TTC #1 over 35

Still wishing you all well on here. Still plodding on 💕

Hello,

New to this thread and I already find it a calm place to be. It's warming to hear so many stories that are similar to my own. I lived in London in my 20s stayed in a relationship that wasn't right for too long. Left London to move home and met the love of my life, we've been TTC for 18months.

I'm 35 and have been under going some tests privately. My scan showed a small polyp (6mm) on uterus so I'm waiting to have it removed. They said it's not a big problem but best to have removed anyway. Everything else seems normal. Partner is waiting to have his tests.

I have found the TTC journey lonely and each month the weight of the disappointment feels a little heavier. Thank you ladies for sharing all of your stories, I have been reading through some and it's brought comfort. xx

Aw @Feliciacat that’s lovely to hear, it must have been a difficult journey. It’s almost better to find out there’s an issue than to just trundle along for years in the unexplained/age related issues. I’m so glad you’ve managed your pregnancy. Congratulations.

I feel really relieved I found out about the age of eggs having an impact when I did. I naively thought we could wait till I was in my early forties when we’d be properly, properly ready, and just do IVF if we struggled. But thought it was just thing like implantation or the sperm meeting the egg that were issues because of the age of our eggs and sperm. I feel so stupid now when obviously it would be the quality.

Thank you! I hope you get some answers but most of all, I hope your ivf is successful.

I haven’t read the full thread as it’s too long at this point. I clicked on and read OP’s posts though and I gather there haven’t been many pregnancies. I just wanted to say I’m sad to hear that and I wish you all the very best of luck.

I had unexplained infertility after failing to conceive for three years (from 34-37). It turned out that I had endometriosis which was only discovered at my ivf egg retrieval. I am currently 27 weeks with a baby boy but this was against the odds since I have very low egg reserve due to the endo. I’ll also be massively unlikely to be able to have more than one child. I’m happy to answer any questions about ivf. I went privately at age 37.

Och @Toppstileslover thats a (I don’t have the word after searching for it) thing to be conscious of. My second pregnancy would have been due on my 40th birthday, the first was vaguely May this year and I was only roughly aware of it coming and going, but was still aware. You’re definitely right about the attitude. I’m currently waiting for my period and I’m so much more stoic and also rational about my negative tests so I’ve definitely grown through all this. Also learned my resilience is so much stronger than I thought.

@Clara202 if only I’d known about egg freezing! (Actually I’d not have been able to afford it, or wouldn’t have thought it being the thing to spend my meagre savings on still being a student at the time). It’s funny/notfunny, my very first consultation with fertility department (not quite the ivf clinic but not the gp) they talked about donor eggs being a possibility for me. It keeps getting mentioned as something for me (the nhs have offered to fund a DE ivf, but nobody wants to talk about the fact that my embryos can reach day 3 looking too shape (all about the egg at that point) and post-that start to decline. Nobody says donor spern first (though my private clinic conceded after prompting that it would be another possibility.). I guess the assumption is maternal age post 35 the problem is the egg, but I just don’t know.

We can’t change the past 🩷 we can only be positive about the future.

I’ve been with my husband 6 years but to be honest I don’t know how we’d have had a baby in London. Perhaps we could’ve tried. My friend at work is 42 and genuinely accidentally got pregnant (they were in the middle of divorcing).

My main observation is that I genuinely don’t know how there are so many people on the planet when there is such a limited window 😂

AF has just finished for me and hubby has his sperm test tomorrow so we will get onto it later in the week. Also going to try and remember to do my ovulation tests!

ETA just realised today would’ve been my due date had the pregnancy stuck 😱 that is a weird moment

I’m glad I’m not alone with that. My sister had her babies in her 20s (and with her high school bf). She was asking whether I’d recommend to her daughters to have children earlier and I was like, yeah ofc after what I’ve gone through, but i realised too late the implication was I’d chosen to wait. She has no comprehension of what dating is like. It’s terrible out there! Life isn’t always a set of clear choices. And I don’t envy someone having their children mid 20s, as I feel like I got to live multiple versions of myself, to test out ideas and my own boundaries.

Would any of you guys ever consider donor eggs? It’s been suggested to me right from the beginning I guess bc I was 36 with DOR. I find it hard to give up on myself becuase it does seem that some of my eggs are good. Our last round had two excellent quality day 3 embryos that then arrested, and post day three the male factor is introduced. I’d really like to try donor sperm before I’m forced to give up on myself entirely.

I know what you mean Nosejug, I wish I could have started trying for a family earlier but I didn’t meet my partner until I was 33. And much like yourself it wasn’t for lack of trying! As hard and disappointing as this part of the journey is I can’t really beat myself up for starting now when I did my best and life just didn’t line up that way. There was also no way in hell I could have afforded to freeze my eggs in my early 30’s either which I guess would have been the other option.

I’m in a different boat where I started to actively want a baby in my early 30s but didn’t have a partner and had to treat dating like homework, literally, I was like, I want a child, I need to find the right father and partner. I can’t really regret anything as I pushed myself hard to date despite liking being on my own, and dumped (or was dumped by) men who were not in interested in being dads/committing. I started feeling the pressure then. I’m so grateful for who I found, but we met at 34 and dated for two years before trying for a baby, which we both agree (even in hindsight) would have been wrong to rush. So now I have a great partner but no baby… I do get regrets that I didn’t accidentally get pregnant but god… if I’d had to have a baby with some of those men, my life would have been a very different kettle of fish. And I do think I’ll become a parent if I truly want to, but I may never get to meet the children I imagined. I mean, the family I imagined after three years of hell is already irrecoverable. I strongly desire to be pregnant but I am going to be constantly afraid if I manage again.

Same @Clara202 bitterly regret it.

Oh god. Hugs to you all in the trenches with me. It's awful. Been separated from my husband due to a travel mishap and of course it's fertile week 🙃 will have missed four days, so that's probably this month out.

Your message resonates @Toppstileslover Having an actually baby has now become so abstract to me it’s been so long. I’m waiting out a cancelled ivf cycle, I did seem to ovulate but I had sore boobs and cramps before ovulation and still, which is bizarre but hey, hormones! My chances are so especially slim but I feel like if I tantrum hard enough it’ll happen? I am so fed up! I want my life back. 🍷 ✈️ 🎨 and for someone to give me an extra 5 years of pre 40 fertility.

I’m sorry girls it’s slightly paralysing and never ending isn’t it.

After my initial GP appointment things moved quickly for me in blood tests and an ultrasound but this time they wanted my husbands semen analysis before they did the referral. It took him 3 weeks to get the appointment then it was going to be end of September. So he’s booked that for a private one next week but we’ve lost 3 weeks and I haven’t even got the referral yet.

I wish I’d gone ahead with my appointment in March even though we’d relocated and I’d literally just had a D&C miscarriage that week.

Im 38 in November and to say I am freaking out is an understatement. I think it’s heightened by relocating out of London but the biological clock has kicked in and goodness me it’s loud.

I do get fertility treatment in my BUPA through work but I kinda wanted to wait incase we needed this for a second baby but I’m wondering whether to kick that off now

im on folate and iron tablets

That said we haven’t been trying at all, we had a chat about it last night and will try this month from the end day of my period (I think I ovulate early)!

the mental load is a lot, I never used to think about it and transparently having a baby is all I think about now and I can’t believe I have to wait 9 months even when I do get pregnant 😂

I also wish my pregnancy had just stuck and really don’t think I appreciated just being pregnant enough!

Oh my, sorry to hear that but also, how bizarre we’re in the exact same situation. Did you track lh while waiting? Mine was v low then all over the place. Will be going again when period comes. Will they alter your meds? What are you on? I’ve had long and short protocol and differing meds, but short protocol atm. Great that your treatment started so promptly, we had an extremely gruelling wait in our area.

It's been ages since I've written on here but wondering how folks are getting on? My second cycle was cancelled due to low response (but Im low amh so I dunno, I guess they have higher hopes for me than 2 eggs! First round got 5 which was a record for me, but no progression after 2 good looking emybryos on day 3). I finally just ovulated I think, though also have sore boobs/progesterone symptoms so I'm thinking one of the follicles is producing progesterone and one released an egg? Casting runes over here. Are you in the IVF queue @Clara202 and @Toppstileslover ?