The Hopeful Hearts Circle 1 - December 2025🎄💖

Hi ladies I’ve been a bit quiet, took a step back from social media and mumsnet as I don’t think I was feeling in a very good place after my last loss. I’m currently having counselling sessions still and I think they’re helping.

How is everyone doing?

I am currently Cd23. Had some EWCM on Cd21 and a slightly raised LH test strip but not convincingly high. Yesterday’s strip was low again and today back to higher but not that high so don’t think I’ve ovulated just yet. I’m usually around Cd21 but due to the miscarriage 2 months ago I think it’s probably messed my cycles up. I’ll keep testing for a few more days and we’re DTD anyway just in case.

I have a recurrent loss appointment in June which when we got it seemed a million years away and now seems actually quite close. I think once we’ve had that we may need to make some decisions on whether we keep trying as it’s just so exhausting. All the not knowing and getting your hopes up. I’m still hopeful for now though…trying to keep the hope going

Finally gave in and had an appointment with a fertility clinic. I was a bit against the idea because I thought they would just push us towards IVF, but it was a very measured conversation. She said we have 3 possible issues, scaring in the tubes from the infection I got whilst in labour with my 2 year old (which lead to the emergency c section), there’s a problem with my c section scar, which is collecting secretions. If this feeds up to my uterus, it doesn’t make a welcoming environment to for an egg to settle. And the final one is egg quality, as I’m 42. She recommended IVF with genetic testing, plus to try and get my uterus and tubes checked via my GP. I can then have the embryo (assuming we get one) put in if nothing happens naturally in the meantime. Oh and to lose weight and take co-enzyme Q10. I like having a plan, though suspect getting anything out of my GP will be an impossible battle

Hi everyone, hope everyone’s doing okay.

We’ve taken a break ttc the last two cycles whilst waiting for DH’s urology appointment. We had this on Friday just gone and got the news that he’s got a grade 3 varicocele and will need to have a procedure. Mixed emotions as ever. Even though it’s another step forward, there’s no guarantee this will get us to the end result and for the procedure they apparently have to go through his neck and heart which is scary..

18 months since we first started ttc and like many we just want this more than anything in the world ❤️‍🩹

Looks like AF has arrived for me today 😞 rolling onto cycle 17 I think it is now. It's hard when there's nothing you can really do to help.

I'm starting to feel much better thanks @Taysonic I'm 13 weeks now! The first 10 were the slowest of my life and now I feel like they're flying.
I'm glad they've referred you and you might finally get those much needed answers, I'm sure everything will feel more settled when you've got a plan or at least some more solid answers. I can imagine it's tough, TTC takes over your whole life and it's so hard to see a future past that.
Maybe the goal is to just get through the next few months of tests & go from there? It's hard not to look further ahead though x

Ahhhh @LuckyDuck93 - the important question is how are YOU doing?! How many weeks are you now? Hopefully everything is going really swimmingly and you're feeling alright.

I've now been referred to the recurrent loss clinic. They've given me a new set of bloods they want to do 6 weeks after a negative, so should be able to get that done end of April. And then it's just a case of waiting for the clinic appointment. Depending on what they say, will depend on whether we continue to TTC or not. Certainly not trying beforehand.

I'm having a bit of a mental freak out around it all... It makes me feel like this future I had been working towards is now no longer the goal... but then, in it's place, I'm not sure what the goal is? I'm not sure how I see my future now and what I want it to look like. If that makes sense. And then I feel frustrated that I don't know the answer to that question... Just makes me question everything and it's a very unsettling place to be.

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to check in and see how you're all doing?

Sending love to those of you who need it right now ❤

I hope everyone has been ok today xx

Hope you're not having to wait too long @SausageRoll90. Being in the limbo stage is hard, knowing it's coming at some point but not sure when.

For me, limbo ended yesterday. Started bleeding around 4pm and had a pretty rough evening. Weirdly, I had an odd feeling it would be yesterday. When I spoke to my boss on Wednesday, I even said to her 'I'm pretty sure it'll happen tomorrow.'

But I guess that comes from experience and riding this rollercoaster a few times now.

I still don't know what my plan is - I know I'm not willing to continue TTC unless I have information or assurance that our chances are improved, through whatever means. But also unsure if that means I'm done completely or I'm willing to take the steps to have further investigations and explore other options.

@Taysonic @SausageRoll90 so sorry you're both having such a rubbish time of it! Sending you all the love x

@Taysonic sounds like we're both in the waiting for nature to take its course stage 😔

I had my HCG checked 48hrs apart and while the 1st was reassuring the second had dropped significantly (70% less than 2 days before) which confirmed that while it's unlikely to be an ectopic, it shows the pregnancy is not progressing and I am miscarrying. And now I wait 💔

@Taysonicsorry the GP wasn't much cop but must have been a bit of a relief that the EPAU have let you choose how you manage this. I completely understand the not wanting another scan with bad news 😞
Sending you so much love and strength.

I had such a shit experience today and have just had a big cry to my husband. I had a call with my fertility consultant - was all.prepped to advocate for myself and ask loads of questions. Then he said 'oh, I see from your notes that you're pregnant' - well I was three weeks ago but I'm not now. It totally threw me and I could hardly get the words out. I feel so deflated and just really sad. I know it's probably a simple admin error but it felt like a dagger to the heart.

He did say all my tests apart from blood clotting were ok, so I've to be tested again in a few months. And I pushed to see if I can get progesterone if I get a +test, which he agreed to. But I'm a big sad mess tonight 😔 xx

Hi ladies. Thank you so much for all your kindness and support.

Another pregnancy test this morning showed hcg dropping further. Hadn't heard back from the fertility team at all and so made a GP appointment in the hope they'd be able to give me the assurance I needed to stop the progesterone. Took the pregnancy tests as evidence.

He basically wouldn't say anything either way and would only refer me to EPAU, despite me saying that I'd rather avoid that if at all possible.

He wouldn't even talk about next steps and potential referral to the recurrent loss clinic because he couldn't be sure this was a miscarriage.

Went home, waited for a call from EPAU who had booked me in for a scan on Friday and were trying to encourage me to continue with the progesterone until then. I just bawled my eyes out on the phone. Said I didn't need a scan to confirm what I already knew and I didn't want to be waiting that long anyway. I asked if there was any way they could just confirm what they needed to with as minimal intervention as possible.

Amazingly, they called back and said they were happy for me to stop progesterone and they'd call me back in a week to check how I was.

And I feel weirdly better for that, and for knowing I can just stay at home and let nature do its thing now. Having a scan and being told bad news is not an experience I'm in a rush to repeat.

Time to take a break, get through this, and have some big discussions with DP about whether we continue or not. Or rather, what would need to change or happen for us to consider it an acceptable risk to try again. Right now, the risk for me is too high.

One day of spotting, yesterday very light bleeding and then today AF is back with a bang! I expected this period to be heavier post miscarriage. Feeling pretty rubbish but happy that I’m finally onto another cycle

@Taysonic I dont even have the words except to say I'm so so sorry you're going through this again.
I hope you're looking after yourself and have bought yourself plenty of treats and nice things, get those holidays booked , life is so cruel, you deserve something to look forward to ❤

Just saying hi, TTC since the beggining of the year, 2 kids allredy. Saving for later to read through.... my app says ovulation will be this coming tuesday, not tracking it, except for period dates.

Oh @Taysonic, you always have the right words for everyone else and I’m not as good at that! I really feel for you. I don’t think we’re far behind you in making the decision to stop, but for you, having come so close so many times is just cruel.

The biggest hugs 🫂 to you @Taysonic. I'm so sorry and I wish I had the words to make anything better. I read your earlier post which was very positive about focusing on what you have already - it really struck a chord with me as I think I'm also approaching the end of the line. I've already been thinking about looking into counselling - maybe that would help? You've tried so hard and endured a lot so please go easy on yourself xx

Third time lucky?

Forgot the image...

Well, I think this morning's test confirms that this pregnancy will end in another loss. The bottom test in the picture is today's. I think it looks noticeably lighter compared to Friday's test but also to Wednesday's test too.

I think this marks the end of the road for me now, ladies. Four losses in a year is a clear sign to me that it's time to call it quits. I don't quite know how long that will take to come to terms with, but I certainly don't really feel I can keep going. All my hope has gone.

EPAU and the GP basically won't say anything until the 2nd blood results as one isn't really telling them much. This feels like the longest few days of waiting. This limbo is hard. I thought I would find this process of TTC easier than last time because I've had a successful pregnancy with my son (he's my 4th pregnancy) but it turns out trauma of reoccurring losses doesn't really leave you. Well for me it seems that way anyway

God the wait for af after miscarriage is hard. My cycles went a bit wonky after each of my miscarriages and took a bit to settle back down so I understand your frustration. You just want to know where you are with things again. Praying the spotting is a sign of things moving towards a period.🤞🏻

@SausageRoll90hopefully your blood results will give you a clearer answer. I don’t know what levels HCG should be at 20 dpo. Did EPAU say either way? Or are they waiting for the next results before they give you an idea? I can’t imagine you’re stressed. It’s horrible being in limbo.

I’m cd32 since my miscarriage and had spotting this morning. Cycles are usually 31 days give or take so thought AF had arrived. It’s now totally disappeared so I’m still in limbo too. Frustrating. I’d rather just get it out of the way now