Is feeling broody a sign to start TTC

I think people forget that women have been having babies into their 40s forever. They were just the 10th/15th baby, not the first... My MIL is youngest of 8 and her mum was 41 when she had her. My nan had my dad at 38, 11 years after his brother.

And I know anecdotes are not data, but I would say around 80% of my close friends had a baby after 35. Yes there were some miscarriages, and some babies took longer to appear than expected based on previous pregnancies... but I'm pretty sure that cliff-edge has been debunked.

I had mine in my late 20s and aged 30 and now enjoying late 40s with DC who no longer need physical help. However, teens are still mentally challenging.

If you wait until late 30s, your DC will mentally challenging you later in life. Not a deal breaker, but something to bear in mind.

It's not though. It's one year of trying at 35. 1 year of trying at 36. 1 year at 37. Look up the statistics for live birth rates at those ages and above.

It's not just whether you can conceive - it's also the heartache of whether you're likely to miscarry, have to TFMR or go through multiple rounds of IVF.

I think there's a defensive attitude around this because for many many people they don't meet suitable partners until 35 or older, and it is offensive to suggest they shouldn't TTC or that they have missed the boat. This is not the case. Most people are simply suggesting that where a person is able to try earlier than 35 they ought not to wait, based on fertility.

If a person was unable to try before 35, and is only able to try aged 40 (for example) then I'm sure most people would simply wish them the very best of luck. However, OP is currently in a position where she could try, if she wanted to. She's feeling broody and wondering if that's a signifier to start TTC, or whether to wait. Posters are saying, based on personal and scientific reasoning, that she ought not to wait if she's in a position to try, because the odds are better now.

That doesn't indicate that nobody can fall pregnant older, or that they shouldn't, or that they are less-than younger mothers. Simply that, by trying earlier, she may avoid potential difficulties and pain down the road.

The same, of course, is statistically true for a 18 year old pondering whether to wait until she is 24. However, the decline is much less significant between those ages, and so many people would likely say there is such little difference that she can easily wait with no concern, particularly when considering social and cultural factors.

Social and cultural factors become less of a sensible basis to make this decision on in your thirties.

@houwseevryweekend Time will tell if you're right (for you). Personally, it was not a gamble I was prepared to take

It's still 5 years + of trying at 35! That's a lot frankly - just throwing years or money at this problem doesn't fix it. My friend is 41 and gets 2 NHS rounds of IVF with a London trust. It's like advising women to focus on dating and finding a man in your 20s because it's a lot harder when you're older. I'm repeating myself here but fertility does not fall off a cliff at 35 - medicine needs an arbitrary cut off point and that's what they came up with. 75 years ago women did nothing but produce babies, raise them, then die, so of course 35 was deemed geriatric by the male researchers who came up with this crap. People also died in their 60s back then so 35 was very old indeed. Women's bodies are amazing, poorly understood machines not governed by statistics and numbers no matter how much we try to put them in a box.

The reality is, as long as you have viable eggs and a working uterus and decent sperm, you can have a baby - and none of those thing vanish or deteriorate at 35. The % reduction in quality is so negligible to mean anything when you look at the billions of women on the planet.

Just because the age of first time mothers has gone up, that doesn't mean that fertility rates have improved. At 30, you've stepped beyond the mid-way point of your fertile years.

Fertility takes a nose dive in a woman's 30s. Look at this graph and how it declines around 33 and then a sharp decline at 35. 35+ is considered 'geriatric'. They don't use that term anymore, but there's a box on a midwife's checklist at the booking appointment that says '35+ years old.'

https://www.britishfertilitysociety.org.uk/fei/at-what-age-does-fertility-begin-to-decrease/

I agree - leaving it post 35 times start TTC is very risky imho

I like what you’re saying about how being broody was the impetus to save hard.

I’ve got 2 DC and always wanted more. We’re finally trying for a 3rd (maybe I’m too old? Who knows, I suppose we’ll find out) and actually my extreme broodiness is a massive part of it but also was the impetus to sit down and make a bit of a life plan - 2 year financial plan / 5 year financial plan etc. It can be a great motivator.

Ofcourse it is logical. Finding out you are have difficulty conceiving mid to late twenties gives you time to make plans. Trying at 35 to 40 leaves a very small window to have a child if you come across difficulties.

Sorry was supposed to quote houwseevryweekend

The average age of a first time mother is actually slightly older than 30, so it’s not “at the older end” or the middle.

That being said - I would only delay until late 30s if there was a reason for doing so. Maybe you aren’t financially ready or a homeowner and you want to sort that out. Maybe you’re not in a long term relationship. It doesn’t sound like any of these things are true for the OP however so I think trying now would be perfectly reasonable.

If the OP’s friends say they don’t plan on having children ever then that dynamic will change in any case whether the OP is 30 or 35 or 40. Friendship wise things will change as you become a mother but there is no reason you can’t have two separate friendship groups - one that is likely to be pretty child centric (NCT and school parents centred around school nights out, play dates etc etc) and one that isn’t about children at all. It probably would be pretty healthy to have a group of friends that you don’t talk children with at all.

At 30 if you want a baby at some point and your life is relatively well set up - by which I mean you have a stable living situation - IE. Not in a house share/sofa surfing/ staying with family etc, you have some form of regular employment and a partner you wish to have a child with and you aren't struggling with addiction or mental health, then I would not wait.

You don't have to wait until you have your dream home, but you should have a home that you can reliably stay in. You don't need a dream job, but you should have employment that will allow you to take maternity etc, and your life doesn't need to be picture perfect.

There is no perfect 'ready' but there is some degree of stability and security that will make it easier.

Don't actively wait until your mid to late thirties. You might be fine but you might end up one of us (like me!) who is 31 and currently TTC over a year, having tried previously in my twenties unsuccessfully too. This is already incredibly hard - I would have lifelong regrets had I waited until 38 and missed the window. At least at my age there's time to have attempts with fertility treatment.

My problems aren't age related at all, but for others they can be. And my problems won't improve with age - I'd just have less time to try and correct them.

No. I felt quite broody for a while in my mid 30s. I had been married about 10+ years, but I knew that all I was feeling was down to emotions, hormones and maybe a bit of peer pressure (as all my friends were having babies). When I thought about it logically and sensibly, I realised that children were not the right choice for us, and that I couldn't give in to emotions and biology!
Just "wanting a baby" is not enough, in my opinion.

I think it can be wise to listen to body (as long as you are also using your head of course). I started to get this in my late twenties. It got more and more intense, but I put it off to get things in order as I didn’t feel ready. It got so strong that I just gave in and when I was 33, I had my dd. I know lots of people on here have a different experience, but my fertility did indeed go off a cliff when I was 35. By 37 I was firmly in peri and at 40, I’m definitely done with my baby having years. I’m glad I paid attention to what I’m convinced my body was trying to tell me but sorry I put it off because I didn’t have the chance to try again.
I think sometimes when women get that really urgent feeling of broodiness, it can be a sign that time is running out. I know people often don’t like to hear this. I remember I was chatting to an older friend of mine about it and she said “don’t leave it too long, or it could be too late” and I was a bit hurt and worried. I thought, I’m only 31..but in my heart I knew she was right, and she was.
It took about 6 months to conceive.
If you think you might want more than one, you need to account for that too. Sometimes it’s not possible to have babies with a close gap (for reasons other than fertility).

Yes you need to be a mum to understand how 'mothering' works

I don’t know if I buy into the “being ready” thing as such. Financially ready, yes, but having kids hits you like a ton of bricks whether you’re 20 or 40, whether you’ve travelled or not, or whether you’ve climbed high in your career or not.
I was an older mum and financially I was very ready, but physically I do wish I’d been younger. Equally I was so used to a certain lifestyle/freedoms that I didn’t think I would miss until I did! I also spent years focussing on my career only for it to be set backwards seemingly overnight. It was a bitter blow to my sense of identity.
I do have friends who had children in their early to mid-twenties who now have older children and are starting to get their lives and careers on track that I can’t help but envy. But then they did spend many years forgoing holidays, desperately trying to get onto the property ladder, and just scraping by generally.
It’s swings and roundabouts really.
Which brings me back to my original point that there never is a “right” time, you just have to do it if/when you think it’s right for you. No one can advise you because no one else is living your life.
What I would say is if you want children then no matter when it happens, you will find a way to make it work. Because there is no other option once they arrive.

Yes @Harbourmoon it's time. Obviously there are many, many perspectives (which you will likely see in answers on this thread) but I'm going to cut straight to the chase from my perspective: you're in a long-term, committed, happy relationship, you're well into your grown-up years, you're younger than you're ever going to be and your body is still in its prime childbearing years.

This isn't logical, sorry. Because at 25 if you can't have a child, there is absolutely no guarantee that even a decade of IVF treatments will work. And not many 25 year olds can afford multiple IVF cycles if the NHS rounds don't work. There are BILLIONS of women in the world - and each one has different fertility, even science can't predict it. Research says a high BMI shortens your life span and affects your baby, so by that token any woman who isn't watching her diet and exercise is doomed. There's health guidance on every aspect of life, yet for some reason many women only fixate on the ones around fertility. Guidance is exactly that - it's not rules for life and each woman will have a difference experience.

I had this the minute I hit 30. It was like being starving, and everyone else had food, but I didn't. My husband didn't understand at all, but as he had always been keen for children, we got on with it as soon as we straightened out finances, to allow for me being off work for a bit (I'm ancient, so there was so real mat leave in my job, I had to leave).

Oh god, I would be terrified! I hope she's on contraception! 😬

@gonnabeteoubleemma erm, do I have to be a mum to understand how conception and fertility and mothering works? Last I checked, you didn't need to have GCSEs, degree or qualifications to be a mum. My grandma was a obs/gyn with the army (had her first at 39 so she could focus on her career) - which I think is a better qualification to understand fertility than a mum in any case.

I was horribly broody at 29 but not in a great financial position so waited a couple of years. Looking back I could probably have waited longer and felt more ready but I’d have been anxious to actively leave it beyond 35 (personally) with no significant reason to do so (like not having the right partner or a big career reason or not being sure I wanted them etc which is fair enough).

My DD is very broody and she's 16 ...
She goes round the shops with her friends looking at baby clothes at the weekend and gets soppy when she sees babies.
I really hope it happens for her when she's older but not yet!!
Don't delay if you're in your 30s. I started TTC aged 31, finally got pregnant 2 years later, miscarried, then had DS at 34 and DD at 37.

Well, many posters on here have said they had children in part because everyone else around them was doing it, and they thought it was an inevitable ‘next life stage’ after ‘settling down’. It isn’t, of course, as shown by the OP’s friends. She’s got examples in her immediate vicinity of people choosing a different path.

I think it's odd to choose not to have children or wait until your late 30s just because that's what your friends have chosen. 30 isn't young to be a mum (it's in the middle but at the older end) and of course your life will change but I like how my daughter has changed my life and I love her. I was 26 and that isn't young either. My friend's mum started peri when she was 38.