TTC #4 at 39!

We have been trying since April last year, had 3 consecutive MCs in May,Sept and Nov last year. After the 1st of the 3 MC I fell pretty much straight away but it feels like since Nov its just given up the ghost. I see pregnant people all the time and it makes me feel so crap. We have a mum on the school run she's in her 40s and is complaining that she's due in 2 months (unplanned) and now her life is over again she claims! I really wanted to slap her when she said that! TTC rage was in full force that day lol 😆 xx

I know that feeling, super tired, I have had alot of CM which I don't usually have, boobs feel super heavy, gagged eating a caramac earlier and I normally enjoy those and I can't stomach coffee but test this morning was still negative its like my mind tricks me worse every month that passes xx

I tell myself that every month and then I cave in and test early lol 😆, if you do manage to hold off testing until weds then you would be the ultimate wonder woman that's true strength!! I swear I get a voice in my head that says go on pee on the stick what's the worst that could happen. Then you get a BFN and the sadness and frustration kick in its a horrible cycle of emotions we go through trying to concieve xx

Iv read quite alot I done a whole book whilst lil man was in hospital lol, Clives found a few bits on his digs personally I would get really bored walking up and down a field swinging an overpriced stick 😅. He enjoys it thought and hopefully one day he will find something really good that means I can retire! Iv woken up shattered this morning chances are I probably won't get round to painting at the weekend as much as I want to get it done AF is due Sunday and I'll probably feel to rubbish to even attempt it lol xx

I did tell myself it was probably to early I have a couple more tests left so we shall see what happens. Iv definitely tried keeping myself busy, hubby's off to Wales metal detecting on Friday for the weekend so iv brought a load of paint and stuff to re decorate my bathroom and toilet lmao 🤣 xx

He's doing well from an asthma stand point he responded well to treatment and is back home, however its really made him anxious bless him. I'm very tired and emotionally drained 10DPO today POAS and got a bnf (concieve plus early detection) AF due Sunday but I think I'm defo out again xx how are you? What's the state of play our end? Xx

My sons doing much better now @BabyBorn he's happy to be home lol, iv managed a half decent night's sleep so far I'm just anxious incase it happens again! Got so much going through my head right now I feel like I'm drowning xx

We have not long got home, I have to nebulise him every 4 hrs for the next 2 days but I don't mind I just wanted him home. Looking forward to my bed later that's for sure. I don't think we are to old as such, yes our age makes it more difficult I think the biggest issue is we know to much about the process and what could go wrong that we end up weighing up if its worth all the upset every month xx

I'm 5dpo today, currently in hospital with my 12yr old he had a very bad asthma attack Wednesday evening they almost had to put a breathing tube in his oxygen level dripped to 89!! I was at work and hubby called me to say the ambulance was there and they are taking him in. Iv had no sleep for 2 days I'm exhausted. We DTD day before and day of ovulation didn't get much of a change this month lol but we have our fertility app on 16th so let's see what they say xx I feel really bad that you feel so defeated but I do get it the emotional strain of negative test after negative test and pregnant people everywhere it drives you insane xx

@BabyBorn @MonsterBookOfTyson how you guys getting on? All good I hope. Lovely sunny day here today so no complaints from me lol xx

Awwww congratulations!! I'd say they are super clear positives for 3 days before AF!! What a great wedding present for you both. Hopefully this will be a very sticky lil bean and the next 12 weeks go smoothly ( not that you can relax even after the 12 week mark lol) xx

It was hard bringing up the boys and working full time and doing courses but I hold my head high because I did do it and achieved everything I wanted to. I'm lucky all my family are very close by and have always supported me when iv needed them, having my daughter was such a different experience having someone to share the joy with the scans, the baby prep ect and then seeing hubby cut her cord and how tiny but safe she looked in his hands I can't wait to do that again. I know it's gonna be tough as I'm obviously alot older now and tire more easily but it's so worth all the sacrifices we make seeing our tiny humans grow and become who they wish to be xx