Have I made myself infertile due to abusing my body for years?

I was anorexic for years and years until I was quite a few years older than you are now. My cycle didn't return until I was 26. Anorexia is an issue for fertility whilst you are sick as supooresses your cycle. Once you are a healthy weight things will be okay again - which you are.

If you were anorexic before starting puberty it can cause you to never go through puberty and leave you infertile. That didn't happen to you or you physically would never have got pregnant at all (when you had a miscarriage). This is extreme and only happens to a small number of children - Nikki Grahame was one example.

The drugs are very unlikely to have done anything. Even people in active addition to hard drugs like heroin get pregnant. Some recreational use that isn't current won't matter.

Now the chlamidya is a genuine concern. Have you actually had this diagnosed and tested for? If not do that straight away.

If you do have it, and have had it for 3 years untreated, there is a risk you'll have damage to your fallopian tubes.

This happened to me. A boyfriend cheated on me and I didn't know I had chalmdiya for over a year. This lead to me having two ectopic pregnancies and losing one tube. My other tube is showing clear, but I haven't managed to get pregnant yet. You don't need tubes for IVF so you can still get pregnant.

It's random unfortunately. Fertility issues can happen to people who do everything 'right' and meanwhile people doing everything 'wrong' get pregnant every day and have their kids taken into care. It's not fair, but it's just the way it is.

Yes, do this. They won't ask about ovulation tracking in my experience. Not using protection and regular sex = trying.

Find a counsellor to work through this guilt with. It doesn't need to wreck your life. You're not a bad person, just not perfect, like everyone else!

You're busy blaming yourself for not being pregnant - for all you know, if there's a problem it may be with your partner.

Have you actually been diagnosed with chlamydia and then properly treated?

the risk of chlamydia is that it can cause damage to a fetus and cause a miscarriage but if you have been treated that shouldn’t be a problem

another risk is that it can cause inflammation/scarring of the tubes AND/OR womb itself and that can cause difficulties in conceiving/carrying to term

to diagnose these issues you need two different procedures- HyCoSy which is specialist ultrasound to test openneness of fallopian tubes
and a different procedure called hysteroscopy where a doctor looks inside your womb with a camera (and can remove scar tissue there and then). Second one is often overlooked in bog standard fertility clinics but is very important and done in those who have high success rates with difficult cases. You can’t see scar tissue inside the womb on the ultrasound so that’s the only way.

i don’t know if these can be done via NHS but they can definitely be done privately

and you may not even need that but if you are worried that’s what I would do given your history

and good luck! You’ve done nothing wrong

If youve been having regular unprotected sex for a year then you have been trying and you can go to your gp and seek further testing. There are also options to do this privately.

Like others have said, people who are the height of physical fitness with perfect diets struggle to conceive and people in the grip of active addiction do get pregnant. Lifestyle absolutely impacts but it's not the be-all and end-all. Wishing you all the luck in starting your family and I would recommend the boom 'it starts with the egg' if you are looking to move into more proactive 'trying'.

You've alluded to a tumultuous younger life, this can make for some of the best parents as you've seen it, done it and can really be there for your kids in their difficult periods. But pregnancy can also be a real risk factor for relapse into eating disorders and the newborn stage with absolutely impact anxiety and underlying issues. You clearly know that you want a family and have so much to offer and want to maximise your chances. Focusing on mental health is just as important as physical health and lifestyle changes as you start this next adventure.

when very young I
took loads of drugs
played havoc with my body with mad starvation diets
had chlamydia and got it treated
was very promiscuous

3 children born very easily a few years later, 2 I didn’t try for

if a damaged human body couldn’t produce children there wouldn’t be any incidence of babies born with FAS or drug dependency

try not to worry

That’s right in the middle of the healthy bmi range OP. No need for the rabbit hole, you’re at a great weight for your height in terms of fertility.

If you’ve been having regular unprotected sex for over 12 months go see a doctor and tell them you are struggling to conceive and ask for further tests. If they do ask about tracking etc you can say you have sec on or around ovulation and track your periods, which are regular.

Trying for a baby just means regular unprotected sex. It's not normal behaviour or expectation to do more than that (people with definite fertility problems may benefit from tracking ovulation to maximise sex at the most fertile time, but it's completely unnecessary for the vast majority).

I'd advise some counselling too - you seem to have a lot of self hate going on. You haven't been abusing your body for years as you say. You had sex with a boyfriend - normal. You had a relatively short eating disorder/mental health issues. You took some recreational drugs, like millions of others

You don't have to be tracking ovulation to be TTC. Having regular unprotected sex is TTC.
How regularly are you having sex, and for how long have you been having unprotected sex? Do you have regular periods?
I was anorexic for a few years in my teens and it sent my cycle a bit haywire for many years even after I returned to a healthy weight. (Actually, I think the anorexia triggered my coeliac disease, and the resulting ongoing malnutrition even after I was a healthy weight is what kept my cycle irregular. Well into my twenties and thirties, some cycles would be 2 weeks; some would be 4 months 🥴) But the point is that anorexia can have long term effects, as can untreated chlamydia. If your cycle is regular now, that would be a positive sign, though not the only thing to consider of course.

You cannot blame yourself or say you ‘made yourself infertile’. You deserve to get pregnant and have your baby as much as anyone else regardless of your past. you should go and have a chat with your GP because you deserve support and you will get to have your baby, you might just need a little help (which you may have done even if you’d lived like a saint your whole life).

But you said you have been pregnant but miscarried? Miscarriage is incredibly common unfortunately, but it does show you have fallen pregnant before. How long have you been trying?

Are you a healthy weight now and do you have regular periods?

I don’t think you’ll have done yourself any lasting damage tbh, my friend who has a similar background to you has two kids now so 🤷‍♀️

How long have you been ttc?

If you are having unprotected sex then you ARE trying for a baby OP, so don’t be afraid to tell your GP that. And if they say they can’t test yet at least you are on their radar for when you have been trying for long enough.

Maybe look into therapy alongside speaking about the physical side of things.

Have you had any councilling a baby won't fix any mental health problems you have, speak to your Dr's explain your concerns about everything, fwiw you are not an awful person people take recreational drugs then start to.abuse them, an eating disorder is an illness, you are not a bad person but sounds like you have a load to.unpack.