calling old duffers or old up the duffers

Just because there is 'no reason' it doesn't mean it is age related. I've had friends in twenties and thirties who tried for babies for years and years - had no 'reason' for not conceiving but just didn't. One recently had her first baby after trying for at least five years - conceived naturally. She started in her twenties! Have also just done a feature and interviewed two lovely women who tried for years from early thirties, had failed IVF then conceived naturally and quickly in late thirties after trying alternative treatments (reflexology, homeopathy and diet in one case, acupuncture in the other).

Marinda, I had an HSG about two years ago. Uncomfortable, slightly unpleasant sensation but not too bad (and I am a complete wimp). It found no problem whatsoever - they told me I had a "lovely, glossy" womb with no adhesions or scar tissue. This was a big relief as I'd had PID in my 20s.

There is no technical reason why I can't get pregnant other than the fact that I am very, very old...

Romilly I was 37 when we started investigating what was wrong and I had her when I was 38 - pretty good really. We were referred to UCH - can't praise that unit too highly - fab women, really kind and gentle in every way.

I was so interested I did lots of googling on it and found my left ovary was sort of age appropriate but my right one was really quite young! I am extremely right handed/right footed etc so wondered if that was connected.

That's fascinating, aloha. I had no idea that could happen. [Wanders away pondering which ovary could be my 'problem child'.]

When I had some bleeding with my current pregnancy I had a scan at 3 weeks and found that my right ovary is about twice the size of my left (and therefore 'younger' and more fertile) and that my pregnancy came from my youthful right ovary. Not relevant to anything but I thought it was interesting that my left side was ageing much faster than my right!

romilly, I am a complete make-up addict and SpaceNK is my temple. My latest find is the new Chanel eyeshadow-in-water suspension - have you seen it? Very pricey but soooo delicious!

hi fellow duffers - how r u all today? esp. teatime, thinking of you for tomorrow's scan, i'm sure we all are.

welshmum - can i ask how old you were when you started the treatment - and where did you go?

sorry i've been out of commission - and playing away with a make-up thread, cause i am a self-confessed make-up junkie (ooh shallow). Plus i figured not letting myself turn into an old hag yet might all help in the ttc stakes somewhat.

hester - glad to see you probably hang out in space nk as well

marinda - lots of babydust and dufferdust to you for starting this thread which everyone loves

Welshmum, I just love that phrase. Biologically young, so funny . I think I'm going to start thinking of myself in those terms. He's right too, a 50% strike rate is excellent. You must have been chuffed.

As an aside, last time our consultant shrugged and said 'pah, sperm, that's just the DNA, it's all down to your eggs'. Talk about pressure.

Marinda, IUI stands for intrauterine insemination, it's something you can try before going on to IVF although I understand it depends on the results of your other tests whether they'll offer it to you. We were diagnosed with 'unknown infertility' after ours (including a hystersalpinogram which is were they shoot the dye through your tubes to check for blockages - sometimes offered as an alternative to laproscopy which is a small surgical procedure).
With IUI a sample of your dp's sperm is taken and 'washed' they then insert a thin catheter through your cervix high into your womb and put in the sperm.(can be completely pain free or not - have had both experiences - depends on how stressed you are and on the expertise of the nurse)This is all done during a monitored cycle so they know the best time for a poss pg to occur.
Success is variable. We've been very lucky with 3 pgs out of 6 attempts )although no 2 ended in m/c. It eld to one of my proudest moments - the consultant described me as 'biologically young'. so whatever's going on with my face, on the inside I'm a real babe!

Hi all. Marinda, I love this thread - well done and thanks!

hi jedds! how you doing?

Bubbles, you did make me laugh with your post about our Romanian patron. I know it's not a good thing and all that, but I LOVE how young she makes me feel. She's even older than my mum! Gilli, wouldn't you feel good with HER standing next to you at the schoolgate?!

Marinda, so sorry about your af pains. But they can be a very misleading symptom, you know... btw, I've had the dye up the tubes thing, and though it didn't go down as one of my favourite experiences, it's really not so bad. And yes, there is definitely a market for old duffers with their togs off, but sadly it is at the more bizarre porno end (along with the 'specialist' mags covering obese women, pregnant women etc YUCK YUCK YUCK) than at the page three end!

Whether you have to pay for IVF varies from area to area, though it is about to be standardised. At the moment, you usually have to go on a pretty long waiting list for free treatment, and there is an upper age limit. But you should find out what provision is like in your area.

Bonym, you must be sooooo fertile! Can't believe you deliberately avoided the moment of ovulation and still got pg after only three months - what a goddess

OK, here's my 'surviving at the schoolgate' tip for the day: a little Body Shop 'Skin Focus line minimiser' patted onto your lines and wrinkles. Allow to dry. Follow with with a little Boots 'Time Delay line smoother'. This can be done on top of or instead of make-up, and I promise you the results are remarkable.

Can I join the duffers club - I had No4 at 41 (now 44) after 7 year gap. Now struggling between needs of 14yrold and 2 year old + the others: I do worry that I look ancient compared to all the other mums at playgroup......

Hi bonym. I'm curious - did timing intercourse to try and determine gender work for you? Did you find out at your 20 week scan (assuming you had one) if you're expecting a girl or a boy?

Great thread - another "old duffer"here - am 38 and 30 weeks pg. DD will be 7 in April, and tbh dh and I didn't hold out much hope of conceiving quickly, given our ages (he is not dd's father and has no other children therefore at 45 his fertility was untested!). As I had already been charting my cycle as a contraceptive method for 8 months, it was easy to pinpoint my fertile times. We were very fortunate and conceived within 3 months of trying. In fact, it was the 1st month of trying properly - we were keen to have another girl so tried to time intercourse a few days prior to ovulation to maximise the chances. We were too far in advance the first two months but just 2 days before on month 3 and bingo!
Have to say though that am finding pregnancy much tougher this time around, in spite of having a much more supportive dh! Am a lot more tired and achy than I was with dd and reduced my hours at work at about 12 weeks, giving up completely at Xmas (earliest possible to qualify for maternity pay/leave) - with dd I worked full time up to 3 weeks before my due date. I was also more concerned about possible abnormalities this time around - first time I refused the tests (other than scans) - this time, paid to have a private nuchal scan. Good luck to all those ttc - I hope that my experience will reassure that fertility doesn't necessarily decline with age - am fully aware though that we were extremely lucky that it happened so quickly for us, although if I hadn't been charting I'm certain it would have taken much longer - I am a huge fan of Toni Weschler's book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". Imho, essential reading for every woman, ttc or not!

You aren't too old Marinda!

Headline in the 'Daily Moan' - "Woman, 66 gives birth". OK, with donated everything, but what d'ya reckon old duffers? Shall we invite her to join us? We are all mere whippersnappers here now.

wifeof....basically any man is entitled to have his sperm checked...if there is any suspicion that things may not be ok. You have to get a form from your GP and they will also give you a set of instructions, as the sperm sample has to be collected and transported in a certain way in order to reduce the risk of killing/damaging any of the sperm sample.

After saying this every area is different, some ask the man to go straight to the hospital (all sperm is tested at a specialist clinic or hospital.

The man has to abstain for 3 days, then collect a fresh sample in a clean container that has been given to you by the GP. He then has to place the sample in his trouser pocket (to keep warm like body temp) then he has to get it to the hospital lab within 2 hrs of taking it (of course it is best to take it straight away)along with the form that has been filled in by the GP. The sample can not be placed in the sample tray....it has to be handed to a technition as it has to be tested immediately!

The results are back with your GP within 3 working days.

Hope this helps!

Welshmum thanks for the info. I will let you know how we get on!

Hi Hester!

Portree, when my brother announced to our family that he and his dp were expecting their first child, everyone crowded round to slap him on the back and congratulate him on having 'lead in his pencil'. I was really surprised; thought they knew better. It seemed that the big point was not that they were having a baby, but that - the relief! - he was a Real Man. Yuck.

MI - my dp is indeed far more appealing than Richard Branson (not hard in my book) but, sadly, has less money and fewer sperm. You and Marinda are so right about the media. I'm having an ongoing debate with a friend who had children late and really regrets not having done it earlier. She keeps saying, 'Nobody warned me about age-related infertility' and she's very angry about it. I feel I was warned, and I take full responsibility for the choices I made and their consequences, but I could just do with a little less hollering of, 'It's your own fault, you stupid, stupid, woman!' from the media et al. It's just such good fun blaming women, isn't it?

Teatime, I loved reading about your pregnancy, and I do hope everything is ok. What happens Wednesday? Are you worried, or OK?

DecafArabica - nice to hear you've had similar experience. I don't regret having terminated that early pregnancy (I was 16 too) but I am always aware that I could now have a child grown up and left home, and that feels very strange. It's like a shadow that I keep catching sight of, a reminder of the life that could have been. When my mum was my age her children were leaving home; when my gran was my age she had grandchildren. And here am I, worrying about the state of my eggs...

Littleweed I am SO sorry I didn't get back to you before. I think af coming has muddled my brain. Now you'll need to remind me - about progesterone?

Oh and Portree someone on MN - I think it was Elliott - got pg on both first goes at IVF. Good luck!

Exactly.