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Conception

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Original poster

Some cheering up needed here, desperate to start TTC but circumstances conspiring against us....(long)

30 replies

LittleMyDancing · 02/06/2008 13:53

So....have posted on this before but could do with some MN style support again....Not sure if it should be in this topic or miscarriage, to be honest, but hey ho.

We lost our second son at 20 weeks in Feb (very severe heart defect, we reluctantly went for a termination) and unfortunately I was on a fixed term contract at work (maternity cover) which ended in March and wasn't renewed. I knew it wouldn't be renewed, but as the baby was due in June that wasn't going to be a problem.

Now we find ourselves with no baby and I don't have a job, and we can't afford for me not to be working when we have another DC. (I know I could get MA but don't know how we'd survive the 9 months of pregnancy with me out of work - only have enough money to last until Sep.)

Have been looking for a job since March with no luck yet, but I'm feeling really frustrated because even when I get one, which doesn't seem to be happening, I feel I ought to wait a bit to settle into the job before TTC number 3. So I feel like the next baby is ages and ages and ages away, and I'm terrified that by the time we try I'll be too old (I'm 34) and it won't work....

And of my two friends who were also due in June, one has had her baby, the other one is about to....and I ran into another girl from my antenatal class today who announced that they're having another one in November....and I just wanted to cry when she told me. And then she said 'You look well, have you lost weight, you look much thinner' and I wanted to scream 'That's because last time you saw me I'd just lost a 20 week baby, you stupid woman!'

I know she didn't mean to be insensitive.

And DH is still grieving and I don't think he wants to TTC yet even if we could afford it, because he thinks I need to start working again to get myself back onto an even keel mentally, which is probably true.

And now we've booked to go on holiday in July with some friends who had their second DC in March, and I'm starting to wonder if it's a good idea, if just seeing pregnant people makes me feel like this.

Someone wave a magic wand and make it ok for us to start TTC right now, please! I just want to get on with it....

OP posts:
cadelaide · 02/06/2008 14:09

LMD, i had 2 (early) mcs after DC2, and I ended up having DC3 at 41 with a 5-year gap between him and DC2.

It's worked brilliantly.

To lose a LO at 20 weeks pg must be awful, of course you want to cry all the time.

And as for the snails, well they are indeed total fuckers.

Original poster
LittleMyDancing · 02/06/2008 14:06

And I feel really resentful that DH doesn't earn enough to make it possible for me to be a SAHM which is really unfair and also not really true.

We could just live if I was a SAHM if we took DS out of nursery (he does three days) and we lived really frugally, but neither of us thinks that would be best for the family.

OP posts:
cadelaide · 02/06/2008 14:06

Oh LMD, you must be so sad.

I have no experience except that I know that at 34 you are still young and have time on your side.

Original poster
LittleMyDancing · 02/06/2008 14:05

Thanks fruitymum - I know that's true but I just feel so frustrated that we can't do anything about another one yet. I keep working out how old DS will be by the time we have another one assuming I get a job soon, and for some reason I'm obsessed with there not being too much gap between them.

Not sure why.

Just wish I could stop feeling like crying all the time, and the fecking snails have eaten all my sunflowers and radish plants and it just all seems like too much.

OP posts:
fruitymum · 02/06/2008 14:00

If I had a wand I would wave it for you!
Poor thing, you are still grieving ther babe you lost so give yourself a bit of a break .

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