TTC after loss part 5

There's a bit more information here if you are interested @HerbaceousPerennial and @Figtree11 https://www.thepsychcollective.com/the-threat-drive-soothe-systems

For me there is so much hurt and trauma going on. At some point it does need dealing with but it would make me more raw and vulnerable and that's not a priority right now whilst I'm functioning. I did a compassion focused therapy course with the perinatal team after having my daughter and the mindfulness and soothing rhythm breathing made me feel so exposed. It was like I had a gapping wound and someone had poured alcohol in it. I did some work with the psychologist separately and worked out that I need a layer of protection in order to access the soothing system in a way that is helpful. For me this means my body can relax but my mind is occupied a bit. Crafty stuff works for me, colouring and cross stitch that sort of thing but also puzzles and games. I like reading too. If I don't have the headspace I go back to children's books. When I was in hospital I re read harry potter and Jacqueline Wilson!

@ApplesNest i can only just imagine how horrific it was to lose your son at 22 weeks, im very sorry.
Good for you for protecting your wellbeing by avoiding certain situations, i think it’s the best way to be. I worked from home one day last week when a colleague came in with her baby who was due the same week my first loss was.

I too find distraction is the best way for me. The charity run sounds amazing, and a really good way to focus on something. How much more training have you got to do before the run? I wish I was into running, I can imagine it’s a great way to zone out. I have a young nephew, so i have been cross stitching patterns to frame to go in his bedroom. I’m too busy counting the stitches to think of anything else so I find that helpful on an evening

@Ncl31 @Figtree11 thank you for the lovely welcome. I’m very sorry you’re both still continuing this journey to conceive too. I’m still very early days in actively TTC so I’m not bearing the frustration of repeated BFNs. Do treat yourselves kindly where you can. I’m hopeful there will be wonderful news for us all, especially when we least expect it. I’ll be here cheering you on!

Distraction and reducing stress are my main tactics. I’ve opted out of two friends gatherings, a birthday party for a one year old and a meet up with a group of friends (one pregnant and one whose baby was born near my son’s due date). Somehow, I feel so proud that I’m protecting my wellbeing.

I’m also training for a run for a charity that supported DP and I after our loss, in no way am I slim but exercise and losing a bit of weight will be a bonus. Plus, I find running clears the mind. I hope everyone has something to keep their minds on the present moment. Sending lots of hugs and comforting thoughts.

Hi @MaudePie and @ApplesNest I am so sorry for your losses. Welcome to the thread. Everyone is lovely here.

@Ncl31 I’m really sorry AF has arrived 😔 I stopped with the opks a while ago. I do find it better not doing them personally, especially when my cycle is haywire

Welcome @MaudePie and @ApplesNest, I’m sorry you both find yourself here. however, this group is very supportive and there has been some BFPs which fills my heart with hope.
@Figtree11 I’m sorry to hear you’re still struggling. AF well and truly arrived for me yesterday at cd29. So clearly I didn’t ovulate last cycle. Onwards we go. I’ve stripped back the prenatal i take and now I’m only taking folic acid and I’m going to try and give the OPKs a miss this month too.

Hello, could I join as well?

I lost my son at 22 weeks last September. DP and I have been actively trying this past month. I had symptoms but tested negative, think this might be indication of a period. Expecting AF any day now.

@MaudePie sorry for your loss, welcome to the thread. I had an mmc back in march. How are you?

Can I join please? I had a MMC at the start of July (at 11 weeks, one week after a scan where the baby was the right size with a heartbeat so it was a huge shock). Got my first period post-surgery on Sunday, and despite still being a bit teary about the loss I’m hoping to try again this cycle.

She said she is doing tests at day 1-5 for my other hormones and then another at day 21 for Progesterone. Fingers crossed it highlights the issues we’re having xx

@Ella31 thank you for sharing what your obstetrician said, that would make a lot of sense that stress can do that to ovulation. I keep having to remind myself that yes my loss was coming up to 4 months ago, but actually I only got to negative hcg last month.
You are always so welcome on this thread - you give such brilliant advise, and we all can empathise with how hard pregnancy after loss is. I’m glad you are doing as well as can be.

@Superscientist thank you for sharing that. Distraction is definitely what works most for me. Sitting in my thoughts just takes me to such a low place

@ExTriTrying thank you, I definitely need to keep reminding myself that losses just throw our bodies so out of kilter

@DonnaWhat hope you are doing ok x

@HerbaceousPerennial It’s frustrating as I don’t seem to know my cycles at all. The last time I had periods was when I was 18! I’m now 33, so I’ve been on hormonal contraception so long I don’t know what my body would usually be like. I don’t really have any other symptoms of PCOS except the long cycles, but that could just be because of the losses. But who knows. I think if it carries on like this for a few more months I will make a gp appointment to investigate

@Figtree11 thanks so much. We have had a very similar year it sounds like, although my last loss wasn’t molar. That’s interesting you’ve wondered about PCOS - I’ve never had normal cycles so it was pretty obvious for me something was up, I was diagnosed years ago. But like @Ella31 says, my miscarriages sent everything bananas cycle wise anyway, even more so than usual. What I would say is that with PCOS, it’s still very possible to have a baby, it just tends to take longer to get there. I did have testing for insulin resistance after my last loss to see if that was a factor but it wasn’t.

@Superscientist your post resonated a lot. I spent a lot of time distracting myself so I didn’t have to think about what had happened. I think I’ve finally got into a much better place but that may just be temporary!

@Ella31 no I live in wales so things slightly different here. Called GP and she suggested doing blood tests first and check if I am ovulating. I would like a hsg and will consider doing this private if NHS can’t help xx

Were all here still rallying for you ladies and those bfps will come. I have everything crossed for you all 🥰 This thread has got me through some really bad times and some good times too. I love how supportive everyone is and nothing is censored. We talk about it all. I couldn't have dealt with everything I had without this thread on ladies because other than my partner I don't really have anyone to talk to what we go though with. Please try not to be so downtrodden. I wish you all the very best, I'm still hanging around because even though I have a bfp, nothing is out of woods yet. I'll stay quiet in the background though, rooting for you all 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Thinking of you @Figtree11 . I was in the same boat a couple of weeks ago, had a giant rant to some friends about LH tracking, then in the end it started to increase later that day. It's so frustrating, but it will happen, it took 37 and 30 days for me after the D&C, I think losses can very much upset your normal rhythm.

Thanks @Ella31 for the sensitivity. I am so happy for everyone who've had a BFP and I personally don't mind them commenting if they wish, as it's does give a glimmer of hope. I've reached out to the GP this morning to see if there's anything they can offer to help. We've pretty much given up at this point now. Spotting last night. AF due today

I had therapy after having my daughter and we had a session on the threat soothing drive system. I almost exclusively live in drive mode to avoid the threat zone. The soothing zone for me needs to be a distraction form like crafts and colouring keeping my hands busy because it moves me into threat zone where I feel a whole lot more vulnerable and have a lot of baggage there still needs dealing with but no right now.

I find it quite a useful thought exercise to recognise when I'm using work to escape and how I sometimes need to proactively access the soothing system in a manageable way to avoid burn out

I love the line in the orange is the new black theme tune taking steps is easy standing still is hard. It's definitely something I relate to. Sitting and being can be a challenge my mind has to be occupied to stay in safe spaces.

Thank you @Ella31 ❤️ Nice to hear from you. How are you doing?

@HerbaceousPerennial the more the merrier 😊 Sorry to hear what you’ve been through. But I’m glad you are feeling ok at the moment.

i’ve been trying for about 13 months now, with 2 MMC in that time. Last one was start of May, which ended up being a partial molar pregnancy. I only got cleared to try again coming up to a month ago, with my first period a month ago too.

I do wonder about PCOS myself sometimes, as since coming off the pill last year I’ve never had what would be considered a normal cycle. But the miscarriages maybe haven’t given my body time to become regular, I don’t know