TTC after loss part 6

That's a good way to put it @Superscientist - the bar is pretty low for us too. A second child was always more of a nice-to-have than an absolute requirement. I'm also trying to think of the pros - my son is 4 now so we're through the early years and life is very manageable... I was partly doing it for him but now I'm seeing some negative effects for him because I'm just not coping well and I'm pumped full of hormones. No easy/right choices though

Thanks for the well wishes x

@TrulyMiss it's difficult isn't it! We've been trying for about 9 months for number 2 and I have had 2 losses in that time. After the second loss we discussed trying until the summer but with my potential job loss I don't know whether we will continue.
We are happy as a family of 3 and whilst we would love another I think it does mean that we probably will have a lowish bar for stopping. Pregnancy and post partum is hard on me and if I'm coupling that with job stress it might prove to be more than is feasible without making me unwell.

@TrulyMiss ah glad you managed to enjoy the bank holiday. Sorry to hear about your sister having those conversations in your company, sounds insensitive.

I think the when to give up is a really tricky one, because there’s only so much your mind and body can take. Having said that, I’ve felt throughout that when it’s time I’d know. I set a couple of arbitrary dates, got to them and just thought I’m not ready yet (trying for DC2 since June 2022, 4x MCs since then and a long period where I just didn’t conceive following a 13 week loss).

sending love, there’s so much to contend with going through this x

How is everybody getting on? We had a bank holiday weekend in Ireland and I have to say I really enjoyed it. Was difficult to go to a family event on Saturday night with my sister who is 7 weeks pregnant (no challenges at all) and I bailed out of a baby names conversation (why would they have that in front of me???!). I still have a cyst so can't go back on clomid but my hormones are pretty stable for the first time in 2 months and honestly I've really been enjoying our little family of three. Wondering when is the right time to give up. I've had 7 months of fertility drugs and 2 miscarriages and I'm no closer. The drugs really affect me and I have no really quality of life taking them between the physical and mental affects. Husband is so sick of it all and would gladly get a vasectomy in the morning!!!!

Sorry to hear your work news @Superscientist i would encourage you to keep trying anyway. I’ve basically ruined my life over a job and now stuck here trying to cling on for the Mat pay, but the levels of stress etc mean I’ll probably never convince anyway.

@Figtree11 just checking in with you beaut to see how you are?

Hope all you ladies are doing OK xxxx

@Superscientist thanks! She did ring back eventually to say they'll refer me to someone else for the scan which makes more sense but she could have explained. The panic of thinking I'd have to wait another month if he wasn't available or else put my body through more meds that wouldn't work, was not nice!!

Hopefully the redundancy won't affect you but if it does, keep notes of everything and appeal all the way. Then even if you don't get to keep your job you might get some compensation to tide you over...

Yes it has been awful. The peri natal team have been great. But it doesn't help at 3am in the morning. I've finally told the kids 6 and 9 big hurdle to get over that mental block! On my normal meds so far. MMC are so cruel aren't they. 17 weeks, then all between 8-11 weeks after seeing a heartbeat. I just hated all the odds.

Oh my I so feel for you! My workplace was a bloodbath last year with 10,500 cut — it was awful. There were three restructures and they just kept culling it. I was stuck on a contract for two years which is why we didn’t ttc until November. I really feel for you because it put my whole life on hold.

however this really won’t count - speaking as a LM it’s numbers on a headcount page. If you delivered you delivered.

Bless you @SnakebitesandSambucas that is an awful lot to go through. 23 weeks is doing really well, how are you feeling? I empathise, I never really acknowledged being pregnant because I was so convinced it would go wrong. Then it did 😂 so keep a positive mind.

my mmc bleeding is starting to stop so I might disappear for a month to wait for my period, I can’t face ttc. However I did crave and eat vegetables all day today (literally which is very normal for me!) AND I haven’t cried ALL DAY first time for a week so I think / hope I am turning a corner.

@KT199 I don't know if mine counts as a good news story. But I'm on my 5th pregnancy in 2 / 3 yrs. I'm now 23 weeks pregnant. Just taking each day as it comes. I have been reading this thread from the beginning but didn't have the mental coping skills to post earlier. As it's been such a long journey and so much heartache along the way.

Can you be put on a cancellation list @TrulyMiss ?
Secretaries can be a pain!

I'm sorry you have been through that @KT199 I hope the surgery brings an end to the MMC then you can look to your wedding and your next steps TTC

I'm having a shit week and might have to put TTC on hold as my job situation is precarious after an announcement this week. Having had leave for hyperemesis followed by miscarriage twice in 6 months I'm pessimistic even though I know they can't legally hold it against me I don't trust the system.

Have to say I find consultants secretaries so frustrating!! Called to book another scan to see if my cyst has resolved and am told she can't book me in as no appointments and to ring back when I get my period. If there are no slots now, then how on earth will you fit me in when I ring in 10 days time??! Complete head melt. Just wanted a date in the diary to work towards but back in limbo again. If nothing happens for another 3 weeks I can call back apparently...

Hi ladies, hope you don’t mind me joining this thread. I’m sorry we’re meeting given the circumstances and that we’ve all been through such a hard time and experienced a loss. The lovely @Toppstileslover actually pointed me in the direction of this thread, we was in touch via another TTC thread and fell on, on the same month and experienced our MC’s quite close together.

I had a MMC in December, the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks and was found early as I had an early scan but my body didn’t react. I had an MVA in early Jan. Sadly, I found out earlier in the week I have retained products so I am back in on Friday for surgery but under general this time. Seriously feel so fed up that it is still going on and so on edge that it may not resolve things. But doing my absolute best to stay positive.

We won’t be jumping straight back into TTC as we get married in April and that will be my priority until then. But we will be back in the game from then onwards providing no more bumps in the road. In the meantime, I hope there is some positive stories I can read and hold onto on this thread!! 🫶

Thank you all for your kind words! If the Tommys phone line is more regarding accessing testing than anything I don’t think it’s worth ringing for now at least! I’ll wait for the recurrent miscarriage appointment and see what’s next. So far the doctors seem to have done as much as they can.. I was surprised with how quickly they took bloods though I suppose it made sense with me being at the hospital for the surgery anyway rather than bringing me back another time.

Allowing myself one last week of eating what I want (3 family celebrations this week!) then full steam ahead with the med diet next week 😅

Oh @Confusedmermaid1 bless you we are on the same timeframes then, mine was Wednesday. I am so busy with work / started exercising / doing but seemingly always in afternoons I just get so overwhelmed and the crying starts 😂 Given I’m still bleeding I guess I (and we) just need time.

I’m sorry we are all going through this and especially so that you are on your third. It’s incredibly tough (and rough) — you are being a complete hero. Hope the further tests give you some resolution.

@Confusedmermaid1 I’m sorry to hear about your third miscarriage, it’s really so unfair and I feel your pain with the due dates coming round, particularly when it’s so fresh. Sending love x

Ive used the Tommys helpline before 2/3x and found them to be amazing. It’s midwife led so you feel in really good hands, and I just felt there was an extra touch of empathy/understanding.

All of my NHS recurrent miscarriage results came back as normal (it was 5 blood tests testing for different things). I was then referred to Tommys Coventry and they prescribed me progesterone from a certain point after ovulation each month. I didn’t have any furthers tests, etc with Tommys, but imagine that’s down to my personal history (blood tests already run by NHS, 5 MCs, 1 DC).

I really liked it starts with the egg to have a guide that I could use to hopefully improve chances.

@Confusedmermaid1 Sorry to hear you’ve had a third MC, it’s so incredibly tough. I rang Tommy’s after my most recent (third) MC - to be honest it wasn’t an emotional support conversation (maybe I rang the wrong helpline??). She was obviously very sympathetic, but really she mainly gave me practical advice about what tests to ask for from the Dr and how to get referred to one of the Tommy’s RMCs if I wanted to. It was useful, but I guess I was expecting/wanting a little more of a feelings session, which it definitely wasn’t.

@Toppstileslover sorry you’re feeling so down, just wanted to sympathise and say I had my surgery last Monday and I’m still struggling with feeling tearful at the drop of a hat, hoping it passes soon.

The doctor recommended I called Tommys to talk about it, I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet as I literally can’t say the words without sobbing at the moment. Would be interested to know if anyone has used this service and how it was?

@Blueskies4 that’s awful. I use my period app to track but I did use pregnancy+ for the ‘your baby is the size of..’ updates and they have a miscarriage option then your home page changes to some articles about loss etc so baby centre have no excuse!

I need to catch up on the thread properly, I’m unfortunately back after a third MC which at least means I’m having some testing done. I’ve also bought ‘it starts with the egg’ after seeing it recommended on here and other threads so plan to start making some changes there as well. At the moment it just feels like it’s never going to happen for us despite not having all the results back yet, so far they’re mostly ‘normal’.. doesn’t help that the due date for my first MMC is coming on the weekend and I foolishly thought when I got pregnant in December ‘at least I’ll be pregnant when 2nd Feb comes’ and here we are a week post surgery for the second MMC..

@Toppstileslover the emotions are hard to contend with aren’t they, they can really catch you off guard. Hoping you start to feel better soon xx

Thats tone deaf from Flo! Totally get you too.. I use BabyCentre when I’m pregnant to log/track the pregnancy and the only option is for the pregnancy to continue tracking in the app or to ‘delete’ it so it ceases to exist - I messaged them to say you need a miscarriage/pregnancy loss option etc because it’s so sad deleting it x

Thank you 💖 I feel worse than ever after the surgery but know it has just got to pass. I feel so horribly hormonal / emotional! Constantly on the edge of tears.

I tell you what has been really, really annoying me (to the point where I’m about to complain) - Flo! I’ve logged I’ve lost my pregnancy and now it keeps sending me daily updates asking if I’m feeling in the mood?!?!?!?! Read the room?!?!?

@Mummysparrow I hope it all goes as well as possible!

Feeling a bit more positive this week. Trying to prioritise walks and sleeps etc to see if it helps. Think my body tried to ovulate over the weekend so hoping that'll have sorted the cyst and my period will arrive soon...

@Mummysparrow hope the surgery goes well. Sometimes it's nice having that brief period of being by yourself post surgery. Means you can meltdown have a cry / sob etc. I found it easier to express my emotions at the hospital than being at home. Post all my d&C's x

@Mummysparrow ah bless you, hope there’s someone who can bring you nice snacks, it’s never the best having to stay in but hopefully you can get some rest xx

@Blueskies4 I have ordered chicken curry and rice on the hospital menu but I have been told I won't be back up on the ward until 6 so not entirely sure if I will fancy it 😂
I am going to be here until tomorrow evening unfortunately so I am going to be a bit lonely 🥺

@Mummysparrow ah, hope it goes quickly for you. It’s certainly not nice waiting around for these things. Have you planned a nice tea or something to look forward to (sorry if this sounds unbelievably trivial.) I came out of my D&C wanting a “foot long sub” !!