Is 40 too old for a first time dad?

My DH was 44 when we had our DD. Who is now 11 and he's 55.

He runs his own business, earns good money (as do I) is an amazing amazing dad.
We both take excellent care of ourselves, work out 4 times a week etc..:never ill.

I would wager we are healthier than many 20 or 30 year olds.

Many benefits to being a little older parent OP, don't let it bother you.

Of course not!

I had my first at 40 and my second at 42. We are not the oldest at the school gate.

That's true.

There was only one lady in her 20s when I went to the nearest baby group.

Most of the mothers in their 30s completely ignored her. I'm older that that so I spoke to her.

Edited to say: She was also solely bottle feeding 😱 Said someone who mixed fed.

That may be true but they won’t be anywhere near evenly distributed.

If you live in an area with relatively high property prices there are likely be virtually no young parents locally.

It is the same with other aspects of life such as schooling. If you use private schools you will know way more parents in their 40’s. None are teens/early 20’s.

A quick search shows that 15% of UK babies are born to fathers 40 or older.

Both DH and I were over 40 when our only DS was born.

In our DS’s peer group we are about average age for parents. There is nobody who had a child when they were under 35. The majority of the dads were mid 40’s.

I agree the stats are likely to be very area dependent and quite heavily weighted towards property prices.

Don’t know what to tell you…I am also surprised
like I said it’s anecdotal…
Pre-baby arrival I’d have bet good money mr solo brunch in particular would be putting my DH to shame but he just seems to have checked out of family life

really interesting others don’t see this. DH and I hypothesised it’s because they have life how they like it and don’t like the change / don’t adjust well… seems this maybe isn’t the case…!

That’s pretty much the opposite of the experience with my group of friends. Those over 40 were much more hands on, they had senior jobs which were very flexible and all took shared parental leave. In fact they probably did more than their wives. The most hands on Dad at nursery (all pick ups, looks after them solely for two days a week), is 55!

Yep, 38, 39, 40, 40, and 44 (so actually slightly higher than 40!)! North London and yes, a very middle class area.

Parent age is quite area dependant. Where I lived when I had my daughter (London) and where I live now (Surrey) parents on the older side are the norm. I can only think of one peer who had kids in her 20s. Mid to late 30s was probably average for the women. I've known men to have their first into their 50s but I would say mid-30s to mid-40s is probably average.

@TemuSpecialBuy your social circle is strange.

In mine the dads over 45 happily look after their children on their own. They take time off to do so while their children are small and are more likely to attend school events.

The dads under that age are still trying to increase their earnings so leave more to the children's mother.

Not old at all. My DP was 41 for first baby and just about to turn 45 for second. I was 32 and 36. He has way more energy for the kids than I'll ever have!

I’m 40 with 2 under 3 DH is quite a bit younger

you just can’t know what it’s like until you have a child

Anecdotally…Amongst our friends generally the dads are split into 2 groups

the early 30s mid30s dads adjusted okay / better.
The over 40s “struggle” / aren’t great.
I think they are set in their ways / didn’t want anything to change… and everything changes!!!
like one insists on going for brunch alone every Sunday “too get away from the noise” while the mum does mornings with the toddler 😵‍💫🥴
2 have openly told my DH they regret their children and wish they could “go back”. All families are firmly in 1 & done.
There is one younger guy who is like this but he was always a tit and the only person surprised about how lame he is seems to be his DW…

with the older dads a lot more pressure and heavy lifting is on the wife which is tolerable if you aren’t the high earner/ only have one child/ have the right kind of disposition for that.
it wouldnt be for me but personally…

Irs attitude rather then age. You get some 20 something dad's who step up and other 40 something dad's who do the same. As long as he's not expecting you to do everything then that's the main thing and your both clear on joint responsibility and therefore care giving as much as possible!

It isn't about age.

Is your dh prepared to spend hours teaching your child to swim, to ride a bike? Will he go to fireworks parties and children's soft play?

I had ds at 45 but he has never thought me too old. I join in the three legged race at school sports and always willing to cycle or swim.

It's energy & attitude that counts.

DH was 46 when DS was born. We feel too old to have another now but having DS (I was 39) was absolutely the right thing to do and the best thing that has ever happened to us.

DH and I were both over 40… we had no issues with parenting at any of the stages, still have loads of energy and interest in new things, nothing to hold you back at all, IMO / IME.

A colleague of mine had his first two children when he was in his early fifties. I thought that was mad tbh, but 40 seems fine. Older than I'd ideally pick but basically fine.

The average age for the mother? That seems pretty high for an average. Of course NCT is often skewed to middle class couples and middle class women have kids later in general. I'm still surprised though!

OP it's about how will it be for him when he is older, not so much right now. But it's hardly unusual for mothers or fathers.

Most of the first time dads I know were 35-40, I think it’s very normal. Obviously it’s your partners decision how he feels about it -doesn’t matter what others think

40 is nothing these days.
I think while older parents might lack energy, they make up for it in other ways like having life experience, more stable financially etc.

Coincidentally both my grandads were 40 when my parents were born and both lived to 90+ so you never know what the future holds

I know a man who has a toddler and 4 year old and he's 55. 55! Same age as my mother in law. Too old for various reasons imo but then it just goes to show for others it works.

I'm nearly 35 and feel too old for any more kids but im female so on a different timeline and it's just my personal preference.