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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

calling old duffers or old up the duffers

363 replies

marinda · 15/01/2005 21:05

By popular request (2 votes actually!) this is a thread for old duffers like me who are over the hill and TTC and for anyone who is old and up the duff ! I didn't suggest these terms so please don't get offended if you don't see yourself as a duffer but would like moral support , chat etc...
I am 38 years younh, have ds - 3.8 and have been TTC for 7 months ---aaaarggg!!!

OP posts:
aloha · 20/01/2005 11:18

Sorry to hear your news Teatime.

Mumfun · 20/01/2005 11:16

Hi

Is there any site anyone would recommend on reading re fertility and how best to get pg in older mothers?

When I was trying before I found www.fertilityfriends.co.uk useful - they had some stuff on alternative treatments and recommendations on lifestyle designed to support IVF but also relevant to all women trying. WIll try to get a better link and post it. It is lovely site with very supportive people.One thing that I was interested in was that it was recommended to not use shampoo/shower gel with sodium laureth sulphate. Its an ingredient nearly always in shampoo that is apparently not terribly good for you and especially not good for fertility. Im using an organic shampoo at present because of this.

hester · 20/01/2005 11:05

Teatime - I'm so, so sorry this has happened. Big hugs. xxx

Merlin · 20/01/2005 09:40

Teatime - didn't read further down the thread - so sad to hear your news. Hope you're OK - look after yourself and take care.

motherinferior · 20/01/2005 09:11

Teatime - so sorry.

pacinofan · 20/01/2005 09:06

TeaTime - I'm so sorry to read your news. I was on the August club thread too and sadly miscarried at 5-6 weeks. Just wanted to let you know we are thinking of you.

Mumfun · 20/01/2005 08:58

Hi Teatime

Really sorry about your news. Its really hard. Big hugs

Merlin · 20/01/2005 08:48

Marinda - they measure the thickness of the skin (nuchal fold) at the back of the baby's neck. This is an indicator for Downs, and then that measurement combined with your age is used to calculate the adjusted risk. I think considering my age the risk was pretty low anyway, I've heard of much higher in much younger people.

To everyone else on this thread TTC it just makes me realise how lucky I've been, and I hope you all have some good news in the not too distant future - hopefully this thread keeps you positive!! Good Luck everyone.

littleweed · 20/01/2005 08:26

marinda - if Af arives at your house can't you pretend to be out?!
have started with the temperature taking today so at least I can prove to myself one way or teh other if my body is working properly.
this thread is really giving me the couragethat I need to remain optimistic. I'm usually a 'half empty' type person but everyone here is helping change that.

alwayssaythanku · 20/01/2005 00:42

Hi, new here. Just turned 45 with a two year old. Had a caesarian first and am thinking of another but another c-section is out of the question cause I couldnt do that again. Any VBAC's here? (vaginal birth after caesarian). I have to make my mind up pretty darned quick!!

bubble99 · 19/01/2005 23:29

Michaelangelo. Keep going! It took us 11 months to conceive number 3 - ended up with twins due anytime soon. I was also 37. Have you thought about using a Persona monitor (Boots sell them.)
They were marketed originally for contraception - you use urine test strips a few times a month and the monitor will give you a red, amber ( I think) and green light. If you were using it as a contraceptive, red would mean avoid sex - but when ttc red means 'go for it!' Just a thought - and a lot cheaper than buying OPK's each month

Original poster
marinda · 19/01/2005 23:29

So sorry Teatime - Thinking of you ! A friend of mine is 45 (46 in February) and is due March. Think she conceived with IVF on her last cycle and was about to consider donor eggs. She had been TTC for 5 years and had 3 miscarriages - to me she is one brave lady !

Hope this helps !

XXXXXXX

OP posts:
TeaTime · 19/01/2005 23:24

Wow - this is a lively thread considering we're all that much closer to being past it - but obviously ARE NOT!! Just checking in to say I'm afraid my 'dot' didn't make it - but not necessarily age related according to the lovely Miscarriage Nurse who counselled us after the scan today. Just one of the unlucky ones. Really want to try again against all odds but am waiting for the miscarriage to take its natural course for the moment. Feel fine and reconciled - just a relief not to be in the limbo of not knowing. Will feel a lot sadder when the bleeding starts and I know it really is all over. Anyone as old as me (45) still ttc? Or any stories other than Cherie Blair to cheer me up?

Original poster
marinda · 19/01/2005 23:07

sorry Michaelangelo I read it wrong - 8 months is there - I've been "trying" for 7 months. A pain in neck isn't it.

Glad Merlin you have reduced chances of 1 in 109. How come the risk got reduced ? Do you know what factors are taken in to account ?

Welcome LextB - you seem one busy lady >>>>> My hat if off to you !

Mumfun - maybe give it a go for a few months first without - you never know it may just happen like last time as you obviously CAN conceive naturally.

Eulalia congratulations ! When is the baby due ? Have you had a scan yet ?

Littleweed - I totally stmpathise with your unwanted guest ! I bet her plan is to come to me next ! Doesn't she realise we don't want her ! Answer is yes she does but she arrives anyway - such is life >>>>>...........

OP posts:
Michaelangelo · 19/01/2005 22:33

Marinda - should have said I am TTC No.2 and have been trying for 8 months! so not quite so bad, but also can't beleive why it's taking so long this time, I'm 3 years older so guess that has something to do with it and my cyle is not so regular now.

Mumfun · 19/01/2005 22:23

Hi

Great thread. Im 40 in 2 weeks and have been trying for no2 for 4/5 months. Its hard sometimes so this thread will help me!.

Had problems conceiving DS whos one. Had lots of tests and was about to start IUI. However was made redundant - and became pregnant almost immediately so think stress was big factor. Something to try to reduce if youre 'trying'

Lots of babydust to all.

Something Im trying to weigh up is whether to have tests again to see if everything still ok - also whether my chances would be better with some fertility treatment ie IUI. What do you all think?

Mumfun · 19/01/2005 22:22

Hi

Great thread. Im 40 in 2 weeks and have been trying for no2 for 4/5 months. Its hard somtimes so this thread will help me!.

Had problems conceiving DS. Had lots of tests and was about to start IUI. However was made redundant - and became pregantalmost immediately so think stress was big factor. SOmething to try to reduce if youre 'trying'

Lots of babydust to all.

SOmting Im trying to weigh up is whther to have tests again to see if everything still ok - also whether my chances would be better with some fertility treatment ie IUI. What do you all think?

Eulalia · 19/01/2005 19:29

Hello - am surprised this thread hasn't been started before. Am 39 and pregnant with no. 3 who is due 2 weeks before my 40th.

ds is 5 and a half. dd is 2.9. First time took us about 2 months to conceive, 2nd time it just happened and 3rd time 2 months again. dh is 59 so probably wins as the oldest dad here!

LexyB · 19/01/2005 19:01

Hi everyone, can I join you. Have DD 17yrs, DS1 15yrs, DS2 13 yrs, Step-daughter 8yrs, and DS3 nearly 5 months and crazily decided to have one more although previously thought that just having one childe with DH would be enough ( we both have children from previous relationships )
Took 11 months to get pg with DS 3, but I was n't too worried as it took me 13 months to get pg with DS1 ( when aged 21 / 22 ) although concieved DD and DS2 quite quickly. I think a lot is down to luck.
So we have been 'trying ' ( i hate that term - to me we have been BD with no contraception and seeing what happens ) for the last month.
Haven't got a clue what day of my cycle I am on - too busy with all the kids to pay that much attention !!

littleweed · 19/01/2005 18:22

hi
well hoorid old Af showed up, just as I was beginning to get my hopes up. have now decided to go to Dr and ask for tests......... but ahve no idea what I should ask for. ahve already had progesterone checked which was ok, so whats next? (ahve been trying for 1 year 1 mc in that time.)
cheers

Merlin · 19/01/2005 17:59

Hi marinda how are you? Had nuchal scan at 12 weeks and my background risk was 1 in 38. The adjusted risk was 1 in 109.Because of the earlier miscarriage we had already decided that unless the risk was really, really high we wouldn't go for any further tests. But we had a chat with the midwife who was lovely, and although she couldn't obviously tell us what do one way or the other, I got the feeling that she agreed with our decision. However, the waiting until the 20 week scan was nerve-racking, but everything all looked OK (as far as they can tell with these things) so hopefully all will be OK!!! April seems to be looming up a bit fast for my liking!!

Original poster
marinda · 19/01/2005 17:37

Hey ladies (fellow old duffers!) we are on the front page of the mumsnet website - WOW I think I should have a prize for starting it (scof, scof!!)
Michaelangelo - gosh you have been TTC for 2.8 years have you been to dr's yet ? I also like you conceived straight way with DS so can't understand why we are having problems now!! Have gnae quack appointment on feb 24th. By the way I am more of an old duffer than you as i'm a year older !!!

Wifeof - let me knoe what happens with the swimmers test- my DH is terrified by the process - he thinks he has to go behind a machine and produce the goods! I think you have 2 hours
between producing them and taking them to hospital - do you happen to know ??

Nikkichik I also feel hag-like and am going to a salon to have a take ten restructuring treatment- it's like an electronic facial than reduced droopiness in the face - good for Bells Palsy also (may help Jaberwocky if you are unfortunate agin!) then I am going to use Hester's treatment for line reduction - I just maust make the effort !

Still feel so AF and still she is not here. I bet she's going to be late just to wind me up !!!!
Can't wait for next cycle to start trong again - except i's hard on DH as he has to work hard at work so is exhausted at night !

Merlin are you there ? Have you had a scan yet ? I'm sure you have id due April. Did you have any of the old aged women's tests ? Like Amnio ? I was offered one at 34 but my midwife told me not to bother as risk of miscarriage was higher than producing a DS baby.

Hester - any more tips for looking jounger ie: Clothes. I have no dress sence and most of the time doss around in jogging bottoms and a sweatshirt type top - I know I need a clothes makeover. Have larg (ish) bottom and thighs and a bit of a spare tyre tummy !! Bust OK Upeer arms flabby at top - Knees knobberley - but calfs and ankles ok. Fairly nice feet ! Hope this helps your suggestions !

Countess Dracula are your there ? Anything to share ?? What a fab name !!

OP posts:
Michaelangelo · 19/01/2005 13:26

I haven't got the book I will have a look for it, thx

romilly · 19/01/2005 11:14

I can second that advice - the Toni Weschler book called something like 'Taking Control of your Fertility' is a must-read for anyone ttc. I learnt about it thru Mumsnet, but frankly wish i'd known about it about 10 years ago when i was a merely a mid-to-early duffer. Actually - i think they should put that book on school curriculums for girls because it would save a hell of lot of unwanted pregnancys too.

hester · 19/01/2005 10:43

Michaelangelo, it's hard to know without seeing your chart whether the temperature movements you are seeing are normal or not. Really you need to get to the end of the first month and see the overall picture. You will get lots of spikes from one day to the next, but that is OK provided your temperature rises after ovulation and stays higher for the rest of the month. The Toni Weschler book (do you have this?) is really brilliant at explaining this, or you could use the Fertility Friend website (I haven't used this but loads of women here do) which interprets it for you. Try not to panic at this stage - it really does take a little while to get the hang of it.