TTC after loss part 5

I still remember seeing two pregnant ladies on the day when I had CP. I had the urge to cry so much but I was in public and had to push the urge down. I can get you completely also with the thought of starting a new cycle for a fresh start. Having 2 MCs messed up my body and I kept waiting and waiting. I told myself to be patient and I even cried at the end of each cycle when AF arrived. I felt desperate and lost. However after a good cry, I returned to be hopeful again and kept trying the next cycle. Sometimes it is good to cry then you will feel better for a fresh start.

I hope everyone is doing fine and I still think of all of us most of the days although I might not post a lot like I used to on mumsnet. Feeling positive for all of us here!

I also had moments like yours and after reading so many TTC threads on mumsnet, I started to understand why TTC was hard, even for me. Occasionally I felt unfair because I had MCs before people then they got pregnant before me. I can totally understand your feelings. I do believe eventually it will happen to you as long as you believe in yourself and be positive! I will still come back to see how the rest of us are doing because I remember the pain of TTC and MCs. Sending positive vibes to you!! ❤

@Figtree11 You are completely allowed to feel the way you feel. It's ok to go from anger to sadness to envy etc. I've been through all these and I still do, even after the bfp. What you've been through is really difficult and it's ok to feel that it's unfair when it seems so much easier for others. I truly hope you get your bfp really soon. Sending you hugs!

@Ella31 how are you feeling? Are you still checking your line progression?

Thank you, can't wait for AF to arrive and to get to the next cycle for a fresh start @Figtree11 I think seeing pregnant ladies is much harder than friends with babies (also hard) but I think maybe because pregnancy is the next step we all want to be at then seeing others at that stage is really tough, sending a hug x

Thanks @Ella31 i am feeling so rubbish this afternoon. I feel upset but also angry. I hope you are doing ok x

@Ladyinpink1 @Superscientist @Ella31 thank you for the lovely support. She knows what I’ve been through, so we didn’t talk much about pregnancy. But hearing about it just brought it all home of what I’ve not got. Had a little cry when I got home. Been for a walk & ice cream with DP this afternoon. It’s just so unfair that it’s so difficult for a lot of us, yet for others it’s this long hard road. And any future pregnancies are just tarred with worry & anxiety

@Ladyinpink1 no signs of ovulation yet. I’m really sorry you got a bfn today. It’s so disheartening

It's hard. I remember last summer we had gone to soft play with some NCT friends who both had their seconds with them and we bumped into another friend we hadn't seen for a while. The life catch up basically involved an update of babies and pregnancy. We and the friend both ended up in tears. The friend had her first via IVF and wasn't in a position to do IVF again and nature wasn't being kind. I wasn't even in a position to conceive as I was on meds that cause birth defects. It was hard but it made me realise the importance of being open. It was nice to know I wasn't alone in finding announcements hard and finding conception complicated.
I try and be compassionate too as although I know a person might be pregnant now but I don't necessarily know their journey to get that positive test.

The other thing I would say is look after yourself. It's ok if you are feeling a bit vulnerable to give yourself a bit of breathing space. Shorter meet ups or short notice cancellation if you feel wobbly.

If it is any comfort. My family friend had a lot of miscarriages I think in double digits. She had a lot to battle, her womb was heart shaped and if the embryo implanted in the wrong bit it didn't have the room to grow. She developed epilepsy and she also had a blood clotting condition too that caused some of the miscarriages. She now was two children. It took a long time to get her first as it took time to get the treatment right but I think there is about 2 years between them.

It is ok to be sad and feel defeated. Take your time, look after your wellbeing when you need but keep glimmers of fight and hope. You are stronger than anyone could imagine, you are here, present in the world when you are hurting. I hope your day gets better x

Hi @Figtree11 sorry it was tough, hope you have something nice planned this weekend or can curl up with a movie. Any signs of ovulation yet?
I caved and tested, bfn. So just need to wait on af now next week and onto the next one x

I am feeling blue today - saw a pregnant friend. Why can’t TTC be straight forward for all of us

Hi all, hope everyone has been OK. I haven't been on in a bit, and alot to catch up on, just seen your news @Ella31 I'm sorry about the uncertainty around it, but gentle congratulations, your test looks great to me. How have you been feeling? x

@Ella31 welcome to insomnia club 😆

Thank you @Superscientist , from having a look on Dr Google it seems like this is what it may be pointing towards but I’d need another blood test 12 weeks after my first which is around October. Then the results take 3 weeks! Which is about the time I was due with the first MC and I honestly thought I’d be pregnant again!

@Figtree11 Thank you ☺️ I do hope so! I get quite impatient waiting for answers, I just want them to find the problem and sort it right now!!

@Ella31 im so sorry for all the stress you are going through. If anecdotes help at all, I’ve had three pregnancies (two resulting in my DDs and my recent MMC) and never had strong lines with any of them (nor any line progression). Your tests look great and I have my fingers crossed for you x

Hope everyone is doing ok. Period has finally properly started. Hoping for a better cycle this month

@Ella31 I missed all these, so just catching up now. I honestly think your tests look fine! It's so so early. I had no increase in darkness 9 to 10dpo, which worried me, but then a big jump 11 dpo (all First Response 6 days early so much more sensitive). My lines on standard (not early) tests were all v light, but I stopped testing when l saw the First Response increase and got a positive on an early digital (negative on a "from day of missed period" digi, but it was several days too early, annoyed at myself for doing that one). I stopped testing because it wasn't doing me any good. Also echo what others said, with twins, your levels will have been higher.

It is really hard. I have booked an early scan, and it set me off thinking about all the scans before definite confirmation of mmc (I had 3, due to dates confusion as I'd not had periods whilst breastfeeding so my LMP was 3 years ago..). I took myself for a walk. Told myself to take it day by day. And try to remember that, as long as no bleeding/symptoms, all I can do is assume that all is well. There is no point worrying it's not... it wouldn't make it any less sad if it does go wrong, and it would ruin the present moment. I'm not managing this all the time, but it's my goal

Sorry if that's all garbled, with family and typing quickly.

I hope you can relax soon x

@Figtree11 I have been getting books from the library so I don't feel guilty about wasting money if I don't get into them. I have read a few of the Jacqueline Wilson and Terry Pratchett's young adult fiction. The simpler language makes them easier to follow if you don't have much brain power and there's fewer unexpected emotional story lines. Favourites have been baby love (teen pregnancy set in the 60s - my mum and 13yo niece both loved this too!) and love Frankie (young girl falling in love with a girl that used to bully her) by Jacqueline Wilson and Tiffany aching series by Terry Pratchett.

I recently had some counselling with my hv. It was a new service and she had only just qualified. I was her first client. It was helpful to have that link back to being a mum. I was struggling at the time to manage life and mine and my daughters health needs. It felt less pressured to be fixed too and was more on processing life. I had a mentor during my PhD and it felt a bit more like that than some of the other counselling and therapy I have had before. I think it definitely comes down to finding the right person for the moment!

Welcome @RoseannesMamma I’m sorry for your losses. I hope the TWW goes quickly for you & you get some answers on your results on Tuesday

@Ella31 also your bloods don't need to actually double. I think it's double every 48-72 hours. Mine was less than double if you remember. I can't remember the exact raise for mine but it was 60% minimum increase they'd want to see. Xx