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Original poster

Is 40 too old for a first time dad?

62 replies

tabascoo · 07/10/2024 14:12

DP turned 40 last month, certainly doesn’t look or act it 😂

I’m 33, I have endometriosis and I had my AMH tested 2 years ago which was normal. Originally neither of us wanted children when we met 8 years ago. During lockdown 1 I had this awful broodiness, which is still present but much less intense.

i did get pregnant accidentally 2 years ago which sadly ended in miscarriage. I was hospitalised for a few days with an infection and it was awful. I wasn’t able to talk about it until this year when I started therapy. DP was shocked at the time but happy 🙁

We haven’t talked about really trying again since and I’m wondering if it’s too late?

My dad was an ‘older’ dad at 32/35 when me and my brother were born which was quite unusual amongst my friends at the time. My mum was early 20’s. His parents were both in their 20s when he and his siblings were babies. I have a big family as my mum is the youngest of 5, but none of my cousins have children (they’re all older than me!)

Sorry a lot of waffle. We earn a decentish wage between us (90k before tax combined). We rent a lovely house in a small town we both love. We have a wonderful 2yr old rescue dog, we’ve had her since she was 4 months old. We’re planning to buy a house next year, just waiting a little longer to maximise our LISA bonuses. We have savings separate to our house deposit. Financially everything looks good.

We have a very comfortable life. I just can’t help this niggling feeling that he might regret having a teenager in his 50s. We live about an hour from family so it would just be us two.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Inmyuggs · 24/04/2026 01:05

Is he keen for a child?
He is not youre dad
Remember some people do not like being a parent because they are selfish people.
Why compare.
If you genuinely want a child together nothing is certain in life.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/04/2026 01:03

DH and I were 40 (him) and 33 (me) when I had our eldest, we were 45 and 38 when we had twins. It's fine, yes I'm one of the older parents at school, obv DH is too but he's fit and healthy. My friend was 33 and her partner 46 when they had their child, he's in the best shape of his life a decade later

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 24/04/2026 00:40

Not too old at all

childoftkty · 23/04/2026 22:59

GoldCat255 · 08/10/2024 11:18

Yep. too old.
Energy levels decline dramatically over the 40s.

Nonsense. I’m 52 and my energy levels haven’t dropped a bit

Fupoffyagrasshole · 23/04/2026 22:02

tabascoo · 07/10/2024 14:38

Nearly all our friends are child free. We have two close friends with a toddler in their 30s and that’s it. Everyone seems to just get a dog instead.

Show quote history

Child free probably because they are only in their early 30s

i don’t know anyone in our group who had a kid before 35

my husband was 43 when first was born and 47 when our son was born

hes well able for it 🤷‍♀️ never even thought about him being too old tbh

Pistachiocake · 23/04/2026 21:53

Not at all, lots of men are that age, and a lot don't want kids/feel too immature earlier. Some of the people I've known would have been terrible dads in their 30s, but are great now. Yes, I guess you could say the same for mums, but often women want to have children much younger.

Pearshapedpear · 23/04/2026 21:45

Don’t be ridiculous

MixedBananas · 23/04/2026 21:44

Nope.
My DH was 38 when we had DC1 and then 40 when we had DC2 and hoping for a 3rd and 4th so will be well into 40s

HelloItsMeYourRobotVaccuum · 23/04/2026 19:16

There’s no time like the present! Sperm quality will be declining and you’re running a higher risk of things like autism so if you’ve decided this is for you then get cracking!

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 23/04/2026 19:12

It’s fine!
My boss had his third baby at 47!
Another colleague had his first baby at 47 !

VioIetMoon · 23/04/2026 18:02

My dh was 40 when our first child was born. Hes now 42 and were expecting our second

KLMoo · 20/04/2026 19:04

Hi! Are you still on this site?
I'm wondering what you decided and how it turned out?
Myself and DH are your exact ages at time of this post, and having the same deliberations

Purposefullyporous · 08/10/2024 14:30

And it is tiring having a baby at any age... I had my first at 27 and I actually found that harder (altho there was no physical reason to other than I did struggle with pnd at the time) than having my last at 37. My last has been the easiest in terms of how tired I am etc. Just the psychological and physical place I was at in my life. Was in a much more secure position in my late 30s than in my late 20s.

Purposefullyporous · 08/10/2024 14:26

No of course it's not too old. And you sound like you are in a reasonable financial position. Go for it!
Our first was born when my DH was 42 and our last when he was 52! (The last was a surprise baby not planned, he has had the snip now as we are thinking it's too old now for there to be any more surprises.)
But at 42 it was absolutely fine, we had plenty of energy. Naturally conceived, healthy pregnancy natural birth, healthy baby who is now a bright 10 yo.

mynewhouse · 08/10/2024 14:21

HotSource · 08/10/2024 11:06

But you could say that about having kids at any age.

It’s hard that you and DH had a difficult time, but it really isn’t the typical experiences of 33 yos to struggle unless there are health, mental health, disabilities or serious livjng conditions as challenges.

Young teen parenthood turns out well for some, very much less well for others.
Any parents can have an ‘easy’ baby or a harder to care for baby.

Lots of more mature (40ish) mothers report coping absolutely fine (me) while younger mums shudder and say ‘I wouldn’t do that at 40) - but that’s because parenting has already used up their parenting energy and starting over at the beginning of course feels hugely daunting.

It is more likely (not guaranteed) that older parents can afford help. A cleaner, more childcare etc, if they need it.

I am sorry you had such a hard time but as you say, everyone is different so your ‘word’ is no more weighty than those 40 year olds who have found no additional issues due to age.

Show quote history

There’s no guarantee that OP will have “the typical experience” (there really isn’t any such thing as a typical experience tbf) though, that was exactly my point.
They could have a baby with health problems or additional needs, she could have pnd, any number of things could make it harder.
I’m not saying my experience is very common, but it’s not uncommon to struggle at any age and those other struggles combined with being older is doubly hard and that’s something that should be considered.

Hoolahoophop · 08/10/2024 11:50

Alicana · 07/10/2024 16:15

Yep, 38, 39, 40, 40, and 44 (so actually slightly higher than 40!)! North London and yes, a very middle class area.

Show quote history

In our middle class area the NCT class was full of 38-45 year old first time Mums (Dad's often older), and more than half were expecting twins.

Reugny · 08/10/2024 11:45

GoldCat255 · 08/10/2024 11:18

Yep. too old.
Energy levels decline dramatically over the 40s.

Gosh how unhealthy are the British population?

Ozanj · 08/10/2024 11:26

mynewhouse · 07/10/2024 20:22

I really wouldn’t just take the word of people who say it’s not old at all etc. because they have found it ok. Every one is different, not just in how fit and healthy they are and how young they feel but in how they react to and cope with the realities of becoming a parent. I had mine at 33, dh was 35. We had a rocky start, now dd is in school and we have finally found our stride (for now, it’s all ups and downs) but we both feel like we’ve aged about two decades in the last 5 years. I’m going to be forty next year and it makes me feel like crying to think about having a baby at that age. I was so exhausted with a newborn at 33 and I was probably the fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been at that point. But of course, it’s different for women.
I think if you really, really want it and it works out, it’ll be fine and there are lots of advantages to being an older parent too, but you do have to really, really want it and try to be prepared for the fact that it might not be what you expect.

your experience is very unusual tbf. Most healthy 33 yo women have lots of energy.

In any case I’m not convinced OP is genuine.

GoldCat255 · 08/10/2024 11:18

Yep. too old.
Energy levels decline dramatically over the 40s.

HotSource · 08/10/2024 11:06

mynewhouse · 07/10/2024 20:22

I really wouldn’t just take the word of people who say it’s not old at all etc. because they have found it ok. Every one is different, not just in how fit and healthy they are and how young they feel but in how they react to and cope with the realities of becoming a parent. I had mine at 33, dh was 35. We had a rocky start, now dd is in school and we have finally found our stride (for now, it’s all ups and downs) but we both feel like we’ve aged about two decades in the last 5 years. I’m going to be forty next year and it makes me feel like crying to think about having a baby at that age. I was so exhausted with a newborn at 33 and I was probably the fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been at that point. But of course, it’s different for women.
I think if you really, really want it and it works out, it’ll be fine and there are lots of advantages to being an older parent too, but you do have to really, really want it and try to be prepared for the fact that it might not be what you expect.

But you could say that about having kids at any age.

It’s hard that you and DH had a difficult time, but it really isn’t the typical experiences of 33 yos to struggle unless there are health, mental health, disabilities or serious livjng conditions as challenges.

Young teen parenthood turns out well for some, very much less well for others.
Any parents can have an ‘easy’ baby or a harder to care for baby.

Lots of more mature (40ish) mothers report coping absolutely fine (me) while younger mums shudder and say ‘I wouldn’t do that at 40) - but that’s because parenting has already used up their parenting energy and starting over at the beginning of course feels hugely daunting.

It is more likely (not guaranteed) that older parents can afford help. A cleaner, more childcare etc, if they need it.

I am sorry you had such a hard time but as you say, everyone is different so your ‘word’ is no more weighty than those 40 year olds who have found no additional issues due to age.

eurochick · 08/10/2024 10:51

mynewhouse · 07/10/2024 20:22

I really wouldn’t just take the word of people who say it’s not old at all etc. because they have found it ok. Every one is different, not just in how fit and healthy they are and how young they feel but in how they react to and cope with the realities of becoming a parent. I had mine at 33, dh was 35. We had a rocky start, now dd is in school and we have finally found our stride (for now, it’s all ups and downs) but we both feel like we’ve aged about two decades in the last 5 years. I’m going to be forty next year and it makes me feel like crying to think about having a baby at that age. I was so exhausted with a newborn at 33 and I was probably the fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been at that point. But of course, it’s different for women.
I think if you really, really want it and it works out, it’ll be fine and there are lots of advantages to being an older parent too, but you do have to really, really want it and try to be prepared for the fact that it might not be what you expect.

I think having a newborn is exhausting at any age.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 07/10/2024 22:05

My dad was 40 when I was born. I’m his first child. It was always very normal to me. I never even felt like I had an older dad growing up.

KatieL5 · 07/10/2024 22:03

mynewhouse · 07/10/2024 20:22

I really wouldn’t just take the word of people who say it’s not old at all etc. because they have found it ok. Every one is different, not just in how fit and healthy they are and how young they feel but in how they react to and cope with the realities of becoming a parent. I had mine at 33, dh was 35. We had a rocky start, now dd is in school and we have finally found our stride (for now, it’s all ups and downs) but we both feel like we’ve aged about two decades in the last 5 years. I’m going to be forty next year and it makes me feel like crying to think about having a baby at that age. I was so exhausted with a newborn at 33 and I was probably the fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been at that point. But of course, it’s different for women.
I think if you really, really want it and it works out, it’ll be fine and there are lots of advantages to being an older parent too, but you do have to really, really want it and try to be prepared for the fact that it might not be what you expect.

You were a younger parent than every single person in my close friendship group.

We were shocked when the first one had a child at 35.

One thing I think made things easier for me and the people I know is that there were no financial issues due in most cases to both parents having very good careers that had been developed over 20 years. Money isn’t everything but it helps take away one of the big stresses of child rearing.

The only thing we found harder as older parents was the sleep deprivation when our babies were young. I don’t care what anyone says but that is far tougher to deal with it in your 40’s than it is in your 20’s.

sel2223 · 07/10/2024 21:37

Nope, not too old, very average in this day and age actually.
We had ours at 37 and 41, you couldn't have offered me anything to have kids in our 20's

mynewhouse · 07/10/2024 20:22

I really wouldn’t just take the word of people who say it’s not old at all etc. because they have found it ok. Every one is different, not just in how fit and healthy they are and how young they feel but in how they react to and cope with the realities of becoming a parent. I had mine at 33, dh was 35. We had a rocky start, now dd is in school and we have finally found our stride (for now, it’s all ups and downs) but we both feel like we’ve aged about two decades in the last 5 years. I’m going to be forty next year and it makes me feel like crying to think about having a baby at that age. I was so exhausted with a newborn at 33 and I was probably the fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been at that point. But of course, it’s different for women.
I think if you really, really want it and it works out, it’ll be fine and there are lots of advantages to being an older parent too, but you do have to really, really want it and try to be prepared for the fact that it might not be what you expect.