First time TTC?!! Let's get through this together!!

Flirty great advice (are you an agony aunt in RL)

I laughed when you said screaming 'we only have 3-5 days a month to conceive" is not helpful your so right and I picture some mad banshee woman screaming it not me!!

I have tried the talking to make it better and I always emphasise that I want to have HIS children I mean to me thats such a compliment I suppose I can't see that that might be pressurising him.

I am cheered up, I will try not to be a mad woman and be calm this evening, even though he is out again and prob won't be in till 3am again. I don't think its going to happen this month. Never mind, i'm going to pull my socks up and stop being a mardy bum!!

Thanks you two!!

So how are you both doing!!

Thanks Summerbird I just don't think I would be so obsessive about it if we had started when we had originally planned to (June last year) As it happens though I have speant a year on the internet and looking at books which is a PITA as now I have nothing to do when I do eventually have DC's!!

I just really needed to offload how stressed I was especially as he didn't seem to realise that I was

PS. Summerbird...I'm lovin' you're good vibes picture!

RELAX. I know it is hard. I too had to wait a long time for DH to be ready for children, in spite of him being 10years older than me. Don't panic though, this is not him saying he doesn't want to have children! Thsi is him saying you were acting unusually and he was feeling pressured. Don't read more into his words...men rarely do that.

Now, to be honest, probably shoulting that 'we only have 3-5 days a month to conceive' was not helpful... Sorry. If he does feel pressured, that won't help. I'm not saying any of this to be nasty...AT ALL. I'm just trying to show another perspective. I'm absolutely not saying my way is right (I've been wrong many a time...) but I've found that calculating fertile days and all that is great for me to know, but I don't tell DH. That way, to him there's no pressure...and so whilst I am determining when we BD more, he is blissfully unaware. It may be worth giving it a shot...

Maybe, tonight sit down and talk and say that you're sorry if you put him under pressure but it's just because you so desperately want his child. And tell him about the things he did which upset you...and let him expain to you what it was you did that made him feel under pressure. Agree to both try and be more sensitiev to whatever the differences...then, kiss and make up and get BDing! We're on the same cycle and I didn't get any action last night...we still have a few more days! No panicking yet...

Hang in there Bonifacio...it will happen xxx

Good advice flirty bonifacio but as flirty says you need to move forward from this and have some nights when you dont mention BD but just plain old fashioned bonking!

i had the discussion with my DH that i didnt want it to be all clinical as i was worried it was getting too technical and taking the romance out of our bonking. So we made a pact that we both want a baby very much but still love eachother and enjoy the BD/Bonk fest.

The chances are he did just have a crap day and was sleepy and maybe felt the added pressure to perform.

On yer way for some good lovin' tonight! Good luck and good vibes over to you! //////////

I think he did feel too much pressure yes, as I stupidly have talked quite a bit about it over the last year. I dress up every weekend when we go out jst not when we are in the house alone, and that is just for him. His main worry is that he will be second best instead of coming first as he always has but I have tried to explain that I will now come third too (work comes first now)

Thankyou for your post made me feel a bit better!!

Oh Bonifacio!
I'm so sorry that all your efforts and hopes didn't work out... Right, let's quickly go over what happened and then move on to a positiove step forward...no point in wallowing too much. Onwards and upwards as they say...

Right...and I may play devil's advocate a little, but bear with me. It is possible that your DH does feel too much pressure to perform, and that may frustrate, embarrass or upset him, thus killing the mood. And he may feel a little sad that you aren't dressing up, making his fav food etc etc just for him, but rather so that you can get what you want (ie. a baby). That may make him a little sad/disappointed. He may well be worried that this is the start of you always putting soeone before him (men think very differently). So...just as you have all these emotions fltying around, so will he...but they are likely different. And on top of that...he may just have had a crap day. Maybe, he just likes you the way you normally are...that's what he married after all...

Now moving forward...

Ok, i'm very sorry i've not looked at anyone elses posts to see how you all are, I am very annoyed and need to know if I am right to be?

So DP comes in last night an hour and a half later than he was supposed to be (I ignored it as didn't want to spoil the mood for BD'ing by arguing) He doesn't even mention that I look nice (which isn't often when I am just in the house) I get him his dinner (his fave) and settle down to watch a film (9 and a half weeks for gods sake practically porn) make some sexy suggestions about been slathered in ice cream (never gonna happen brrrr way too cold) I suggest we go to bed (10pm FFS) he agree's we get into bed start getting a little frisky (sorry sorry I know TMI) and then he suddenly goes cold and starts rambling on about something and nothing. I ask him to kiss me (why did I ASK ffs) he then sayd I am being very wierd and he doesn't want to BD, so obviously I ask why as I was getting all the signles that he was up for it too until he went cold. He is tired aparently. So I say well you wren't a minute ago. Then he says i've put too much pressure on. Which may or may not be true but I was actually trying to take the pressure off by dressing nicely and trying to make it fun. And he said but its not is it and I said well it would've been if you weren't such an arse. Then I completely flipped and pointed out that he knows you only have 3-5 days to BD to stand a chance of getting PG and we have already missed one. Then I storm out and end up bloody having a cigarette. Get back into bed a while later wake up this morning and he's being all cuddly (but still not BD'ing) and then when I send his a text saying how upset I am about how he acted he claims no knowledge of it even though I threw the remote at him.

Sorry needed to offload that, i'm just worried that thios is his not so subtle way of telling me that he's (still) not ready. I don't know what to do now when he gets in tonight part of me want to be really arsy and refuse to BD even if he wants to (stubborn streak) but obviously that would be stupid. I'm thinking about just leaving it to him to approach the BD'ing. I was so upset because I have been waiting so long for him to be ready.

PMSL!!!! Summerbird!!!!

This is a forum basically consisting of what in RL would be considered to be TMI

I NEVER speak about this kind of stuff in RL and would at just hearing the WORDS cervix mucous! and BD fest - te hehe

Also who do you know in RL who talks about brands of sticks to pee on ?????? so surreal yet it feels so natural on here

I agree, I cant believe that all these accidents happen in the three days. And to think that i spent my entire 20s and early 30s trying hard NOT to get pregnant and here i am now obsessing over it!

I have just realised - i have joined a social networking site basically dedicated to bonking!!!!!!!!

he took it quite well I have to say. He did however say "It cant be this hard to get pregnant surely!!!! How come there are so many unplanned babies out there!!!"

I have been wondering this for years - If you can only get preggers 3 days a month how come all the accidents happen in those 3 days????

crunchy we got our hallway plastered a while back - and oh my god you have no idea how much mess they make! i thought i could just stay at home and chill when they were doingit but as they were doing my kitchen as well i ended up leaving them to it and buggering off to MacDonalds!! The clean up took days BUT it is all worthwhile as my 1930s house now looks like a new build! (well it will when finished).

heverhoney it does us all good to let loose on the DH's every now and again! We never really argue as he just laughs at me when i go off on one!!

I think this last 1WW is worse than the 2WW for some bizarre reason! It is sooooo dragging

AAAhhhhh I am sooooo useless. Less than a day after telling you all I wasnt gonna tell my DP about the OV sticks I've gone and done it!!!!

Had the serious hump about no ov today even though FF said today was the day and OH made a joke about the likelyhood of me getting up for night feeds!! I snapped and told him as I wasnt even producing eggs a baby was not exactly likely I am such a moody madam!!!

Summerbird i have just shown my husband the link to the hotel- he thought it looked great too so fingers crossed for April

Dawn Good luck for the scan- try to stay positive- they really can't be sure until then xx

On a lighter note- it looks like we are finally going to get the hallway plastered thats the only BIG job left but it is a huge job and its been driving me mad- i am starting to feel really positive that i may actually have a nice home by the time im back at work- you have no idea how long i have waited for this!! xx

I am very jealous of you ladies in lovely exotic countries with maids and chauffers! So where did you meet your husbands again...? hehe only joking- mines great just the was he is! I am still very though! xx

kalikaroo i just looked at your BFP picture - got me all excited and but in a way!!! good for you girl!!

thanks BSL i have been so for her. if you are reading this dawn i am sending you lots of hugs and good luck for the scan next week. xx

Just to let you guys know, Dawn posted a message on the Bonkers thread....

Oh and Eth I teach English- i am looking forward to September as it should be much less stressful! However i don't have my own classroom and have found it tricky racing round to different rooms with boxes full of books/folders/pens/ laptop/books etc! Am quite worried about how that will work when i am pregnant because i do carry lots about. I'm sure ill be fine though!

I have been trying to keep an eye out on the old CM front as i read something on that too- i dont seem to have anything going on down there though i am waiting patiently...

lol i have just come on here to check on you girls- with a glass of wine well it is my holiday and i have done even more ironing today!

I was having this problem, i dont drink a lot any way- maybe one/two glasses a week maximum and thats not every week (have a bottle in incase i have a bad day but its not always open if you see what i mean!) However, on the rare girls nights out we have i do binge drink quite badly i have always been known as 'the mad one' and the last night i made it out i tried the cutting down/diet/ husband shouted when i threw up on him last time... all sorts! But they found it funny and kept buying me drinks (they like my drunk dancing i think so the last girls night out was friday... and i cancelled! I did have my migraine but i told them i was broke (which to be fair i am enjoying spending my pennys on my nesting and decorating anyway!) but i knew they wouldnt leave me sober and we always buy rounds cos its easier to get to the bar that way and they ignore me when i say i don't want alcohol i really dont want to avoid them for ever but dont want them to know how obsessed i am with TTC (one of them has three lovely children and seems to get pregnant if somebody sneezes by her ) IT is difficult isn't it girls!

Mine is now updated:

Bonifacio - TTC no 1, Cycle 1, CD9
BSL - TTC #1 Cycle 2, CD 8
FlirtyThirty - TTC no 1, Cycle 2, CD 9
Heverhoney - TTC no 1, cycle 1, CD 14
Saz - TCC no 1, Cycle 1, CD17
Eth 37 - TTC no 1, Cycle 1, CD 20
Summerbird - TTC no 1, Cycle 5, CD23
Crunchynutter- TTC no1, no cycle as of yet!

Graduates:
Kalikaroo - EDD end March/beginning of April?

Dawn - on a break for now.

Thanks ladies, I think it's DH friends who have been telling him how easy it's been for them. Hopefully we can both be realistic about this

Saz and Flirty - oddly my DH is the one trying to make me be more realistic. When I was in tears at the BFN a weeks ago and telling him that 25% of women conceive in their first month of trying. He told me that it takes time and to stop being impatient. Only last night he said that each month there's only a one in five chance of getting pregnant, so I had to be patient for 5 five months!! he said he'd read it in one of this 'Dad' books I bought him! Some times he can be annoyingly calm and laid back, but I know it's good for me!

Hi Saz - I have laid it on thick that getting PG can take agers and we have several friends who sadly cannot have children so my DH is well aware that is may take ages or not happen at all
It is one of my greatest fears not having children...so he is senstive to that.

Do your DH/P's all think that you will just fall pg at the drop of a hat or is it just mine that thinks he has "super swimmers" sorry TMI

BSL - Funnily enough...I have strong 'June' feelings too...?! I will doubtless be kicking myself come December when I'm still TTC but there you have it... x