Just feeling so meh this morning

Thank you so much for this @Moosey898 👏🏼🫶🏻

@thismonthsfad thank you! and you are very welcome, everybody has their stories, it just so happens that for me it worked...❤

It seems that people are so sensitive that they've misinterpreted what I believe is a nugget of wisdom from someone who I would consider very experienced.
I really appreciate you sharing your journey also ❤️

Wow so a women that experienced miscarriage struggled to conceive decided to relax is not entitled an opinion ? Don’t know why people are always so nasty on these chats…ttc is already hard enough as it is….everybody has their stories don’t forget that!

That's fair - but I need to point out that no one on this thread has told anyone to relax.

@Moosey898 @thismonthsfad just to add, there is an infertility podcast called “Just Relax” whose title is an eye roll at the unhelpful advice given to many women for whom relaxing will do diddly squat. In fact, relaxing is an entirely less helpful suggestion that ones such as having your thyroid checked, having your partners (if there is one) sperm checked, having a look at your womb, ovaries etc, ensure you’re ovulating… or just simply moral support (OP you are not alone on this journey, and I hope so much there will be a resolution sooner than later.) I could go on.

I’m entirely sure my not being relaxed had nothing to do with an ectopic pregnancy, or a missed mc, or 5 years of ttc. It’s just a suggestion that comes from a well intentioned but inexperienced place, where helpful for some who’ve been trying for a couple of years, is irksome for those dealing with several years of infertility, miscarriages, multiple failed rounds of ivf, unexplained or not. You will find many women don’t like it, not just moose! They’re not taking it personally, rather, speaking in defence of others.

@Katie1900ah I see and I completely understand, I always said after my 2 miscarriages that the next pregnancy was the last attempt. We already had a daughter and like you just didn't want the medical intervention.

As it happens it was successful and we had our second daughter, but I was preparing myself for a different outcome x

@Katie1900glad you're feeling a bit better, I can understand the obsessive feeling - I had it after two back to back miscarriages. If, after six months, you aren't getting anywhere my only suggestion is to pay for private tests and the NHS ones only scratch the surface.

@Moosey898I agree about the anecdotes about how people relaxed and it happened. It's a confirmation bias, statiscally there will be those who after they "relaxed" became pregnant, same way as there will be plenty who don't become pregnant after relaxing. Unfortunately we only hear about when it does happen so there's a false perception that there's a causation there. This also drives a belief that the woman is to blame as she's "not relaxing".

I know you know you all this. But I just wanted to say I understand why the anecdote got to you. I'd have been the same - people who haven't walked the road won't know xx

I just wanted to say - well done on losing 7 stone... 7 STONE!!!!! That's a massive massive achievement. I lost 3 stone last year and have been swanning around like billy big balls, but that's nothing compared to 7 stone ❤️

Have you had your thyroid checked? This was my issue and resulted in several chemicals. Once sorted, I had my baby girl x

That is fair. I could also share stories of friends who stopped trying - one who did and had a baby, one who did and lost the baby to stillbirth and another who stopped and never got pregnant (didn't go back on birth control, just was never lucky enough to conceive).

I understand it may help some people. To me, anecdotal stories don't help because they aren't statistically significant in any way and don't mean the same outcome would necessarily be repeated for anyone else (yep, I'm a numbers and science girl!).

Should also add I've had a brutal TTC journey so far. Definitely changes how you perceive things.

These early tests are nothing but psychological torture, I have ample experience. Imho you really ought to stop this torture. Just do LH tests to track your ovulation (thus tracking your cycle) and if your period is late, only then should you pick up an hCG test stick and pee on it. Seriously. Do not sell your sanity for the sake of what will no doubt be a mountain of negatives. Do not do this to yourself any longer. Do not test until your period is at least a day late. I waited 3 days before testing as my cycles can sometimes be a bit wonky.

All the best xx

They explored the option of seeing a specialist privately and NHS - they were both told that before any sort of procedures will be carried out they needed to lose weight. That was about 5 years ago, they haven't progressed anything since and have accepted where they are - they're both living life to the fullest, travelling and seem happy.
I do know another couple who were in the same boat, they explored IVF, she had to lose 4 stone and did it... They were successful wit IVF and had a baby girl.

thismonthsfad out of interest, are they working with a fertility specialist? I only ask as I am looking at next steps and 13 years seems such a long time

I also have another friend who has been TTC for 13 years without success - in no way has she ever been offended or upset if anyone has ever suggested that 'she relaxes'.. Ultimately we're all different and people interpret advice in different ways. My intention was to share something that I found helpful, it wasn't helpful to you which is fair enough but it may be helpful to someone else.

thinking that try and relax sound like blame yourself must also just be a point of view and we obviously don' share the some opinion on this, sorry 😊you're allowed an opinion just try not to take everything so personal pp wasn't blaming or trying to hurt anyone, just sharing a story 😊

I'm also allowed an opinion as you are...please don't forget that yours is also not the only view.

I'm glad it helped you. When you go through a long and difficult journey to try to start a family (and don't have the outcome as your friend did, which of course makes it easy to say), it can feel very different. And you hear that "just relax" from a lot of well meaning people without realising that it can actually sound like blaming the woman for the situation, which of course is not true.

you are welcome and exactly it is helpful! i also didn't want to hear it but it actually was the only advice that made a difference for me so that's saying something..thank you soo much I was soo soo happy hopefully all goes well and get to meet baby in may 😍

Thank you @Ec2808 - that response really threw me because when my friend shared that with me, I was so grateful to her for confiding in me and I really did find her advice helpful. I do have an addictive personality type, and I really don't want to go down that road with TTC so I am forever grateful to her for sharing her journey with me.
Congratulations on your pregnancy 💖 you must be super thrilled ✨

Sorry you're feeling like this today. I know its already been pointed out above, but 9/10dpo is still early for a positive. I know its hard but if you can hold off til 12dpo or the day after you expected your period to arrive the results will be more accurate.

Have you gotten any support? I feel the same some days and it is rough, no point in pretending otherwise.