DH doesn’t always get the importance of the fertile window

His sperm quality is poor so there's no guarantee that it will last a day or two until OP ovulates. I'd keep my ovulation information to myself.

My understood my from when i was TTC (with fertility treatment) was that sperm will generally survive for three days and it can be up the five inside you, so it’s actually more important to be having sex in the few days before you expect to ovulate rather than when you ovulate. Three days later is generally pointless from a TTC POV.

You need to uncleanch.

No-one wants to have to have sex in an artificial 12 hours window, and you definitely can conceive from an earlier encounter, so your explanation isn't completely correct either.

Are the ovulation sticks actually helping anything?
Wouldn't it feel better to just have sex when you can (with a bit more focus on days 7-14) for a few months, put less pressure on you both and see where it takes you?

There are different levels of ttc, and maybe you are not on the same page of how forcefully are you willing to work on it.

That is hard. Can you go to the GP together so a 'professional' can explain to him how it works, if he's not listening to you?

Or I would do as suggested upthread and start initiating a few days before O so you have more chances.

Your the thick one! 😂 He understands his in physical pain and can't have sex! It's got nothing to do with him he can't choose when his going to be in pain?

the problem is that these times don’t always fit my fertile window and ovulation.

You could also say your fertile window doesn’t fit with his medical condition rather than just making it his fault it’s not happening.
Does he know you need to ovulate to get pregnant which only leaves a small window? Maybe he doesn’t and that’s why he’s so relaxed about it.

Can you aim to have sex in the lead up to the window? Afterwards is less good IIRC but sperm can last in the female body if they arrive a bit early.

OP, I agree that saying "we can try again next week!" is a bit silly of him and I would find that frustrating too.

If you can't get the timing quite right, it's much better to have sex before your fertile window rather than afterwards, because sperm can live in your body for a few days. So if I were you, I would try to have lots of sex between around day 7 and mid-cycle. Then you still have a good chance even if you don't manage to hit the exact 12 hour window.

This is ridiculous. He can’t have it all ways!! If he is too ill to dtd then the self insemination method is the right way to do it! OP is right, she can only get pregnant on about 3 days a cycle. Yes, getting annoyed at him is not fair, but neither is his attitude towards to OP suggested workarounds.

First post nails it. Self-insemination if he is having a flare up. Typical sex if not.

Also this:
The Fertile Window (About 6 Days): Even though the egg lives for just one day, pregnancy is possible over a 6-day window—the 5 days leading up to ovulation plus ovulation day itself. This happens because sperm can survive inside the female reproductive tract for up to 5 days

Have you considered he is just saying those things because he feels badly about not being able to have sex with you. Maybe he’s trying to stay positive (it’s ok! We can try tomorrow!) because he KNOWS he’s disappointing you when he can’t have sex. How helpful would it be for him to respond “SHIT NOW WE MISSED ANOTHER MONTH! My terrible pain caused us to miss the fertile window again!”

That’s a lot of pressure! This sounds so intense!

That would upset me too!
Can you not see how that would make him feel like a sperm donor and not a “father”/husband? Essentially all you need him for is sperm.
I know it’s not possible for everyone (IVF) but the physical act of making the baby if important and connects you!

What else do you expect him to say though if he’s in too much pain to have sex? It doesn’t seem like there’s really anything else he can say.

Oh OP, I’ve been where you are, it made me desperately sad too if I missed the fertile window in a given month.

But why are you saying you have a 12h window? You have at least a couple of days before ovulation to have sex as sperm stays there (longer in fact). Ovulation sticks can be misleading because you might be catching it towards the end and they aren’t as accurate as marketing wants you to believe.

Which is why medical advice is regular unprotected sex throughout the cycle and not ‘on the day of your ovulation’. It’s too hard to pinpoint exactly.

I think it’s only fair to recognise that feeling pressured to perform is very hard especially when you’re in pain. He’s not a robot. you’re going to have to meet him halfway here I think.

If you think any element of this might be psychological on his part, you could try telling him you have ovulated already a few days before you actually do, and see what happens?

You are so missing the point.
he wants to feel ‘wanted’, that you have sex with him because he’s ’irresistible’.
you explaining the technicalities to him (you ovulating, your window etc.) - just takes the real fire out of this.

I never told my DH when I was ovulating. He just thought I was eager to have sex with him so much. It worked. We DTD every other day.

it’s a real thing OP. When you “notify” him to perform, because you have a short window to make a baby, men feel like they’re just a required tool for you to get pregnant, rather than a hot man that his wife desires.

I've seen a shocking number of men who appear to happily pursue having children when they really don't want to, including going through IVF when cheating or planning to end the relationship. I agree; actions, not words.

This! 💯 fold.

You are 37 not 47 @RibenaCocktail i know it is more difficult in the circumstances with the low sperm count etc, but don’t put so much pressure on you both for now. Give it time and hopefully all will be well

good luck 💐

He sounds really thick, is he really not able to understand and remember this very simple bit of science ?
Or is he deliberately forgetting as he doesn’t really want a baby or a child.
Be very careful he doesn’t steal your chance to be a mum, cos that is what his actions are showing. He is currently future faking.
Believe actions not words, so very easy to say but darling of course I want a baby…. But not today as I hurt all over.

I mean if he really doesn’t understand basic biology are you sure you want to have a child with him?

he feels like we can try again in a few days or next week and it will all be ok

But you’ve repeatedly explained to him that’s not how it works so why’s he still saying it?

Im assuming its an arthritis/ back pain type thing, plenty of parents have this.