I feel like I'm getting left behind

@CatmumTTC Thankyou so much for your kind words. I have just been cleaning my shower whilst in floods of tears, and reading your reply has helped. I think I will tell her, she is a genuinely nice person and I am happy for her, and I don’t think she would be actively rubbing my nose in it if she knew how I felt, but I also feel guilty telling her in case she feels she can’t show her excitement the way she wants because of me. It’s hard!!

I think it’s the fact she conceived so quickly that’s upset me the most - it just reiterates the fact I feel so alone in this journey (as in amongst physical friends/family etc) and I try to tell myself it is normal to take 12m+ but hearing about more and more people that managed it straight away only makes me feel worse about myself if that makes any sense?!

Thanks so much for your kind reply! Hopefully I can wallow in it over the weekend and by the time work comes back around on Monday I might be feeling a bit better about life! Fingers crossed 🤞

xx

Big virtual hugs! Do you feel like you could tell this colleague in confidence that you're trying and that it's really not been that easy for you, and that whilst it's great that she conceived so soon and you're very happy for her, that is not the case for many women?

If not.... you might not be able to change how she talks about this at work, but you can change how you react to it. Sounds like deep down you are happy for her, can you pull on that thread and focus on it a bit. It's great that she was able to conceive so quickly, you wouldn't wish infertility on anyone etc. Thinking about positive emotions you have about this situation can only help.

Another, slightly more pessimistic approach that helps me is to think about the wider context. Who knows what this person's life is like, or is going to be like. They might have had an abusive upbringing or they have some heartache coming for them later. Infertility might not be part of their journey but nobody has an easy life full of only happiness, let them enjoy this happiness, yours will come again soon.

Hey everyone, I just wanted to post on here as I feel so upset and alone, and my husband doesn’t really get it. One of my lovely colleagues has just told me this morning that she’s pregnant. She’s 10 years younger than me, and is recently married, and doesn’t know I’m trying, but when she told me said “oh and it happened the first month we tried, how funny is that!”. She’s a really sweet person so I would never want her to go through what I am, but I immediately excused myself to the bathroom and was nearly sick. I feel so bad for feeling like this, but it just feels like a massive kick in the teeth. My husband says it shouldn’t matter as her getting pregnant straight away doesn’t affect our path in any way, but the thought of having to see her everyday merrily chatting about how easy the whole thing has been is breaking my heart a little more, I was just about coping as I wasn’t having to see/closely work with a pregnant person every day.
I feel so bad/selfish about it but I just feel so so sad for myself, and had made a bit of progress in the “what will be will be” camp, and this has just unexpectedly sent me crashing backwards. I’m so sorry to vent but just wondering if anyone can relate 😓😓😓😓

@Firsttime2023 no real advice, but wanted to say I massively sympathise.

The only thing I can say helped me mentally (and practically) is always having the next step in mind. After TTC for only a few months, before we qualified for NHS tests, i had them done privately, including HyCoSy. This had always been my plan if we didn’t fall straight away as we started a little later in life and I wanted to know quickly if we’d have any issues. Tests came back unexplained. A while later we qualified for help, did a few rounds of ovulation induction, didn’t work, but I always knew how many we’d get and knew ivf was next. First transfer didn’t work, but knew we’d do another. The second one worked and I’m now nearly 7weeks pregnant but even now I’m scared we’ll lose it and so we have agreed our ‘next step’ already if the worst does happen.

I needed (and still do need) to know I was always moving forward, when my friends around me were all moving forward with their babies, as the unknown was terrifying. I can’t picture a future without children so if I didn’t keep our ‘next step’ in mind, i would start spiralling and thinking well what DOES my future hold. Feeling like I was frozen in time was awful, like time was somehow carrying on without me. A really dark time which I’m now cautiously climbing out of.

Make that plan, and good luck ❤️

Thank you.

You are doing a great job with getting healthy and should be very proud of yourself, it's so hard to stay focused with weight loss and so it is amazing that you have already lost 2 stone! This is going to be a massive health improvement. It sounds like you have a good plan!

It is really unfortunate that the NHS won't treat for a thyroid that isn't over 3. I ran into the same issue, but luckily was able to see a private OB who agreed with treating it. I guess we have to advocate for our own health but that can also feel overwhelming when you have to fight for tests and treatment.

Yes FSH was 2.7 and recommended for TTC is under 2.5. NHS wouldn't treat till at least over 3.

Being honest I am working on my weight as am quite overweight atm. Lost 2 stone but have realistically 2 more minimum to lose, so am prioritising that to give myself the best chance. That has involved changing diet and cutting out rubbish/sugar etc. So I hope this will be helping my thyroid and plan to get repeat thyroid test soon and see. If it's not gone down or gone up I'll seek private opinion.

I'm sorry for your loss as well.

I am in the middle of testing now, waiting for my AF to return after an early loss and then getting a HSG. In your position, I would go private and get treatment for your thyroid. Is it your FSH that is borderline? Mine is borderline (though still considered normal) and I was given medication to bring it down. I was also told to take 600mg of Ubiquinol by my fertility doctor. My AMH is really great, and all other tests for me and DH have so far come back normal. The reality is that even if your egg supply is high, the quality might not be great and so anything you can do to increase the quality of the egg is worth it.

I recommend reading "It starts with an Egg", I wish I had this information 8 months ago when we stated TTC. I also would advise seeking private fertility care now, its not worth putting off when time is running out.

I agree with pp, at 38 you need to pursue private fertility treatment. GPs don't help with this.

We ended up going abroad for treatment twice but the arrangements were made by a consultant in the UK. UK treatment ime was expensive and customer service was rubbish.

Regarding managing how you feel, infertility is something that socially excludes you (at least, that's how I felt). If you look round your friendship group you will find other people who feel or have felt that way (whether because they're gay, single, widowed, chronic illness...). Spend time with them. They won't want to talk about babies!

Not yet I was planning to give it a couple more months and book one for the new year if no luck. Though now I've had a chemical does it seem like they wouldn't be blocked?? But I guess one could be or still be semi congested! I think I will stick to my plan and book one in Jan if no luck.

I've started taking Coq10 in addition to try and improve egg quality in case that's the issue.

If tubes are blocked - sometimes they remain blocked ( and the tube flush doesnt work - so shows they are blocked )

Some people have no symptons of blocked tubes .

Some people only learn one or both tubes are blocked by going for tube flush.

Some say some symptons could be facial hair , back pain , heavy periods and various things.
Thing is ^ some of those are same symptons as some other conditions

Can I just ask anyone that ended up having blocked tubes and needing them flushed - are there any symptoms of this, or is this a completely unexpected finding on further investigations? Thanks!

Have you gone for a hyCosy or hyFosy ?

Worth getting your tubes checked / flushed ?

@Firsttime2023 I recognise you from my line eyes thread and thought I'd join here instead since that one just feels depressing now 😢

I feel similar in terms of being "left behind", I have a tight knit friendship group from school and all but 1 now have a child, all girls too. They very much talk about the "next gen girl gang" as they're all 1 year apart each, youngest just turned 1. I feel like each month that goes by I'm getting left further behind 😓

As said on my other thread I have had (my first) chemical this month. I thought I'd had one before but now realise that was likely an evap as was nothing like this. I had/still have nausea and sore boobs but started bleeding heavily overnight so definitely out now. This was cycle 7 so I know not as long as many. I am 34 so have a little time but feel 35 looming with all it's scary statistics on fertility.

I had Hertility testing as well and all came out normal except very borderline thyroid but below the threshold NHS would do anything for.

I second this

I had hyfosy for 515 gbp
With foam
Instead of hycosy with dye

But really recommend

I had one this week

Unfortunately was bad news 4 me as my tubes are very likely blocked

Coat 515 gbp privately

You know u need ivf faster then etc

Hycosy ( with dye )
Or hyfosy ( with foam)
They can u whilst inserting dye or foam

Very helpful assessment / process

Also wanted to share some positivity/ solidarity as remember this feeling. I'm 36 and it took us 9 months to conceive - I'm now 6 months :) are you taking coq10? I started taking it and conceived 6 weeks later, don't know if a coincidence or not but worth a try. Anyway just wanted to say it can take time but I sympathise it's so hard every month x

If I could give my 39 year old self some advice it would be to much more aggressively pursue fertility treatment. I had a baby at 36 (conceived first time) and another at 38 (third time, I think) but was never able to conceive again once we started trying for a third when I was 39. That was partly to do with scar tissue from the second c-section, but by the time I had it removed (at 41) I was essentially perimenopausal and infertile. I don't say this to be alarmist - very likely it will happen naturally soon. But 38 is very much an age where for many of us - even those with good egg reserve at 35/36 - things start to head south. If you can afford it and want more than one child I would go straight to IVF.

So the GP ran bloods and a vaginal swab, but for the HSG and Clomid I went private. Honestly, it's the best decision I ever made. I got an appointment the same week and it was quick, professional and reassuring. Also really affordable IMO. Something like £250 for the consult, quick ultrasound scan (during the consult) and prescription and £500 for the HSG.

Have u had your tubes flushed / checked?

You could consider paying 500 gbp privately for a tube flush
( this checks your Tubes are open etc)

Another one here who took time to fall pregnant.

At 33 it was 20 months (and one miscarriage) before I fell pregnant with DD.

It can be all consuming and incredible depressing every month when AF shows up and your dreams are crushed.

I've no idea what "did it" for me but I had a HSG a couple of months before falling pregnant and also started Clomid (even though tests confirmed I ovulate every month), so I'm guessing one of those things did the trick.

I’m 39 and pregnant now (due in November). I was like you at the beginning of this year: in seemingly good health but worried that there was something seriously wrong. It took 14 cycles to conceive this baby. I had tests and there was no reason for it not to happen. Sometimes it’s just a matter of luck I think. Some people take longer than others.

My advice is to keep trying! If the tests don’t show that anything is wrong then it is very likely that it will work one of these months. Do everything you can to increase your chances. We were DTD every 2-3 days in the fertile window. We also both took prenatal vitamins and for 2 months before I fell pregnant, we were taking 200mg ubiquinol per day (don’t know if it helped but it’s often recommended).

I know how terrible it feels when it doesn’t work cycle after cycle, but chances are that nothing is wrong. Try your best to channel your energy away from despair and into doing things to increase your chances. I was shocked when I finally had a positive test as I was starting to give up hope. Baby is totally healthy and this pregnancy has been straightforward and easy. Although a year feels like a long time, it’s actually not much longer than the average time to conception so don’t get discouraged!

There are obviously no guarantees, but you might like to know that my DC (in her late 30s) was TTC for 3 years, during which time she had one very early miscarriage. Tests found nothing wrong. She finally got pregnant and is expecting her baby next week. So there is definitely hope.