TTC#1 - Looking for Others in the Same Boat PART TWO THE SEQUEL WHERE WE ALL GET OUR BABIES???!

@MocktailMe I really empathise with the depression last week I was in the pit of despair.

What helped me was realising that grief isn’t linear and also going to reddit for advice - I wrote this note on my phone:

I’ve just asked chat gpt for reddit advice on fertility and they said taking the attitude of it being like in a boxing ring - when you take a hit you need time to recover and that’s a very helpful way of looking at things.

Remind yourself all your shitty feelings are completely valid.

Try little experiments every time despair shows up - see what helps/what doesn’t help

Infertility is trauma and grief and you’re not failing by struggling

I'm not failing by struggling with depression during this experience - Mental wellness isn't about the absence of negative feelings, it's about having feelings that are proportional and appropriate for the situation. If you're dealing with a crappy situation, you need to let yourself off the hook for feeling crappy about it.

@MocktailMe FFS that’s SO frustrating :(

Ugh that is so so frustrating @MocktailMeI’m sorry!!!

@CharLdnI’m sorry your period arrived, but hope that having your appointments coming up feels like a positive step forward! I’m no doctor but I can’t see how there would be a world of difference between 36 and 37, I think depending on how your AMH is but of course your consultant will be able to give you their opinion. But yes as @MocktailMesaid there are many months of trying naturally in between. In the months you are actively doing treatment you do need to be around for monitoring etc so it all depends how it fits in with your travel plans. The month of your egg retrieval they will start you on the injections on maybe cycle day 3, and they give you a lot of scans to see how follicles are growing etc. I think I did the injections for 9 days but some people can do them for 12-14 days it all depends how you respond. And then the retrieval itself you need a few days for recovery etc. After that it will all depend if you are freezing embryos, if you are doing the genetic testing etc. in terms of timing. But I then had like 2 cycles in between my retrieval and transfer because we froze embryos and had to wait for the results of our testing. And then when my period arrived after that second cycle we started our frozen transfer cycle.

Very exciting about your upcoming holidays to Portugal and Crete, it’s always so nice to have something to look forward to like that and hopefully some sun and relaxation will be just what the doctor ordered.

@MocktailMeI’m so sorry you’re feeling depressed. It’s completely understandable with everything you’ve been through, it’s really not good for anyone and I often say to my husband that I don’t know how people are expected to just carry on with their lives when all of this is going on. I don’t know if you’ve ever spoken to someone but I went to a therapist after my loss and I definitely found it helped. I had to stop going though because she was located in the hospital where it all happened and it was just too triggering for me. I tried to find another person but everyone just said they were booked up and then I sort of gave up, but I do think it can help a lot. I hope the clinic get back to you soon because you don’t need that added stress on top of everything else. Sending hugs 🫂

@MocktailMe yes we’re pretty much ready to go with ivf - they said we could get an appointment in September last week to start so we’ve had referrals, all tests and the overseas check done.

They just need to do the funding application and we’re good to go. My husbands Australian so we’ll need to pay 1600 quid.

I just want to ask my consultant if he thinks we should crack on with ivf or try naturally for another 6 months, what he’s seen in terms of people conceiving post miscarriage if it took them ages the first time. Also if it’s going to make a differences ages 36 or 37…

I’m feeling MUCH better mentally this week. My focus for this month is 10,000 steps a day and sleep and reducing stress. I work for myself so I’m trying to do the bare minimum and kind of chill out a bit more.

I just need to remind myself when I’m in the out of despair it’s amazing the difference a week can make. I also don’t mind period week as it doesn’t have the pressure of sex week or the two week wait which I find stresses me out.

AND I’ve got 3 weeks till I go to Portugal for a week and then Crete for a week so trying to look ahead to that.

@MocktailMe got period today :( but am not feeling too bad about it as I’ve got a trip booked to Australia next year so I’m telling myself it would have cut into then…

Also I have my consultant appointment on the 8th Sept so now looking towards that as the focus. I’m leaning towards cracking on with IVF to get that started as a proactive next step.

I was also super stressed & obsessive this month so hoping to try and chill out a bit this month and focus on sleep, steps and a bit less screen time this cycle.

Unfortunately I’ve also been stress eating post miscarriage and my BMI is now 29.5 - so I need to get that down pre ivf too.

I’m feeling a bit annoyed I got my hopes up again, but this is all (more data) about my body and tells me my temperature tells me everything I need to know!

I’ll have everything crossed for you for a BFP 🤞 all of your signs sound very promising. Keep us posted if you test!

@Waitingformiracle I’m trying to wait to test till Thursday as my cycles are so regular 25-28 days so I should get my period tomorrow.

I’m taking my temperature which so far hasn’t been that helpful. Pre ovulation it’s normally 36.3-4 and post it’s 36.6-9 and now it’s about 36.5 so in the middle.

I’ve had milky discharge which I’ve only ever had before when pregnant… and I’m super bloated and have had loss of appetite which is unusual for my luteal phase. I have just got my hopes up so many times I know it’s just a case of sitting and waiting for now…

TBH I’ll probably test tomorrow but last time I had a very convincing indent so I’m sceptical.

@CharLdnThe second half of the TWW is definitely peak symptom spotting time for sure. When will you test or will you wait for your period?

My main symptoms are insomnia and some light cramping, and very tired but that could be from the insomnia. The worst symptom of all is just the anxiety of worrying about not having enough symptoms and thinking something is wrong the whole time. I still really don’t believe I’m pregnant and feel like I’ll go for my scan and they’ll tell me there’s nothing there. We’ve booked a private scan for next Thursday so I just need to survive until then.

@KT199Thank you! My next beta was 2686 so had basically tripled which I’m hoping is a good sign. I can really relate to the anxiety of pregnancy after loss, I’m only so early but I just constantly think it’s all going to go wrong. Viability is a big mile stone so congratulations but I understand you probably won’t breathe easy until you have your baby in your arms. And then no doubt a whole new world of worry will begin, but it will be magic!

@MocktailMeI’m so sorry you’ve had such a horrible period, talk about adding insult to injury! Hope you were able to put the feet up this weekend and take care of yourself!

Hey @KTB34 so nice to hear from you. Awh so close to the end. Please update us once you get a moment when they’ve arrived 🥲

I am doing okay - I hit 24 weeks yesterday (viability). I always think each mile stone will make me feel better, and it does kind of.. but once I get there I panic about getting to the next. So like now, I’m wanting to be at 28wks due to better survival rate ect. Pregnant after loss is actually one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever been through.

@Waitingformiracle How amazing🥹 congratulations. How was the follow up beta?

@MocktailMe I think IVF is a complete blessing to all us all. I can’t imagine a world where there isn’t accessible help for people who need/want it as it just would not be fair. I think regardless of the way you get pregnant or become a mother every path is beautiful. Don’t let family opinions about IVF put you off. We all know how badly you want to be a mum and your journey, whatever that may be, will be unique and special to you.

@CharLdn the 2WW is horrible every single time. But sometimes I think living in hope is better than being upset at the end of AF arrives so swings and roundabouts. Fingers crossed you get your two lines soon.

@Waitingformiracle I believe that! How are you feeling at the moment? Any symptoms yet?

I’m 8dpo so full on symptom spotting mode and have had more discharge/fatigue so am definitely peak symptom spotting!

@CharLdnit really has such a huge impact on people and I totally agree it’s not talked about nearly enough. I read somewhere once that studies have shown the level of stress people feel with infertility is similar to the level of stress people living with cancer face. I think it stays with people forever too, even when they eventually have families.

@CharLdn thank you ! I definitely agree, the brain just doesn’t want to switch off! Hope you’re ok today!

@Waitingformiracle sending love 💖💖💖

Thank you @KTB34and to you. I’m sure you will breathe a huge sigh of relief when you are holding your rainbow baby in your arms. I too think about my baby I lost every single day. It’s funny I thought finally getting a positive test again might heal me, but if anything it’s just made me really sad for my first baby and think about her more.

Thinking of everyone today too 🌈 may we all hold babies in our arms very soon xx

Thank you @KTB34 I’m really feeling it today.

I sit with a friend at coworking who’s pregnant after two losses and it just seems constant like our nervous systems are protecting us by thinking of everything that could go wrong.

Everything crossed for your next few weeks and hopefully this will be a distant memory in a few years time.

I really do think infertility’s mental affects are way more impactful than you realise and it’s just not spoken about because so many lucky people have no problems.

@lavafield amazing to hear, time passes so quickly doesn’t it.

I am 39 weeks tomorrow, we are very near the end now.

This has honestly been the most anxious time of my life, I have said to my Husband I cannot wait for the baby to actually be here as I feel like I can’t breathe at the moment. It’s a beautiful but very scary thing after loss, I don’t think it’s spoken about enough at all.

Today is also national rainbow baby day and can’t help feeling sad about our previous loss, in fact in often think about ‘what could have been’ every day.

I am thinking of every single one of you today 🌈

@KTB34 Thank you, almost 31 weeks, so it feels real and close now!
Are you about 40 weeks now so any day now?!! Hope all goes well! 🤞

@MocktailMe and @CharLdn The days of your first IVF appts are closer and closer, Hope it gives you something to look forward too! And trying in the new cycle is an extra bonus, you never know!

@Waitingformiracle hope you first scan goes well in a few weeks and you will see and hear your little bean, fingers crossed!

So sorry for the radio silence, for some reason I wasn’t getting the email notifications !

Looks like I have missed a lot !

Congratulations @Waitingformiracle. I hope your scan goes well 💖

@MocktailMe I really hope your appointment brings some positive news and some next steps forward !

@CharLdn I hope your appointment in September goes well too. I too am one of many, many cousins all who are younger than me and have multiple babies to the point my Aunt now has 13 grandchildren 🤣 I always used to get so cross when another pregnancy was announced so I know that feeling all too well!

@KT199 @lavafield @Tater05 how are you all?

@MocktailMe in this marathon together!

I do feel much better having the appointment on the horizon and it’s helped me to reframe it as two parts 1) try and get some freezer embryos then 2) transfer.

I’ve also been thinking about the opps to keep trying naturally too.

My cousin is now 13 weeks pregnant and she’d have been a week out from my original pregnancy so I also want something to happen before Xmas too.

For context I’m in a group of 12 cousins and 8/12 have kids - most babies and toddlers who will be there at Xmas so I really want to be doing something before then (not that my body gives a crap about timelines).

I’m going on holiday late Sept so I might try and start in Oct - with a few more natural cycles before.