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Original poster

A slightly jaded PSA from someone coming out the other side of a missed miscarriage…

9 replies

TinyBitChaotic · 19/09/2026 12:30

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I realise my perspective has probably shifted quite significantly after what I’ve just been through, so take this as my slightly jaded two pence rather than me telling anyone what they should do!

But honestly… if you can, save yourself the orbit and wait until your period is due to test. Or even better, until you’re late.
I used to completely understand the urge to test early - I did it myself. But what good does it actually do to see that early positive, only to spend the next several days testing repeatedly, analysing whether the line is darker, comparing today’s test with yesterday’s, and potentially finding out you’ve had a chemical pregnancy?

You haven’t necessarily gained any useful information. You’ve just potentially bought yourself several extra days of anxiety and emotional investment.

And then once you do get that positive… put the tests down.

Because after this experience, I really don’t think test progression tells us nearly as much as we convince ourselves it does. A darker line is lovely and reassuring, but it doesn’t tell you that everything is going to be okay. Equally, a test that doesn’t look dramatically darker one morning doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.

I know why we do it. I absolutely get it. When you’re desperate for reassurance, a little strip of plastic feels like the only thing you can control.

But having now had a pregnancy that progressed far enough to get a 3+ on a Clearblue and a comete dye steeler, only to ultimately be a missed miscarriage, my perspective has shifted quite dramatically.
The tests can tell you that you’re pregnant. They can’t tell you that you’re going to stay pregnant.

And I think, if I’d really understood that beforehand, I might have saved myself a lot of unnecessary spiralling.

So yes. Probably slightly jaded. But perhaps someone else will find it useful. ❤️‍🩹

OP posts:
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Needingarest · 20/09/2026 20:16

TinyBitChaotic · 20/09/2026 12:47

Haha, I genuinely think some of the replies have missed the rather important “this is my perspective / take it or leave it” disclaimer at the beginning 😂

I’m not telling anyone what to do. I’m sharing a perspective that has changed for me after going through a missed miscarriage. If early testing works for you and gives you reassurance, genuinely, crack on! It clearly works differently for different people.

I just wish I’d understood before this experience that a positive test, test progression and even a 3+ ultimately couldn’t give me the reassurance I thought they could. That’s all I’m saying.

And honestly, you don’t need to convince me that what you do is right for you, because I frankly don’t care. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You do whatever works for you! Equally, you shouldn’t need to care what I choose to do for me.

You can disagree with it, ignore it, carry on testing at 8DPO and analyse your lines until the cows come home - genuinely, crack on 😂. I’m simply sharing what I wish I’d done differently having now been through this.
That’s it. There really isn’t a manifesto here.

I think people need to have more of an awareness of how common miscarriage is in general, I happened to have read up quite a bit on the topic so knew even getting pregnancy wasn’t a given and so to actually get pregnant, through the first 12 weeks and then to the birth of a healthy baby felt like the absolute miracle at each stage, I find it strange other people seem to take that so for granted? Then to manage that again I am so incredibly grateful! The times I did miscarry therefore didn’t come as a total shock but very sad nonetheless.

Original poster
TinyBitChaotic · 20/09/2026 12:47

Haha, I genuinely think some of the replies have missed the rather important “this is my perspective / take it or leave it” disclaimer at the beginning 😂

I’m not telling anyone what to do. I’m sharing a perspective that has changed for me after going through a missed miscarriage. If early testing works for you and gives you reassurance, genuinely, crack on! It clearly works differently for different people.

I just wish I’d understood before this experience that a positive test, test progression and even a 3+ ultimately couldn’t give me the reassurance I thought they could. That’s all I’m saying.

And honestly, you don’t need to convince me that what you do is right for you, because I frankly don’t care. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You do whatever works for you! Equally, you shouldn’t need to care what I choose to do for me.

You can disagree with it, ignore it, carry on testing at 8DPO and analyse your lines until the cows come home - genuinely, crack on 😂. I’m simply sharing what I wish I’d done differently having now been through this.
That’s it. There really isn’t a manifesto here.

OP posts:
MrsKateColumbo · 20/09/2026 12:33

im sorry for your loss OP, I hope you get your baby soon.

This info is not accurate however, there are various conditions (i have one) where you need to know if you are having CPs etc as you can (a) get medicine so your pregnancies are successful and (b) reduce your chances of getting a blood clot (and dying like my great aunt sadly did).

Maybebabymaybenever · 20/09/2026 11:46

I think the situation is different for everyone. I’ve had 3 ectopic pregnancies and only have 1 tube left. I’d rather catch my pregnancies as early as possible. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through and hope you are recovering well ❤️‍🩹

RapunzelHadExtensions · 19/09/2026 19:54

Tulipsriver · 19/09/2026 19:38

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Obviously it's individual choice, but for anyone on the fence, I completely agree that it's better to wait if you can.

I tested really early with my first and was an anxious mess for weeks. The second time I ttc I refused to test until my period was late and it was a much less stressful experience (especially as there was very little time to wait between a positive test and reassurance scan).

@RapunzelHadExtensions I'm sorry for your loss too but if it was at 6 weeks it would been after your missed period. Of course the date you took a test wouldn't have changed how upset you were because you'd have known you were pregnant by then, even if you waited until after your period was due?

I have no idea if I had a chemical pregnancy when I was trying for my second and I can't see how knowing would have been helpful to me (though I can imagine it might be helpful to know medically if you're trying for a long time). Surely most people stop vaping and limit alcohol before actively trying to conceive anyway?

The OP reffered to it as a missed miscarriage.

A chemical pregnancy is completely different.

Tulipsriver · 19/09/2026 19:38

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Obviously it's individual choice, but for anyone on the fence, I completely agree that it's better to wait if you can.

I tested really early with my first and was an anxious mess for weeks. The second time I ttc I refused to test until my period was late and it was a much less stressful experience (especially as there was very little time to wait between a positive test and reassurance scan).

@RapunzelHadExtensions I'm sorry for your loss too but if it was at 6 weeks it would been after your missed period. Of course the date you took a test wouldn't have changed how upset you were because you'd have known you were pregnant by then, even if you waited until after your period was due?

I have no idea if I had a chemical pregnancy when I was trying for my second and I can't see how knowing would have been helpful to me (though I can imagine it might be helpful to know medically if you're trying for a long time). Surely most people stop vaping and limit alcohol before actively trying to conceive anyway?

RapunzelHadExtensions · 19/09/2026 19:23

Sorry but no. I've also had a MMC at 8 weeks but had unknowingly lost the pregnancy at 6 weeks.

I tested early and it made no difference if I'd known two weeks later, the devastation was the same.

Not to mention I knew to give up drinking and was still vaping at the time.

I'm sorry you had one too but please don't tell others what to do.

Yewlez · 19/09/2026 19:10

I've had five miscarriages and I always wanted to know, so I can remember and honour my lost babies.

I understand your reasoning but it wouldn't have been right for me.

Also, knowing meant I could get help and be diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder so that text time I got pregnant I could get treatment.

Needingarest · 19/09/2026 13:02

It should be up to the individual, some people want to have known if they are pregnant even if it ends in an early miscarriage, I personally would find someone implying that really should have waited basically saying you’re not entitled to the grief as you wouldn’t have had it if you hadn’t tested. As someone who has been through a missed miscarriage too, I booked myself a private scan as was very anxious as wasn’t getting the usual symptoms and was the best thing could of done, baby had sadly died around 6 weeks and it felt better to know one way or the other and then when I did eventually start bleeding and then passed baby/sac at 9 weeks, it then didn’t come as the awful shock it would have done otherwise

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