Hello! I'm 38, got pregnant first cycle in Oct but had a complete miscarriage 3 weeks ago at 8 weeks (though baby stopped growing at 6). I may have ovulated last week but not sure. I only track EWCM and had some at CD 14, I count the day of my miscarriage as CD 1. But post MC hormones and cycles are wonky, so could be a failed attempt! We BD twice since and this is the only cycle I will be equally pleased to see my period as a BFP, as it means I can ttc actively again.
I'm in London and the average age for first time mums where I live/work is mid 30s so please don't feel too old! In fact my 28 year old colleague attended NCT and said she was the only one younger than 35, and none of the group were IVF pregnancies either. Of my friend group of 12 women, everyone had their first DC post 35 except one who had hers at 27 (but had 2 MCs between 25-27), and one at 42 using IVF but she'd been trying since 33.
My nan was an OBGYN consultant who had my uncle and mum at 39 and 42 (naturally) and always said that while egg quantity may decrease with age, quality doesn't decrease so drastically as to affect fertility in the way we are led to believe. There are so many other factors at play for a successful live birth, and actually in her day there were a lot of miscarriages no one ever talked about in younger women (and not recorded so they don't make stats). Also sperm quality also decreases with age but obv men are not scared into testing and guilt trips, or spend a single day worrying about it. She was a strong feminist and believed that as woman gained more independence in the 70s - allowed to vote, have mortgages, credit, jobs etc, the way to ensure they did none of that was scare them into pregnancy younger. Which kept them at home. A lot of medical research is sponsored by private organisations, individuals, shockingly religious groups who are silent sponsors, and pharma companies with agendas, so it's not as unbiased as we think. That's why there such little attention paid to women's health issues other than to put the fear into you about avoiding pregnancy (making it entirely our responsibility) and then guilting you for not trying young enough (also our responsibility).
So many women worry they are infertile or too old and don't even consider that the male partner could be the problem. My friend spent 2 years feeling guilty after failing to conceive, that she should have started sooner rather than focus on her career. They went for IVF and her DH had to get tested the first time where it showed she had no issues but he had very low sperm motility and morphology. So 2 years that he lived feeling absolutely fine about his swimmers and she carried all the guilt. The consultant who confirmed our miscarriage took great pains to tell DH and me this wasn't anything I did but likely chromosomal abnormalities due to genetic material from both of us combining wrong (this is most miscarriages). Basically men are 50% of the conception puzzle too.
The NHS guidance is to wait for one period post MC to start again but that's for dating purposes only, the WHO says to wait for 6 months (something UK researchers have challenged) - so you can see there is no clarity or agreement even in the medical community on how women's bodies work!
So I made a promise to myself to not feel guilty or blame myself for ttc challenges as conception, pregnancy and being a mum are all hard enough. You are all amazing for even trying. Be kind to yourself and proud that you are so resilient and strong to keep going even when it feels horrible and pointless.