calling old duffers or old up the duffers

Your dh's experiences remind me why men might still in these times get defensive about all of this, Portree. How supportive of his "friends".

Oh yes, male factor infertility, not the kitchen store. Taboo because it is just not talked about or acknowledged much and even GPs can be ignorant of its impact. Often they get the woman tested first when really a semen analysis should be one of the first tests, especially as it's non-invasive. As Marina says (and here, here btw), the implication is often that the problem lies with the woman when there are conception difficulties. Studies show otherwise - 40% female, 40% male and 20% both.

Ours is a pretty uniqe case and too convoluted to go into in detail but after only 6 months ttc I went to our GP as I just felt that something wasn't right. And I had good reason too as DH had been really ill and we were warned this could be a side-effect. Despite this history my GP just laughed at me, said we hadn't been trying long enough, blah, blah, but let's just check your bloods to see you are ovulating. I said I was pretty confident I was as I'd been charting and using persona and got shooting pains every month exactly 14 days before my period arrived. More raised eyebrows and muttering.

I was just about to slink off with my tail between my legs when I managed to find the wherewithall to request a semen analysis for DH. She actually asked me 'why?'. I was quite stunned. Eventually she said OK. Just as well that I pushed otherwise we would have continued to waste our time.

It's also been really hard for my dh to come to terms with, that feeling of being less of a man. He's not been able to confide in any of his friends as he fears being ridiculed. When we announced our pg one of his friends slapped dh on the back and said 'glad you're not a jaffa' .

Historically women were always held responsible for any fertility issues in a marriage - extreme example being that syphilitic monster Henry VIII.

I know of men "traumatised" and wibbling on and bloody on about about the appalling experience of wanking into a little pot, and at the same time blithely uncomprehending about their partners' experiences of transvaginal ultrasound, having their tubes dyed and blown etc etc.

Teatime, wishing you the very best of luck for Weds. Portree, pardon my lack of knowledge, but what is MFI--does it mean male factor infertility, and if so, why is it a taboo subject?

Hi, not offended by old....Am only 41 y.
Have ds 4y and dd 2y and ttc no3. (madness, thought dh would have talked me out of it).

I am just loving this thread. I'm 39, have one ds who is 14 months and am hoping for another sometime before my eggs run out. Dh and I need IVF/ICSI to overcome severe male factor. MFI, now there's another taboo suject.

We were very blessed to be successful on our first IVF cycle. We've recently been back to our clinic and hope to do another cycle soon. If my testing is clear then we hope to start in a week or so, so the joy of being a hormonal mess looms. I don't imagine we'll be lucky enough to have 2 successful consecutive cycles but you never know. Just got to give it a go really.

And hey, my consultant told me that at 39 I was by no means 'old'. Lovely man.

Jeddah, different places have different policies and I'm only guessing but they might want to observe one of your cycles - give you an internal scan at certain points to see what size your eggs are and pin point exactly when you ovulate, they might want to send you for a hystersalpinogram (sp!) or laproscopy (so they can check that your tubes aren't blocked)I would guess that they might want to do things pretty quick as you're knocking on a bit

That should read 38 now (39 in April!)

I am 39 (39 in April) have a dd of nearly 3 and have been ttc No. 2 for 9 months!!! No problems conceiving when I was 35 but now wondering if we should go get help but dh not keen! Have invested in a Persona (from another Mumsnetter) as may have my dates a bit confused. My cycle has suddenly become somewhat erratic!!! - am not panicing that I'm getting an early menopause!!!

Oooh, and Marinda too, aren't you in the same situation as me???? Any advice appreciated

Jeddah, how do swimmer tests work (apart from the obvious!!)? Does he have to go to a clinic (or GPs?) and how long do you have to wait to be referred?

Just wanted to add that it's so lovely and reassuring to hear so many success stories.

Good luck and babydust to all

welshmum, thanks for offering your advice service!

I am 41 and been ttc for 1yr, my dh is 37.

I have had all fertility hormone tests (4 months ago) and they are 'normal'!

My dh has had 2 swimmers tests 4 months and 1 month ago) both were slightly low in mobility.

We have our first appointment at the gynae doc next week, at the Leeds General Infirmary, what happens now? what will they do/say at our first appointment?

i do like the sound of Ladies with grace wisodm & experience - evern though I odn't possess any of those qualitites!
MArina my DS is 15 months.
Hester - would you really want Richard Branson anyway? (the isalnd maybe......) also you said you were going to check something....
Romilly - Have been peing twice a night for yonks - but not PG. really annoying to ahve so many similar symptoms but know its only because Af is being a bit slow at packing her bags this month.
thanks for letting me rant yesterday. am feeling slighltly more human adn less witchy today. (but still can't spell)

Hi all old duffers!
Hester, I know just how you feel about unwelcome reminders of being older and childless - I had so many years of being sick with that private worry and was unable to tell anyone really - definitely not family as I didn't want to be pitied. Got to the stage where I avoided friends with children and pregnant women in case my poisonous jealousy leaked out... anyway it can still happen at the last minute so look to the future. Talk of women older than ME being pregnant is comforting to me too as I've got a feeling we're going to need to try again. Just don't feel pg at all any more. Will know for sure on Weds.

Having read through some of the latest threads can I just say i hope I didn't sound flippant about getting pregant so quickly. I know I'm just one of the really lucky ones and I hope that all of you ttc have success very soon!!

teatime - thinking of you and pray its good news for you on wednesday
hey marinda - apologies, i was completely wrong about the name of the thread - it seems old duffers is pretty damn popular - the thinking girls thread. having been recently pg (3 months ago)i can vouch for the sore boob symptoms (couldnt wear my slinky la perla underwireds from week 4 - ouch! and for me, it was a v. different kind of boob ache from premenstrual, on the outer sides weirdly). another v.early symptom which is a big giveaway is the annoying 4/5am need to pee. all the other symptoms didnt really kick in until week 7 onwards for me (except the old preggie brain one where you turn into a complete halfwit -that happened frighteningly early! what is that all about?! is it hormonal?)

Greetings ladies of grace, wisdom and experience. I'm 41 and 20 weeks pg, had dd when I was 38 and a miscarriage last year. All pgs started with IUI. I've had some wonderful care and advice from the hospital I was with and they've really helped me through some low times. I'm feeling pretty good now and am happy to share experiences of fertility treatment if it will help anyone out xxx

Can I just hang around this thread as a (very) old duffer as not inteding to become an up the duffer again. Had dd2 at 40 and she is 8 this Wednesday so I am....yeah ok, there's no need to actually say it, is there? Congratulations to all old u-t-d's and hope it happens soon to those ttc.

Marinda!............the name for this thread is absolutley brill!!!!

I am an old duffer!...I am 41 and didn't really choose a career....took me ages to find the right man!

I have been ttc for 1 yr......we have a gynae appointment in 1 week! just to check out fertility. If all is ok...we will just keep trying.

Also would like to say I loved reading all these posts!

Hi Hester. Just to say, good luck ttc. I also had a termination of pregnancy many years ago--back in 1978 when I was 16.

Hester, babe, read my post below. There's a vested bloody interest in making us believe we're past it. I'm not saying that everyone over 40 can, but then hell lots of under-40s have fertility problems too.

Anyway your dp is much more attractive than Mr Branson

I'm up the duff at 39 - have a look through the ante natal clubs, there are a few due in August who are late thirties, early 40's

Hester, ditch the newspapers. They are all written by people who hate women, especially successful ones, it seems to me. Don't go there, come here instead . There are quite a few other mumsnetters around who conceived successfully post 35, Tigermoth is another (don't think she normally reads TTC threads, I am sure she will not mind my outing her like this!)

Hi everyone, and thanks to marinda for starting this thread. It is IMMENSELY encouraging reading for me!

I know a lot of you, but for those I don't - I'm 40 and ttc no. 1. Have been ttc for a year now, but had an an earlier year of ttc three years ago. Got pg November and miscarried. (Also had a pregnancy terminated 24 - yes, that's 24 - years ago.)

Have been feeling very down about this. Almost every paper or magazine I pick up seems to tell me that my chances of getting pg are about as good as the odds of me marrying Richard Branson and starting a new life on Necker Island. And that it's all my fault for being a stupid, stupid career woman in pursuit of a 'designer' baby. Reading your stories is very cheering!

Good luck TeaTime and everyone else TTCing and pregnant at such an "advanced" age. I'm 41 and the proud (if slightly raddled in bright sunlight) mother of a 1 year old and a 5 year old. I conceived three times after the age of 35.
Agree with whoever said that early 20s would have been a wrong time for me to have a family. Coming out of misguided long-term relationship, start of scintillating librarianship career, nowhere decent to live...we definitely had our children at the right time for us.