DS.

Big hugs everyone, lets hope if we were all so bad in a former life we bloody well enjoyed it at the time for we're so as hell paying for it now.

Hi everyone. Just wondering if i can join you as i think i will fit right in. ttc number 2 for 18 months now and had 4 mc's along the way topped off last 2 months by chemical pregnancies (i know i shouldn't have tested early and i will NEVER do so again). Am starting to wonder if i will ever have another child - seriously it must be more than bad lukc to lose so may in a row? DS is 2 years old and everyone i know is pregnant with number 2. i want to be big about it and say that my losses shouldn't affect my happiness for them but it bloody does and i am not happy at all - just simmeringly jealous. why do they all have it so easy? Not one of them has had one mc and i have had 4. not fair. right enough moaning - am on CD9 so building up to try again this cycle. Am having acu but other than that we are just taking more relaxed approach because blatantly staying off alcohol etc has not helped one little bit! anyone else on a similar cycle?

charlie

Hi guys,

Im not to bad on the outside but on the inside i think i may be dying!!! I went to see a friend yesterday and she is Pg 21 weeks, she did try for 2 and half years and i am very happy for her but we were sat there talking and she wouldnt stop touching her tummy and i wanted to cry, i just wanted to scream WHY ME. Then i was talking to another friend on the phone who is also Pg 14 weeks and she said something along the lines of ' Just my luck' about something and i wanted to shout ' you fell pg the first month of trying, this is your second child and everything is fine what have you got to moan about bitch' obviously i didnt coz i never do but seriously guys what have i ever done to deserve this, its almost like god is having a right old laugh up there making everyone around me pg and seeing how many it will take to make me crack.
I think i just have to face the fact that i will never have more children, i havent even got the energy to try anymore i realy havent.

sorry guys been away for a while and all i do is moan when i come back in.

No, I haven't had those tests, but I have had a lot of internal ultrasounds one way or another. My problem is that I have had 2 ectopics and a CP this year, so we know I ovulate but for some reason they don't implant in the right place, hence the HSG and next year a hysteroscophy (which I am dreading!).

I think it is pretty normal to ovulate later if you have been stressed out. I think of it as my body's way of protecting the egg and giving my body time to recover from the stress and so convince myself it is a good thing. Not being regular sometimes really is not the end of the world. After my CP I ovulated on CD26 (normally have a 31 day cycle) and did get pg, admittedly with an ectopic, but still. So don't stress too much. You'll be fine, honestly.

thanks mrshappy! that really helps!! huge relief! was expecting the worst so i might even be pleasantly surprised !! hmmm.. had first round of blood tests and gynae ultrasound last month and was so traumatised by the whole thing i ovulated 5 days later than usual!! honestly all i could think was if i had not had DS all that prodding and poking in such a matter of fact almost brutal way would have had me in tears.. staff were really brusk and wouldn't discuss anything with me.. only saw fertility nurse but she was really pushing a PCOS diagnosis as ultrasound showed cysts on one ovary (apparently 25% of women have these but go undiagnosed) but have zero other symptoms and all bloodwork doesn't correlate with PCOS.. she actually dashed off to talk it over with consultant and came back with a perscription for metformin!! i was so shocked i didn't take it.. hence i was really worried about round 2!! did you have all those tests as well? did they throw up anything? thanks for the heads up on the bleeding bit.. it's good to know.. any variables or strange events in cycles drive me mad ..i'm usually really regular.. then if anything unusual happens i don't know where i stand and end up drawing all sorts of tentative lines and dreaming up all kinds of far fetched senarios as to how this time it'll be different etc.. really trying to manage my expectations this month.. and clearly not doing a good job..

I just wanted to post to tell Fifi that I had an HSG less than 2 weeks ago and it was really nowhere near as nasty as those websites make out (actually it was not nasty at all). It was uncomfortable in the same way that having a smear is uncomfortable, but mine was not painful and I had no cramping. Just as with a smear, the more relaxed you can stay the easier it is. I did take 2 paracetomol and 2 nurofen about 45 mins before going in, so that might have helped (or at least might have helped me to stay relaxed). It was over in probably less than 5 minutes.

Get them to turn the screen so you can see what is going on. I found looking at my innards a great distraction!

The one thing I did find a bit shocking was that I seemed to bleed a lot afterwards. I was spotting when I went for my HSG and the nurse thought that it sort of flushed out loose blood from my uterus (sorry, that's probably way TMI), but I stopped spotting within 48 hours. They should give you a sanitary towel but you might as well take a couple with you.

Re the fertility thing, I have read that too. My radiologist seemed to think it was not true, but then did say that it might help some people where they have mucus or other debris in their tubes. Either way, the procedure itself is really not that bad, honest!

HTH

hello everyone..

ho!ho!ho! not... sigh... not been in for a while as have decided to live under my bed where i can be sure there are no pregnant women, babies or anything else -natal.. passed one yr anniversary post m/c last month and had decided (in yet another moment of madness)that this was the month.. that it would all come good cause it had been a year (so?) and i had now learned my lesson to appreciate the pain of others,(so?) to appreciate how lucky i'd be to fall pregnant,(so?) followed the sperm meets egg plan to a tee,(SO?) did everything that i was supposed to or could have done(SO?SO?SO?).. and... nada.. i mean seriously... what the heck is the point of all this? to put a massive strain on my relationship? check.. to turn me into a psycho? check to fear and dread phone calls from friends who say "guess what?" .. check... i bet when i go to then dentist in the new year my teeth'll all be half an inch shorter i've been gritting and grinding them so much for the last year..

anyone know anything about or had HSG..? it's the cathether, dye, are your tubes open or closed procedure.. having it done on wed.. any info, advice etc would be so great.. was reading up on american website and it all sounded terrible.. although a lot of them mention hsg as having a positive albeit very short term effect on fertility.. not that i need a scientific reason to believe anything related to enhancing one's fertility, but has anyone heard that that might be the case.. ?i'll happily take on some apparently painful and potentially just another kick-in-the-teeth experience to help in even a teeny tiny way..

hope you're ok Ray if you're still reading but just not able to write.. hi pinkmook! how are you? did your DH have good luck in bouncing back from redundancy? i really hope so..hello TTC05, sorry to hear it's all so horribly horrible for you to... letting it all out here really helps so take a deep breath..!!

Hello - am popping in and out at the moment but needed support tonight.

Have been ttc for three years now, 1 mc two years ago. 'Unexplained'

Found out yesterday that another friend is pregnant. She was ttc for 2 months and before this has vocalised how much she didn't want children that much.

I feel like I must have been so evil in a past life to keep on getting these kick backs. I don't mind so much if people really want them but when they are so relaxed about it and feel it is so easy it makes me want to cry

I feel the last two years have almost been wasted and all these other people have been having fun then just decide to have a baby and bingo!

ttc05 & pinkmore I know exactly how you are thinking, I have to face a whole workforce who are popping them out. I am the oldest one who is not pregnant or just had one. Feel like a real failure sometimes as it should be the most natural thing in the world and my body can't do it

Are is there no-one in RL who is ttc???

Pinkmook you are so right, i feel the same way! Im beginning to get pi$$d off hearing about everyone else getting pregnant when it wasn't even planned/wanted. And even all these women that join these TTC boards... the first cycle they usually get pregnant too! I think im like a fertility charm for everybody but ME lol

AF has really hit me hard this month. Starting another year without a BFP is SO depressing. I'm due at the consultant at the end of the month, so that is another month wasted with no Clomid and no O. Ughh.. when do we get our BFPs???

TTC05 - its shit isn't it? Sorry to be blunt but it really is. Its like some special kind of hell!! I think I must have been very bad in a former life