TTC after loss part 6

@Matthew54 i had a very similar experience after my 2nd MC - although i sort of coped “fine” with the MC, a few months later i had a total mental health breakdown based on a very mild cancer scare, i had to have three weeks off work because i just couldn’t reason myself out of believing that i had something seriously wrong with me. Even though I knew the odds were good that it wasn’t cancer, I also knew i’d been on the wrong side of better odds with the timing of the MC so it didn’t feel like any protection. Plus I just deeply felt there was something wrong with me because of the 2 MCs. In the end I paid to have investigations privately on that symptom to just reassure myself ASAP, and then at my sick note check-in with the GP this lovely, patient GP basically went through all the health anxieties that had piled up and checked for them (by that point i had a list about five things long, all of which pointed to different types of cancer, so I was in a state), and then once he did that I was kind of able to take a breath and draw a line under it. It was about a forty minute appointment in the end - luckily the surgery was quiet that day.

One thing that really helped me was self-referring for counselling via the local mental health partnership. Even though it was a while until I got seen, interestingly she ended up taking more of a self-compassion approach than a CBT approach, trying to address my underlying feeling of something wrong with me, rather than finding ways to reason myself out of the anxiety. I’ve since read “The Compassionate Mind” (Paul Gilbert), and it was really helpful in terms of finding ways to be kinder to myself and to start to let go of the “there’s something wrong with me” narrative (although that’s an ongoing journey).

Hang in there - it’s so hard, but it does get better. 💕

I felt like that too after my first loss and during the second. I think the second was easier as I had 3 scans over 3 weeks that weren't looking good so by the time I did lose the pregnancy I had processed it a lot more in comparison to the first loss which was out of the blue.

I found reading the it starts with an egg book. I know there's a long list of reasons for early loss and it could have been unfortunate that I had it twice in a row. I noticed two things in my diet were missing that are meant to be beneficial - eggs and fish. My daughter is allergic to both so I don't eat many of them. I'm not going to say not eating them caused my losses but I thought they aren't bad thing to be eating. It could be relatively easy to include them in my lunches it's worth a go. As it happens I conceived before I actually made this change but didn't know! After my first loss I started running again and that helped me reconnect with my body and have a bit more faith that it's strong and capable.
I'd look to see if there are simple ways you can build some faith that your body is strong and capable. It is. I know it doesn't feel like that when you've been "let down" by it in the most cruel of ways.
If it gives you some hope I'm nearly 15 weeks in this pregnancy!

Before deciding to conceive again I had some counselling with my daughters HV. We both had a difficult time after she was born and 3 years on it still filled me with fear. I felt a bit silly still being affected by it but the counselling helped. I've had mental illness my entire adult life and I'd say rarely has anyone said what I've spoken about isn't valid. I'd also say that when things are just swirling around in your own head without an outlet they build and get more intense.

Thanks @Superscientist . I just feel so betrayed by my body, it’s almost like I don’t trust it anymore.

I want to reach out but I’m afraid of being told I’m crazy or that what happened isn’t a big deal. It mattered so much to me. I had all of this love and hope and joy and now I don’t know what to do with it.

It's tough @Matthew54 have you had any therapy for the health anxiety? Do you think it might help. I hope you get your mammogram soon to ease your concerns

I know it's advised to wait until your period to try again but really this is just because it's slightly more convenient to have a last period date for dating the pregnancy. There's no other reason. If you feel mental and physically ready to try again it's ok to do so before your period returns.

I didn't wait with either miscarriage, the first one took a bit more time to feel ready for intimacy so we only had sex once or twice before my period returned. With the second one I felt ready much earlier and we quite quickly went back to our usual frequency of sex based on mood. I did conceive before my period returned. Everyone has been fine with it. The epu measured my HCG to estimate how pregnant I was to guide them about when it would be sensible to do an early scan. It was very high so they got me in the next day and I found I was already 8 weeks. I spoke to my midwife and had I not had the scan she would have used my miscarriage date as my lmp for my dating scan knowing it might be off and I might need to repeat it if I wasn't far enough along to do the tests. As I had the early scan she used that to estimate a lmp date for the dating scan and that turned out to be a good enough estimate and I had the scan in the right time window. Now lmp is irrelevant and I have a due date based on my dating scan.

I feel like I’m going nuts. Still no period so I can’t start trying.

I am also having significant health anxiety. I had a mild pec tear three years ago and have been experiencing similar pain for the past three months that has dramatically worsened. I have basically convinced myself that I have breast cancer and am trying to get a mammogram.

Honestly I feel totally out of fing control.

@Jemmy94 sorry you’re in this shit club.. I had surgery following MMC at 9/10 weeks in January and my period came back 4 1/2 weeks later. My cycles seem to have returned to normal so far this time🤞🏼

@Jemmy94 I don't know, I was lucky enough to conceive on the second month after stopping my contraception the first time around. I had a 27-28 day cycle when TTC my daughter in 2019 and it was the same in-between my miscarriages. I've not had a lot of experience with natural cycles to be honest as I had anorexia and barely any periods in my teens then went on the pill at 19 and was 30-31 when I stopped it to TTC my daughter and then went back on it 8 weeks after she was born. I was on the progesterone only pill and bled every 27-28 days once my hormones settled down after stopping breastfeeding (I had a year of bleeding every 14 days!) but I know that's not a true period

So sorry to hear of your losses. Did you have regular cycles before your first miscarriage? Mine were regular I'm hoping its not to out of sorts when it arrives, I have no idea what to expect.

@Esssa So sorry to hear of your loss, I understand what you mean by the fresh start. It felt like my body was frozen in time I did a test today to see how my hcg levels were doing and also had a shadow line.

Me too, feels like a bad dream sometimes.

Hopefully you don't have to wait too long on AF and your test results. I'm only post surgery 1 and half weeks so I think it's going to be a long wait yet for my first AF.

I'm sorry to see new people here. It was TTC number 2 that I first experienced miscarriage too. My first was at 10 weeks in August. I got my period back bang on 4 weeks after the bleeding started and they went straight in to a my usual 27-28 day cycle. I had my second miscarriage in December and I got a positive pregnancy test before my period. My Due date would suggest in conceived about 3 and a half weeks after the bleeding started so that period probably would have been 5-6 weeks after my miscarriage.

@Esssa I'm glad the bleeding has stopped and I hope you get your negative test next week. I found the end of bleeding a moment when I stopped holding by breath after both of my miscarriages and able to start looking for the future too.

I'm 14 days post the onset of my miscarriage and finally stopped bleeding. I know some have it for longer but I was sick of it and I feel like it's a fresh start now. Just a shadow on a pregnancy test so it's just about gone too.

So sorry you’re joining this gang.
no advice I’m afraid as I’m awaiting my period after my surgical management too.
mine was 4 weeks ago today, hopefully not much longer to wait for my period now. We’re also waiting our cytogenetic results.

Hi I hope it is okay to join.

I recently had my first miscarriage on 13th of March (missed miscarriage at 9 weeks) after trying for a year for baby number 2. Currently half way through the 3 week wait to have a negative test after having an MVA.

Worrying about my first period, all the unknowns of after a miscarriage, anyone have any advice?

Hi all, hope it's ok to join. I've just name changed but recognise some names from the Nov 25 thread. Sorry we're all here 🤍

I've just had my first miscarriage. We've been TTC no2 since August last year and I think I conceived mid Feb. Had what I thought was a period end of Feb but going by dates I think it was probably a chemical. Tested positive 16th March (my only reason for testing then was 7 days of blazing OPKs), then started bleeding again on the 21st for four days. Private scan on Sunday confirmed no visible pregnancy and I've to go to EPU for a scan on Friday unless I test negative on Thursday. My tests just arrived and there was a very faint line so will keep testing but I think I'd like the scan anyway and a bit of advice for next steps. I'm 40 so time is not on my side.

Sorry this is long, finding it helpful to write it all down as it's been a bit of a rollercoaster. Looking for some pals in the same boat I guess. Sending love to you all xx

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a trauma with it all. I bet that can’t be easy.
Ive been cared for by a very close colleague so I’m very hopeful everything has been done.
im actually going to call him tomorrow to chase the genetic results and also ask when we will receive the funeral details as we’re now thinking we will probably like to go to it.

@Ncl31 i got my period at 5, 6 and 4 weeks after my MCs. It's so hard to not know when it's going to turn up!

@Ncl31 we didn’t try before my first period or the following cycle because I was waiting for a recurrent miscarriage clinic appointment that was due to come about 6 weeks after my surgery so wanted to see if there was anything that could be changed before trying.
I waited until 9 weeks after the surgery to call and chase my appointment to find out that my referral paperwork was never submitted so now I’m at the start of the wait for an appointment 🙄 I appreciate 6-8 weeks is short compared to some areas but I am so frustrated that I fell through the cracks
So we’ve tried this cycle, the doctor who took my history (again) so that my referral could be submitted said I could contact if I fall pregnant before my appointment to be seen straight away 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m also awaiting genetic testing which is why I didn’t want to try again before finding out the results in case that has been the cause of my MMCs but I’m not convinced the testing was done with all the mix ups with the referral, the doctor told me the consultant will discuss at the appointment so didn’t fill me with confidence 🙈
Hoping we both get some answers soon!

@Taysonicmy partner struggled too. He doesn’t really show his emotions so I think he found the whole thing difficult to deal with as he tried to keep everything bottled up and avoided conversations about the loss. We had a TFMR so slightly different. I think the trauma of it took him a good 6 months to get his head around. Maybe longer. He still can’t get excited about trying now. It’s more fear for him. Also first experience of pregnancy

@Confusedmermaid1 that’s reassuring to hear thank you. Sorry you’re also going through this, are you trying again straight away? I tested negative 7 days after my d&c, I was 11+5 but baby measure 10+5.

@Notsure31 oh I’m so sorry, I can’t even begin to imagine how a TFMR feels. It’s positive that you’re able to look forwards though. I’m sorry I have no advice on NK cell testing.

@Bellabubble it seems it could be anytime from
about now then I guess. Hopefully not another 6 weeks though.

we are still awaiting our cytogenetic test results. I think I might find it easier to process once we have them, especially if it shows something. I think my head is holding out for those. Even though I know it can’t turn back time or change anything.

@Ncl31 i was 4 weeks after my first and second, and 10.5 weeks after my most recent one x

@Ncl31 no advice but I’m in the same boat of waiting for period to ttc again after a TFMR 2.5 weeks ago, so I know I’ve got a while to wait, I’m still spotting and tested positive still on hcg on Saturday. And I’ve been LH testing which are staying weirdly high but not a peak level, which I guess is due to leftover hcg so there’s probably no point in me doing them tbh.

Does anyone have experience of going to either Dr Shehata or Professor Bronsens for NK cell testing? We have been referred to Dr Shehata’s NHS clinic who offer NK cell testing which I believe is blood testing, but I’m also looking at paying private for professor bronsens because it’s a lot cheaper and I know he tests for both low and high NK cells which I don’t know if Dr S does? I know professor bronsens tests are confined to uterine NK cell testing whereas I think Dr S tests them as a whole. I’m not even convinced I have this problem as two out of my 4 losses were chromosome issues, one of which I had to TFMR at 16 weeks, with the other two they are unknown however I do have autoimmune thyroid disease which puts me at risk for high NK cells.

@Ncl31 i had my surgery on 20th Jan and first period on 21st Feb so 4 weeks 3 days ish
Hope you get your period soon, I almost felt I couldn’t begin to deal with it until I’d had both a negative test and first period after

Hi all.

Hope you don't mind me joining? I've read through the last couple of pages of posts and whilst it's heartbreaking to hear your stories and learn of your experiences, I know I'm in good company.

I've just been through my first miscarriage. I guess I was 'lucky' in that it was early, and didn't require any intervention or management. Difficult to know exactly when 'it' happened as I bled throughout the pregnancy but had some significant pains when I was just over 5 weeks, and then had a strong red bleed at 6 weeks which started last Thursday.

My partner is really struggling. I have a DS who's 8 yrs old from a previous relationship but this was my partner's first experience of pregnancy and he was so excited. Although horrible, I think going through the physical aspects of it has helped me process, but he's really finding it difficult. Any advice on things that have helped support your partners?

I'm keen to get trying again, as soon as we're able to. My bloods yesterday showed really low HCG levels of 23, so I'm almost officially not pregnant. I'm 36 so don't feel like time is on my side to wait.

Hi ladies, how are you all doing?

those of you who have had a d&c when did you get your first period after?
its 4 weeks tomorrow for me since mine. We’ve purposely avoided TTC until I get my period for a “reset” if you like.
But now I feel like I’m starting heal emotionally I’m eager to try again, time is not on our side.

@Beanie14 I have a bicornuate uterus as well. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 For your scan I know the anxiety inducing terror of them. I still get terrified even now at 30 weeks pregnant x