My DH and I have been TTC our first for 7mths, which I get isn’t that long in the grand scheme and compared to others, but unfortunately there are some factors which means the odds are likely to be unfavorable for us, which means timing of sex etc are really important.
Firstly, I’m older (37) and have been found to have fibroids which may cause some issues.
My husband is younger (33) however he has also been found to have a slightly lower sperm count from tests we did privately before TTC. When he was a baby he was born with his testes internal, which was then removed when he was 2, but this is also believed to have an impact.
However, my husband also has another medical condition which causes a lot of chronic pain on his back and hips etc when it flares up. When he has a pain flare up, it can be really hard for him to do some movements (so it takes sex out the equation) and he can be quite tired and understandably not in the mood for it.
When he is not having a flare up, he is normal and has a high sex drive, and sex is good - the problem is that these times don’t always fit my fertile window and ovulation.
for the past two months now, when I have been ovulating (I am using the sticks) I try to initiate sex, but he has been in too much pain and uncomfortable, and asks to wait til tomorrow etc, but then I get frustrated because I am trying to explain to him that we only have a very small window of 12 hours or less. So we have missed ovulation, two months in a row now and I’m devastated.
My DH feels that it’s not such a big deal as he thinks as long as we have unprotected sex as regularly as we can, he believes it’s possible any time of my cycle even though I have countless told him about the fertile window etc.
it’s caused so many arguments and he does feel awful and I don’t want to blame or resent him as I know he can’t help it, but I feel so disappointed when he turns down sex at the crucial time because of his pain, but then expects that we will fall pregnant the following week when he feels better.
we have a GP appointment in a couple weeks time as it’s been over 6months now, but I feel that we haven’t even been maxing our chances by having sex at the best points of my cycle and so GP wil probably tell us to go away and be more intentional about timings but when my partner has a pain flare up, it’s just impossible.
im so worried and sad and beginning to lose hope now, but I also feel very guilty for putting this on him, as I know it’s not his fault.
does anyone have any advice for us?