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Original poster

Feeling frustrated by a friend's reaction after one month trying to conceive

10 replies

charmingpony · Yesterday 13:53

This is more a post to express/vent. I fully appreciate there are many complexities to all of this, but I’m feeling frustrated.

A good friend of mine is obsessed with the idea of trying to get pregnant and has literally only started trying… a month ago. Her test came back negative, as is to be expected a month after trying (and as her body normalises to not being on the pill). She said she was “devastated” and is finding it hard telling people she’s not pregnant. She has no known fertility problems and is young (30).

Bear in mind, I was told of my own fertility challenge last year (diminished ovarian reserve) and we know several people who are really struggling and going through IVF. It just feels completely ridiculous.

Anyway, call me heartless, but it’s been an aggravating few days.

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Jackospice · Yesterday 23:52

I think most people think you have sex once at any time of the month and that’s it you’re pregnant, because that’s sex education. So that first month is exciting but also disappointing for a lot of people. If she’s genuinely lovely then maybe you could tell her you’re struggling to discuss it, or just step back until she calms down a bit.

Butsometimesnot · Yesterday 14:10

She will probably be mortified and say she’s not been thinking straight and apologise

Butsometimesnot · Yesterday 14:09

charmingpony · Yesterday 14:07

yes, she's well aware - and very supportive. But I'm not in the position where I'm actively trying (just very single!).

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So if she’s so lovely and a really “good” friend don’t come to Mumsnet !! Talk to her and convey how you’re feeling

Original poster
charmingpony · Yesterday 14:07

Butsometimesnot · Yesterday 14:03

Have you told her about your fertility issues?

Edited
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yes, she's well aware - and very supportive. But I'm not in the position where I'm actively trying (just very single!).

OP posts:
Butsometimesnot · Yesterday 14:03

charmingpony · Yesterday 14:02

Really lovely and caring. She's a wonderful friend, honestly. She's just obsessed at the moment. What I have found frustrating is this sense that having a baby is "her" thing... she asked me a few months ago who out of our group would be the first to have a baby, clearly hoping I'd say her, and she seemed hurt when I didn't say her (I said I didn't know, how could we know?!).

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Have you told her about your fertility issues?

Original poster
charmingpony · Yesterday 14:02

Butsometimesnot · Yesterday 13:56

This issue aside, what’s she like?

Really lovely and caring. She's a wonderful friend, honestly. She's just obsessed at the moment. What I have found frustrating is this sense that having a baby is "her" thing... she asked me a few months ago who out of our group would be the first to have a baby, clearly hoping I'd say her, and she seemed hurt when I didn't say her (I said I didn't know, how could we know?!).

OP posts:
Thundertoast · Yesterday 14:00

The fact she doesnt understand the fact it might be several months before the pill is out of her system is a bit concerning, have you pointed that out to her?

Whoops75 · Yesterday 13:57

She sounds like a dose! give her plenty of no notice. Calling her out only makes you the bad person so you have to grin and bear it.

I know someone like this and call bingo (in my head) when she is being dramatic.

Butsometimesnot · Yesterday 13:56

This issue aside, what’s she like?

Peonies12 · Yesterday 13:56

I think you have two options - step away from the friendship or be bluntly honest with her about what is normal with conception, maybe she needs to hear it. Why does she need to tell people shes not pregnant?? I’d have very little sympathy for someone like that TBH.

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