Baby trapping my husband?

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This is a truly horrendous idea.

Well if they usually use the planning method successfully and then she deliberately lies and tricks him then he literally has been tricked.

It is shared but you can't say you were tricked if you knew she was not on contraception and didn't used any.

Don't do this. I did and he had an affair and left. Said it took years to forgive me. Now I only see the child I longer for 50/50 and have to watch him have a step mum.

It's the worst thing I ever did, 3 kids is also impossible with holidays and the age gap means someone is always left out.

I am just grateful my ex loves the child and pays maintenance towards him.

Honestly I think you're mad if you go ahead with it. What if your child was bron with additional needs? I totally get how you feel. 6 years ago I was physically aching for another baby. It was a pain that wouldn't go away. Hubby wasn't on board at all. Kept telling me we'd talk about it in 6 months. He finally gave in and we tried for one month. No baby was made that month and then he told me he didnt want any more kids. We already had 2. I was so upset and I honestly thought my heart would break. The following day we got some very sad news. I realised then that I should be grateful for everything we already had. Now I look back and think what was I thinking. My kids are almost teens and life is easier (also much more expensive) Hubby also got a vasectomy in the meantime so its most definitely off the cards. There is no way I would have gone behind his back as we had too much to lose. You should definitely think about what you're planning.

@Coffeeandbooks88 but why is the responsibility always on the man ?

If he is that against it why isn't he wearing a condom or getting a vasectomy? He can't blame OP entirely if he isn't bagging up.

I had a baby from a man i said I didnt want to marry , he tried to trap me with a baby, he poked holes in the condoms without my knowledge, when I found out I was pregnant I left him. I love that child with every part of me, but the child comes with alot of mental health issues that iv been burdened with, he isnt in the picture , this child is 16 now. He has only ever known a loving home but he doesnt know the fight to give it to him. The father of said child lost everything because of his actions and then my nurse at my first appointment told me I could press charges as its classed as rape. I did not press charges and I chose to raise said child and I dont regret it but the other parent got nothing because of his actions and then chose to disappear. You could potentially lose everything your family have created, the life you and your partner have made for yourselves. You are talking about possibly asexually assulting your partner and ending your marriage the trust built between you both for another child. Really think about it all OP . I think the best thing you can do is sit down and talk to your husband about another baby. Go to him with all the pros. Show him how you can work the budget around another baby if no one else is missing out. I can also tell you from experience that, the done feeling never happens. I had 4 more kids to my current husband and I still dont have the done feeling, you just have to know when you have reached yours or your partners limits.

Obviously she shouldn’t do this. But HE should use a bloody condom.

Yes, it is "that bad". It's deceitful and if I was a man and someone did this to me, I'd be off!

Yes it would.
It would be a terrible terrible thing to do.

Sit down like an adult and have an adult conversation about a third.
bring the maths and show you can afford one debate your side and go from there.

If he really doesnt want one he needs to stop the baby chat and use condoms or grt a vasectomy because its making life very hard for you.

Thing is saying you would really like another child, isn't the same as saying yes let's have another child.
I would love to have cats, I say this every now and again, and mean it most sincerely. DP is highly allergic to cats. Therefore we don't have cats.

Have the conversation - baby trapping your DP is horrible

I’m hoping this is rage bait because that would be a disgusting thing to do.

No I wouldn't. You're wanting something you won't get, the celebration of pregnancy together, the joy of raising a baby you both wanted.

If it is a deal breaker for you, tell him that and be prepared to leave. If it is not a deal breaker tell he you would like to make a decision, baby or vasectomy. I would imagine once he has done that it would be much easier for you to come to terms with no more babies.

I have a 15 year gap with my sibling, I loved having a baby to play with and we get on great as adults! Very similar to any other adult sibling dynamic

It's a terrible idea but the fact he's has been having years of unprotected sex is reckless.

Being unmarried (?) are you financially independent, own the house, etc?
(Edited because it said husband in title but just partner in the original post.)

Vile.

Poor guy. 😢

I'm glad you've posted this online because I think you probably already know the answer to this one.

Think this through. Your husband knows that you want another one. You've managed not to get pregnant for the past five years on no contraception and then poof suddenly you are mistakenly pregnant? C'mon. He'll know, or at least he will always suspect. And that has huge ramifications for everyone, not least your two current children.

Look, likely he'd get used to the idea and I'm sure he'd love the baby once it was born. But, there's a high risk of the following things:

• He'll always doubt you, and resent that his hand was forced on this. He'll treat you differently, and your children will pick up on that.
• He'll likely, to a certain extent anyway, resent the baby. He may not mean to, but he'll treat it differently than he would if it was a planned baby. Maybe he'll be stricter with it, and softer on the older two? It will completely change your family dynamic, and not in a good way.
• You'll likely overcompensate because this baby was only wanted by you. Your kids will think your youngest is your favourite, and that will hugely effect their self esteem.

Don't underestimate the financial effect. I had two hard pregnancies and decided to stop at two, my husband always wanted three but accepted my decision. I genuinely got mistakenly pregnant with my third and I had all those financial concerns, which my husband convinced me would be fine. Now, obviously I love my third and wouldn't go back, but my husband was wrong about the financial issues. Having a third makes EVERYTHING more expensive, more than just going from one to two. The world is set up for a family of four.

And finally, do not underestimate the time effect. If you have one child, you usually get some time back to do your own thing when they are four or five. When you have two, that extra time disappears and it's not like some magic wand makes more time when you have a third. The people who have to sacrifice are your two current children, who will have to sacrifice time with you so that you can spend it with the third. That's a huge deal. Is this really the right choice for them?

And I don't mean to scare monger. But I gave birth at 40, and my youngest is autistic. Your chances of having a child with additional needs is much higher now. If that does happen, all the down sides get more acute - the finances, the time sacrifices, the resentment.

What you really need to do here is get some counselling, so that you can work through this desire to have a third. If you can't afford it, do not have the time to go, or don't see it as a priority, then that is an answer in and of itself.

It would be a vile thing to do.

I agree with all of the above. But to add, when you do sit down and talk, if it’s a hard no from him then he has to stop flippantly mentioning another child. It is torture.

I wonder if he is processing the possibility of another child and head and heart are conflicted (I went through similar back and forth).

Yes but the probability of risk factor plays a huge role here.
Probability of pregnancy when not having sex in the days around ovulation - low risk.
Probability of pregnancy having sex in the most fertile window - high risk.

He trusts his wife to not be a lying cunt on purpose. Obviously there is still a risk (one I wouldn't be comfortable with personally) but this is the same level of deceit and assault as if a man took a condom off in the middle of sex. The woman is taking what she sees as low risk by having sex using a condom, but the man purposely takes off the condom midway to serve his own agenda increasing the risk massively.

All of the above. Plus you’re going to resent him constantly saying the baby was an accident / not planned knowing it wasn’t - on your part.

let’s reverse this - if your husband was constantly saying I want to buy a new car, you could just about afford it but it would put you in difficulty, you said no and he went and did it anyway - you’d feel disrespected and pissed off. Only a baby isn’t a car, and you can’t sell it when you realise it’s made life harder.

Your husband might not even be telling you all of his feelings of another child - finances probably aren’t the only thing on his mind. It’s the physical going backwards step to sleepless nights and someone constantly needing attention, being carried, having to take time off for toddler illnesses. It’s the burden on working out logistics, who sleeps in what room, having three car seats in the car. It’s the school run vs nursery all over again. Your DCs are 7+5 that’s a significant lifestyle change from baby toddler. It would be unfair for you to now change that reality for him.

I have absolutely no patience with anyone, man or woman, who doesn’t use contraception unless they actively want to have a baby with the person they are having sex with. So yes, it would be “that bad” OP. And what he’s doing is “that bad” too. Grow up, the pair of you.

Do you actively discuss having another child or is it him hinting sometimes and saying it would be too expensive other times. Can't you sit down and have a proper conversation about it, point out it's getting to be now or never and work out the finances properly. And make a mutual decision one way or the other bearing in mind it may never happen as you've been using no contraception and relying on you knowing when you ovulate (do you actually check properly for ovulation?) which is hardly safe.