TTC concerns as husband will not make lifestyle changes for fertility

You are trying to force him to be someone he isn't. Your ' new, very active lifestyle ' may sound absolutely vile to him.

Sounds a bit selfish on his part but having been long down this rd .

I stoped having a hot bath and stopped caffeine and did the trick for a second without IVF not much to ask to give it a go .

This is a huge red flag so I think you both need a serious talk. IVF is no walk in the park and doesn’t have a 100% success rate. The argument is he can make some easy changes but would rather put you through incredibly invasive tests and procedures. If he is not serious then you need to consider whether to stay or move on if having children is really important to you. As someone that experienced secondary infertility, please don’t put off this conversation. Good luck.

I had a similar experience and it didn’t end well for me unfortunately. Myself and ex husband had been together 10 years, trying for a baby for 7 years. He also wouldn’t make any lifestyle changes or engage with the doctors even.
If I could go back in time I would tell myself to have important conversations sooner, to make hard decisions sooner because time waits for no woman unfortunately when it comes to fertility.

Sadly I would wonder whether he actually wants to have a family. What magnitude of lifestyle changes does he need to make? IVF is really hard emotionally and you both need to be 100% on board. It may be worth investing in some couples counselling before you start. Good luck in your fertility journey 💐💐

Sounds like this is only the thin end of the wedge. If he's not prepared to put himself out or be a bit uncomfortable at this stage, I can't see him really stepping up as a father, which involves a whole lot more discomfort and disruption than the kind of lifestyle changes you're talking about!

Unless you know - because you know him and we don't - for sure that he is on the whole a very unselfish and giving man, and this issue is a rare aberration, then I would worry that as the mother I would be left carrying the vast majority or all of the load when it comes to parenthood, which then often evolves to carrying the whole household and you end up with not just a baby but also an unattractive manchild to look after.

I would be seriously reconsidering TTC with him. Only you can decide what is more important to you but if he won't put a bit of work in now, I highly doubt he will be willing to make the lifestyle changes that come with a newborn!

This would be a show stopper for me tbh - even if you ended up with IVF you both need to be as healthy as possible for it to ideally be successful

My partner had less than ideal SA results, and whilst I'll be honest he hasn't looked into everything himself he's engaged in all the changes he needs to make. It makes sense to to avoid IVF as much as possible as it's so intensive

how would he respond if you showed him this post? Do you think he would change if he knew how you felt?

Cut your losses, and either do it solo or find someone else. He’s not going to make the changes he needs to.

You will hate yourself in 3 years time if you are still in the same situation & the resentment will ruin the relationship.

sorry you’re going through this. It’s good you discussed it with him. Sounds like counselling could do him (and perhaps you, too) good.

It’s selfish behaviour for him not to try and do more when you’re looking at invasive, difficult treatment. Whatever is going on with him psychologically.

Unfortunately you can’t possibly know in advance whether or not he will ‘make a fantastic father’. Does he already do a fair share of the domestic work now?

I was about to post before I saw your update. That's great that he's responsive to counselling.

The only other thing I was doing or say was to show him how invasive and difficult IVF can be for a woman. My SIL nearly gave up as it was so hard on her (she didn't and they have a baby now), but perhaps if he realises that his small actions might prevent severe discomfort for you, that might also help.

But fingers crossed the therapy works and helps him with his issues, and good luck!

This is going to sound very ‘brass tacks’, but it is important to bear in mind.

Imagine that IVF is successful and you have one or more active kids to look after. Is he going to pull his weight then? Having kids is the biggest lifestyle change of all - there will be zero sitting on his arse and he’ll have to eat healthy food so that he models good choices for your children.

I would not be having children with him, honestly.

Pretty selfish, are you sure he wants kids? My husband had very low morphology and other factors fue to a varicocele, not his fault, but he also made alot of lifestyle changes to improve chances with IVF (due to the varicocele we needed ivf regardless but you can increase chances there too with lifestyle changes). Is it only morphology that's an issue for your husband? Count etc OK? Has the Dr given any insight why his morphology is low?

It's an ultimatum thing unfortunately, if you want children enough to go down IVF to have them, and your husband isn't on board with all that entails, it doesn't sound like you're on the same page.

It sounds as though either he does not want children, even though he knows that you do. Maybe freeze some eggs in case the relationship fails but you still want child/ren at a later date?